Back To Me (38 page)

              “Look at me, angel. Keep your eyes only on me, okay?”

              She was caked in blood; her own and what I was fairly certain was Tom’s brain matter. I didn’t want her glancing in the mirror and freaking out.

              I untied the gown I’d quickly pulled around her and threw it in the wastebasket. Her torn panties had been lost somewhere in the shuffle of getting her home, but I didn’t dare bring that up.

              “Eyes only on me,” I reminded her.

              I started the shower, letting it run until the temperature was comfortable. The tub was still running and had quite a bit to go before it would be full. I wanted to get all the blood washed off before she noticed. Chances were she was still in shock which bought me a little bit of time.

              Heather did as I asked. I stripped my clothes and picked her up again, setting her down under the spray of warm water. I never took my eyes from hers as I leaned her head back, rinsing the blood and the last few days from her body. I took a washcloth and lathered it with her body wash, then set about washing her carefully. Satisfied that she was clean, I massaged the shampoo into her hair, careful to keep it away from her eyes. I rinsed her and myself one last time before shutting the water off.

              She stepped out on her own and waited for me. She hadn’t spoken, not that I’d expected her to. When she was ready I’d be there. Heather’s eyes looked at me expectantly, wondering if I was going to get in the bath with her. A slight nod of her head confirmed that she wanted me to join her.

              I sat back in the soothing water and reached my hands to help steady her. She climbed in, leaning her bruised body against mine. I realized in that moment that this was the first time in six years we’d seen each other naked, but there was nothing remotely sexual about this. It’s not because I wasn’t attracted to her and it sure as hell wasn’t because my body didn’t react to her.
It did
, but that’s not what she needed right now. I was fairly certain that Raul had raped her and she’d need time to deal with that.
I
needed time to deal with that.

              She leaned further into me, melting us so closely together that you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended. I sighed with contentment and waited, hoping she’d open up to me, but I wasn’t about to push her.

              I rested my head back, relishing in the feel of her body next to mine. I’d been gone just a couple of weeks, but it had felt like a lifetime. I suppose given all that had happened we deserved some down time. Tom, of course, wouldn’t be a problem ever again, but I was still processing how to feel about that. He’d been my friend long before he’d become my boss. I’d always trusted him and it was a devastating blow to learn it had all been an act on his part. I briefly wondered if Heather had pulled the trigger herself, but the odds that it was Raul seemed more likely.

              I couldn’t believe he’d gotten away! The thoughts of Raul lurking anywhere infuriated me, but I wouldn’t voice that right now. I wasn’t sure how much Heather knew. At least Sergio was in custody and I was sure given the right amount of persuasion he’d sing like a caged bird.

              “The water’s getting cold,” I murmured against her temple. She laid her small hand in mine, absentmindedly tracing over her wounds. I stilled her movements and brought her arm to my lips, kissing and touching every bruise. She gave me a slight smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

              Heather slid forward, allowing me space to get up. I helped her out and then gently dried her off with a fluffy towel. I noticed her eyes were still focused on me and my movements, never once glancing in the mirror behind us.

              I pulled some medical supplies from underneath the cabinet and went to work on her face. Now that she was cleaned up the cuts didn’t look as bad as before, and I was sure I could fix the wounds and not leave a scar.

              “This might sting a bit,” I warned as I dabbed the medicine over the gash. She winced, but was so brave, not flinching even once.

              “Come with me,” I said, leading her away from the temptation of peeking at herself in the mirror.

              I slid my t-shirt over her body and that generated a genuine smile. “I missed this,” she whispered so low that I almost didn’t hear her.

              I let out a chuckle and pulled her close. As we lay on the bed staring at one another, I silently studied her. She never flinched as my hands perused her body. She just stared at me with love in her eyes. It wasn’t until that moment that I knew she was gonna be alright. That
we
were gonna be alright. I closed my eyes, content to just be holding her.

              “He didn’t rape me,” she stuttered.

              My eyes snapped open as I held my breath. Surely she was mistaken, or maybe she just didn’t want to face it.
She was in denial.

              “He didn’t,” she assured me. “He was about to, but then I heard your voice.”

              I looked at her with confusion, remembering specifically that I hadn’t said a word when I entered that house.

              Heather placed her hand on my cheek and wiped a tear that I didn’t know had fallen. “I heard you,” she reiterated. “You said,
I’m coming, angel. Hold on, baby.”

              My brain replayed everything that had happened tonight. I was trying to make sense of it all; yes I had mumbled those words when I was on my way to get her, but there’s no possible way she heard……

              “You gave me the strength to fight him off,” she said, blushing. “I kicked him in the balls which of course pissed him off royally, but it made him roll off me real quick! And then we heard the rumbling of your truck and he took off. You saved me, Billy. I knew you would come for me.”

              “I’m so proud of you, angel,” I cheered. “God, you’re incredible!” It was true. I was in awe of her.

              “Billy?” she untangled herself from my arms and sat up.

              “What is it, angel? Are you hurt somewhere else?” I sat up as well, examining her once again.

              “No, I’m okay,” she said, timidly. “Bruised obviously, but I’m alright.”

              “Okay, what is it then?”

              “Tom wasn’t my father.” She spoke so softly that it took my brain a minute to catch up.

              “What?” I asked, incredulously.

              She shook her head, giving me confirmation that I’d heard right.

              “He wasn’t my father, Billy. That’s the reason he left when I was a child. My mom had an affair and I’m a product of that.”

              I was momentarily stunned, unsure of what to say. I sure as hell didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Was she happy with the news that Tom wasn’t her father? Was she upset that she still didn’t know who her father was? Could she live without knowing?

              “Tom told me that the man who fathered me worked with the agency, too, but that was a long time ago so there’s no telling where he is now. He might not even be alive. I don’t guess it matters. Tom said my mother never told him about me.” 

              My heart broke for her all over again.

              “I’m so sorry, angel.” I comforted her as best I could, but even I knew this was something she’d have to work out on her own. I’d be there for her, of course, but she’d have to take the lead and decide how to proceed. If she wanted to look for the guy, I’d be the first one to jump in and help.

              “It’s okay, Billy. I don’t know whether I’m relieved, or angry that Tom wasn’t my father. I don’t know how I feel,” Heather admitted.

              I took both of her hands in mine and squeezed lightly.

              “Angel, you don’t have to feel one way or another. There’s no
right
way to handle this. Just feel whatever you need to and I’ll be right here by your side. You wanna be mad? Hell, I’ll be pissed right along with you. We can throw shit and yell ‘til you get it all out,” I joked.

              “No, I don’t think I’m really mad,” she explained. “I kinda felt sorry for Tom.” Heather chewed her lip, looking lost in thought.

              “And I’ll tell you something else. Tom didn’t send me that bear, Billy, and he didn’t set the house on fire. I know he didn’t.”

              “Did he say that? You know he wasn’t gonna tell you the truth,” I defended.

              “No, he didn’t admit or deny anything, Billy, but I’m tellin you, it wasn’t him. You should’ve seen his face when Raul walked in and started….” she began to cry.

              “Heather, we don’t have to do this right now.”

              “Yes, we do,” she cried harder, “I have to get this out.”

              “Whatever you want, angel,” I assured her, brushing her wet hair from her face.

              “There was a time in my life when he loved me. I know he did. When he thought I was his daughter, he loved me with everything he had. Even tonight before Raul shot him, he told me he was sorry.”

              “And I don’t think it was Raul either,” she said, cautiously.

              “Then who, Heather? Who else would want to hurt you?”

              She shrugged her shoulders and sat quietly. “I honestly don’t know. Is there anything I should know, Billy? Anything else from your past. A jilted lover, or a jealous…..”

              I cut her off immediately. How dare she think that!

              “No, angel!
Never!
I’ve done a lotta shit in my time, but never once did I cheat on you!” I tried hard to reign in my frustration, but that was one accusation I couldn’t let go.

              “I didn’t think so, but I just thought I would ask.” Heather lowered her head and studied her hands thoughtfully. “I just don’t understand,” she cried silently. “What did we do to deserve all of this?”

              I moved closer and took her in my arms. “We didn’t do anything, Heather. You hear me? We didn’t do anything to deserve this. I’m so sorry, baby. God, please forgive me, I’m so sorry.”

              I was a blubbering mess myself, but we needed to let it all out. There had been so much pent up anger and hurt over the years and neither of us had faced those demons. Together we could. We needed to do this, to purge ourselves of all the bad shit we’d dealt with.

              “Let’s get some sleep. I know you’re exhausted.” I suggested. “We can talk more in the morning.”

              “Okay,” she agreed. Heather let out a yawn and I followed suit, lying us both down and tangling myself around her again. She winced in pain, but refused to let me go.

53

Heather

              I closed my eyes, but never went to sleep. I couldn’t. Billy had finally drifted off sometime after midnight and I couldn’t bear the thought of waking him.

Every time I closed my eyes I saw Raul sprawled over me; his disgusting breath on my skin. I could feel him tugging my panties as they were torn from my body. I could feel his sweaty palms roaming my flesh and I had an uncontrollable urge to get out of bed and scrub my skin until there was none left to cover my bones. I knew, and now so did Billy, just how close I had come to being raped. Silent tears fell as I relived my nightmare over and over in my head.

And then there was Tom. It wasn’t that I wanted Tom to be my father, but just when I thought I had finally found him all of it was a lie. 
And my mother?
At least I knew now why she had taken her own life. Guilt! Obviously she hadn’t loved Tom, or my father; most of all she hadn’t loved me. I was furious with her, but I’d never get the chance to confront her. I’d focus on channeling that anger somewhere else. Something more positive and the answer came quickly.

I figured everyone would think I’d cracked; that I was in denial, or something foolish like that, but that’s not how I felt. Truth is, a lot of people go through ordeals like mine every single day. I’m nothing special. No one is immune and the same rules apply to everyone. It’s how one chooses to deal with adversity that sets them apart; victim or victorious. I decided to be the latter.

I thought about my decision for hours. I was worried how Billy would react especially knowing that Raul was still on the loose, although I had a feeling he was long gone. I figured with Tom out of the picture and Sergio in custody, Raul was pretty much a one man show right now. And Billy said he was a dickhead; unable to handle things on his own. I had a feeling that by now he’d run off with his tail tucked between his legs and that was just fine with me.

              Billy reached across the bed, searching for me. I scooted closer and rested my head on his chest. I listened to the rhythm of his heart and strummed my fingers along his torso, keeping time with the glorious sound. He hummed in pleasure and before long his lips found mine. He kissed me softly; reverently almost, but he didn’t treat me like glass, for which I was grateful. One of my biggest fears was that he would look at me differently and that would’ve been a deal breaker.

              “Mmm, good morning, angel,” he purred.

              I chuckled. “Good morning, handsome.”

              His eyes opened wide. “You’re in a good mood.” I think he was expecting me to break down.

              “I am,” I replied.

              “You sure?” he questioned suspiciously.

              “Positive,” I assured him. “I wanna talk to you about something.”

              “Okay….”

              “It’s nothing bad. I just….”

              “You just what?”

              “I think I wanna work at the shelter with Lauren.” I waited for him to spout an emphatic
no
and to tick off on his fingers all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea.

              With a rather dumbfounded look on his face, he studied me intently. Just when I thought I had him pegged, he surprised me with a mega-watt grin. “I think that’s amazing!”

              “Really?” I asked, bouncing on my knees with excitement.

              “Really, angel. I think you’d be incredible, and I think it’ll help you, too.”

              “Billy, I’m fi…..”

              “Don’t you dare tell me you’re fine, angel! I’m ecstatic that you wanna do this. Hell, I’m over the moon to see you smiling this morning. But baby, you’re a long way from over all that’s happened the past few days. Just don’t push too much. One day it won’t be so hard, I promise.”

              He was right, as usual, but he’d also just burst my bubble. I was sure in the coming days I’d have to deal with things that hadn’t even come to mind just yet. Besides the obvious, Billy no longer had a home and I was partly to blame for that although I knew he would never say it.

              “Shit!” I yelled. “Billy, your house!” I held my head in my hands, feeling horrible that I’d forgotten.

              “It’s okay,” he chuckled. “I’d been wanting to change a lot of stuff anyways.”

              “That’s not funny!” I reprimanded. “You lost everything!”

              Pulling my hands away from my face, Billy made sure I was looking directly at him. “No, angel. I lost
stuff
that can easily be replaced. What I can’t lose is
you
. You are what’s important.”

              When I smiled he continued. “I was thinking that I could use a woman’s opinion. I mean, I know we haven’t talked about it yet, the future I mean…” he rambled on.

              “Are you asking me to go steady?” I joked.

              He laughed along with me. “Oh, angel. I’m asking a lot more than that, baby. Will you marry me?”

              It was his turn to shock me.
Marry him?
Were we ready for that?
Yes.

              “Billy, are you…”

              “Yes or no?”

              “But……”

              “Yes or no, angel? If you don’t answer me, I’m just gonna keep asking you every day for the rest of your life. It’s gonna get old,” he jested.

              “Knock, knock,” Luke’s voice sounded from the other side of the door.

              “Just a minute,” Billy said, giving us time to cover ourselves with the sheet. “C’mon in,” he hollered, still grinning at me.

              “Um, sorry to interrupt y’all, but there’s some people downstairs. I think y’all should join us.”

              I saw Luke’s face light up when he noticed our playful demeanor.

              “Give us a minute,” Billy responded.

              Luke closed the door, giving us privacy and time to get dressed.

              “So,” he continued, turning his attention back to me. “What do ya say, Ms. Harrison? Would you like to become Mrs. Willis? Make this official.”

              “Hmmm,” I held my finger to my chin, playfully thinking it over, although I already knew what my answer would be.

              “Fine then. Be expecting another proposal tomorrow.” He grinned and I knew he wasn’t mad.

              “But I didn’t give you my answer,” I whined.

              “Times ticking, angel. Get your sweet ass up. We’ve got company.”

              I drug myself from the bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, a bra, and threw my disheveled hair into a ponytail. This was the first time I had seen myself in the mirror. I was a sight! Cuts and bruises covered a lot of my face, but it looked like Billy had done a good job tending to them. Whoever had come to visit at this ungodly hour the morning after our terrible ordeal was certainly going to be in for a shock.

              Hitting the landing at the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised to see Johnny standing in the family room. Billy looked just as confused as I did.

              “Trey was it?” Johnny asked, speaking to Billy. It took me a minute to catch up, but I chuckled when I finally caught on.

              “Yeah, I think we’re past that,” Billy laughed out loud. “Sorry about lying to ya.”

              “No prob,” Johnny responded. “I get that the job has limits. I’d have done the same.”

              Now I stood astounded.
Job?
What were they talking about? Billy put his arm around my waist and pulled me in close. “Johnny is one of us,” he whispered in my ear.
Oh.

              Johnny gave me an apologetic shrug, but didn’t offer anything else. “You’re the one that called and tipped me off about where to find Heather?” Billy guessed.

              “Yeah, sorry I was so blunt. I’d followed them out, but when I saw Raul’s SUV coming from the other direction I figured I needed to keep an eye on him. I knew you wanted to handle Tom…
personally
.”

              “Yeah, I did, but it’s all good. Thanks, man, for looking out for her.”

              The two exchanged some weird guy handshake and moved on. I overheard Luke and Lauren speaking with Rose in the kitchen, filling her in on the events of the previous evening. I made a mental note to see her before she left, letting her see for herself that I was truly alright. She’d worry otherwise.

              “George,” Billy acknowledged. I hadn’t even noticed him sitting in the corner.

              “I don’t think you two have formally met. This is Heather. Heather, this is my good friend and comrade, George.”

              “Billy,” he greeted in return. “Heather, you’re looking better than expected.
I know Billy and your friends here are going to take really good care of you.” 

              I blushed. “Thank you.”

              Luke and Lauren entered the room and Johnny announced his departure. He promised to keep in touch, but we wouldn’t hold our breath. Johnny would be on to another assignment and we might never see him again. That’s just how this worked.

              “Let’s sit, shall we?” Lauren offered, but it was a subtle command. She gave me a reassuring nod as I followed her to the sofa.

              George took the seat across from me and Billy sat close to my side, placing his arm around me protectively.

              “Why do I feel like we’re about to get bad news again?” I muttered to Billy. It was rhetorical because I knew he was in the dark as much as I was.

              George cleared his throat, obviously nervous. Lauren took my hand in hers from the other side and gave it a good squeeze, and Luke sat on the arm of the chair, taking us all in.

              “Spit it out, man,” Billy urged. “Is it Raul?”

              “I’m here on a more…
personal
matter,” George replied, looking white as a ghost.

              It was apparent by their expressions that Lauren and Luke already knew what was about to be dumped on us. My patience was growing thin and the tension in the air was thick.

              “Heather,” George spoke, cautiously, “we processed the scene where Tom took you…”

              Billy cut him off. “She doesn’t need to relive that!” he spat.

              “I understand, son, but this is important. Probably the most important conversation I’ve ever had.”

              I placed my free hand over Billy’s arm. “It’s okay. Let him talk.”

              “What all did Tom tell you?” George directed at me.

              “Well, nothing really,” I shrugged. I was ashamed to let them see that I was perhaps a little disappointed that he wasn’t my dad.

              “He said that he, um…. That he
wasn’t
my father,” I whispered.

              Lauren’s grip tightened around mine before she leaned over. “Hear him out.”

              I stared at her with wide eyes and nodded. No matter what he had to say, you better believe I damn well wanted to hear it. I kinda felt like I was past the point of shock-and-awe.

              “As I was saying,” George continued. “We processed the scene which included some belongings you left behind, and then of course we took into evidence everything that Tom had with him there.”

              “I don’t really know how to say this….” He started.

              “Just spit it out already! You’re killing me!” I shouted.

              “Twenty-six years ago, give or take a bit, I met a woman and fell in love. Her name was Angela.” George paused, giving my brain time to catch up.

              “Angela was my mother’s name,” I whispered in disbelief.

              He nodded his head yes. “She was married, but she told me she had already filed for divorce because she wasn’t in love with her husband any more. Stupid me thought we had a real shot.” George lowered his head, attempting to hide his rosy cheeks.

              “Go on,” I prodded.

              “Well, she didn’t divorce her husband after all. She broke it off with me when she learned she was pregnant. Said she couldn’t leave her husband because it was the child he’d always wanted.” 

              I felt Billy’s eyes on me, waiting for an explanation, but I couldn’t give him one. Not until the whole story came out.

              “And?”

              “And,” he sighed, “I moved on, got married, and the rest is history…. Or so I thought.”

              “Can you spell this out for those of us who have no earthly idea what the hell is goin’ on here?” Billy chimed in, impatiently.

              I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the man who sat across from me. The man who shared my nose and my eyes. I knew what all of this meant, but I needed to hear the words.

              “Heather,” George said before his voice broke and the room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop. “Heather, Tom was telling you the truth. He wasn’t your father. Sweetheart, I am.”