Backstreet Mom: A Mother's Tale of Backstreet Boy AJ McLean's Rise to Fame, Struggle With Addiction, and Ultimate Triumph (31 page)

Alex and I were devastated. I tried to explain to him that despite the
fact that he had finally passed his driver's test, it would not be possible
for him to buy a car. We were broke. He had a hard time understanding
that. Both of us were furious and felt really betrayed. At that point, we
decided that a meeting should take place involving only the parents and the boys. We had to decide how to handle the bomb that had just been
so unceremoniously dropped into our laps.

On top of that, tension began to develop between Alex and me. He
was at that age where he wanted to rebel against my influence. I knew
that other people were in his ear about how he should be an adult and
take control of his life. That would have been fine if he had had a clue as
to how he was supposed to do that. In addition to that, he had been
asking a lot of questions about his estranged father recently.

One day, with the help of Marisa, he found out his father's address and
went out to find him. Over the years, questions about his father had come
and gone during different stages of my son's life. I always tried to tell him
the truth as I remembered it. It was Alex's choice to go and find him. I
suppose I knew in my heart that someday he would want to do that. It
saddened me that this was the time he chose, since it made me feel a bit
betrayed. It was like he was running to anyone but me for advice.

Mom found the situation especially disturbing. She had not only
helped to raise Alex from the time he was a toddler, she had lived through
my stressful divorce and Alex's ultimate abandonment by his father. After finding him and spending several hours with his father, Alex returned home to tell me what he had done. He told me he needed to ask him some things about why he left and why he had never tried to communicate with him for all those years.

AJ with Grandmother and Grandfather

His father told him that he had lost track of us (of course, if he had
been paying child support all those years, that would not have happened). He was also convinced that I had bad-mouthed him so much to
Alex that he was sure Alex hated him. My son's response was pretty
amazing. He told my ex-husband that he had never heard me say a bad
word about him. I had just answered the questions that he had asked
me with honesty. I was elated to hear that. I hugged my son and told
him it was okay to spend time with his father if that is what he really
wanted to do.

Over the next few years, Alex tried to reunite with his father several
times. Soon it became painfully clear to him that his father's newfound
interest in him had something to do with the fact that he now had a pop
star for a child. Alex was very disappointed with the way his relationship with his father progressed, but he managed to get over it, or at least
to hide his feelings for a while longer.

I felt bad for Alex and consoled him the best I could. Then we moved
on. What I did not realize at the time was how all of those feelings of
confusion, distrust in Lou and once again disappointment by his father
had started to churn up in my son. He was holding a lot inside that he
had never talked about. The signs at that point were so small that no
one in the family really saw what was happening to Alex's personality.

I truly believe that with everything happening at once-the pressures
of stardom, the tension between us, the financial problems-his mind
was tugged in two different directions. It was AJ, the happy-go-lucky
performer who was adored by millions, versus Alex, the troubled young
man trying to escape his pain.

Alex threw himself into his work. He also spent a lot time trying to
salvage his relationship with Marisa. As time wore on, I began to feel
less a part of his life. He was drifting away and I felt powerless to stop it.
I had hoped that the incident with his father would bring us closer together, but it really did not. If it was possible, we seemed more distant
from one another than ever before. Alex also moved further away from
the rest of his family.

Alex's apparent lack of interest in my mom, my dad and the family in
general caused my mom to feel distraught. Since Alex was home so
rarely, no one wanted to confront him with that because they wanted to
make the best of the time they had together. But it was obvious in Mom's
face that she was deeply hurt by the way Alex treated her. I doubt that
she ever really recovered from that.

By that time, he was calling home infrequently. It was only when he
had a problem that he bothered to call. Mom loved him so much that
even for that nugget she was grateful. She was always there to lend an
ear and to try to help him when he asked, but his questions dwindled
with each passing month.

The gap between my son and me widened over the next several
months. He started surrounding himself with some unsavory types. It
all began in Germany, when he and Brian slipped away without telling
anyone and got their first tattoos. He knew how upset I would be, so he
hid it from me as long as he could. When I found out, I was so upset
that I did not speak to him for several days. He has since gotten many
more tattoos, up and down each arm, as well as on his shoulder and
stomach.

For a while, he seemed closer to Donna. I felt at that point that my
son listened to everyone around him except the people who really cared
about him-his family. The keen sixth sense he once possessed was no
longer intact. He had lost the ability to surround himself with good
people. The onset of "glommers" began.

BY 1997, THE BOYS' POPULARITY in Canada was so great that they outcharted that country's reigning pop queen, Celine Dion. Each boy had
his own personal bodyguard 24/7, but that was not enough to alleviate
the fears I had about Alex's health and safety. I could hear the strain in
his voice and see the exhaustion in his body.

The boys got sick a lot. I tried to keep them full of good food and
vitamins, but there is only so much the human body can take. Alex and
Nick both got strep throat several times. When one boy got something,
it inevitably spread to the others, given the close quarters on the tour
buses and in the dressing rooms.

Alex started taking a lot of nighttime cold medicine to help him sleep.
That worried me. He complained about stuffiness and seemed to get an
inordinate amount of headaches. He was tired all the time. I tried to talk
to Johnny about their schedules, but with the increasing number of things
on his plate this was an issue that was constantly overlooked.

AT THE END OF 1996, the Backstreet Boys were sent on a promotional tour of Asia and Australia. Our first stop was Taipei, Taiwan. Record
company reps from AVEX (Jive's Asian counterpart) had seen the boys
perform in Poland and Germany and requested an Asian tour since that
market is always into the latest American craze.

It was difficult to reconcile our vision of the reserved Asian culture
with that of the boy-crazed fans who jumped up and down, screaming
for the Backstreet Boys. I soon learned that when it came to pop stars,
teenage girls were the same the world over. Their reactions ran the gamut from crying and fainting to just going nuts in general.

The boys did hours of press interviews in Taiwan. They then moved
on to the Hard Rock Cafe in Jakarta, where they had their first actual
performance. The fan reaction was the same: girls throwing toys and
notes, screaming and crying. The boys only performed a few songs with
music behind them and ended a cappella.

That was what really caught everyone's attention. These guys could
actually sing. That was a rare occurrence in Europe and Asia, where the
fans were used to hearing track music with vocals. When a group sang
live, it amazed them. No studio magic was necessary with the Backstreet Boys, just nice harmonies that sent the fans into la-la land.

The Asian tour was intense. There was a large area to cover and Jive
gave us limited time, so we jumped from country to country. From Jakarta
we went to Seoul, Korea, where a television show got completely messed
up by a production assistant who took the boys to the wrong side of the
stage, making them miss their cue. They were very upset, but nothing
could be done since the show was live.

The language barrier was a real problem. Nina and our soundman
repeated over and over what the boys needed in the way of equipment,
but they always wound up using whatever they were given. Even so,
they tried desperately to win over that market.

We moved on to Bangkok, Thailand. As we traveled through Asia,
the one common factor we noticed was the intense traffic that clogged
the roads. Between the bicycles, carriages, cars, buses and people, it was
pretty scary to even be on the sidewalk at times.

The boys accomplished their goals no matter what obstacles were
put in front of them. Since this was a new market, the "big head" syndrome seemed to subside. They were forced to start from square one. That meant pulling together and doing what they had to do in order to
make the impact they wanted. It was good to see that they still had
some hunger left inside of them to draw on when it was needed. The
trip put things into perspective. Going to the U.S. market with big ideas
in their heads would not have gone over too well with American fans.
That little trip down humility lane served them well.

The boys in Japan