Back To Us (3 page)

When I finished eating I got up from the table. “I better get back to the classroom,” I said, noticing that Justin and Don had stopped their conversation and were both looking at me. “I think I have a tutoring session in a few minutes.”

I walked away and when Don thought I was out of earshot I heard him whisper to Justin. “
Damn
. That girl is fine.”

I didn’t get a chance to hear Justin’s response.

As I headed towards the train station that evening it dawned on me that the last place I felt like going was home. With my brother still at his girlfriend’s there would be no one to talk to, unless you counted Buddy, but he couldn’t exactly talk back. I sent a text to my friend Susan asking her what she was up to. Her boyfriend was over, but she wanted me to stop by anyway. Normally, I hated being the third wheel, but I was getting more and more used to it. 

Susan lived in Bayridge, which meant an even longer train ride. When I finally got to her place she was outside walking a bunch of dogs. It was how she made enough money to quit her day job and go back to school; dog boarding and walking, which always struck me as funny since her boyfriend hated dogs.

“You look cute,” she commented.

“Just got off work.”

“Oh, that’s right. At the community center? How do you like it so far?”

“It’s good. I don’t feel like I’m actually doing that much, though. I tutored a few people, but I’ve been sitting around more than anything.”

“They’re still paying you, though, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t bother going all the way out there for free.”

Susan smiled. She understood me. She hadn’t had the easiest life either. Despite our almost ten year age difference, it felt like she got me.

I followed her back inside and climbed the three flights of stairs to her place. Her boyfriend, Greg, was sitting on the couch with a Sam Adams in his hand and the baseball game on.

“’Sup Jesse?”

“Not much, how’s it going?”

“Good. The Yankees are up by one.”

Baseball again. For a second my mind flashed back to Justin and Don talking earlier. I need to not think about Justin, I tried telling myself. He seemed like a guy who had his shit together, and those kinds of guys tended to avoid me like the plague. Instead, I seemed to be some sort of magnet for every dysfunctional loser in the five boroughs.

I flopped down on the couch next to Greg, he reached forward to grab me a beer.

“No thanks, I’m good.” I hated the taste of beer and Susan was on her way back from the kitchen with a Smirnoff Ice, which she knew was my favorite.

“So have you met any cute guys at your job yet?” she asked as she handed me the ice cold bottle.

“NO! I’m not there to meet guys, I’m there to work.”

“That’s perfect,” Greg chimed in, “’cause my friend and his girlfriend just broke up. . .”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said holding my hands up to let him know to stop talking. “First of all, I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now. I told you guys that, like a hundred times. And second of all, even if I was, I’m not going out with some guy who just got dumped.”

Sometimes it felt like I was the only person I knew who wasn’t dating someone. It also felt like everyone I knew was
always
trying to remedy that situation. But I just wasn’t in the mood for dating. My last relationship had been a disaster of epic proportions. For months something in my gut told me my now ex-boyfriend had been cheating on me, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’d given up my dorm room to move in with him and refused to admit how stupid I’d been to do it, so it took way longer than it should have for me to dump him. He was so used to me being a chump that he refused to accept my decision. He’d show up outside my classes and call me literally nonstop for hours on end every day, until I finally changed my number. It took months before he gave up, and thankfully, I hadn’t seen him or heard from him in a while. I was
not
ready to go through anything like that again.

Greg was about to try and change my mind; I could see the words forming. Luckily, Susan stopped him. She shot Greg a look. “Leave it alone,” she muttered before turning to ask me if I’d eaten yet.

“Not yet.”

“You want to order a few pies?”

“Sounds good.”

Even with the AC on it was hot. I held my bottle of Smirnoff Ice up to my neck and then my forehead to cool myself down and leaned back against the sofa cushions. It was another twenty minutes before the pizza arrived. By the time we were done eating, the game Greg had been watching was over.

“You want me to grab you another drink?” Greg asked as he stood and headed to the kitchen with a pizza box full of half-eaten crusts.

“She’s already had two, and she’s under age,” Susan joked. “I don’t want to be accused of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.”

“It’s too late for that.” I actually would have drunk another bottle if I didn’t have to work the next day.

Susan stood. “C’mon. I gotta take the dogs on one last walk for the night.”

We headed down the street. Susan lived in an apartment over a sports bar that was pretty popular with a lot of the people that lived nearby. It was how she got to be friendly with so many people in her neighborhood. We stopped walking every few steps so she could chat with whoever it was that greeted her. Finally, after walking a few blocks away from her apartment the attention died down.

“You sure you’re doing all right?” she asked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Susan shrugged. “You spend too much time alone.”

“No I don’t. I’m at work most of the day. . .”

“That’s different, and you know it.”

“Is this about me not having a boyfriend again?”

“No. I just worry about you, that’s all.”

“Stop, you’re going to make me cry,” I said trying to sound jokey even though I was actually being half serious. I wasn’t used to having people worry about me, mostly because I never let anyone know they should. I kept everything that was going on in my life to myself figuring that no one cared. It was hard to throw off something that had become so ingrained into me. Ever since I could remember my father had told me over and over again, “The only people in the world who will ever care about you are your family because you’re too pathetic for anyone else to give a damn about you.” And that was before he decided he didn’t feel like being my father anymore.

“That’s the Smirnoff Ice. I should’ve made you stop at one,” she teased.

I bumped her with my shoulder pretending to stumble around like I was drunk. And we both laughed. When we got back to her place I helped her secure the dogs and said bye to Greg before heading back downstairs and towards the train station.

The next three days at work were a lot like the first two. Except that there was no Mrs. Connor around, or Justin either. They’d gone to some leadership conference. Don’s flirting got worse each day, and a few times I swore I caught him staring at my butt. He gave me the distinct impression that it wasn’t going to be too much longer before he was going to make a move and ask me out.
That
was going to be awkward.

At least I was starting to get more comfortable around the students. One of them, a boy named Chris, came by for the second time that week. It was Friday after lunch. He was one of the boys on the basketball team. Around his friends he acted like he knew everything, but when it was the two of us, one on one, he opened up about how bad his grades were and how he knew, basketball scholarship or not, that he needed some help.

“How’d you get to be so good at math anyway” he asked.

“I don’t know. I was always sort of good at it. I guess I just got lucky.”

“Lucky and pretty, that’s a good combination,” he said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What are you?”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, furrowing my brow.

“You kind of look Hispanic, but I’m guessing Greek or Italian.”

I laughed. “None of the above.” People guessed all sorts of things about my ethnicity, but hardly ever got it right. It seemed like most people thought if you were from Europe you had to be blond, unless you were either Italian or Greek. My brother actually did have dark blonde hair, but mine was chestnut-colored, like my eyes. Normally, I was pretty fair-skinned, but with all the walking in the sunny weather, I was already beginning to get a light tan. That sometimes threw people off when they tried to figure out where I was from.

“So where then?”

“I’m Croatian.”

Chris leaned back in his chair like he was trying to get a better look at me. “Never heard of it.”

“It’s in Europe, near Hungary.”

“My geography isn’t that great either,” Chris said trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Don’t worry about it. Most people don’t know where it is.”

“You don’t have an accent.”

“That’s ’cause I was actually born here,” I explained. We were getting way off track, and I figured it probably wasn’t a good idea to give out too much personal information about myself to the students I was tutoring. “Why don’t we get back to math?”

After ending the day with my final tutoring session, I waited for Don to start locking up so I could duck out of the front doors without running into him. I wasn’t going to be able to avoid him forever, though. I really had to figure out a way to get him off my back without making him hate me.

Back at work the next week things got busier. Mrs. Connor wanted me to accompany her on a tour of John Jay College that she was giving to some of the students. I stood beside her in the classroom I used as she ran through a list of do’s and don’ts with the students. Mrs. Connor’s sing-songy West Indian accent held everyone’s attention as she spoke.

“Any questions?” Mrs. Connor asked when she was done.

“I’ve got one.” I turned my head towards the voice coming from the doorway. It belonged to Justin.

“And what would that be, Mr. Justin?”

“Mind if I come along?”

Mrs. Connor unfolded her arms that were crossed over her chest and let them fall to her side. “We’re going to be doing a lot of walking.”

“That’s fine by me.”

“Are you sure?” she asked slowly.

“Yes, I’m sure. You have a large group here, I know you could use another set of eyes.”

“Well, you’re right, I could. So, if you’re sure.”

I couldn’t help but wonder why Mrs. Connor was making such a big deal about Justin really being sure he wanted to come along. It seemed weird.

“C’mon.” Justin gestured with his hand. “Let’s go.”

We shuffled outside into the hot Manhattan air and headed towards the subway. Thankfully, rush hour was over and most of our group were able to find seats on the train, with the exception of me and a few other students. Instead, I grabbed ahold of one of the poles so I wouldn’t fall when the train stopped. As the train started to take off I felt someone’s hand touching my mine.

“Do you want my seat?” Justin offered.

“No thanks, I’m fine,” I replied. A familiar flustered feeling came over me, sort of like the one I got when he complimented me in the break room the week before.

“So how was your first week?”

“Good. . .I think.”

“The boys on the basketball team can’t stop talking about their hot new tutor.” Justin teased.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Justin said. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“No, you didn’t,” I replied, totally lying and feeling even more self-conscious that he’d noticed me blushing.

“So Mrs. Connor told me you’re an education major.”

“Yup, I am. Two more years and then I’m done. At least with my bachelor’s degree.” I glanced at Justin briefly. “What about you? Do you go to school or are you already done?”

“Neither.” He shook his head. “I didn’t go to college. I joined the Navy instead, but I had to get out because I got injured.”

I smiled. “That explains the haircut.” A mental picture of Justin in a Navy uniform came into my mind. I would’ve bet a million dollars he looked real good in it.

Justin rubbed the back of his head. “I guess I just got used to getting it cut this way.”

“So how’d you wind up working at the community center?”

“After I got discharged from the military my parents kept pushing me to do something with my life, but I didn’t want to go to college, and I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to hire me so I started volunteering at the community center. After about a year Mrs. Connor hooked me up with a full-time job.”

“Do you like it? Your job?”

“I love it. I love working with the kids and helping them find something else to do so they won’t get themselves into trouble,” he said. “I know it sounds cheesy, but the people I’ve met at the community center are like a second family to me.”

“That’s cool.” I was still trying to think of something else to add when the train stopped at our station and we all needed to get off. I let myself drift towards the back of the pack of students and away from Justin. I was supposed to be convincing myself to
not
like him, but the more time I spent around him, the more I was finding it hard to ignore that he wasn’t just cute, he was also really nice. Or maybe it was all an act. That’s what guys did—made themselves seem perfect and waited until they lured you in before letting the ugly truth come out and I was damned if I was going to fall for that again.