Baby Love Lite (41 page)

The velvet covered bottom was crooked. There
was a small satin ribbon along the bottom edge of the oval shaped
jewelry box. I grasped the looped ribbon and lifted it up there was
a stack of handwritten papers underneath the false bottom.

I pulled them out and looked at the cursive
writing on the lined steno-pad paper. They were in order by date.
It looked like someone had been keeping a diary in a steno pad and
had torn these pages out.

I sat down on the floor of the closet and
started to read them.

October 20, 1989

Matthew convinced me to go to some high
class cocktail party at the Hotel D’Iberville tonight. He said I
might meet a rich bachelor. I should've known not to believe
him!

I met a very handsome young judge there. His
name is Preston Tylar. He’s 28!! We talked and talked. I went to
his room with him thinking we were just going to continue talking.
How stupid I am! I drank champagne with him. I liked the way it
tasted and the way it made me feel.

I didn’t mind it when he kissed me at all!
He was a very good kisser. He told me that he wanted to make love
to me. I told him that I was a virgin and didn’t believe in casual
sex. He laughed and said that I was playing my part very well -
???

He kissed me all over and his hands got
underneath my clothing. His lips and tongue went to places on my
body I didn’t know existed!! He made me feel good but I knew it was
wrong. I said no to him but before I knew it he'd pushed himself
inside of me. It hurt like hell! When he finished, he kissed me all
over my face and my neck and whispered how sweet I was. He saw the
bloody sheets and then he looked at me and saw my tears. He pulled
me into his arms and said he was sorry! He said he thought I was a
prostitute!! I cussed him out good!!

He drew me a bath and I soaked in it for a
long while. He said he would get me home but I didn’t want to leave
him for some reason. I was confused and ashamed to some degree
because some of the stuff he'd done to me felt so good. I'm a
horrible person!!

I told him I wanted to
cuddle all night but not to get any
ideas
about repeating his animalistic behavior with me! He did as I said.
I fell asleep with his arms around me. During the night I woke up
and I knew that I needed to feel the good part of him again. I
rolled over and I kissed him on the lips. He woke up and was
confused but then he started kissing me back. His lips moved all
over me. He undid my robe and kissed my breasts.

He went lower still and made love to me down
there with his mouth and his tongue! I didn’t know a man could
bring that kind of pleasure. My hands found him and touched him
there. He called me his sweet Marley. I asked him if it would hurt
like before. He said it probably wouldn't so I told him to go ahead
with it. He asked if I was sure. I told him that I was.

He told me that I needed to relax to let him
in. He kissed my neck and my face.

He whispered sweet things to me telling me
how beautiful and perfect I was. He entered me slowly and gently
and it didn’t hurt. He pulled me to him and told me to tell him if
it hurt and he would stop.

He went in and out of me and it felt
wonderful. I told him that it felt good and that he pleasured me. A
wonderful warm feeling was building up inside of me and I moaned
because it was so intense.

He asked me if I wanted him to stop. I
begged him not to stop! He kept on and the feeling got stronger and
stronger. I pulled him so very close and cried his name out. He
moved faster and faster and then he cried my name out and kissed my
lips as he emptied his seed into me.

We curled back up and went to sleep making
no mention of what we'd done. I asked him to drive me home in the
morning. I was embarrassed to look at him after what I’d let him do
to me and the way that I had liked it.

He apologized again on the way home. He said
that he wanted to see me again. He wanted to make sweet love to me.
He told me that he was getting married and that he wished he could
get out of it. My heart broke when I heard that! I asked him flat
out if he was still going to get married after what we'd done
together last night. He said that he had to but he still wanted to
be with me. I told him I didn’t roll that way!

October 25, 1989

Preston Tylar has been sending me flowers
every day! He calls on the phone nearly every day too! I cry at
night in my bed thinking about how I let him ruin me! I don't take
his calls even though Matthew wants me to.

I hate Matthew for what I now know he is! I
hate that my own sister hadn’t warned me about him and the kind of
monster that he is. I know what he makes Maggie do! He won’t do
that to me! I'll see him dead first!

October 30, 1989

Preston Tylar came to our house this
evening! Matthew called me downstairs and told me to go into the
parlor. He shut the door behind me! Preston came to me and hugged
me tightly. He gave me his business card and said if I ever needed
anything to call him. I could reach him at his office number. He
gave me two beautiful blue velvet jewelry boxes. One had pearl
earrings in it and the other one a pearl drop necklace. He said
that they belonged to his grandmother and he wanted me to have
them.

I’m not sure why. He leaned down and kissed
me ever so sweetly, pulling me against him tightly. I could even
feel him get hard down there. He said he was getting married soon
but that he would never forget me. He whispered "I love you sweet
Marley into my ear. He left stopping on the way out to say
something very quietly to Matthew that I couldn’t hear. He jabbed
his finger into Matthew’s chest and then left. Whatever he'd said
shook Matthew up good.

I went upstairs and told Maggie about it. I
collapsed across my bed and cried. Maggie was getting ready for one
of her “dates.” She said the best way to get over one man was to
get another one underneath you as soon as possible! I don’t ever
want to have my heart broken again but I'll never be the way Maggie
is! I guess I love Preston Tylar.

December 3, 1989

I took a home pregnancy
test today. I’m
pregnant with Preston’s
child. I made the mistake of telling Maggie and of course she went
straight to Matthew! Maggie wants me to tell Judge Tylar but I
won’t do that. I won’t disrupt his life. I promise that I'll love
this child with all of my hear t though! I hope boy or girl it’s as
pretty as its daddy! Preston Tylar is so handsome!!

July 1, 1990

I saw in the paper today that Preston James
Tylar was appointed as a federal judge in Baton Rouge. His picture
was in the paper. He's so beautiful. His wife was standing next to
him.

July 14, 1990

My beautiful baby girl was born today! She
was born behind a veil which Miss Trinity says is a sign of good
favor from the Lord! I'm so happy because I was afraid God would be
angry about me having a bastard child. Miss Trinity gave me
directions on how to preserve the caul. She said to keep it intact
for good luck going forward. I want to go back to Mississippi. I
hate Matthew. Maggie hates him too! I want out of New Orleans.
Maggie and I are both tired of Matthew’s bossy ways.

He's not crossed me at all since Preston
said whatever he said to him that day we said good-bye. I don’t
trust him though. He's way too shady. Maggie is afraid of him
big-time.

July 17, 1990

I’m calling my baby Tylar Jamie Renaud.
She's so very precious. I'm breast feeding her and she takes very
well to it. She sleeps in bed with me. I don’t want Matthew near
her! Maggie bought her some diapers. Matthew told me that I had to
sign up for welfare benefits. I’m so ashamed…

July 21, 1990

I took Tylar to the doctor today. We got the
medical card for her. Matthew made sure I signed up for food stamps
also. The doctor says that she's a very healthy baby. I'm going to
make sure that she stays that way! I’m getting out of here as soon
as I can find a way to do it! Maggie says that Matthew will hunt us
down and kill us if we try to leave. Let him try!

That was the last paper in the stack of my
mother’s notes. I felt the tears streaming down my face. My poor
mother. Why had she been too proud to call my father? If she had,
she'd be alive today, I was sure of it. I folded the notebook
papers back up and put them in the top dresser drawer. I'd make
copies of them in Trey’s office.

I wanted my father to read them. I smiled as
I recalled my father had left out one important part of the story:
the part where my mom had awakened him during their only night
together wanting more. Did he think my knowing that would somehow
make me think less of her? Dad needed to understand how I
rolled.

I finished up cleaning out all of the closets
before Jean was ready to leave. I paid her and said that I'd see
her on Thursday. Preston was ready to eat so I got some of the
pureed food out to see how she did with it. I'd made some banana
mixed with rice cereal.

She loved the taste of it, ready for more
each time she took a spoonful. She even made the “Mmmm” sound. She
finished a small jar and I cleaned her face up. Trey called while I
was still nursing her. I grabbed my phone from the coffee
table.

“
Hey you,” he said, “I miss
you.”

My butterflies swirled as I smiled into the
phone. “I miss you too,” We'd spent a great week together under
less than desirable circumstances. We always managed to get through
it.

“
What are you
doing?”

“
Just giving Preston a
little ‘num-num’ before her afternoon nap. I’ve been cleaning out
closets all morning.”

“
You didn’t get rid of any
of my stuff did you?”

“
Of course not, honey,” I
lied. I was beginning to see that Trey was a bit of a hoarder when
it came to his clothes.

“
I found something pretty
interesting in my closet?”

“
What? More of those damned
sex toys that Gina bought for you?”

“
How'd you know they were in
there?”

He's obviously snooped in my closet!

“
What did you find?” he
asked anxious to change the subject.

“
One of those blue velvet
jewelry boxes had a false bottom I discovered when I knocked it
over. There were diary notes in it that my mother had
written.”

“
Really?” he asked,
genuinely interested.

“
Yeah - it was kind of
surreal reading them. They’re about when she and my father had
their night together; about being pregnant and about me being
born.”

“
I’d like to read them,” he
said.

“
I want you to read them.
Hey, have you ever heard about babies being born under a
veil?”

“
That’s a new one to me,” he
replied.

“
Well, apparently, I was
according to my mother’s notes. At least, that’s what the mid-wife
or witchdoctor told her at the time,” I chuckled. “I think I'll
look it up online.”

“
Okay, baby. I'll see you
this evening then. What’s for dinner?”

“
Turkey croquets,” I
replied.

“
Tylar, next year can we
please get a smaller turkey?”

I'd scanned my mother’s handwritten notes and
saved them as a .pdf file. I attached the file to an email and sent
it to my father. I texted him that he had an email from me with an
attachment that he needed to read. I asked him to call me after
he'd read it.

Our landline rang at 8:30 p.m. that evening.
It was Dad.

“
Tylar,” he said his voice
full of emotion, “where did you find those notes?”

“
There was a false bottom in
one of those blue jewelry boxes you gave to Mom. I found it by
accident the other day when I was cleaning my closet. I'd no idea
those were in there. They look like pages she'd torn out of a
notebook.”

Perhaps this was her version of a diary.
Maybe she'd wanted to hide those pages since they were rather
explicit. Speaking of which -

“
Dad, it seems as if you
left something out when you talked to me what happened the night
you met my mother.”

He cleared his throat clearly uncomfortable
I'd brought it up.

“
Tylar,” he said with a
heavy sigh, “I just didn’t want you to think your mother was
anything but a sweet and innocent girl who I violated that night.
It was my fault.”

“
I don’t think my mother
felt violated for very long, Dad,” I smiled. “You had to find some
comfort in that, right?”

“
I did,” he replied. “I also
found comfort in the fact that she loved me. I'm in despair knowing
this now and wondering why she wouldn’t have come to me for help
and protection. It’s my fault she’s gone,” he said his voice
breaking. “I’m the reason for everything bad that's ever happened
to you, my darling daughter.”

“
Dad, please.” It was
upsetting to me to hear his self-loathing.

“
I’m sorry, Tylar,” he said
his composure having returned, “Is Trey home?”

“
Yes, he’s right here,
why?”

“
I need to speak with him
about something. Could you put him on?"

What the hell could he tell Trey that he
couldn’t tell me?

“
Trey,” I said taking the
phone into the living room. “It’s Judge Tylar for you.”

Trey gave me a strange look and took the
phone, “Your Honor?”

Trey was listening intently to everything my
father was telling him. He gave an occasional nod with a spoken "I
see" or "I agree." The conversation then shifted to something
different.