Bad Boy - A Stepbrother Romance (47 page)

Her eyes are open wide, and there’s a hint of a smile on her lips.

“But you’re making the whole process a lot more fucking difficult than it needs to be,” I remind her with a grin on my lips, unable to resist the urge to kiss her again.

So I steal one last touch, taking a deep kiss from Tessa’s willing mouth.

“Now will you please eat the rest of the food on this plate and we can finally move on?” I ask jokingly, already prepared for the excuse she’s probably had ready all along.

But Tessa takes me by surprise by laughing out loud, grabbing a fork and digging into the meal we’ve prepared together. I try not to show my shock as I watch her devour the whole plate of food, finally wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she gives me that irresistible smile.

Goddamnit, this is becoming more and more difficult by the minute.

“Shall we go back to your place?” Tessa asks innocently and I nearly lose it right there.

That night, I have the most fitful night of sleep since that first time I moved into her mom’s house. Knowing that she’s only a door away is driving me insane, and all I want to do is bring her into my bed like some kind of goddamned caveman.

But I tell myself – patience is a virtue, and if there ever was a time to practice it, it’s now.

So I settle for a quick jerk-off before sleep with her lips swimming in my vision. If only I had that pretty little mouth wrapped around my cock, instead…

5 and a half years ago

School starts and for once in my life, I’m excited about the prospect. It mainly has to do with the fact I get to see Adam every day in the hallways, and each time we pass each other, he actually acknowledges me. It feels so damn good to finally be noticed. I don’t feel invisible when he’s around, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

As soon as we get to school, Adam mixes with the cool crowd. I had no doubt he would – even though he’s a little geeky, he’s such a happy-go-lucky guy people naturally flock to him. I envy him his abilities.

Adam always tries to make me part of his circle of friends, too, and it shocks me that the popular crowd actually accepts me. I eat lunch with seniors during break and glow with pride when I see people giving me appraising looks. I start taking more pride in my appearance, subconsciously picking outfits I think Adam might like. My life has been turned around… and I love it.

We’re just eating lunch on a Tuesday when I get up to go to the bathroom. One of my new friends, a cheerleader, compliments my skirt and I beam with pride, feeling special and unique. With a goofy grin on my face, I head towards the bathroom and do my business.

I’m just finishing up when I hear the door open and two giggling girls enter. I soon recognize their voices as Kitty, the cheerleader who just complimented me, and Patricia, her best friend.

I’m about to head out of the stall, but morbid curiosity gets the better of me. So I pull up my legs and sit on the toilet seat, waiting to hear if they’ll say something about Adam. And the girls don’t disappoint.

“He’s so steaming hot,” Patricia breathes huskily. “I’m so glad he started going to this school. Seriously, girl, I’m going to fight you for him if you don’t make a move soon.”

“I’m trying,” Kitty protests with a heavy sigh. “You know I’m going to get him in the end, don’t you? Who could resist this?”

I hear the girls giggling and a smile appears on my face as well. I’m just about to head outside when their conversation takes a darker turn.

“I think he’s totally hooked on someone else though,” Kitty says in a hushed tone. “And this is going to sound totally gross, but I think it’s Tessa.”

“Tessa?” Patricia shrieks in horror. “But she’s his stepsister! That’s totally gross, Kit.”

I blush deeply, knowing they’re totally right. If Adam and I were ever to get together, we would be judged, and not just by silly cheerleaders like Pat and Kitty. We’d be the topic of conversation everywhere, and we’d get nasty remarks from every end possible. It makes me really sad to think about that and I look at the floor, feeling my heart thumping in my chest.

“That’s not even the problem,” Kitty goes on. “She’s horrible, though. Did you see what she was wearing today, that god-awful skirt? It looked like something she pulled out of her grandma’s closet and it was way too short for her. I almost threw up my lunch having to look at those chubby legs of hers.”

I can feel the blood draining from my face, hearing what they’re saying. Self-consciously, my eyes drift downwards to my legs. I’m wearing a tweed skirt I picked out with my mom, a skirt Kitty complimented moments ago. I can’t believe she’d say something like that about me.

“Yeah, I saw,” Patricia responds, making a fake gagging sound in her throat. By now, I can feel my eyes tearing up and I know I’m on the verge of crying. Are they right, though?

“She’s totally not good enough for him,” Kitty says, sounding sure of herself. “I just have to convince him about that, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to see I’m the right one for him.”

Her voice is a soft purr, every word like a dagger to my chest. I’m hurting deeply, but I stifle my cries until I hear their chatter die as they leave the bathroom.

Even then, I stay in the stall a couple moments longer until I’m sure the coast is clear. And I still don’t let myself cry. I get out into the bathroom, my face set in deep lines, my heart hurting in my chest.

I wash my hands like a robot, risking a look at my reflection in the mirror above the sink. The makeup I did this morning, the pinned up hairstyle I spent ages on, now seem stupid and unflattering.

The girls were right – I’ve never been good enough for Adam. Stepsister or not, he would never pick me in a million years. He’s going to open his eyes sooner or later and realize all he has is a silly crush on me, just because I’m forbidden fruit.

And then it’s all going to come crashing down, I already know it.

My mouth is set in a line as I wipe my hands on a paper towel and head outside of the bathroom. I don’t let myself cry, not just yet. I’m saving that for the privacy of my own bedroom, because as much as the girls have hurt me, I won’t let them see it. I’ve gotten good at keeping my true feelings for myself through years of bullying at the hands and mouths of the same girls who just gossiped about me in the bathroom.

Why I thought anything had changed is beyond me. They’re just treating me nice so Adam would look at them and give them what they want. What I want.

Silently, I come back to the table and my stepbrother gives me a toothy grin. I don’t respond, sitting down and staring blankly at the food in front of me. I ordered a big sandwich, but I’ve totally lost my appetite. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at food the same after their comments about my weight.

“Tess, you okay?” Adam asks worriedly, and I refuse to look at him. I know he’d be able to tell something’s up if I let him see my face, so all I do is nod weakly, pretending that it’s all okay.

And sooner than later, Adam’s back in conversation with one of his jock friends, chatting about a football game. Just like that, I’m totally forgotten.

Just another piece of evidence to let me know I mean nothing to him.

But I hold back my tears, still. I won’t let them see my humiliation. My mind is set, though, and I’ve already decided.

I’m going to make myself look like them, the very girls I hate. I know now my quirky fashion sense is something to be mocked, not something to be proud of. They’re going to make fun of me for the rest of my life, every step I take, if I don’t conform. I need to be like them, so I don’t lose my dignity.

I’m going to lose weight, color my hair, look beautiful and pretty. A clone, just like the rest of them.

But it’s not for Adam. Adam is the only one who likes the real me. But soon, he will realize it’s all wrong. We can never be together – we’d be judged, and not just because of the fact we’re stepsiblings, but also because we just don’t go together.

He’s tall and broad shouldered, I’m as wide as I am tall. I am different; he’s sexy and handsome. I will never fit in his circle. I will never be good enough.

As cruel as it was, my eyes have finally been opened. Adam can never, ever be mine.

***

Day by day, I block Adam out. I know he’s confused by my actions, and he asks what’s up with me every day, but I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. I just retreat into my shell, deciding to be all by myself instead. It’s worked for me my whole life, so why should it be any different now?

Adam’s dark and brooding eyes have a new edge to them, I’ve noticed. He doesn’t understand what’s going on with me. I’m perfectly polite and pleasant when our parents are around, but that’s where I draw the line. I don’t speak to him in school, hurrying down the hallway when he passes me.

It’s for the best, I keep telling myself, even though it hurts horribly every time I feel Adam’s hurt eyes on my back. But I need to keep my distance before everything falls apart. Best I just lose myself and not hurt Adam in the process.

The months start passing and I’m withering. I’ve stopped eating most meals, settling for just dinner at home, since it’s a family meal. I lie to my mom, telling her I have breakfast at school. Instead, I just have a piece of fruit.

Lunch, I skip altogether. I spend my breaks locked in a cubicle, just like I was that day when I overheard Pat and Kitty’s conversation. I refuse to be polite and play nice – just because they’re fake as plastic doesn’t mean I have to be, too.

One day, I realize it’s Adam’s senior year. Soon, he’ll have to go to college, and because I haven’t spoken to him besides the bare necessities, I have no idea what he’s chosen, whether he’s staying close to home or leaving for a different state.

We’re sitting at breakfast on a Sunday morning, a rare treat I’ve allowed myself. It’s only because our parents have their date night this evening and won’t be around at dinnertime. That means I can skip the meal, and breakfast will have to take me through the day.

“Tessa, have some more pancakes,” my mother suggests and I give her a weak smile, shaking my head. I’m already tired and the day’s barely even started. That’s how it always is lately… I’ve been totally worn out, like a wet rag.

“Don’t you like them anymore? Blueberry used to be your favorite.”

My mom sounds sad, and it hurts so badly to know I’m doing this to her. But there’s nothing I can do – I have to lose the weight. It feels like an emotional burden, too, weighing down on me heavily.

I quickly steer the conversation to my classes, which I’m passing with flying colors. Both parents compliment me and I allow myself a small smile.

I refuse to look at Adam, even though I’m pretty sure he’s looking at me out of the corner of his eye. But I can’t be sucked back into our game again; I need to keep my strength. So I look right at my mom when I talk, pretending the seat next to me is empty.

During our talk, the doorbell interrupts our family breakfast and Adam gets up to answer it, polite as ever. The rest of us continue our conversation, wondering whether I’ll be the class valedictorian when my high school graduation happens.

I’m discussing one of my classes when Adam comes running back through the door into the dining room. There’s an ecstatic look on his face. He looks like he just won the lottery. He’s grinning from ear to ear and his hands are shaking, holding a piece of paper.

“I got in,” he says in a hoarse, shaky voice. “I got into the Culinary Institute.”

I just sit there like a doll while our parents get up, cheering loudly for Adam. I don’t understand what’s going on at all, but as they begin chattering excitedly, it slowly dawns on me.

Adam just got into a college. A culinary one, no less – an interest I never expected him to have. Something I’d never bothered to learn about him, because I was too busy sulking in the corner of my room. And he didn’t do anything to me – he was always perfectly polite, kind and gentle.

I’m the one who fucked this whole thing up.

“So exciting, Adam!” my mom says happily, a grin plastered on her face. “You’ll be presenting us with your culinary delicacies in no time.”

Adam’s father claps him on the back and I could swear I see tears of happiness in his eyes. “Good job, son,” he says simply, the pride obvious in his voice.

My own presence seems to be forgotten at the moment, as no one has acknowledged me for a few minutes. So I just sit there, trying to blend in with the wall while Adam excitedly talks about the future.

“I hear Chicago is amazing,” he says, his voice fervent and happy. “And with the scholarship, I’ll be able to focus on studying alone. I can’t wait to explore the city.”

Chicago… did he just say fucking Chicago? As in, on the other side of the country?

I grit my teeth, trying to process this information. I guess I always knew it was coming; Adam growing up after our year together and leaving our current home for a better life. I’ve been pushing him away all this time; maybe it’s my own goddamn fault.

Abruptly, I push my chair away from the dining table and get up on my feet. Our parents don’t even notice, but I can feel Adam’s eyes glued to me as I storm out of the room, unable to bear another moment.

I should be happy for him. I should be ecstatic at the prospect of being far, far away from Adam. But it’s the other way around, and the mere thought of him leaving is making my heart break in two.

I stomp upstairs to my room, and as soon as I’ve shut the door behind me, I collapse against my bed. I can’t believe it’s happening, and I can’t believe I’m reacting this way. But goddammit it, I don’t want Adam to leave. I want him to stay my safe haven, keep me under his wings.

I’m afraid that without Adam, I’ll go back to being nothing, vanish into thin air. A fear I’ve had my whole life until he walked into it, throwing everything upside down.

I hear a gentle knock at my bedroom door, but I’m in no mood for a visitor.

“Go away,” I groan, desperately trying to hold back the tears that are about to spill from my eyes. I’m not going to humiliate myself further.

“Tessa, it’s me.” It’s Adam’s voice, gentle and sweet as ever. I know he just means to make it all better, but truth be told, he can only hurt me more.

Knowing that he’s going to leave and move cross country is killing me. And he never gave me a second thought – but why should he? I’m nothing, just a speck of dust in his past.

And Adam has a bright future, with no place for dust mites.

“Come on, Tess, let me in, just for a moment,” he begs on the other side of the door, but I am adamant. I’m not letting him in. He isn’t about to give up just yet, though.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Tessa… You’ve been pushing me away for months now and I had no idea what to do. I tried to tell you, so many fucking times… But you wouldn’t let me. You won’t even look at me anymore…”