Backstage Demands (10 page)

CHAPTER THREE

By the end of the second day I started calling Ryker’s name. I should have been close enough to his cabin that he’d be able to hear me. No one came so I ate the last of my food, bundled up again, and found a dry, sheltered spot to sleep. I woke up the next morning cold and hungry but I had to food so all I could do was start walking.

“I’m just walking slower,” I said out loud. “I’ll be there by the end of the day, I know it.”

Every once in a while I hollered for Ryker but there was never any answer. I kept walking, calling more and more often as the day wore on. Too soon it was getting dark again and I had to admit that I’d gotten lost, that my friends and family didn’t know where I’d gone, and that Ryker didn’t know I was coming. No one knew where I was, no one knew where to look, and I had no food or shelter or any idea how to get back.

I bundled up again and sat down on a rock and started calling for Ryker over and over again until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and my chin hit my chest.

I woke up in an uncomfortable heap on the ground staring at a pair of beat up hiking boots. Just beyond them were two hooved feet. I sat up. Ryker was standing there in front of me with his horse.

“What are you doing out here? Didn’t you come close enough to dying last time? You thought you could just wander aimlessly through these woods and stumble on whatever the hell you were looking for.”

“I was looking for you.”

“And you’re damn lucky I was out hunting or I never would have found you. You didn’t take the curve of the river into account, did you?” He shook his head. “How long have you been out here?”

“This is my third night,” I said.

“So you’re lucky the coyotes didn’t find you.”

“Coming out here wasn’t the dumbest thing I ever did,” I said.

“Ha. Go ahead, name me one thing that was dumber.”

“Going back to the city.”

“You don’t belong out here. You can’t survive out here.”

“You can teach me. You said I was a survivor, a fighter, remember?”

He shook his head. “I’ll take you back again. Don’t come out here again, okay? Leave me in peace.”

“The city is too busy,” I said. “It’s too loud. I don’t know why I ever wanted to go back there. I’m not sure that I did really. I just had to let my parents know I was alive.”

“And did you tell them you were coming out here?”

I shook my head.

“So I’m going to have search parties breathing down my neck any day now. Shit.”

“Ryker …”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone!?”

“Because I think I fell in love with you.”

I didn’t know if it was relief or pain that flickered over his face but he turned away. “You don’t love me, Emily. Go back to your boyfriend and your job …”

I stood and grabbed his hand. “I came back to you. I’ve been lost in the woods for three days, I probably don’t have a job to go back to.”

“And your boyfriend?”

“I don’t want to move in with him.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No, I just left. I just needed to leave.”

Ryker nodded. “Let’s go then. We’ll walk back. The cabin isn’t too far from here.”

The cabin was just as I remembered it and once the horse had been taken care of Ryker got down to business cleaning his kills. I sat down nearby and watched in silence. When he was done and washed up again he came and sat with me.

“That night in the woods,” he said. “What did that mean to you?”

“At first I was just wondering what it would be like to kiss you. You’re so different from every guy I’ve ever met, so different from Joel. The night before Joel, he … look, I was doubting if I felt anything sexual or romantic for him anymore and I kissed you and you kissed me and it was fireworks.”

“And that’s it?”

“No. I wanted you, Ryker, because you’re you, because you’re free and strong and real.”

“You don’t know who or what I am.”

“That’s why I came back. I know what Joel is, I know what my life will be like if I move in with him, and I’m not sure that’s what I want, I wasn’t sure even before the camping trip but I didn’t know what else I could want.”

“You think you want this?” He flung his arm wide, gesturing to his little yard and the wild beyond.

“Maybe. Maybe I’m willing to learn how to survive all of this so I can have you.”

He scowled.

“Can’t we at least try? For a few days even? You can teach me, show me just how hard life is out here, and if I can’t cut it I’ll run back to the city and you’ll never see me again.”

His grin was fierce and feral. “Then I am going to work those hands raw. Come on, there’s always work to do.”

He had me wash laundry, by hand, in the freezing cold river until my hands were numb. He had me feed the horse. He had me gather kindling. He had me chop firewood until my shoulders ached and my arms were shaking.

I was carrying an armload of firewood to the stack by the cabin when a lightheaded feeling came over me. I stopped and focused on my breathing but my legs were starting to shake. A fierce cramp grabbed my stomach and I dropped to my knees spilling logs everywhere.

Ryker came around the corner of the cabin; his face was set in a smug smile. “We can leave for your car at any time,” he said.

I didn’t answer, I couldn’t. I stared at the ground, willing it to stay in focus but every time my stomach cramped I whimpered and my vision blurred.

“Shit.” Suddenly he was at my side. “When was the last time you ate?”

He lifted me but instead of getting me to my feet he set me on my ass. He ran off and came back with some sort of bread which he shoved in my hand.

“Bannock, eat it, now.”

I took a little bite and forced myself to chew. By the end of the bannock I felt steady enough to speak. “That was scary.”

“I’ll say,” he grumbled. He brought me a plate with some sliced meat and some vegetables. “There’s fresh bannock coming. Eat up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I was so intent on chasing you away I forgot that you’d been out there without food. We should have stopped to eat before getting down to work.”

“Are you still going to take me back?”

“Do you want to leave?”

I shook my head.

“You’re stubborn, I’ll give you that.” He pulled the bannock out of the fire, dropped it on my plate, and disappeared inside the cabin.

I was finished my food and he still hadn’t come out so I went back to carrying all the wood I had chopped. Even with the food in me I still felt shaky so I went slow and took smaller loads. There were occasional thumps and crashes from inside the cabin but I was done the hauling before Ryker came back out.

“You can stay, for a few days, and I’m not making any promises. I set you up a bed in the cabin.”

I smiled. “Thank-you.”

He grunted and stalked off.

As we ate supper around the fire that evening I said, “That night, in the woods, you said it had been a long time since …”

“Yeah, it’s been a long time.”

“How long?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because I want to get to know you, Ryker. I want to know why you jumped at the chance to kiss me and why you stopped. I want to know what you’re doing out here, and how long you’ve been here. I want to know about your family and …”

“No. Some of that you don’t want to know. Trust me.”

“At least tell me how long you’ve been alone up here!”

“Five years.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-six. Left home at twenty-one and I never looked back. Used to disappear into these woods most of the summer when I was a teen. I’d go home for food if the hunting was scarce or I’d go sleep in the shed out in the back yard if it rained too hard too many days in a row. Otherwise I spent eight weeks roughing it because rough out here was a hundred times better than home.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? Because you come from a nice home with loving parents and enough food on the table? Because you didn’t know me, you couldn’t have seen what was happening, you couldn’t have helped me? You’re what? Nineteen, twenty? What could you have done to help me? So why the hell are you sorry?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Oh.”

“How long did it take you to build the cabin?”

“I started it a few summers before I left home. I spent eight weeks just cutting and preparing the logs. I barely had it done before the snow fell the first winter I spent here. I almost didn’t make it through that winter.”

“And the horse?”

“He was mine, the only real thing of value I had. I wasn’t leaving him behind to be starved or worked to death.”

“What’s his name?”

“King,” Ryker said.

“He’s beautiful.” After a long, awkward pause I tried again. “I don’t want to go back to school.”

“Where did that come from?”

“You told me something about you so I’m telling you something about me. I spent the last year working and telling everyone I was still trying to decide what I wanted to take in school, but I was lying. I hated high school, I don’t want to go to college or university.”

“Great, so don’t go.”

“That’s the thing though, what do I do with my life if I don’t go back to school? I’m working as a waitress, that’s about the best I’ll ever be able to accomplish without more education. Or I can be a wife and a mother and stay home and raise kids.”

“What’s wrong with that? Don’t you want kids?”

“Maybe. But who’s going to marry a dumb black woman who doesn’t even have a college diploma?”

“What about your boyfriend?”

“Oh, well, he wants me to move in with him but I don’t know if I want to. His family doesn’t like me. I get the feeling that they’d rather he meet some rich white girl, like really rich not just ‘better than comfortable’ like my family. And then what happens to me? I get kicked out on the street with no job, no education? No thanks.”

“Because you’re black?”

“Black, and not rich enough, and not smart enough, and not … enough anything for their precious little boy.”

“But you’re strong, and smart, and beautiful.” He blushed and looked away. “So you’re here because there might not be anything back there for you?”

“Isn’t that what you did? Maybe I want to escape too.”

“I wasn’t giving anything up, Emily. I had no cellphone to miss, no social media accounts to turn off, no family to visit, nothing to tie me down. You have family and a job and connections and friends.”

“Most of my friends are actually Joel’s friends. Or girls who are dating Joel’s friends. Wyoming may not be the deep south but it’s not the friendliest of places for a black girl.”

“Is there anywhere that’s actually friendly?”

“I’ve heard Canada’s not too bad.”

He barked a laugh. “See! Smart as a whip.”

“You actually find me entertaining?”

“Hell yes. Why? Doesn’t everyone?”

“Most people don’t appreciate my dry and sarcastic wit. I keep most of my comments to myself.”

“That’s too bad. I’ve always like people who could put a witty spin on things, the ones who zinged you good, in that good natured way, they’re the most fun.”

“Did I mention that I might be in love with you?”

The sun was setting and it was almost like being at a romantic candlelit dinner. We stared at each other for a long moment before he cleared his throat and said, “You might have mentioned something about that.”

I scooted closer to him. “Why did you kiss me back, that night in the woods?”

“I told you, it’s been years since …”

“Is that the only reason?”

He blushed and stared into the fire. “You’re fishing for compliments. What do you want me to say? You’re beautiful, you’re soft and warm and curvy, you kept up without complaining, you smelled good.”

“All those sound really nice. I thought you smelled good too. So why did you stop me? I wanted you, Ryker.”

“I knew you had a boyfriend. And I was scared you’d choose the way you did, to leave. Everyone leaves, no one wants me. It’s better not too get too close.”

“I came back.”

“You’ll leave again.”

“I don’t know.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make some reassuring promise?”

“I want you Ryker, but I’m not going to lie to you to get your pants off.”

He stood and dumped the bones and fat off his plate into the fire. “It’s getting late. I’m turning in.”

“All right. I guess I’ll come in too.”

He put the fire out and I followed him into the cabin. I was right behind him and when he turned we were suddenly very close. I stared up at him in the dark of the cabin, my heart suddenly thundering.