Bad Girl Bill (Atlantic Divide) (13 page)

He smiled a little crookedly and shook his head, paced down the pavement a short way, and then turned back.

“I needed to apologize for my behavior.”

She paused, her beer bottle halted halfway to her mouth. Her eyes widened, her left eyebrow lifted, she held her silence.

“It took me some time to cool down after our encounter. I had to have a really long cold shower.” He accused. “When my blood cooled enough to drain back into my brain, I started to think.”

An inkling of fear started to build. She lifted the beer to her mouth, tilted her head, and took a slug without taking her eyes off Michael.

“Now see, here’s the thing. I had a revelation. A theory if you like, and you might just laugh your arse off at this, but…as I was leaving, you said to me, ‘I’m sorry, it’s just I’ve never done this type of thing before.’” How the hell had he remembered her exact wording? His powers of observation and analysis worried her. “And I thought you were apologizing for leading me on. Christ, you got me so hot and turned on…” He paced away again, scrubbed his fingers through his hair as though his head hurt, and then swung back, pointed a finger at her as he stalked toward her. “I thought you were excusing yourself by saying you hadn’t freaked out on another guy before at that point. Apologizing for being a ‘cockteaser’ in your words.”

Stepping closer, his clear green eyes studied her and the fear built. She dragged in a breath and held it.

“Then I got to thinking this afternoon.” His voice softened and heat flooded her face. She knew what was coming, and she couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t let him see her weakness.

“Bill, look at me while I’m talking to you.” She gave a guilty start and stared at him.

“See, I knew you were really ready for me,” Pulsating heat fanned across her cheekbones, but still he held her eyes. “You were hot and wet; God you were wet.” She shifted her feet, found she couldn’t look away, couldn’t move, couldn’t run. “But when I put my fingers inside you, you were damned tight.” His eyes fluttered shut, and he looked in pain for a moment before he opened them again. “When I think about how really tight you were…” She needed him to stop. She could see his remembered pleasure and his deep, cultured voice was starting to turn her on again.

Her breath backed up in her lungs, and still she couldn’t look away. “And then you said, ‘It’s just…I’ve never done this type of thing.’” He brought his face closer to hers.

“I may be completely stupid, correct me if I’m wrong, but when I thought about it, it made me realize you were actually telling me…you haven’t had sex before…”

Her breath rushed out in a loud
whoosh
, a crackling laugh escaped her, but her eyes never left his.

“Is that right?” A crease appeared in the center of his forehead as he stared at her with such intensity he almost burned her to the spot. “Were you telling me you’re still a virgin?”

Gasping, she dropped her beer on the floor. As she ducked to retrieve it, he pulled her up sharply, brought her nose to nose with him.

“Is that right?” he repeated more forcefully, his face coming up against hers.

“’Course not. Don’t be a jerk. I’m not a virgin. Don’t be insulting,” she hissed out as she gave a furtive glance over her shoulder to make sure none of the boys were within earshot.

“Ssshhh…Jesus Christ, Michael, do you want them all to hear us?” she whispered frantically as he opened his mouth to speak.

“You’re lying to me.”

She tried to turn away, but he brought her up short. “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” He accused her like she had some kind of contagious disease.

She nodded jerkily, and misery weakened her limbs. She was mortified. Her shoulders slumped, and she refused to look at him. She knew he stared at her as his thumbs traced lazy circles on her shoulders.

“How in hell’s name has a woman like you stayed a virgin this long?”

Her head snapped back up fast and sharp, and her temper had teeth.

“A woman like me…?”

“Yeah. You’re a dangerous woman. You know that.” He shook his head dropped his hands from her shoulders and pointed beyond her to the poker room. “Those boys in there have spent far too much time trying to protect you and essentially you’ve been kept a prisoner in your own gilded cage.” He looked at her in disgust. “A virgin at the age of twenty-four. It’s unheard of.” He took her arm and pulled her farther away from the building. “In fact, if most girls reach sixteen these days, their parents are damned fortunate.”

Insulted, Bill wrenched her arm away from his hold. It wasn’t like he needed to humiliate her. How dare he?

“Okay, you’ve made your point, Michael. I get it. You’re shocked. No one else knows. No one in that room knows.” She did a bit of her own pointing. “And I’d appreciate it if we could keep it that way. I never meant for it to happen, but you know you just get to a certain age and you think, well maybe it’s not meant to be and all that blood and pain…”

He stared back at her as though she were crazy.

“Do you realize what would have happened if we had continued the way we were? We were so hot for each other that if I had carried on…“ He blew out a breath “…I would have hurt you, Bill. Is that why you stopped me?”

She nodded, mortified they were discussing something so intimate, right there outside the poker room.

“Did I already hurt you, you know, with my fingers?”

Again, she nodded, embarrassment coursing through her. Oh God, she wanted him to go away. He was crucifying her. She’d never had this kind of conversation with anyone in her life. She didn’t have girlfriends. She’d learned at an early age the only girls who wanted to be her friends were the girls who wanted an introduction to her brothers.

She closed her eyes to stop the prickle of tears she knew shouldn’t be there. She never cried. She wasn’t going to start now. He pulled her against his chest and rocked her. She automatically slipped her arms around his waist. Where was her anger now she needed it?

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I’d known, I would have taken more care…I probably wouldn’t have even come near you.” She felt his hand stroke her hair, his lips kiss the top of her head. “Who am I trying to kid? That’s a lie. I can’t keep away from you.” Sliding his mouth down her cheek, along her jaw, back to her lips, he kissed her long and tender, and then to her surprise, set her away from him. As if unable to resist he leaned forward and gave her one last kiss on the tip of her nose.

Her heart broke as she prepared to watch him go. She smiled at him, and he stared at her for a heartbeat, and then yanked her back against his chest. “I want to make love with you so badly it hurts. In fact, you may just have castrated me this afternoon. Let’s go back to your place. I promise I’ll be gentle this time. We’ll go slowly.” He nuzzled her neck, and she tipped her head back to accommodate. His hand came up under her T-shirt to cup her breast.

“Bill?” His voice was persuasive.

“I can’t,” she croaked. “What will the guys say? They’ll know.”

She hated the thought of the ribbing she would go through. She probably would never be able to show her face there again.

He rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip, and then down to her chin to caress it briefly.

Smiling, he let her go, gave her a gentle push in the direction of the house. “Go back to your game then.”

She heard the good-bye in his voice. Instinct told her she would never have another chance with him, and without thinking, she shot after him as he strode off toward his car.

“Hell no, I’ve got to lose my cherry sometime.” She almost yelled at him. He winced at her language, and she smiled wickedly at him. “It might as well be you.” A surge of confidence hit her as she realized he couldn’t help himself. “It just can’t be now, tiger. How about I see you tomorrow night? Eight at my place. Don’t be late.” She tapped his cheek and winked at him before swaggering back in to the poker game.

Her concentration was shot. She hoped to hell the boys hadn’t heard any of their conversation. Especially that last part. Her voice had been pretty loud out there. The sidelong looks they gave her made her feel strangely uncomfortable, so she picked up her keys, made her excuses, and took herself home to spend a lonely, restless night, thinking about Michael.

Silent, she watched from the kitchen doorway until she caught Kate’s attention.

“Hi.” She tucked her hands into her jeans pockets and leaned casually against the door frame.

“Hi.” Kate sat back in her chair and studied her for a moment. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah. Can I speak with you?” Bill stepped forward into the room and pulled up short as she noticed Jack in front of the coffee machine in the corner. She glanced at the coffee as it dripped painfully slowly into a large mug, up at Jack’s face as he stood arms folded across his chest, eyebrow raised.

“It’s private,” she grunted.

“Jack,” Kate said quietly, never taking her eyes off Bill as though pinning her with her gaze would stop her from escaping.

“Huh?”

“Jack.” The volume of her voice increased.

“But…” He flicked a desperate glance at his coffee.

“Jack!”

“…coffee.” He pointed at the half-full mug.

“Leave. Please.”

He stomped off through the kitchen door, throwing a last offended and desperate look at his coffee.

“Why don’t you sit down, Bill?”

She stood in the doorway, considered whether it was best to turn tail and run. It wasn’t the most comfortable conversation she was about to have. In fact she wasn’t sure she should have this conversation at all. Especially in light of the fact it was Kate, Michael’s younger sister. But she was the only person she could talk to, and she did need to talk to someone.

She knew she slumped like a teenage boy about to be given another lecture as she dragged her feet across the kitchen floor, hauled a chair around back to front, and straddled it. She rested her forearms across the back and her chin on her arms. The thought crossed her mind she probably looked like a replica of Jack when he was being sullen and childish. She couldn’t help it though, couldn’t shake off the reluctance she felt. With a heavy sigh she stared at Kate and waited.

And waited.

Kate narrowed cool blue eyes at her and leaned forward.

“Bill. Did you want to ask me something?”

“Yeah.” Bill’s black eyes bored into Kate’s blue ones as though she could suck out the information she needed through her eyes and leave without Kate being any the wiser.

“What…?”

“You’re a doctor!” she accused.

“Well, yes. Is there something wrong? Do you think you should be going to your own doctor?”

“Hell, no.” Bill reared back, fear making her grip her hands tight around the rungs on the back of the chair. “He’s a hundred and two if he’s a day. He wouldn’t have a clue what to say to me.”

“Well to be honest, Bill, right now, neither do I.”

“Okay.” She rubbed her chin hard and pursed her lips, leaned forward again, and rested her chin on her hands.

“Here goes. The first time you ever had sex, how bad did it hurt?”

Bill wriggled awkwardly in her seat as Kate stared at her for what seemed like an eternity.

“Well. Let me see. That was quite some time ago, Bill. Is there any particular reason you want to know?”

“Well, hell yeah. I mean…the boys, you know.” She rushed on, heat stealing into her cheeks. “They always say how much blood there is and how the girl wailed and cried and how embarrassing it all was.”

“When was this?”

“What?”

“When did the boys discuss this in front of you?”

“Well they didn’t. They never knew I was there most the time. But since I was a kid, I guess I just sat in the corner, listening. I’m the youngest, you know. Mama died when I was born. Mac was only seventeen when daddy died, but he brought me up all the same.”

“Didn’t the authorities have something to say about that?”

“Nope. They never knew. No one asked. We got along just fine. Mac said just to keep our heads down, and it was no one’s business but ours.”

Kate stood up and walked over to the coffee machine, divided Jacks huge mug of coffee into two smaller cups, handed one to Bill and sipped from the other herself as she sat back down.

“So, you were brought up by your brothers, and it sounds like you heard some gruesome stories. Do they still discuss these things in front of you?”

“Hell no! Why do you think I moved out a few years ago? It wasn’t only my brothers, but my cousins. They’re all male, too. Hell, I didn’t know what to do when I had my first period.” She remembered the confusion like it was yesterday. She’d learned all about them in school, from a book, but who the hell knew how to explain raging hormones. “I had to ask a teacher at school. I was seventeen, and she looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Apparently I should have started years before. I didn’t like to ask anything like that again.”

Kate reached out and covered Bill’s hand with her own. Bill stared at it for a moment. She hadn’t come for sympathy.

“I’m sorry, Bill. I had no idea you had been so isolated. Your life seems to buzz, and yet you’ve been alone in so many ways.” She squeezed Bill’s hand gently. “And you’ve never had sex.”

She jerked up out of her seat, slugged down some coffee, and paced across the room to stare out of the window.

“Nope.”

“And you want to know whether what you heard is right.” There was a long pause until Bill met Kate’s honest eyes. “Well, I can tell you it’s not. It’s different for everyone. My first encounter was a little painful, quite messy, and altogether embarrassingly fumbling. But I was eighteen, a late starter by all accounts, and the guy I was with was young and inexperienced too. But you know, I thought myself in love, and so it wasn’t so bad. I learned and I got better. But it wasn’t until I met Jack and truly fell in love that I realized how wonderful sex is.”

“Eeewww, don’t talk about you and Jack. God almighty, I don’t want that picture in my head. I’m screwed up enough as it is.”

Kate chuckled and wandered over to join Bill at the window, putting a sisterly arm around her waist.