Baby, Oh Baby! (42 page)

Moonlight streamed through the living room window. Annie could see Jake gazing at her, could feel the warmth in his eyes. A rush of heat pulsed through her.

"Oh, you never know," he said. "Maybe you should put a baby rail around your bed just in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case I try to crawl in bed with you." The words were teasing, but his voice was deep and husky, and his eyes held a dark, seductive glitter.

Annie's heart quickened. She knew she should look away, should say something light, should do something, anything to break the escalating tension, but the yearning inside of her was too strong. She stood there and gazed back, her heart hammering in her chest.

Jake took a step toward her and touched her shoulder. The touch was feather-soft, barely there, but she felt the weight of it all the way to the marrow of her bones.

"You've been driving me crazy," he murmured. "I've been lying awake, unable to sleep, thinking about you. Wanting to do this." He lowered his head and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, one that made no demands, that staked no claims. It was soft and giving and wistful and restrained, a plea, a kiss that asked permission.

With a soft moan, Annie granted it. She wound her arms around Jake's neck and kissed him back, kissed him with all the need in her heart, with all the love in her soul.

Jake felt Annie's lips open and flower under his, heard her breathing quicken, and all of his restraint dissolved. He gathered her to him and deepened the kiss. She strained against him, standing on tiptoe, fitting herself intimately against him. When she wound one leg around his hips, he curved his hands under her bottom and lifted her off the ground. With both her legs wrapped around his hips, he carried her to the bedroom and placed her under the Conestoga canopy.

He eased off her robe, then pulled down the straps of her camisole. He trailed kisses down the valley between her breasts, then up each peak, then down her stomach, down, down, down to the indentation of her belly button. She arched toward him, and he moved still lower.

He loved the way she gasped, loved the way she tasted, loved the scent of her excitement. He wanted to bring her to completion, to savor her ecstasy, but she twisted on the bed, reaching down for him, encircling him with her hand. "My turn."

She tugged at his. sweatpants, pulling them off, then • covered him with kisses. Her mouth played over him, pleasuring him to the point of torture. He buried his hands in her hair and moaned as she drove him right to the edge, then stopped.

More kisses feathered up his belly, up his chest to his 3r neck, then to his mouth. She straddled him, her knees on either side of his waist. "Annie—oh, Annie," he groaned. Slowly, carefully, she slid herself down onto him.

And then he could be patient no more. He grabbed her hips as she rode him, thrusting deep inside her, letting

 her set the rhythm. He watched her face, watched her eyes close, felt her convulse around him. He felt her deep, rhythmic, secret bliss, felt her implode, and the pleasure of it was almost too intense to endure. He struggled to restrain himself. He wanted to protract the pleasure, to take her on another flight.

"Oh, Jake—I love you," she murmured.

He could hold back no longer. With a moan that seemed to come from the depths of his soul, he gave in, gave up and gave himself over—to the inevitable, to the moment, but most of all, to Annie.

Annie awoke the next morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of Madeline cooing in her crib. She smiled and stretched, a delicious sense of happiness percolating through the lingering fog of sleep, only to have it evaporate when her hand hit something crisp and crinkly. She abruptly opened her eyes.

A note. Jake had left a note on his pillow.

The events of the night before came streaming into her thoughts like the sunshine through the window. She'd made love with Jake. It had been intense and beautiful and emotional—so emotional that she'd told him she loved him.

Oh, dear Lord. A sense of dread clawed at her chest as she sat up and read the hand-scrawled message:

Sorry to. leave so abruptly, but I have business to attend to in Tulsa. I'll see you at the courthouse on Wednesday. Give my love to Madeline—xxoo.

Jake

Annie's heart seemed to shrivel and die as she stared at the paper. Hot tears sprang to her eyes. She was a fool—a complete and utter fool. A fool to sleep with Jake again, knowing that she loved him, knowing he didn't return the feeling. A fool to fantasize that they could have a real marriage, when his heart still belonged to another woman.

But worst of all, she'd been a fool to tell him she loved him. Her declaration had sent him running for the hills. He knew she didn't want an unequal relationship, and he probably felt as guilty as sin that he didn't return her feelings. She'd put him in an impossibly awkward position.

And herself as well, she thought miserably. She'd promised herself she'd never end up in another unbalanced romance, yet here she was, in a relationship as lopsided as a teeter-totter with one rider.

"Fool," she whispered fiercely to herself. Last night, she'd actually let herself believe that Jake loved her back. He'd been so tender, so ardent, so giving. But she'd only been deluding herself. Hadn't he told her that he'd never love anyone the way he'd loved Rachel? Why did she think she could change his mind?

"Ma-ma-ma," Madeline called from her room.

Drawing a deep breath, Annie threw back the covers and rose from the bed. The floor was hard and cold under her bare feet, but not as hard and cold as the truth. Annie wanted Jake's whole heart, and he didn't have it to give.

Chapter Twenty-two

The only thing more difficult than getting through the next few days was driving to Tulsa for the divorce hearing on Wednesday morning. Ben and Helen wanted to accompany her, but Annie had refused. She tried to put on a brave front about the divorce, but it was hard, pretending to be fine when her heart was breaking. It was easier just to go alone.

"Well, at least let us keep Madeline for you," Helen said, her brow creased with concern.

"I'd rather have her with me," Annie replied. Having Madeline along would make it easier to deal with Jake, easier to keep her thoughts focused on why she'd married him in the first place, easier to remember that she'd said "I do" to a temporary arrangement, not a life-long love. Somewhere along the line, her heart seemed to have lost sight of that fact.

And now she was paying the price.

The October sky was as gray as Annie's mood as she pulled the car onto the highway with the baby dozing in her car seat. Annie tried to divert her thoughts by listening to the radio, but the songs about unrequited love and broken hearts only made her feel worse. She'd done the very thing she'd vowed she'd never do; she'd fallen hopelessly in love with a man who didn't love her back. Why, oh, why couldn't she have done a better job of guarding her heart?

She switched the music off and occupied herself by reading highway signs, hoping for an encouraging message from her grandfather. He'd been uncharacteristically silent lately. Just her luck, she thought glumly. Not only had her common sense deserted her, but her grandfather had as well.

A pair of billboards caught her eye as she neared her exit in Tulsa, but her grandfather's voice didn't accompany them. One sign simply said, "Listen to your heart," and the other said, "Just say `yes!' " It was a clever advertising strategy, Annie mused, making people guess what product the signs were promoting. It was probably something health-oriented, like a low-fat ice cream or a cardiac screening program. A billboard further down the highway no doubt revealed the answer, Annie thought, slowing for her exit off the interstate.

The sky cleared as she neared the courthouse. By the time she'd parked and unfastened Madeline from her car seat, a dazzling Indian summer day had unfolded. Instead of cheering her, the brilliant sunshine only accentuated the rainy-midnight feeling in Annie's soul.

Her heart was heavy as she carried Madeline to the designated courtroom and presented her papers to the uniformed officer at the door. The bailiff read her document, then looked up. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but your hearing has been changed to Judge Arnold's docket. He'll hear your case in his chambers on the third floor."

Oh, great. The divorce was going to be performed by the same judge in the same room where she and Jake had been married. Just what she needed, Annie thought morosely—another kick in the pants by Lady Luck.

Annie's spirits dragged as she herded Madeline into the elevator, up to the third floor and down a long corridor. As she turned into the hallway, she was surprised to see a familiar figure standing outside the judge's office.

"Susanna!"

"Hello, Annie." The older woman was wearing an elegant cream-colored suit and a warm smile. Madeline ran to her. Susanna embraced the child, then turned and gave Annie a warm hug as well.

Annie hugged her back. "What are you doing here?" "Tom and I thought we could watch Madeline while you and Jake are in the chambers."

"Tom's here, too?" Susanna had visited the ranch after her trip to New Orleans and told Annie everything about her reunion with Tom.

Susanna nodded. "He stopped to talk to another attorney. He'll be here in a minute"

Annie's throat grew thick. "This is very kind of you."

Susanna squeezed her hands. "You were so supportive of me when Tom and I were having troubles. You gave me hope, and I want to do the same for you."

Tears gathered in Annie's eyes. "I'm afraid there's no hope for Jake and me."

Susanna gave a soft smile. You never know. It's too bad you can't read tea leaves for yourself''

"It's probably just as well." The sound of approaching footsteps echoed behind her. Annie turned, expecting to see Tom. Her eyes widened as she spotted two other people with him. `Ben—and Helen! What on earth are you two doing here?"

Helen grinned sheepishly. "I know you didn't want us to come, but we thought you could use the support."

Annie's heart swelled with emotion. "That's very sweet."

Madeline reached out her arms for Tom. He took the baby from Susanna, who gazed at him fondly.

Annie drew a deep, steadying breath. "Well, it looks like everyone's here except Jake."

"Oh, he's here," Tom said. "He's already in the judge's chambers, waiting for you."

Annie's heart pounded erratically.

"You'd better go on in," Helen said. "We'll wait out here with Madeline."

Annie drew a rocky breath and nodded. She reached out and stroked Madeline's hair, smoothed her own short red dress, and opened the heavy door.

The wooden window shades were pulled, and the room was darker than Annie remembered. Despite the dim lighting, she saw Jake immediately, standing by the bookcase, wearing a dark suit. Why, oh, why did he have to be so heartbreakingly handsome? It was hard to breathe as he stepped toward her.

His gaze moved over her appreciatively. "You look great."

Annie tried to smile, but her -lips felt frozen. "Thanks." Oh, mercy, this was killing her, seeing Jake after telling him she loved him. He probably felt guilty for making love to her again. Maybe he even felt sorry for her. She longed to just get this over with and get as far away from him as possible.

She looked around the empty room. "Where's the judge?"

"He'll be here in a little while. I asked him to give us a few minutes in private to talk."

Despair filled Annie's chest. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk!. There was no point in rehashing the situation, and she didn't want to lose her last shred of dignity by breaking down and bawling like a baby. She was dangerously close to doing that now. She turned toward the desk and feigned a deep interest in the judge's nameplate. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Oh, yes, there is." Jake saw Annie's spine straighten, the way it always did when she was nervous or feeling cornered. He took a step toward her. "In fact, I've got quite a bit to say."

She shot him a quick, gauging glance, then skittishly looked away.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I realized I owe some apologies. I owe some to you and to Madeline"—Jake paused and drew a deep breath—"and, to Rachel."

Annie looked up, her eyes full of pain. "Don't say you're sorry we made love, Jake. I can't stand it if you say you're sorry."

Jake's heart turned over. He stepped closer. "Oh, Annie, that's not what I'm trying to say. Not at all." He lifted a lock of her flaming hair, and it seemed to burn right to his soul. He stepped closer, close enough to smell the soft scent of her shampoo. "The other night, honey, when you said you loved me.”

Annie sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes were huge, and they held a gut-wrenching combination of fear and hope and wariness. Jake hurried to say what was in his heart. "It made me realize how much you mean to me. And I realized that I had a big misconception about love. I thought it was a limited commodity—a one percustomer, once-in-a-lifetime offer. I thought I'd somehow be diminishing what I'd felt for Rachel if I admitted what I felt for you."

He placed his hands on her arms. She trembled under his fingers. He tightened his hold on her. "Tom helped me see how wrong my thinking was. He said Rachel would have wanted me to be happy, that she would have wanted me to love again. And you know what? He's right. He's absolutely right. She wouldn't have wanted me to hold anything back, either, out of some kind of misguided sense of loyalty to her."

"Oh, Jake ..." Annie breathed.

He slid his hands up her sleeves. "I had another bone-headed notion about love, as well. I thought a good relationship was only possible between people who were similar. I didn't realize that opposites could not only attract, but bring out the best in each other." He drew even nearer. "Annie, I like who I am when I'm with you. When I'm with you, I'm my best self."

The love in Annie's eyes made Jake's voice waver with emotion. "I remembered what you'd said about needing to be loved completely and fully, with no reservations, so I ..." He swallowed around a huge lump. "Well, I knew I needed to get rid of all my old baggage. So I went to my house, and I boxed up all the photos and all of Rachel's personal effects, and I took them to Tom and Susanna's."