B002FB6BZK EBOK (53 page)

The woman who was shaking got up, very slowly she sought a path between the carpets, the chairs, the easy chairs, the heavy electric lamp
standing on an ancient pedestal, above her the stuffed animals watched.
He got up and walked behind her. She stood shaking in the corridor. Her hand moved to the telephone. The maid appeared and Sam dismissed
her furiously. He went to the woman, kissed the back of her neck, waited
for her to hit him and then, when a jet of blood burst from his mouth, he
hung up the phone, kissed her hard on the lips, wet her with his blood,
and said: No need, I'm going, why do children die in such Paradises? It's
not fair.

Maybe I'm dreaming, said the woman, maybe I'm really dreaming,
maybe this isn't happening, I'm calling Smoky, come here Smoky, and he
doesn't come, maybe it's not happening, maybe I'm dreaming, it was quiet,
more than thirty years it was quiet.

I'm sorry, he said. He pushed her into the living room and sat her down
on a chair, she buried her face in her hands and waited. She looked like
somebody who doesn't know what to wait for anymore.

I don't know you! said Sam. I'm not willing to accept Melissa's death,
I absolutely will not accept it.

You're a wicked cruel man, said the woman and stood up, sturdy now.
The maid came in and tried to help her mistress get up and he pushed her
until both women fell down. The dog rolled around on the rug and waited
for somebody to applaud it. Sam broke a buffalo horn and tossed it on the
floor. That's all, only slight damage, he said, why not? You'll pay for my
visit. He pushed the two women into a little room whose door was open,
jumped out the window, and ran. The dog ran after him, jumped over the
fence, and went into the grove. He ran along the fields and the grove reappeared. He barged in among the trees and came to a small cemetery. It
was dark now. It was barely possible to read the names. He searched for a
tombstone with her name and didn't find it. He kissed a tombstone he
thought was hers, saw people with flashlights searching for him, nodded at
their innocence and said: My dear woman, I have overcome Kramer and
Weiss and the German and Ukrainian guards and then the Soviet police
and the occupation authorities and the Yugoslavians and the French and
the Italians and the Danes, and those fools think they'll catch me with
pitiful flashlights. Dogs barked in the distance and he understood their
longing for him and barked back at them. The people with the dogs looked
at one another and yelled, but the dogs stopped and wouldn't go on. Sam
came to the bus stop, waited in the gloom of the thick trees until a bus
came, he darted inside, paid, and fell asleep on the seat.

When Lionel asked him where he had been, he said: I went to visit
Melissa. She doesn't love you anymore, Secret. Then, he went into his room,
locked the door and fell asleep standing up, leaning on the door.

Committee of the Survivors of Hathausen/Division to Celebrate Liberation Day

New York,

Dear Sir (Samuel Lipker):

Attached is the questionnaire we informed you of. Please
fill it out and send it to us as soon as possible. Erase what is
superfluous.

Full name.

Parents' names.

Are they alive?

Other family members.

Their addresses.

Dates of internment in the camp.

Do you recall what you did? If you had a job, what was it?

Did you live in the blocks? Did you live in the Sonderkommando Services camp?

Detail why you think you survived.

Where did you go after the liberation?

How did you come to the United States?

Do you remember people who were with you in the camp?

Do you remember outstandingly cruel incidents?

Do you have a profession?

A brief history of your life, personal details, memories (if possible), experiences, songs you sang, dances. Do you have plans
for the future? Do you remember Frieda Klopfen?

Please send us the form as soon as possible.

Yours,

Most sincerely.

To the Committee of Survivors of Hathausen,

Greetings,

My name is Sam Lipp. Frieda lay under a dog that crushed
her. When they threw me into the fire, they remembered that
I was fourteen years old and took me out of the fire. Then I
chewed bones to understand the sky, which was mostly cloudy.
I and my father live outside the planet earth. Why didn't you
celebrate your entrance into the camp instead of your exit? You
don't interest me and please don't send me any more material.

Samuel Lipker was killed in Hathausen and I do not know
the place where he is buried.

Yours, SS Sturmbahnfuhrer Kramer (Samuel Lipker)

Later on, when he told Lionel of his trip to Melissa's house, Sam was
smiling and Lionel was silent and pensive. He looked at Sam's face, lit a
cigarette, outside it was pouring rain, and Lionel said: How did Mrs. Brooks
look? And Sam said: She asked about you! Lionel laughed. Sam said: They're
sending me letters for a celebration of the liberation, if they call, say I died,
and he left. Lionel came back from his room where he'd help Sam with his
homework. Because he had learned from Ebenezer the craft of remembering, he learned well and fast. He finished high school in a year. At first, they
teased him because of his age, but the other students quickly learned not
to get smart with him. Then, he went to NYU. Rachel said: He'll give you
trouble, and Lionel would answer her: Mother, he's my son!

The stories Lionel wrote weren't bad, but they weren't any better than
the stories he had written before. The sense of defeat was much less bitter than it was. By the time he started writing reviews for The New York
Times, Lionel was close to fifty. The editor, who loved his stories that were
printed in little journals and that granted him a certain cachet in marginal
literary circles, asked him to write an article. Then he wrote more articles
and soon after, he became the regular critic for the paper. When he was
afflicted with melancholy visions of his life, Lionel said: Everything is past,
the future is now behind me, the lad I was created a man and the man has
lost the lad, the hopes were disappointed, even if they weren't very big,
average men lead lives of quiet desperation, he quoted Thoreau, I exist, write, I'm a draftsman, not a creator. To take Sam's lampshade. The number of lampshades in the hackneyed kingdom of the eternal. To make a
poem. My words grope in vain for a story others will write better than me.
Watches Lily, sees the devil in Sam's eyes, and dies for another night. A
year is three hundred sixty-five dogs. Sam Lipp is now twenty-three years
old. Lily sat at home and read dictionaries, vocabularies, and the more
precisely she learned English, the more she thought she forgot her native
tongue. She taught herself with an anger she never imagined was in her to
flee from the language she had grown up in, and she thought that in an
idiomatic and fluent English, and that was how she could forget she once
had parents and the more her children continued not to be born, the more
her roots were erased, until she was forced to think for a long time to answer Sam who asked her the name of her father, who may still have been
a prisoner of the Russians. Her life was a small ghetto protected from an
insult she never felt, but his eyes were a witness to it. One night, when the
snow piled up to the middle of the window and a strong wind blew outside,
Sam came and lay next to Lily. Lionel whispered: Lily, he wants you, very
slowly she turned her face, looked at him, let a tear pearling in her eyes
soak the pillowcase, stretched out her hand, gently stroked Samuel's face,
and Samuel said: You sleep with every filthy Jew, you don't even know
what a gentile prick looks like. He pushed Lionel onto his side, pressed
Lionel's eyes until he roared with pain, Lily felt his body choking her. She
tried to crawl to Lionel, held her hand out to him, but Sam grabbed the
hand, clasped it hard, and when she looked into his eyes she could see the
snow piling up in the windows with eyes that once saw a forest on a hike
with somebody who may have been her father. She laid her hands on his
eyes, shut them, and he stroked her back until she shuddered, but now
Melissa laughed inside her and Lionel, who felt pity for Sam and knew that
tears covered his eyes, talked to her and when she raised her face she saw
Lionel looking at her, the tears remained on his smooth chest, and even
though she wanted him now, she could do nothing but defeat Samuel in
him and her lips were caught in his watch chain, and she was so confused
that even five years later, she could remember that the time was then one
twenty-one in the morning. Samuel flipped her over, lay on her, slipped
the pillow out from under her head so that Lionel's head was now higher
than hers, put the pillow on her face, didn't press, straightened up a little so he could look at the three of them, and said: I love her, Lionel, but she
loves you, don't worry, I'm trying to steal Melissa from you, but she's dead
all the time too, and Lionel whispered: That's all right, Sam, and Lily tried
to say something, but the pillow over her face didn't let her talk and Sam
pounded on the pillow until it dropped off and fell on Lionel's chest as he
lay there now, squashed the pillow with his head, and when Lily saw Lionel's
face, she clasped Sam and at the same time pushed him off her. The snow
kept piling up, Sam hit Lionel's leg to get him away from him, he grasped his
father's face with his hand, hugged it hard and Lily thought she was cut
because his hand was in her crotch. When she started crying, her face turned
red and she touched Lionel pleadingly. She turned over, hugged Samuel. As
he was above her, Samuel kissed Lionel on the lips, jumped out of bed, stuck
Lionel to Lily, ran to the kitchen, banged his hand on the wall, poured water, brought a glass to the room, poured the water on them, pushed them
closer together, and started singing a song a Ukrainian guard had once taught
him as he hugged him from behind. Then, the three of them lay on their
backs and looked at the snow. The dark was lighted by a streetlamp.

The stories you write, said Sam as if he were continuing a conversation
he had started years ago, are still lifes, beautiful and dead. You're too respectable, Lionel, you're not young, your words have no proper story and
you're waiting for a story in all the wrong places, and you let every fucking
Jew fuck your wife.

Not everyone, said Lionel.

Everyone, Sam repeated.

This is a fascinating city. See how arrogant its snow is, added Samuel.
You're searching for humiliation, Lionel, you're selling Samuel Lipker to a
German woman. Look at your city, there's no melancholy eaten by moss in
it as in the city where Joseph Rayna begat Samuel Lipker on a miserable
actress, you measure others' pain with a yardstick. What do your tears know
except what they have to glean from a city where everybody passes through
like a Cossack in a pogrom? You searched for a son in the wrong place, you
dismantle the enemy into elements, produce with your hands-or Lily
demonstrates to you-a disaster that was supposed to happen to you and
happened to me and her. And without you, Lionel! That yardstick! Grasp.
Like loving Lily through me. I read in a book that Paul Klee the artist said
that creation is to turn the unseen into the seen. Ebenezer would perform with me in nightclubs. I led him on a rope like a trained monkey. He really was the last survivor of the Jews and they really did all die, they don't
know they died, but they died. He recited the words and they thought he
was talking about something that once was. They didn't understand that
he was talking about what maybe wasn't.

Tape / -

On a Wednesday shrouded in a doughy dust in the air, Sam left the
house and walked as if he had some purpose. Lionel and Lily sat and read
an article that appeared that day in the Atlantic. Lionel sat with his eyes
shut and Lily read him his own article. He wasn't smiling and was listening intently. Tired birds were seen dying on branches heavy with dust. He
met Riba-Riba at the corner of Thirteenth Street, next to the weaving
machine shop. Riba-Riba's neck looked thin, her head was crowned with a
splendid mane of hair, and when he told her how beautiful was the back of
her neck in the distance, she giggled nervously. At the sight of her smile,
he could sense that the end of the story that hadn't yet started wouldn't
be especially pleasant, but since he was waiting again for a funeral that
hadn't passed, something in him longed for a well-done rite, and Riba-Riba,
with the embarrassed and defeated smile, may have been the proper answer to the sight of the birds that weren't birds of gold at all and looked as
if they would land in a little while and die from the heavy heat. Riba-Riba
said: When I presented the evening of Irish songs at the university, I
waited for you, Sam, I waited awfully, and you fell asleep. Sam said: I was
tired. When she said she was going to see a matinee performance of a
Tennessee Williams play, he told her he'd go with her. He asked her to buy
him a ticket for the seat behind her. Since her father owned a nightclub
and her mother was a well-known Irish Gypsy, it wasn't hard for her to get
tickets. She said: It's awful sexy to sit like that, so he chewed on her ear
and kept her from seeing the play. Through her hair, he saw his mother
acting on the stage. Outside stood Joseph Rayna with a bouquet of flowers
and seeds of Samuel Lipker poured on his eyelashes. The actors were welltrained, they raised their voices in the right places and knew how to structure the pauses precisely. The critics' florid words hanging on the walls of
the lobby suddenly began to be possible. But something rebelled in him,
and he may have fallen asleep or chewed Riba-Riba's ear again if he hadn't sensed that all those days, all those years, he had wanted to do something
those people were doing now on the stage, but not like his mother, or those
actors, to do that as Joseph Rayna acting the lover, at the house where his
mother acted for the indifferent walls. What he wanted more than anything
in the world was to stand there and stage Ebenezer, himself, Weiss, Kramer,
Lionel, and Lily. In other words, to stage the world that almost was and only
Ebenezer remembered it.