Baby Proof (20 page)

I play helpless, which I guess isn’t too much of an act and watch his perfect slicing technique and fast, effortless chopping.

“Is it weird that that totally turns me on?” I ask. I’ve always had a thing for people with unexpected talents, and I wouldn’t have pegged Richard as being particularly adept in the kitchen.

He laughs as I admire the crinkly lines around his eyes. He must have just showered before I arrived because his hair is still damp in the back and his cologne is a bit stronger than usual. He is barefoot, wearing dark jeans and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I watch him scrape the onion with the backside of the blade, transferring it from cutting board to his frying pan of olive oil. It makes a satisfying sizzling sound as he smugly says, “Voilà!” Then he wipes his hands on a dish towel, opens a bottle of wine with a professional corkscrew, another thing I can’t do and pours two glasses. He hands me one, and we clink glasses without making a toast. I’m a fan of the no-toast, unless you have something really worthwhile to say. The here’s to tonight or here’s to the chef ox here’s to us brand of toasting has a way of diluting the moment. Or worse, creating an awkward lull, sort of like the question, “What should we talk about now?” Besides, if a man really looks in your eyes at the second your glasses meet, as Richard just did, it can be far more enticing than words.

I smile as Richard steps toward me, leans down and kisses me. He is a good head taller than Ben, which makes kissing while standing more difficult. Most girls prefer tall men, but I’ve always liked the intimacy that comes with compatible heights. It makes for more intimate slow dancing. Among other things. Not that I would change a thing about Richard. I kiss him back and taste wine. I decide that the first kiss of the night is always the best. Maybe Richard is thinking the same thing because we linger for a moment before he turns toward the stove and stirs his onions.

“Now. Don’t distract me,” he says. “This is serious business.”

I study his back and the way his neck looks bent over the stove and decide that it’s as good a time as any to ask about the baptism. I will be casual, just float it out there. No need to beat around the bush with Richard. That’s the beauty of our relationship. Or whatever it is that we have going on. No pretense necessary. So I blurt out the bald facts: Good friends had baby; baptism next weekend; Ben will be there; will you come?

He spins around, grinning. “So you want to make your ex-husband jealous?”

I start to stammer a denial but he interrupts and says, “No problem. I’m in. And don’t worry.” He holds up his wooden spoon like a sword. “I’ll do you proud.”

“That’s not why I want you to come,” I say. “I just thought it would be nice for you to meet my friends.”

” Right ,” Richard says, smirking. “A baptism is the typical, mainstream way to meet friends. As opposed to, say a drink or brunch? Or God, really going out on a limb and having dinner?”

I can feel myself blushing. I should have known Richard would tease me. I must appear really embarrassed because he lets me off the hook. He puts his spoon down, lifts my chin with his thumb and kisses me again, but this time it’s more of a “buck up, little camper” sort of kiss, as opposed to an “I can’t wait to see you naked” kiss.

When we separate, he is grinning again. “Should I do that for your ex? Perhaps we could sit in the pew in front of him and just start making out in church?”

My face feels hot as I say, “The ceremony is in Central Park by the Shakespeare Garden. And anyway it was a bad idea. Forget I asked.”

I really don’t want him to forget it, though. I want him to go with me. Because of Ben, yes. But more because I just want him there with me. Just as I told Jess. I consider telling him some of this but can’t figure out how to say it without sounding unduly serious.

“Hey, Parr,” he says with a troublemaker’s grin, “I’m not gonna forget it. I wouldn’t miss this one for anything.”

I wake up the morning of the baptism to the sound of a hard rain, the sort of downpour that usually waits until midday. My first thought is that my hair looks awful in any sort of humidity. My second thought is that I’m going to have trouble getting a cab and that the only time I really hate the subway is when it rains. My third thought is that Annie’s plan to have the baptism in Central Park is now off, and the rain plan is to hold the ceremony in her living room. Her tiny living room. Inviting Richard suddenly seems like a very bad idea. It’s one thing to bring a guest to an outside, public venue. It seems very much another to bring one to a small Manhattan apartment.

It’s too late to change my game plan, though, so I shower, dry my hair, and put on the outfit that Jess has laid out for me: one of her own, vintage black Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dresses. (Dresses are one of the few things Jess and I can share.) Jess also bought me a new pair of shoes, an early birthday present, a pair of Manolos with an army-green heel and ankle straps made of black and green fabric. I stand in front of the mirror, carefully put on my makeup and spritz on my perfume.

Except for the fact that I am somewhat overdue for highlights, I am pleased with the finished result. I look good but not so good as to look desperate to impress. After all, I really don’t feel the need to impress Ben, a man who has seen me at my absolute worst. Yet I also don’t like the idea of showing up worse than he remembers me. I call Jess into my room to get her final approval.

“You look awesome ,” she says, beaming. “Somewhat conservative and understated but with loads of style. If Tucker comes, she’s going to be insanely jealous. I mean, she might even develop a girl crush.”

I laugh and say, “What about accessories?”

“I was just getting to that. I think you should go simple. You don’t want to look like a trend whore in her twenties. Just put on your blue opal ring and your pearls. That’s it.”

I nod and say, “What purse should I bring?”

“I’ll get you my Dior clutch. It’s perfect. And don’t forget your big tortoiseshell sunglasses.”

“But it’s raining,” I say.

“It might stop. Be prepared.”

I take a deep breath, exhale, and say, “Jess, thank you. I love my shoes. I love you .”

She laughs and says, “Just try to have fun. Smile a lot. Touch Richard on the arm as much as possible. Hell, touch Ben on the arm as much as possible.”

She leaves to retrieve her clutch just as Richard calls.

“Okay. I got my crotchless chaps on,” he says. “Is that okay with you?”

I laugh and say, “By definition, aren’t chaps crotchless?”

“You have a good point. Wear a hat, and no one will notice.”

He then informs me that he’s going to swing by and pick me up in a cab. Problem solved on the transportation front. I think of how I always handled logistics with Ben. I was the designated airline ticket holder, for example. He would inevitably lose them. Or at least he would panic and think that he had lost them. I can see him now, wide-eyed, furiously patting his pockets and scrambling in his bag, convinced that they were gone. We had once joked that it was a good thing that we didn’t have kids. Because Ben would surely leave the baby on the subway.

Richard interrupts my thoughts with an offer of Starbucks for the ride. “I’m picking one up for myself,” he says. “This is the earliest social engagement I’ve ever had.”

I envision a disastrous spilling scenario, it would be just my luck and tell him no, thanks . Fifteen minutes and a final pep talk from Jess later, I am out the door. Richard has already arrived in a cab with his iced coffee.

He leans across the seat and opens my door. I slide in and say, “Hey! Where are your crotchless chaps?”

“Changed my mind,” he says, kissing my cheek. “Hmmm. You smell nice Let me guess, the ex-hubby’s favorite perfume?”

I smile and tell him the truth. “His second favorite.”

“Ahh. Strategic. If you pick his favorite, you’ll appear to be pandering. Still thinking about him. If you pick his least favorite, you’ll look spiteful which would also indicate that you are still thinking about him.”

I laugh, because his analysis is spot-on. It’s so nice to be with a man who has no instinct for jealousy. As a result, I feel I can tell Richard anything.

“Guilty as charged,” I say.

“So,” Richard says, smirking. “Anything off the limits of discussion today?”

I tell him he should probably stay off the topic of divorce and babies. “Which includes, of course, getting a divorce because of babies. Other than that, go for it.”

We head uptown to Annie and Ray’s, hitting almost no traffic and arriving exactly on time. Richard pays for our cab, and we dart out of the backseat, umbrellaless, into the lobby where he tosses his empty coffee cup into a trash can. Annie and Ray buzz us up, and we climb the stairs, finding the door open a crack.

“Hello?” I say as I wipe my feet on their sisal mat. My heart is pounding at the thought of Ben being on the other side.

“Come in! Come in!” I hear Annie trill.

I push open the door and put my gift, an engraved silver cup, on a table in the front hall. I look in the living room, and see that we are among the first guests to arrive. I feel an odd mix of disappointment and relief when I see no sign of Ben. For the first time it occurs to me that perhaps he’s not coming. Maybe he’s avoiding me. Maybe he’s out of town. Maybe he’s vacationing with Tucker. Maybe I should have just asked Annie.

“Claudia, honey!” Annie squeals. She is holding Raymond Jr. at her hip, but hugs me with her free hand. I can’t believe how much he’s changed in just a few months. He has moved beyond the tiny, chicken-legged newborn stage and is now in the alert, chunky, Gerber-baby stage. Babies are such a tangible reminder of the quick passage of time, but I resist the urge to comment on how much he’s grown. I don’t want to highlight what a neglectful friend I’ve been.

“Hey, Annie!” I say, kissing my friend’s cheek before I turn my attention back to her son. He is wearing a cream linen jumper with a Peter Pan collar that is probably more expensive than most of my outfits. Annie is like a European when it comes to clothing, she has very few items in her closet, but all of them are extremely high quality.

I raise my voice a few octaves and say, “Hi, there, Raymond!”

I always feel self-conscious, almost foolish, when I talk to babies or very young children to whom I’m not related. Raymond scowls and looks away, burying his face in his mother’s shoulder with an accompanying death grip to her elbow. It’s as if he knows the truth about me, that I ended my marriage to avoid one of him. Don’t they say babies and dogs can sense things about people?

Annie glances eagerly in Richard’s direction just as I say, “Annie, I’d like you to meet my friend Richard. Richard, this is Annie and Raymond.”

Richard says, “It’s so good to meet you, Annie.” Then he pats Raymond on his bottom, making that rustling Pampers sound. “Hey, buddy! How you doin’?”

Raymond Jr. holds firm. He will not be tricked.

“Nice to meet you , Richard,” Annie says, her eyes flickering with curiosity. I offered her no details over the phone, nor did she ask me any questions. I could tell it took all of her willpower to not delve beyond, “So? Things are good?” I told her that they were. Now I have my proof: a distinguished, older man.

Richard and Annie make small talk, which consists mostly of Annie asking Richard a series of questions. What do you do? Oh, so you work together? How long have you been there? Where are you from ? He answers pleasantly, though minimally, and asks a few questions of his own as Ray joins us with a “Well, well, what have we here?” look on his face.

I can tell right away that Ray does not approve of my guest. Which could mean a variety of things. It could mean that he is sad that his dear friends are no longer together. It could mean that he is feeling protective of Ben. Or it could mean that he thinks I’m sort of a jerk for introducing any hint of controversy into his son’s special day. I am starting to feel as if the latter is most likely.

I wonder if Annie gave Ray any advance warning. Surely she did. Then again, I’m sure she’s had other things on her mind, like the all-encompassing care of a new baby. Perhaps she is so consumed with her son that she and her husband rarely find time to talk anymore.

I watch Ray introduce himself to Richard with what appears to be an aggressive handshake. Then he turns to me and says, “Good to see you, Claudia.” There is something aloof in his expression, and I find myself thinking that our friends could be taking sides. Ben’s side.

“Nice to see you, too,” I say. “Congratulations on Raymond’s big day.”

Annie fills the ensuing lull with a beverage offer. Richard glances over at the makeshift bar set up on the other side of the room and tells Annie thanks, but he’ll just help himself. “Does anyone want anything?”

I spot a half-dozen bottles of champagne set up like trusty soldiers and nod. It is only eleven, but I am definitely ready for a drink. “Whatever you’re having is fine,” I tell Richard, knowing how couple-y my words are.

Ray’s face suddenly lights up as he belts out an “Uncle Ben’s in the house!”

I inhale sharply but keep my eyes straight ahead, fixed on Raymond Jr. I know it’s not possible for a six-month-old to know what’s going on, but I swear that baby of Annie’s turns, sneers at me, and then smiles at Ben who I can feel standing directly beside me. Close enough for him to smell my perfume—because I am breathing in his natural scent, one that I didn’t quite realize Ben had. Sort of like coming home after a long vacation and realizing that your apartment really does have a unique smell.

Ben leans in to kiss the top of Raymond’s head. He makes no comments about how much the baby has grown. Clearly he’s come around a time or two.

Then he turns to me and says, “Hi, Claudia.”

I exhale and allow myself to make one second of eye contact. He looks exactly the same. He looks like Ben. My Ben.

“Hi,” I say. My voice sounds funny, and I feel a sudden shot of weakness. Physical weakness where my knees feel as if they might give. I try to smile, but can’t. I’m not sure what to do with my hands. I wish I already had my drink. Annie and Ray exchange a glance and then slip away to greet other guests.