Bastard (48 page)

My body starts to shake with anticipation as I line myself up with her opening. I’ve been dying to sink into her heaven for weeks. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. She consumes me.

As soon as I slip the head inside her she whimpers. When I push all the way in, we moan in unison.
Home.
That’s what it feels like—fucking home. As much as I want to pound into her tight pussy right now, I don’t. She’s still so fragile and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

She, of course, has other ideas. Her hands slide down the length of my back before resting on my arse. Her fingers dig into my cheeks, pushing me further inside her. “Fuck me, Carter,” she begs. “Don’t hold back. I need this.”

I can’t resist her. How can I deny her? I’ve denied her long enough. My hand moves to grasp her hip. “Okay,” I say hesitantly. “Don’t move though. Let me do all the work.”

“Just fuck me,” she begs as her fingers dig deeper into my flesh. If my girl wants me to fuck her, then that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I start to pump into her in short, fast, and hard strokes. Fuck she feels amazing. I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna last.

Within minutes she starts to moan loudly as her orgasm takes hold. As soon as I feel her pussy clench around my cock, I lose it. I drive into her a few more times before I still. My body trembles as I spill my seed deep inside her.

When I open my eyes again, I see her smiling up at me. It’s a smile lined with pure bliss, but I also see a hint of gloating. She fucking played me. She played me good. “Are you okay?” I ask as my hand brushes the hair back off her face.

“I’m wonderful,” she replies. That makes two of us. It’s not until I pull out of her that I realise I didn’t wrap my cock.
Fuck.
I came inside her. “Are you okay, Carter?” she asks when she notices the panic on my face.

“I didn’t wear a condom. Shit.” I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid.

“Hey,” she says reaching up to stroke my face. “I’m on the pill. Don’t worry. It’ll be okay.” It’s easy for her to say. I know she’s probably right, but it doesn’t stop the churning in my gut.
What if it’s not?

••••

The three of us headed back to Sydney Monday morning for Indiana’s last bout of treatment. I pray the radiation has been successful. I can’t stand to see her sick like this anymore.

Megan is staying with her parents while we’re in Sydney, but has been coming with us daily to the hospital. It’s been nice to have someone sit with me while we wait for Indi to get done.

The first morning, Megan asked me if I wanted to go for coffee while we waited for Indiana. I said no. Technically I know there’s nothing I can do while she’s in there, but if this is the closest I can get to her while she’s having the treatment, then this is exactly where I’m gonna stay.

She ended up disappearing for a few minutes, coming back with a coffee for both of us before taking a seat beside me. That became our ritual for the next four days. We’d both hugged and kissed Indi, and wished her luck before she disappeared through the doors. Meg would then go and get our coffees, and we’d sit in silence until she re-emerged.

I could clearly see the worry on Megan’s face as the week progressed and Indi became sicker. I’d like to think I’m used to it by now, but truth is, I’m not.

Thursday morning, when Megan and I are alone outside the treatment room, she asks, “Has she been this sick throughout the whole treatment?”

“Pretty much,” I reply. She goes quiet. When I look over at her, I see the silent tears streaming down her face. I don’t know what to do, or what to say, so I just reach over and grasp my hand around hers. I love that she cares about my girl as much as I do.

When we leave the hospital I want to take the girls out to celebrate her last day of treatment, but Indiana is too sick. We had to pull over a few times on the way home for her to vomit. It fucking kills me inside to see her like that. Hopefully today will be the last time I have to witness it, and the last time she has to endure it.

The oncologist got pathology to take a round of blood tests and perform another scan before we left the hospital. Megan laid down in the bed with Indi when we got home, so I headed over to my mum’s house. I wanted it to be me lying with her, but Megan will be heading back overseas soon, so I didn’t want to be selfish. They need their time together. If I have my way, I’ll have the rest of my life to spend with Indiana.

Tomorrow is D-day. We have an appointment in the morning to see if the radiation therapy has been successful. I’m in two minds about it. I’m both excited and scared to hear the results. I can only imagine how Indiana feels. If this radiation hasn’t cured her, I don’t know what I’ll do.

••••

Friday morning, the five of us pile into Ross’ car: our parents, as well as Megan. We’re all going with her today for moral support. Let’s hope she doesn’t need it. Indiana has been quiet ever since she woke. I can’t really blame her. She has a lot riding on today. Even though I have been through the treatment every step of the way, I wasn’t the one who was sick. I’m not the one whose very future is relying on a good outcome. Regardless of what happens, I do know that I will remain by her side no matter what.

As we sit in the waiting room waiting for her to be called for her appointment, she turns to me, clutching my hand in hers. “Carter. I know you’ve come in to hold my hand for every appointment, and I appreciate it more than you know.” Okay, I don’t like where this is heading. “Would you mind if I went in alone today?”

There it is.
Yes I fucking would
. Hurt consumes me that she wouldn’t want me in there with her. Even though from the beginning, I did force that upon her. I want to be her rock. I don’t want her to have to face what the doctor has to say alone. What if the prognosis isn’t good?

“Is that what you really want?” I ask, trying hard not to let her see I’m hurt. I have to put my wants and needs aside. Ultimately, this is about her. This is her life, her future. If it’s something she really wants, then I need to respect that. Nobody says I have to like it, because frankly I don’t. Not one bit.

When the nurse calls her name, we both rise. “Are you sure?” I ask again wrapping her in my arms.

“I’m sure.” I tighten my embrace briefly before kissing the top of her head.

Pulling back, I cup her pretty face in my hands, making eye contact with her. I can see the uncertainty on her face. It tugs at my heart. “Okay. Good luck,” I whisper with all the confidence I can muster.

“Thank you. Just so you know, I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” A lump rises to my throat as I briefly wrap her in my arms again. She’s got this. I know it.

I sit back down. My heart is beating furiously against my ribcage. My eyes are on her as she follows the nurse towards the door. I watch as she briefly stops before entering. Holding her head high, I see her inhale a large breath before squaring her shoulders. I’m in awe of her. The lump in my throat grows. She’s so strong, so kick-arse. I’m so damn proud.
She’s got this in the bag.

Once she disappears, my eyes move to Megan’s legs that are bouncing nervously beside me. Then my gaze moves towards my mum’s hand clenched around Ross’. It brings a brief smile to my face. For some reason, seeing them together makes me happy. I know they’re just friends, but they have become so close over the past few months. This is going to sound really pathetic, but sometimes I imagine in my head that they're married. That they are my parents. I know it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but fuck me if I don’t want that.

Eventually, I stand and start to pace. It seems like it is taking forever for her to come out, when in reality, only fifteen minutes have passed. My eyes are firmly trained on the door she went through earlier.

A few minutes later it opens. My heart skips a beat. When she walks out, she stops. Her eyes go to our parents, then Megan. When they lock with mine I hold my breath. I release it when a huge smile forms on her face. Pure fucking relief floods through me when she says the three words I’ve been praying for. “I’m cancer free.”

Quickly closing the distance between us, I pull her into my arms, swinging her around. I’m so fucking happy right now. When I place her back on her feet, her arms snake around my waist before she does something she hasn’t done since her diagnosis. She sobs into my chest. Tears of joy rise to my eyes.

Thank fuck. My girl is going to be okay.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Carter

Indiana has to continue to have three monthly check-ups, just to make sure the cancer doesn’t return. Fuck, I hope it doesn’t. Nevertheless, we’re all buzzing on the drive home from the hospital.

Ross took us all out to celebrate that night. Her news definitely called for a celebration. We had a great time. I think we all feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Indiana or her father smile so much.

There is a small cloud hanging over my head. There’s something I need to discuss with Indi, and I’m worried how she’s going to take it. I’ve been putting it off the last few days for that very reason.

Later that night when we’re lying in bed, I decide to bring it up. I’m leaving in the morning, so it’s now or never. “I need to talk to you about something,” I say to her as she lies in my arms, drawing lazy circles on my chest with her finger. We not long ago finished making love. Fuck it’s good to be back to normal again.

“About what?” she asks, her finger stilling.

“Well, you know I have to go back home tomorrow morning. Jax is coming up to help me move all the furniture in the apartment, ready for the builders to start the renovations on Monday.”

“And?”

“And, I was thinking maybe it would be better if you stayed down here.”

“What? Why?” she asks, raising her head to make eye contact with me. I can clearly see the hurt on her face.

“It’s not what you think,” I immediately answer, stroking her hair as I try to reassure her. “It’s just going to be chaotic up there this week with the builders and everything. Plus you have Megan here. I thought you might want to spend some quality time with her before she goes home.”

“Oh. I guess,” she says in a disappointed tone as she rests the side of her face against my chest again. “I suppose I need to start looking for a job anyway. Are we still going to see each other on the weekends?” Fuck. Is she crazy? I knew she’d take it the wrong way.

“Indi.” Placing my finger under her chin, I lift her face. “If you let me finish, I was going to say, once the renovations are complete I was wondering if you’d consider moving up to Newcastle permanently.”

“Really?” she squeals as her beautiful green eyes widen in surprise.

“Yes. Really. I’m sure you can find work up there. If not, you can always come and work for me.”

“In the tattoo parlour?” she asks giggling. “That’s sweet, but I love working with animals. I’d really like to get into something like that again.”

“I was thinking more like hiring you as my sex slave,” I joke. She slaps my chest, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Ha ha. Although it does sound like a job I’d enjoy,” she laughs. Of course she would, she’s an insatiable vixen.
My
insatiable vixen. “Jokes aside, are you sure you’re ready for a commitment like that?” I don’t even need to think about it. Of course I am. She’s it for me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it now.

“Couldn’t be surer.”

“Well then I’d love to,” she says beaming. I know my face mirrors hers. She has just made me the happiest man on this earth. There was a part of me that worried she’d say no, that’s why I’ve been putting it off. I brought it up with Ross yesterday. I wanted to make sure he was alright with it before I asked her. He said he was going to miss her like crazy, but seemed happy that our relationship was heading to the next level.

••••

My week has been fucking crazy. Not only do I have my normal job during the day, but I’ve been working late into the night on the renovations as well. My apartment is a chaotic mess, but it’s finally all coming together. The builders have been working their arses off to try and get it finished for me.

As busy as I’ve been, I’m missing Indiana like crazy. The nights when I finally fall into bed are the worst. Even though I’m fucking exhausted, I find it hard to fall asleep without her beside me. Thankfully, she’s missing me too. That’s why I’ve been busting my arse to get everything completed. The sooner it’s done, the sooner I can bring her home.

Tomorrow, mum’s coming up for the day. She’s bringing my grandmother with her. I’m looking forward to seeing her again. They’re going to help with all the girly shit like the finishing touches and decorating.

Late Friday afternoon, Jax arrives. He’s going to stay for the weekend. Instead of our usual card night we’re going to be painting. We head down to the pub for dinner and a quick beer before we get started.

While he’s filling the paint trays for us to use with the rollers, I give Indiana a quick call. “Hey, babe,” I say when she picks up.

“Hey. How’re the renovations going?”

“Getting there. I’ve been busting my arse to get it finished. I need you up here. I fucking miss you,” I tell her. I hear Jax chuckle at my comment so I flip him off.

“I miss you too. So much.” Her reply has me smiling.

“How are you feeling?” I ask. I know I shouldn’t keep asking, but it’s all still so fresh in my mind. Even with the good news she got from the doctor, it’s hard not to worry.

“Great. I haven’t stopped eating all day. I’ve certainly been making up for all the food I couldn’t stomach during treatment.” That pleases me to no end.

“I’m glad, babe. You need to rebuild your strength. How’s the packing going?”

“I’m nearly done. You might need to bring a trailer down when you come and get me,” she says laughing. Fuck.

“How much stuff are you bringing?”

“Oh the trailer’s not for my stuff, it’s for me. If I keep eating like this, I’m not gonna be able to fit in your car.” I chuckle.
Hardly.
She’s so cute.