Bad as in Good (15 page)

Tariq stood in my doorway with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “You can't answer your phone?”

I held back my smirk. “What do we have to talk about?”

“If you picked up yo' phone, maybe you'd know.”

“Are you still married?”

Tariq threw his hands in the air. “Here we go.”

I said, “No, we ain't got to go nowhere. We talked about this, Tariq.”

“You tol' me you was goin' call me later. What happened to that?”

“What is there left to discuss?”

Tariq scanned my hallway and looked into my apartment. “Can I come in? I ain't tryna be interrupted by yo' nosey-ass neighbors.”

“You still haven't told me what you want to talk about.”

Tariq took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “I miss you.”

“Sounds like you're horny.”

Tariq licked his lips and laughed. “Damn! I can't miss you?”

“I'm not playing, Tariq. You have a family to be missing…” I paused as I decided to tell him what he needed to hear. “And I have a man now.”

He stared at me with a puckered brow. Deliberately, he rubbed his ear as if to make sure he heard right. “All right, so it's like that?”

“Was I supposed to wait on you? I ain't yo' fuck buddy. I ain't your sideline ho, and I dang sho' ain't the woman you're gonna keep stringin' along 'til you feel ready to make a decision about the status of your life. Therefore, I made a decision for myself. I gotta man now.”

“What does that mean? Last time I was here, you were cool. Now, you comin' at me all sideways. What does your man have to do wit' me?”

“It means you need to go.”

Tariq moved in closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck. My pussy throbbed. It was as if my private parts were aware of his presence while silently welcoming him home. I moved back and reminded my lower regions that they belonged to Louis. Tariq held my waist and sucked in his bottom lip. “Why you playing these games, Erin?”

I moved his hand from my waist. “What games? I tol' you I needed time to think. You're the one playing cat and mouse. I'm through playin' wit' you, Tariq. I found a man willing to rub my feet, take me out, call me back, and treat me right. I'm done, Tariq.”

Tariq moved in to whisper in my ear, “I'm not ready to let you go.” Without enough time to react, he pulled me in and pressed his lips against mine. I could hear my pussy lips screamin' about how
Daddy was finally home,
but my heart knew better.

Before I let him slide his tongue in between my lips, I pushed him off and caught my breath. “You have to go.”

Tariq stared at me with his lip poked out and his head skewed to the side, obviously offended by my rejection. Even though my body had ached for him to keep going, I wasn't going to be the cheater sucked into Tariq's empty diversions. Tariq threw his hands up and stepped back. “That's fucked up. You prolly had the nigga around all this time. You're the one playin' fuckin' games!”

“Because I don't wanna screw a married man,
I'm
playin' games.”

“Ain't shit change! I been here tryna be wit' you. You knew my situation.”

“Don't mean I like it. Why should I wait around for you an' yo' problems when I don't have to?”

“I'm a fuckin' problem now? You the one that can't be real and tell me this shit over the fuckin' phone.”

“I don't have to answer to you.”

“Whateva. You're about that bullshit.”

The Tariq from our first date was back with the vengeance. The egotistical jackass with no respect for women was at my doorstep, and I wanted nothing more from him but to get out of my life. “Whateva, Tariq. You can think whateva you want about me. Don't call me anymore.”

“ 'Cause you got new dick, all the shit we been doin' doesn't mean nothin'. Now my
fuckin' wife
is the reason why you through? Not too long ago, you was callin' me for my dick. What's up? Yo' new man can tame that pussy betta than I can?”

I stood there almost dumbfounded by his audacity. “Goodbye, Tariq.” I slammed the door shut without another word. I dunno why I actually thought a man like Tariq was worth me dealin' with. I washed my hands of it all knowing I hadn't seen the last of him. Since I was used to his games, I was confident that his departure wasn't forever. His ego pushed him back into the arms of his wife, and it wouldn't be long until his horniness sent him back to my doorstep.

•  •  •

A half hour after Tariq left, I was still sitting on my couch staring at the wall. I would be insane to go back to Tariq again and expect
a different result. There was a time where the mere thought of him inside of me excited me more than the thought of Louis confessing his love for me. Now, the idea of Tariq five feet away from me disgusted me. I couldn't love Tariq, but Tariq's presence always raised my adrenaline. He made my heart beat fast, and often times, it wasn't in a good way. Regardless, he would be back. His weakness for strength forced me to find more clever ways to reject him. But I felt sick in knowing that Louis's role in my life meant more to me when pissing Tariq off rather than satisfying me.

I was silently fuming when another knock returned to my door. I was slightly relieved that it wasn't Tariq looking for round two. Louis smiled and lifted a bag of takeout in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. “Dinner's on me tonight.”

I let him in and followed him to the dinner table. “Whatchu bring?”

“There's this new Chinese food place down the street from my place. I had to share it with you.” As I watched him set up, I imagined our lives together like this; Louis was safe. He made sense in my life, and I needed to make a point to embrace that. And as he stood there, I expected him to bring up the email he sent me. My skin was covered in goose bumps as I predicted the outcome of our discussion. “How was your day?”

I said, “I got pretty busy.” He plated our food and sat down across from me. He didn't say anything afterward. He chowed down as if not long ago he hadn't confessed his love for me. “How was yours?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Nothin' exciting.” He stuffed a spoonful of fried rice in his mouth and scratched his chin. “Well, we caught one of our employees stealin' from the register. It's a shame. He said he was tryna feed his family, and I believe him. He shoulda talked to me, though, not stole from me.” He went back to consuming his food.

I expected him to question me. When he told me he loved me, I didn't respond. I accepted it as if we always ended our daily emails that way. I didn't want to discuss it, but his avoidance made me feel like I had to. “Are we gonna talk about your email?”

He stopped chewing and stared at me is if he were as confused as I was. “My email?”

“Yeah, Louis. You told me you loved me.”

He swallowed his food and popped the cork of the Riesling. Grabbing another spoonful of rice, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah… I did.” He stuffed his face and grinned. “You not gonna eat?”

I sat down, grabbed a fork, and played with my shrimp fried rice. “I wasn't expecting you to say that, especially not through email.”

“Well, that's how I felt at the time, I guess.”

“You guess? Are you sayin' you shouldn't have said that?”

“No, I'm saying…” He let his words trail off. I wanted answers, and he gave me nothing.

“Louis, I don't understand.”

“Erin, I love you. I meant it then and I mean it now. What else did you want me to say? I love you, boo.”

“I'm not asking you to say it simply to
say it;
I want to understand the meaning behind it.”

“What other meaning would you expect to be behind it? I care about you. Maybe I shouldn't have said it through an email, but, I'm tellin' you now. I love you.” He chugged down his wine and wiped his lips. “I mean…I'm not expecting you to say it back. I know it's fast. Sometimes I can be a lil' fast. We spend so much time together. I love it. I love talkin' to you. I love…you. And I said it.”

I wasn't expecting our conversation to go as it did. I expected more emotion, more of something. I leaned over the table and kissed
him gently. He ran his fingers up my neck and pulled my face closer to his. As we kissed, I tried to ignore the feelings I had. After reading his email, I wanted to hear him say the words. I hoped hearing the words would make me feel at ease, ready to tell him how much I loved him too. However, after hearing him say it, I felt nothing. If anything, I was turned off. His feelings felt premature and almost happenstance. Oddly enough, I wanted more of a chase. Nonetheless, I slipped my tongue in his mouth and held his cheek while he caressed my lips with his. Usually, my panties would be wet by this time, and I'd be pushing to skip dinner and get right to the bedroom. Tonight, I was ready to eat and go to sleep. Pulling away, I said, “Let's finish eating.”

He smiled and dug in. As I watched him eat, I tried not to stare at the way his jaw snatched back while he stuffed globs of food down his throat. It was as if I was watching a snake devour its prey. I even noticed the way his shoulders slouched forward like a Neanderthal, awkwardly cowering over his meal as if he hadn't fully evolved from the primal being he once was. I quickly ate my food before I lost my appetite. I hated what I was going through. Not too long ago, I saw us being the perfect couple. Now, I imagined how long before he I'd give in to Tariq's nonsense right on my living room floor. I felt guilty knowing that I was turned off by a man who was willing to give me the things I wanted while I secretly craved a married man. A married asshole that wasn't worth the thought.

When he finished his food, gulped down the rest of his glass of wine. “Can we take this to the bedroom?”

Ugh,
I thought. “I'm still eating, though.”

“The food's not going anywhere. Erin, you have no idea how much I missed you.”

“We saw each other the other night.”

“Am I wrong for missin' you?”

To keep up the appearance of unwavering interest, I said, “Of course not.”

He grinned and held my hand as he dragged me into the bedroom. Sex with Louis certainly wasn't the marathon love-making session I had with Tariq, but it was tolerable. At the end of the day, I still climaxed—sometimes even multiple times. He focused all of his attention on pleasing me, which was good, but sometimes I liked being flung onto the bed while my man took charge. I was disgusted with myself for being so hard to please, but I couldn't fight the feelings, no matter how hard I tried. The chase was over.

Simoné moved in. I was through being that old dude in the club chasin' after half-naked women with Damien. Simoné gave me stability and eventually, the rumors were confirmed; I got the promotion I interviewed for. I settled back into my cushy life of having a woman who was down for me and a career that mattered. My life was good and I enjoyed the company. That was…until one fuckin' afternoon.

I came home from work early. I anticipated surprising my woman and makin' love to her on the kitchen counter. When I got home, I heard her on the phone. Once she saw me poke my head in the bedroom, she quickly ended her call and smiled. “You're home early, boo.”

“Who were you talkin' too?”

“My girl Yolanda.”

“You ain't have to hang up the phone on my part.”

“I didn't. We were already done talkin'. Whatchu doin' home so early?”

“Shit was slow, and I wanted to come see you. After my promotion, I can do things like that.”

“That's great, baby.” She grabbed her purse and car keys as she headed for the living room.

“You goin' somewhere?”

“Oh…um, Yolanda and I planned to meet up and grab lunch right before you walked in. I'ma meet her, and then we can chill.”

“You can't cancel wit' her? I took off work to see you.”

“I know, but…her husband left her. Took the kids too. She needs a shoulder to cry on. I can't leave her hangin'. She needs me—more than you.”

I loosened my tie and slid out of my shoes. “Where y'all going to eat?”

“I dunno. Prolly something quick and cheap like Chili's.” When Simoné got to the door, she scrolled through her phone and dropped it in her bag. “But I gotta go, baby.”

As I watched my woman dressed up in a mini skirt and a low-cut top, bright-red lips, and hair weave flipped and spritzed, my curiosity got the best of me. I said, “You look too good to be goin' to Chili's. You sure that's all you doin'?”

She shook her head in dismissal. “Boo, I don't have time for this. She's already on her way, Riq.”

I walked up to her and pulled her close. Inhalin' the fragrance on her neck, I whispered, “You smell real good, too.” I sucked on her neck as she squeezed the doorknob. “Stay home with me.”

She sighed and pulled away. “Riq, I can't do my girl like that.”

I pulled her to me, placing her hand on the crotch of my pants. “Then be a lil' late.” I moved my hands up her skirt and pulled down her lace panties. Unbuckling my pants, I lifted her up and let her slide down on my dick. With her legs wrapped around my waist and arms grippin' my shoulders, I yanked up her shirt and unhooked her bra to let free her plump and bouncy breasts, accented by erect nipples. “I missed you all day, boo.”

“I missed you too, Riq.” I sucked on her breasts while springing
her up and down my joystick. She licked off her lipstick while she whispered my name, “Ooh…Riq.” Her pussy throbbed as she held on to my neck and arched her back. I could feel her phone vibrating on my back through the purse she still ain't drop.