Baby on Board (16 page)

“You’re taking the place of a
dead
man?” Kate asked in a shaky voice. She slipped her hands away from Patrick’s and twisted them together.

“Easy, Kate. I have to do it. Don’t you see? For Greg,” Patrick said. His heart started to pound at the terrified look in her eyes. “I’ll be careful. Greg must have got careless or cocky and he didn’t clip in. I won’t make the same mistake.”

Kate looked at him, her brown eyes nearly black now. “So you say.”

“Really—”

“Are you all right, dear?” Elaine asked, coming up and putting a hand on Kate’s arm. Her eyes were filled with concern. “Do you want to sit down again?”

“I’m a little tired,” Kate said quietly, her eyes averted.

Elaine and Antonio exchanged a look. Roger darted glances at all of them, seeming to catch the tension in the air. He cleared his throat, but Antonio spoke first.

“Patricio, you should take her home. This is no day to be out. Not in her condition. And it’s going to get worse. The tropical depression will be right over us soon.”

“I’m sorry,” Patrick said to Roger Whited. “We’ll have to talk about this another time.”

“Not a problem,” Roger said. He handed Patrick his card. “Call me anytime. I want you to do the work,” he added. “Everything your father showed me here is top-notch.”

“Thanks Mr., uh, I mean, Roger. I appreciate the business,” Patrick said, shaking the other man’s hand. He looked over at Kate. She was still pale and her expression guarded. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“That will be fine.”

Patrick grabbed Kate’s shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. Elaine kissed her cheek and asked her to come back soon. Out of the office, the wind blew them toward the truck and he had to wrestle the door to get it open. Once inside, he turned to Kate. “Look, I was going to tell you.”

“Just take me home, Patrick.”

“It’s a huge opportunity and an honor to be asked. We have to talk about this.”

“Later. I don’t feel well right now.”

“Is it the baby?”

“It’s everything,” she said in a miserable tone. She leaned back and closed her eyes. “Please, just take me home.”

Patrick could hear tears in her voice. Her words tore at him. Reluctantly, he started the truck and drove to her house. The winds buffeted the vehicle. He fought to keep it on the road. He stole glances at her in the seat next to him, but she never opened her eyes once. A chasm had opened between them. It seemed wider for having the intimacy of last night and this morning so close at hand. He told himself they would work it all out. He had to believe it. The other option was unbearable.

Kate unclipped her seat belt and let Patrick help her out of the truck. She kept her eyes averted, steeling herself against the words she knew she must say. Walking slowly up the steps, she unlocked the front door, went inside and into the living room. Patrick followed closely.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this race?” She took off her shawl and laid it over the back of one of the sofas.

“I was going to, once I had it all worked out.”

“Had what all worked out?”

“I thought it through yesterday and last night, Katie,” Patrick said, coming to her and putting his hands on her shoulders. “They need me to skipper the boat, but I know I need to be here, too. The way I figure it, it’ll work out perfectly. I’ll go to Australia for a couple of weeks and get the crew organized for the layover. When they’re set, I’ll come back and be here for the baby’s arrival. Afterward, I’ll go back and sail the next leg of the race. When the boat hits port, I’ll fly home.”

“So, your plan is to abandon me.” Tears rose to her eyes and she blinked them away. His words seemed to punch a hole right through her, leaving a gaping wound in her heart and soul.

“No, Katie. I just…I really want to do this race for Greg. I
need
to.”

“I need you here, Patrick.”

Kate pulled away from his touch, went around the sofa and sat down. She felt tired, cold and lonely once again. Patrick followed and sat facing her, one long leg folded under him.

“It’ll only be for a short while,” he said urgently. “After the baby’s born, I’ll be gone for a few weeks at a time, but back for weeks at a time, too.”

“Unless you don’t come back at all.”

Patrick smoothed a hand over her windblown hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “Of course I’m coming back.”

“Just like your friend did?” she asked softly.

Patrick frowned. “How often do you think something like that happens on a boat?”

“I’ve heard stories about three races, Patrick. In two of them, someone died.” Kate tugged at the throw pillow beside her, twisting her fingers into the fringe. “The odds seem pretty atrocious to me.”

“That’s not going to happen to me.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“I just am.” Patrick sat forward and pulled the cushion from her, taking her hands in his and squeezing them tightly. “I’m a good sailor, Kate.”

“Nobody’s that good all the time. You said it yourself,
accidents happen.
”

“Look, it’s not going to happen. I’ll be careful. I’ll clip in, I promise.”

Kate slipped her hands away and shifted, sliding to the edge of the sofa. She couldn’t sit still any longer. Patrick guessed her intentions and swiftly rose to help her stand up. Tears stung her eyes once again. He was so thoughtful, so understanding of her needs. But there were some needs he would never be able to fill. On her feet, she moved away from him.

“Careful doesn’t win races, Patrick. You said that once, too.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“My brother told me he was careful.” Kate rubbed her hands up and down her arms, warming the sudden spate of goose bumps that had risen. “‘Don’t worry, sis,’ he’d say. ‘Nothing’s going to happen to me.’ He was wrong and you are, too.”

Patrick came to her side, looking at her intently. “What happened to him?”

“He jumped out of a plane and his parachute didn’t open. They don’t know why. It was an accident. Just like Greg’s.”

“I’m sorry, Katie.” There was silence between them broken only by the occasional rattle of the windows in a particularly strong gust of wind. “Look, skydiving is different than sailing.”

“Is it?” she asked. “My brother jumped out of planes for the same reason that you race on the ocean—he loved the rush.”

“I don’t go out there trying to kill myself.”

Kate laughed humorlessly. “No? Then what is it? You push, Patrick. You push, and you push and
you push
. Anything to win the race.”

“Not anything.”

“You sailed your boat just
feet
in front of a container ship to get a few extra minutes in a race where winning didn’t even matter. In one that did, you almost capsized a boat to get to the finish line first. What do you call that?”

“You’re completely wrong, Kate. You’ve taken two incidents and made up some theory that I go crazy as soon as I set foot on a boat. I don’t. How could I and be so successful for so long?”

“I don’t know,” Kate said, shaking her head. “I don’t care, either.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t want you in my life anymore, Patrick.”

“What?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. This baby and I need someone who will be here. You won’t change.”

She walked to the window and looked out at the blustery day. The tree branches whipped back and forth and rain now sprayed the street in blasts. Kate slid her hands to her belly, rubbing the mound gently, taking comfort from the life that danced and spun inside her.

“There’s no compromise for you, is there?” Patrick asked, his voice hard. “I give up racing or I can’t be a father to
my
child.”

“I’m not asking you to compromise.” Tears filled Kate’s eyes and she turned to face him. “I’m asking you to put being a father
first.
”

“I
am.
”

“You’ve made plans to leave me five weeks before our child will be born, without telling me about it. Then, you’re going to leave the minute she’s born and risk never coming home again. What kind of father does that?” Kate’s voice rose to a shout. The tears she had held in check rose and spilled over her lashes. “I need you to put me and the baby first, but you can’t. You won’t ever be able to put us first.”

“All right! Have it your way. I won’t go.”

Kate shook her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks with one hand. “It doesn’t matter whether you go or not, Patrick. You’ll never be a real father to this baby.”

“Who will be, then?” he said furiously. “Steve?”

The lie was like a lifeline thrown to her out of a storm. She lunged for it and held on tight. “Yes.”

He froze and his face paled beneath his tan. “I thought—” He faltered to a stop. After a long, silent moment, in a low voice, he asked, “You’re going to marry him? Even after last night?”

Kate nodded.

“So, I suppose I should go to Australia. Get on the boat and finish the race for Greg.”

Kate bit her lip on the cry that rose in her throat. The thought of him leaving, putting himself in danger, chilled her to the bone, yet she held back her plea for him to stay. She had no right to ask anything of him. Her silence was his only answer.

Patrick looked at her for a long moment, waiting for more, his eyes tracing each of her features as if memorizing them. When she said nothing, he turned and walked out of the room. The front door closed quietly behind him. The silent exit wounded her more than a slam of the door could ever have done.

Putting a hand to her mouth, Kate stifled the moan that came to her lips. Tears burned in her eyes, but they did not fall. This pain was too deep, too profound for tears to wash away. She turned back to the window and the glass bowl caught her eye. Its wild color and beauty seemed to taunt her, to remind her of what she had just done. For a second, she was tempted to reach out and throw it against the wall.

Instead, she stumbled to the sofa and dropped to the cushions heavily. She drew herself into a ball, curving around the child growing in her belly. Slowly she began to rock, but the pain stayed lodged in her breast. She feared that this was one wound time would not heal. And she had thrust the knife in herself.

P
ATRICK PUSHED
open the door to the office and stepped inside. “Where’s Ian?”

His mother lifted a finger to hush him while she finished her call. She hung up and swiveled her chair to face him.

“Oh good, I was hoping you’d come back here today. I was just on the phone with Jeannie. Is Kate having a baby shower?”

“I don’t know.” Patrick’s voice was flat. His temper was under the tightest of controls. “Where’s Ian?”

Elaine rose and walked to the counter. “Find out for us, will—”

“Where’s Ian?”

“Don’t take that tone of voice with me, young man.” Elaine frowned as she rebuked him. Her eyes searched his face and her expression went from angry to concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I need to talk to Ian.”

The front door opened and Patrick’s brother stepped inside. “Man, it’s still blowing like crazy out there.”

“Can you drive me to the airport?” Patrick asked immediately.

“What are you talking about?”

“I need to catch the six o’clock flight to LAX.”

Patrick’s words were a bomb dropped into the room. His mother gasped. Ian grabbed his brother’s arm. “You aren’t really going, are you? Patty, I told you—”

“We have to leave now.” Patrick had no interest in explaining. “I’ve got my gear bag in the back of the truck. Mom, here’s the keys to the house, just in case. Nothing’s been turned on there, so you don’t have to do anything.” He thrust a set of keys at his mother and turned back to Ian. “Let’s go.”

“Wait a minute. What the hell happened, Patty? What about Kate?”

Patrick stopped and sucked in a quick breath. He didn’t want to talk about the woman who had just ripped a hole in his soul. “It’s over,” he said, simply. “I have to go.”

Ian kept a hand on his arm and bored his eyes into Patrick’s. “What do you mean? What’s over?”

“Kate and me.” Patrick ran a hand through his hair. “She never wants to see me again.”

Elaine put a hand on the counter, as if to steady herself. “What? Why would she say that? You were both just here. And so happy.” Her voice trailed off, bewildered.

“Yeah, well, we’re not happy anymore,” he said bitterly. “I guess racing and being a father
don’t
go together.”

“What happened?” Ian asked.

“She heard about the race and she freaked.” Patrick spun away from the counter and looked out the window. Stray pieces of paper and leaves swirled around the parking lot.

“So tell her you won’t do it, then.”

“I did, but it doesn’t matter.” Patrick focused on his brother again. “She’s marrying Steve.”

Elaine had been watching her sons, her lower lip caught between her teeth. Her eyes darted first to one, then the other. “What?” she whispered. “Who’s Steve?”

“Shit,” Ian murmured.

“She told me I’ll never be a real father.”

“But you
are
the father,” Elaine said softly, her voice full of tears.

Patrick swallowed hard. “Not anymore. I’m just the sperm donor.”

“I still think you should stay,” Ian said. “At least a couple of days. She might change her mind.”

“Yes, please stay, Patrick.” Elaine came around the counter to take his hands, warm against the iciness of his own flesh. “Kate is just upset right now. It’s a very emotional time for her.”

“No, Ma. I can’t. It hurts too much.” He put his arms around his mother and hugged her, offering comfort even while he took it from her. Her arms encircled him in the firm grip that had always helped him rise above the bumps and bruises life threw at him. This time, his pain did not abate. This was a hurt no one, not even a mother, could kiss and make better. “Watching her marry someone else is something I can’t do. I need to leave for a while.” He pulled back to look her in the eyes. “Maybe being at sea will make this whole thing clearer. Or at least get it out of my system.”

A tear trickled down his mother’s cheek. She stroked Patrick’s chest once, then stepped back. “Be careful.”

A wry smile twisted Patrick’s lips. “I’m always careful.”

He went out to his truck and climbed inside. Ian followed. They drove in silence to the airport. Patrick was glad Ian didn’t ask more questions. There were no answers anyway. At the curbside check-in, Patrick got out and grabbed his bag from the back of the truck. Ian walked around to join him there and held out his hand. Patrick shook it firmly, then hugged his brother.

“See you.”

Ian stepped back. He opened his mouth and closed it again, shaking his head.

“What?” Patrick asked. “You might as well say it.”

“I don’t think the ocean’s going to give you any answers, Patty.” Ian’s words were quiet, nearly drowned out by the noise of buses, cars and people around them. “Not this time.”

“What’s to figure out? She’s marrying someone else.”

“She’s not married yet.”

Patrick hefted his bag. “All I know is that it’s over.”

Ian pressed his lips together in a tight line. “Well, do what you have to do. Good luck.”

With a nod, Patrick turned away and stepped up onto the sidewalk, then stopped. He stood facing the wide glass windows for a long moment before finally turning around. “Hey, Ian?”

His brother hadn’t moved. He still stood watching, with his hands in his pockets. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll let you know.”

Patrick nodded again, his throat too tight to speak. He spun around and walked through the automatic doors without a backward glance. The future was in front of him, waiting at a dock in Australia. The past didn’t matter. Not now. Not ever.