Bad Boys Do (18 page)

“What?
Us?
No, we weren’t.” Olivia was a bit lost, trying to figure out the answer to his first question. Would she be okay? Did she have a choice? If Victor had a child with another woman… If he remarried… In the end, all she could find within herself was a feeling of pity for everyone involved.

“You know what? I think I would be okay. But the question is, will Victor be okay? We weren’t trying to have kids because he didn’t want them.”

“Do you?”

She wasn’t sure if that was an honest question or a test, but she chose to tell the truth. “If I could, then yes, I’d like kids. But I’m not a man, and I’m about to run into a big brick wall.”

“Are you talking about your age? Thirty-five is still pretty young for starting a family these days.”

“It might be young society-wise, but it’s not young to Mother Nature.” Once she’d realized her marriage was over, she’d done a little reading. “I’d need to know where I stood. What my future would look like, long term.”

“And what does it look like?” Jamie asked softly.

She took a deep breath and set her shoulders. “It looks like I’m going to be a successful businesswoman.”

He answered her smile. She looked for relief in his eyes, but found none. “What about you? I never asked. Do you have any kids?”

“Me?” That one loud word echoed incredulity through the restaurant. “No. No kids. I suppose I’ll have some one day, but I haven’t thought much about it. I feel like I’m still raising my little sister, though she’d strongly disagree.”

“Because she’s twenty-seven?”

“Whatever.”

“I think you’d make a great dad.”

“Hell, who knows. I’ve never even been in a long-term relationship.”

Another shocking revelation. Olivia wasn’t sure why she felt a sharp stab of pain at that. Had she begun to fantasize that he’d be her boyfriend and they’d fall in love and go steady forever? Pitiful. “Not one?” she managed to ask lightly.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve just…” He shrugged, his eyes sliding away again. He offered a distracted smile to the waiter when he brought the credit card slip.

“Well, at least you weren’t living a lie,” she said. “Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too.”

“I watch those guys at the brewery. It looks exhausting to me. Who has the energy to lie to so many people at once?”

That was the biggest difference between Jamie’s charm and Victor’s. Jamie promised nothing but pleasure and a smile. If a girl fell for him, it was her own damn fault. Olivia would do well to remember that.

Victor, on the other hand… “I bet that’s why he’s been so…”

“So what?” Jamie asked.

“He’s been in touch. Bothering me.”

His open face snapped to a frown. “How so?”

“Nothing scary. He came by to yell at me after the party. And I think he might have told my department chair that I was sleeping with a student.”

“Me? Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Are you in trouble?”

“No, you’re not under my purview. You don’t get a grade, so there can’t be favoritism or manipulation. It was just embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Come on. I was the one who asked you out, remember?”

“The last time, yes. I’ll give you that. So, what does her possible pregnancy have to do with all this?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. If she’s pregnant, I’m sure he wants out.”

“What a dick,” Jamie murmured. Then, “Sorry.”

Olivia laughed at his apology. “Well, it doesn’t matter what the hell he’s doing. It’s none of my business anymore. So, back to what is my business. Can I stop by and pick up your notes on my way home?”

“Stop by?” The briefest frown flashed over his face. Did he not want her dropping in on his place? What did that mean? But then he smiled. “Yeah, of course.”

“Great. I’ve got to grab a few things from my office, and then I’ll drive over. Unless you had other plans?”

Another brief twist of displeasure took his mouth, but he vanquished it with a smile. “Great,” he said again.

He was lying about something, and her heart lurched. But Olivia told herself she didn’t care. She didn’t have to trust him for this, whatever it was. She’d take what she needed from him. He’d take from her. And this time, nobody would get hurt.

B
ARE FEET PLANTED
against the warm wooden planks of his deck, Jamie glared at the closest forsythia bush. He’d tried everything, but the plant refused to grow. Last year, he’d told himself it was still in shock from being transferred, but this spring it looked worse than ever. It didn’t like it here. Neither did Olivia, apparently.

He was pouting. He knew he was pouting, but that didn’t stop the urge. He’d started the day assuming he’d spend it with Olivia, as he’d spent his last four days off with Olivia. He’d opened his eyes this morning with a damned smile on his face.

He liked her way more than was healthy. There was enough chemistry between them to light a city, but it wasn’t just that. He liked the way she took things too seriously. He liked that he was the one who could make her face melt from serious to soft. He liked the way she laughed as if she was trying not to.

But best of all was the way she made him want to try. He’d given up trying long before. The night his parents died had taught him a brutal lesson and he’d learned it well. Sometimes the bad did outweigh the good. Sometimes you were just a fuckup who ruined everything. Everything. Even when you were trying to fix your mistake, you only made it worse.

After that night, he’d accepted that about himself. He wasn’t a good, upstanding son who always gave his best. He was the one who screwed up no matter how hard he tried. So why try? Why be responsible and committed and serious? He was a party guy and a clown whose irresponsibility had killed his parents. The fact that he’d been
trying
had only made it worse.

So he’d given up. At sixteen he’d thrown in the towel and accepted what he was. But now it was time to try again. Not just with the brewery, but with his siblings. And with Olivia.

She didn’t see him any differently than he’d seen himself. She thought he was a young, happy-go-lucky bartender with only a few simple things on his mind. She thought of him as a boy. But he was a man and it was time to show her that.

Which would’ve been much easier if she were here.

He stretched out his bare feet and crossed his legs at the ankles. That damned forsythia bush was still in his line of vision and he knew right then that he’d have to get rid of it. It was the only thing about the backyard that he didn’t love. If he moved it to a quiet corner with less sun, maybe it would take off.

Originally, he’d started working on the yard out of necessity. The lot was large enough, but it was separated down the middle by a high fence. The right side belonged to the resident of the second floor. The left side belonged to Jamie. After the construction of the house, he’d been looking at a deep, narrow rectangle of packed dirt, with only an ancient oak at the back and a few sprigs of wild grass. He’d sketched out a few halfhearted ideas for grass and bushes and a deck, but the trip to the garden center had inspired him.

Somehow, Jamie Donovan, playboy bartender extraordinaire, had found himself studying landscaping books and outdoor design magazines. A plan to sod his backyard had been transformed into a xeriscaping design, complete with walkways and water features and a two-tiered deck with an enclosed hot tub.

It had changed something for him. Maybe it had changed everything. He’d done every bit of it by himself, with his own two hands. He’d finished it. He’d
tried.
And it was beautiful. Peaceful. Damn near perfect.

And yet, he hadn’t shown it to anyone. Oh, some people had seen it. His sister had come over a few weeks ago and noticed the garden for the first time, but for some reason, instead of giving her a tour and showing off his accomplishments, Jamie had downplayed it. After a few minutes of unresponsiveness on his part, she’d stopped asking questions and dropped the subject.

Relief had swelled through him, though he hadn’t known why. Now he understood. It had been the
trying.
The vulnerability of that. He hadn’t wanted Tessa to know that he’d cared enough about this place to put everything he had into it.

His gaze slid to the hot tub nestled behind trellised walls, and he found himself smiling. He’d done another great thing with his own two hands. Olivia. And he was pretty sure he cared enough about her to try his very best.

Pushing to his feet, he started toward the small shed to grab a shovel. He’d move the bush today and get it over with. He could run over to the garden store and get a new one, and he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.

As he opened the metal door, the faintest female voice touched his ear. Freezing, he tilted his head.

“Jamie?” the woman called. It might be Olivia. If it was, maybe she’d like to help him. They could dig and replant and head out to the store together. He could walk her around the yard and show her everything he’d done.

“I’m in back,” he called out, slamming the shed door and stepping toward the side gate. It started to open and he smiled in welcome. But his sister was the woman who walked through.

“Oh, jeez,” she said. “At least pretend to be happy to see me.”

“I’m busy,” he snapped.

“Is someone here?”

“No.” He was proud that he kept the petulance out of his voice.

Tessa looked around as she walked toward him. “You don’t look busy. What are you doing?”

He was about to lie and say, “Nothing.” He wanted her to go away, mainly because she wasn’t Olivia. But he also wanted her to leave because of that old desire to keep this place to himself. But there was no reason to do that. She was his sister. She loved him. He could let her see what mattered to him.

“I’ve got to dig up a plant. It’s not doing well and it’s screwing up the look of the yard.”

“Oh.” She looked confused.

“Want to help?”

“Um.” Tessa glanced around, still confused, but then she nodded. “Okay. Sure. I’ve never done much to Mom’s old garden, though. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be.”

“It’s simple. Come on. I’ll show you.”

He found a new spot for the bush, and explained to Tessa how to dig the hole. How deep to make it, how much improved soil to add. He showed her the drip system and explained how it worked with the xeriscaping as he added a small line to the new location.

“Maybe I should have you come over to my place,” she said. “With all those huge bushes, I must be using a ton of water.”

“No, Mom’s garden is established, and those trees are fifty years old. The roots are deep and they don’t need nearly as much water. The grass gets a lot of shade from the mature trees. If you installed all that landscaping today, you use ten times as much water to keep it alive.”

She paused in her digging to wipe a hand across her sweaty forehead. “How do you know all this stuff? Is this from when you mowed lawns that summer in high school?”

“No.”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “No? Just no?”

Jamie stared hard at the narrow black tube he was trimming to just the right size. He cleared his throat. “I taught myself a lot while I was working back here.”

That seemed to satisfy her. She stared out at the garden before beaming a smile in his direction. “This is really neat, Jamie. I can’t believe you have this…” a wave of her hand took in the whole yard “…this secret life I know nothing about. You never said a word. Heck, I didn’t even know you were buying this house until you had to take time off for the closing.”

“Yeah, well…” Blood heated his face at the thought of all the secrets he’d kept. “We all have things we keep private. You certainly do.”

“That’s different. I kept my love life private because you didn’t want to know about it.”

“I never said that.”

“Oh, come on, Jamie. When I was fifteen you told me that any boy who touched me would be thrown in prison for statutory rape! That’s not exactly an opening for honest conversation.”

“I didn’t want to have a conversation! I wanted you to be scared shitless.”

“Yeah, I know. So how could I ever have been honest with you?”

“Maybe when you were older…?” he started, but Tessa was already shaking her head.

“Do you remember that sit-down talk before I started college? You told me if I ever got drunk at a party, I’d be kidnapped and raped and sold into white slavery.”

“Hey, it happens.”

“Does it, Jamie? Does it really?”

He cleared his throat and got back to work. “Parts of it.”

“My point is that I couldn’t talk to you about sex, but I don’t understand why you’d keep things like this to yourself.”

“I don’t know,” he said. Though he tried to think of something more to add, the only thing that popped into his head was the truth. “I don’t know,” he repeated dumbly.

Tessa put down her shovel and eased down to sit on the dirt, seemingly unconcerned about the damage to her shorts. She just put her chin on her knees and watched him work. “I miss you,” she murmured, and Jamie’s heart twisted.

“I’m right here.”

“Jamie, you— Actually, you are here right now. Right at this moment. But usually you’re not. Usually, you’re being charming with customers or you’re busy with the bar. Occasionally you stop by my place for Sunday dinner because I cornered you at work and made you promise. But then…then you’re just gone. You’re busy. You’re off to a life we know nothing about. And I
miss
you.”

Her words sunk deep, slicing through flesh and bone because they were true. “I’m sorry. You know how tense things are at work.”

“I know it’s tense, but we’re not just your job, Jamie. We’re your family.”

He set down the tube he’d been uselessly clutching for the past minute. He’d squeezed it so hard that his hand ached.

“You know…I sometimes think you were hit hardest by Mom and Dad’s deaths.”

“What?” he asked, the word barely audible even to his ears.

“It was almost like…like you lost part of yourself.”

He stood up so quickly that his head spun. “Of course I did. We all did.”