Backstreet Mom: A Mother's Tale of Backstreet Boy AJ McLean's Rise to Fame, Struggle With Addiction, and Ultimate Triumph (42 page)

I was caught in the middle of an emotional tug-of-war and I felt completely helpless about both situations. I could not be with my son twenty-four hours a day to keep him out of harm's way. Alex had surrounded
himself with dangerous people, each of whom had his or her own agenda. He mistook sharks for friends and continued to feed them.

Making matters worse, Amanda was still in the picture. I was none
too happy about that. Some strange things had happened with her and
her family that led me to believe that she was not right for my son. I just kept hoping that Alex would grow tired of her and end their almost
three-year relationship.

In my opinion, Amanda did not try to discourage Alex's wild behavior. She just stood by and enjoyed the benefits of dating a Backstreet
Boy. According to Marcus, they fought constantly, often in public. From
all accounts, she had also become quite spoiled and demanding, like
she was the pop star. Often, when they were going to events, she made
Alex wait for her to get ready, which meant they were always late.

As usual, Alex avoided confrontation. That was something that he
would have to resolve if he wanted to become a man. His knee-jerk
reaction to confrontation was to run and hide. It was when he finally
realized the seriousness of his situation that he began to hide himself
away in a cocoon of drugs, drinking and partying.

My mother's illness grew worse and, according to her doctors, the
prognosis was not good. They believed that she had a year to live, at
most. She had begun to retain fluids and her heart was no longer able to
pump them out of her system fast enough. She had to be constantly
monitored by doctors so that she would not get pneumonia.

To help her enlarged heart, doctors put her on medication that had
liver damage as a possible side effect. It was one thing on top of another. Dad was a mess and we had to keep a close eye on him as well. Mom
was so weakened by the disease that she could no longer walk and was
confined to a wheelchair.

Marcus taking care of Alex, as usual

Dad was still battling his diabetes but he got around pretty well. While
he still drove on occasion, that, too, was becoming less frequent. He
underwent cataract surgery to improve his failing vision, but his diabetes impeded the recovery. We soon had to stop Dad from driving at all
since, in addition to his vision problems, his reflexes had gotten slow. It
was really hard convincing Dad not to drive anymore. After quite a bit
of coaxing, though, he finally agreed. At that point, I think he realized
just how unsafe it was for him to be behind the wheel.

I closed down the Backstreet Boys fan club once it became clear that
neither the boys nor their new management had any intentions of ever
cooperating with me. It's rather difficult to run a fan club for a group
when you are given zero information regarding the group and their activities. We did the best we could with what we had to work with, but I
felt that I was no longer giving the fans what they deserved. I could no
longer in good conscience take their money. I had to fire the staff and
start all over.

I began work on a new project with an old friend, Ken West. We
decided to market a video anthology of the Backstreet Boys in their
early years. He still had all of the
original videotapes from every tour,
plus he had shot footage for me of
the Johnny Suede show. I purchased a high-end computer system for editing so that we could put
together a nice package, but given
Mom and Dad's situation, I was not
able to devote much time to the
project.

Since my schedule, at the time,
was more flexible than my brother's, I drove my parents to their
appointments. I also checked in on
them frequently to make sure they
had everything they needed. We
had a friend of the family named
Aunt Marquess (aka Aunt Sue), who stayed with them overnight. She had been my sister-in-law's friend
since childhood. Aunt Sue was an older woman with a wealth of experience in home healthcare. We trusted her implicitly. It certainly comforted me to know that Mom and Dad were in good hands.

Ken West and me on Halloween

My stress levels were enormous. My brother was a wreck. He and
my sister-in-law, Darlene, tried to help out as much as they could with
meals and doctors appointments, but it was a lot for anyone to handle.
We stayed at the house in shifts. Soon we realized that the situation
was taking an enormous toll on all of us, both emotionally and physically. The stress of watching Mom go downhill so fast was too much
at times.

Matching the anguish I felt over my parents' condition was the concern that I had for Alex's health and well-being. I was torn between
going on tour with Alex or just waiting it out until he returned home so
that we could deal with his problems. All I really wanted was for Alex to
ride in on his white horse and be the pillar of strength that I so desperately needed at that time. That was not meant to be.

It was not until that time that I realized just how weak he really was.
He did not have the proper coping mechanisms to come to terms with
the fact that his grandmother was gravely ill. It was an issue that we all had to come to grips with, yet Alex chose to continue digging himself a
bigger hole in which to hide.

Nicole, Bill Cline and Aunt Sue

Alex could have focused on making his grandmother's last days on
earth pleasant ones, but he hurt her terribly by choosing to ignore her.
Our family had always been the sort that would come together in a
crisis. We were small in number but big in love and support when something hit anyone of us. I had felt bad about the years I had not been
around to help them through their rough patches. Everyone understood.

They stood behind Alex and me every step of the way. They never
asked him or me for a thing. No one in the family ever took advantage
of Alex or his fame. When he came home, they treated him the same
way they had during his childhood years. Nothing changed for them.
He was still the same Alex he had been all those years ago. If he saw it
as something else, he was wrong. The only thing that his family ever
tried to do was protect him from the sharks-and sometimes from
himself.

LATER THAT YEAR, Alex phoned me from the road and said that the tour
was coming up on a break. He wanted to put a charity tour together
once again using his alter ego. He had spoken to the musicians and they
were all for it. This time he wanted to add some singers and juice up the
production a bit. I told him I would make some calls and put a budget
together to see if it could be done in that short period of time.

I also did a bit of soul searching. Could I in good conscience leave my
mom for a number of weeks? I spoke with my brother. He thought it
would be good for me since he saw firsthand the strain that I was under.
I decided to give it a shot.

In a matter of weeks, I put together a nine-day tour. We had buses, a
band, venues and promotion in place. All that remained was a rehearsal
space and some hotel rooms for a few of the band members. Nicole
helped put the Orlando rehearsals together. Once again, with the help
of our "team," we made it happen.