AZU-1: Lifehack (23 page)

“
What? Ha. Yes there is, we
have a dress code in this army, and they give us uniforms for a
reason! Besides, a guy dressing revealing is like a nice paintjob
on a toaster.”

Kris was broken abruptly from the
‘tease mode’ she was sliding into. “What the fuck?! A
toaster?”

“
Yeah!” Parker staggered,
coming out of his indignant rant. “Look, a guy’s body at best, is
dull as hell. We have one part that’s a bit of fun, but overall it
just does the job needed of a body and that’s about it.”

“
This poor stupid straight
guy,” Kris thought, “Someone should teach him the proper use of a
male body.”

Parker continued. “But the female
body...” he paused, glancing Kris up and down, “At its best...
it’s... art, it’s sacred, best stuff on earth.”

“
That’s just because you’re
straight. If you were a straight girl, or gay, you might say the
opposite.”

Parked scuffed his boot. “Maybe. But I
doubt it.” He got a little quieter. “Girls have all the fun
stuff.”

This was too damn easy. Kris stepped
forward, formulating a plan to torture the poor lad.

Their comms sparked to life. “Guys”,
Alisia said, “Meeting time. Someone bring that computer. We’re
gonna crack the sucker open.”

The four of them congregated in the
airlimb’s small mess hall, and Kris began fiddling carefully with
the screws on the back of the confiscated computer case.

“
So, what was with that
zombie? It was acting almost normal for a few moments.” Regan
looked to Alisia, even though she didn’t expect a solid
answer.

“
I thought for a moment it
was just in the middle of being taken over, but that makes no
sense. If he was in his right mind before we got there, why kill
the other two?”

“
Well maybe it drove him mad
before taking full control..?” Kris offered.

“
Eh, I don’t know. He was
the freshest zombie I’ve seen in a hell of a long time,” Regan
said, momentarily forgetting her hatred for Kris, “But it wasn’t
that fresh. I’d guess a week or two.”

Alisia leaned back. “Parker?
Thoughts?”

Parker perked up. He hadn’t been paying
extremely close attention and didn’t expect the teacher to call on
him. “No thoughts here, Major. I just shoot things.”

Alisia smiled a bit. He could be such a
brat sometimes. Kris finally popped the case of the computer. “Damn
proprietary screws. Okay. Let’s see. Wireless network card of
course, to transmit to the nanites and control the zombie.. no mana
receiver, good to know.”

“
I should hope not.” Alisia
said, “So, nothing unusual in terms of hardware then?”

“
No, not really.
But...”

“
But what?”

“
Well, there’s a standard
network card in here too. It was hooked up. Why a wireless network
card too? It could have just been part of the original machine....
I don’t know. The wireless card’s a pretty new model. Newer than
the computer...”

“
So it was added
recently?”

“
Probably.”

“
Would it be reasonable to
guess that a non-zombie may have installed that to control the
zombie? Would that mean there’s a normal person out there who’s
responsible for all the zombies?”

“
Holy shit.” Regan said
quietly. “We’re having that place dusted for prints right? Oh shit,
Kris! Stop touching the computer! You could be wiping off prints of
this guy!”

“
Relax, hon,” Kris said,
“I’ve been handling it minimally. I doubt I’ve done any
harm.”

“
Hope not...” Regan
scowled.

“
Anyway, the lab guys at
Yute might know better. I wanna get a look at the software. Can I
boot it up?”

“
I guess so. Regan, Parker,
cover the zombie before we do this. It’s legless, but just to be
safe...”

Parker and Regan stood guard over the
zombie’s canister while Kris hooked up an extension cord. It booted
up right into the nanite server program.

“
Huh.” Kris mused, “Replaces
the OS. Right from the POST to the server. Tight code. Very
specialized.” The others had only half an understanding of what she
meant.

The zombie stirred. Through the frosted
plastic lid, Parker and Regan could see it moving. It pressed its
face against the top and tried to look around, making mumbling
moans. It left thin smears of blood against the lid.

“
Cute.” Alisia said, “Okay,
shut it down.”

~~~~~

Chapter 33: Friendly Fire

~~~~~

The airlimb powered down, nestled in
its docking bay on the roof of Yute base. Base crew soon unloaded
all the collected evidence.

Regan snagged Alisia by the arm as they
were leaving the airlimb. “Hey leesh, got a minute?”

“
Well, not really. I have to
go report to the General. Can it wait?”

“
I just wanted to know if
you have any vacation time stored up.” Regan asked.

“
Yeah, tons,
why?”

“
I decided what I want for
my birthday. I picked out a little tropical spot, and I wanna go on
vacation there. Like a weekend or something.”

“
Well, I guess we could
survive without you for a couple days. If something popped up
though, we might have to come grab you.”

“
No no...” Regan’s face went
a little pale. “I asked about your vacation time. Please come with
me? Please?”

Red flags popped up in Alisia’s mind.
Regan wanted to take her away for the weekend? She must be mad. But
then she looked at the uncharacteristically innocent, pleading look
on Regan’s face. It reminded Alisia about the time they tried to go
into town. Regan had something akin to a panic attack that day,
overwhelmed by all the people. If she was brave enough to go to a
resort after that, then it would be cruel to send her
alone.

“
Fine. I’ll see what I can
do. But again, if anything pops up, vacation’s over.”

Regan’s face radiated relief and joy.
She mouthed the words ‘thank you’, then quietly returned to the
airlimb. There were preparations to be made. She walked briskly
towards her room, but was confronted by Kris.

“
Get out of my way, demon!”
Regan stood as if ready for combat if necessary. Kris put a
‘wounded’ expression on.

“
Come now hon, I know we’ve
had our rough spots, but isn’t there any way I can make it up to
you?”

“
Yes. Die.” Regan stormed
past and opened her door. “Oh, and don’t call me hon.” She slammed
the door shut, closing out the evil, evil Kris in the hall. Regan
sat down at her terminal, trying to force Kris out of her head. She
had to get to work if she had any hope of doing the vacation this
weekend.

The other day she had converted all her
looted cash into online accounts. The Yute base’s office had minor
banking capabilities, so that was convenient. Now it was just a
matter of doing some online shopping. No having to deal with the
public at large. Noisy chaotic public. It reminded her of the first
fall of Autar. The yelling and screaming, the trampling of other
people, wild shots fired by frightened troops, and of course the
ever-pressing mob of zombies.

No, no need to think of that any more
than need be. Shopping time.

Kris considered going in after Regan.
No, she needed to cool down. It had only been what, two years and
change? Give her another couple days. In the mean time, maybe she
could find that Parker fellow. He seemed susceptible.

Kris sauntered over to his door and
prepared herself. Blouse unbuttoned enough to reveal a bit of bra?
Check. Skirt high enough to show some garter and skin? Check. What
else does a girl need? She opened the door in one smooth, confident
motion.

Parker was startled. He had been lying
on his bed watching a movie on his terminal. In his fatigue pants
and tank top, he leapt to his bare feet and saluted. “Captain,
Sir!”

Kris eyed him slowly. Yeah, he was a
bit on the naive side for her tastes, but that had its appeal too.
He was built well enough. She slithered closer.

“
No need to stand so erect,
Sergeant. I only require that from Privates.”

Parker either failed to get, or chose
to ignore the innuendo, and stood easy. “Uh, what can I do for you,
Captain?”

“
Mmmm, no need to be so
formal off duty, Parker. Call me Kris.”

“
Ah, alright.” He said
hesitantly.

“
Say it.” Kris’s tone had a
hint of demand.

“
Uh, alright...
‘Kris’.”

“
Better.” She wondered what
other tones of voice she could get him to say it in. “Have a seat,
Parker. Or may I call you Robert?” She moved in such a way that he
had little choice but to sit on the bed, and not the
chair.

“
Uh, no one calls me that,
Si- Er, Kris. Everyone just calls me Parker.”

“
Yes, I noticed,” She said,
sitting next to him, and leaning in just a tiny bit. “But that’s
not what I asked. I asked if.... I... could call you
Robert.”

Parker blinked. “Uh, whatever turns
you- ! I mean, Whatever you want, Sir. Kris.”

This was great fun. She leaned back
onto the bed, and in a swift motion flung one leg around behind
Parker. She now sat behind him with her legs around him and her
hands joining over his abdomen. “So, Robert,” she whispered. “Would
you like to play?”

“
.....play?”

“
Oh, don’t be silly. You
know what I mean.”

“
Sir, I-“

“
I told you. It’s ‘Kris’.
And don’t turn this into a rank thing. I won’t tell if you
don’t.”

“
Kris… it’s just that I
really don’t know you all that well, and-“

“
And rumor has it that I’m
an evil, evil slut, right?” She said it with such pleasure, almost
purring.

“
Well, true,
but...”

“
Oh, Robert,” her voice
melted into a sigh-like, innocent tone, “Do you really care that
I’m a bad girl? I know you’re a good little boy but you need to
relax some time.”

Parker was quiet. Kris’s soft warmth
pressed against him. He could feel his body reacting to her. It was
difficult to breathe, his heart was pounding, and all the other
physical effects one might expect.

“
Robert...” Kris cooed,
“It’s alright. Alisia won’t know. You and her have something, don’t
you?”

“
The Major? No! Absolutely
not!”

Interesting. “Mmm, then come on. Don’t
make me try to get convincing.”

Some time later, Regan confirmed the
last of her hefty orders. Delivery rushed for overnight. Hungry
now, she began to step into the hall. She saw Kris’s back sticking
out of Parker’s door. Kris was giggling. What a fake little giggle
from a fake little slut. So... she got Parker. Regan ducked back
into her room and waited. Soon she heard Kris wander off. She
waited an extra minute and then went over to Parker’s. She knocked
quietly.

Parker took a minute, but answered,
fully dressed. Regan pushed him in and closed the door behind them.
Parker was shocked to say the least, and half expected Regan to
come on to him despite knowing her orientation.

“
She fucked you, didn’t
she!?” Her words came out almost in a hiss. Regan knew that when
Kris was involved, she dominated. Always.

“
I- I- “

“
Ugh.” Regan calmed down a
bit. “Look, I don’t want you in trouble. Don’t you know she’s an
evil, e-“

“
Yes, I know...”

“
Then what were you
thinking?” Bah. Regan knew what he was thinking. Kris had a way of
blurring rational thought in others. “Ah, forget it. Look, what do
you think is going to happen between you and her?”

“
I- I don’t know, I haven’t
really had time to think of it!”

“
Hm. Well, don’t get too
attached. As soon as you’re not convenient, or she’s grown tired of
you, bam, it’s over.”

Parker sobered up a little. “She’s
really like that?”

“
Tip of the iceberg.” Regan
stared into Parker with ferocity, trying to drive home her point.
“I’m not kidding when I say she’s evil. Do you
understand?”

Parker was quiet for a moment. “So..
what would you have me do?”

“
Ideally? Make her fall in
love and then dump her ass. But that won’t happen. She can’t feel
love, and you’re too nice. I can understand if you want to ‘see’
her again. I just advise against it.” Regan left Parker to think.
She stepped into the hall and made sure the coast was clear before
she went back to her room and tried to sleep.

Alisia was having such a nice dream. Of
what did she dream? Nothing. No zombies, no nanites, no Regan and
Kris making nasty faces at each other in the hall. Nothing. Then, a
sound. Wait, was that part of the dream?

She felt a weight press down on the
mattress near by. No, the dream was over. A weight came down gently
on her hips and as she opened her eyes she saw Regan’s hand about
to brush her cheek. Regan was straddling her, gazing into her
eyes.