Battles Lost and Won (18 page)

Bob gazed down at the Thames and felt a sense of peace. That arrogant, judgemental boy no longer existed, and he knew that the most valuable lesson he had learnt was compassion – a quality he had been sadly lacking in previously.

‘What’s troubling you, Bob?’

He turned at the sound of the soft voice. ‘Hello, Sister. What brings you here?’

‘I’ve been shopping and saw you sitting here.’ She took the seat beside him on the bench. ‘And you haven’t answered my question.’

‘I was just wondering where the time had gone.’

‘It was more than that.’

He gave an amused laugh. ‘You are far too perceptive.’

‘I’ve come to know you, except for that inner self you keep guarded. We’ve never really sat down and talked, so tell me about yourself.’

‘Not much to tell really. I’ve always thought I’d like to be a teacher, but there’s not a hope.’

‘There’s always hope, Bob.’ She patted his arm. ‘But you still haven’t opened that inner door. Do you think you are ready to tell me why a young boy was wandering around the country on his own?’

It only took him a moment to decide, then he nodded and started to explain. It was a relief to unburden himself to this gentle woman he had come to admire and respect. The words he had never been able to voice came easily at last.

‘And have you forgiven your father?’ she asked when he stopped talking.

‘I did that after only a week here.’ There was a wry twist to his mouth as he said, ‘But forgiving myself is much harder. I walked away from a man who needed my support and understanding. And then I walked away from Captain Russell, who had cared enough to want to help. I was so angry.’

‘Are you still angry?’

‘No, that burnt itself out long ago.’

‘Have you thought about going to see your father and Captain Russell, or at least writing to them?’

‘I’ve thought about it, but what could I say? I couldn’t face them. I’m not proud of the way I’ve acted; in fact I’m ashamed of myself.’

‘You don’t need to feel like that.’ A smile crossed her face as she looked at him. ‘Do you believe in Fate?’

‘No, I believe we make our own destiny. Our lives are shaped by the decisions we make, and we have to live with them, good or bad.’

‘Shall I tell you how I see things?’

‘Please.’

‘I believe every action you’ve taken was meant to do one thing, and that was to bring you here. As soon as you walked in I knew you belonged here. And I was right. You have dealt with many of your problems and are growing into a fine man. A complex man, but you have shown yourself to be a man of kindness and compassion. You are excellent at what you can now do, and have gained the respect of everyone. You had to come here because it was the only way you were going to grow to your full potential. I’m not sure if teaching should be your profession, or the work you are doing now. That is for Fate to decide.’

She glanced at the watch pinned to her jacket. ‘I must get back now, but may I ask you one thing, Bob? Don’t leave here until you are certain which path you should take.’

‘You know I can never deny you anything,’ he joked. ‘I wasn’t thinking of going anywhere just yet.’

‘That’s good, because I believe Fate hasn’t finished with you yet.’

He couldn’t help laughing softly as she walked away. It had been good to talk freely at last, but she was the only person who could have coaxed him to do so.

Later that day as he was sitting quietly beside one of the men, there was a touch on his shoulder.

‘Bob, could you come to my office, please?’

‘Can it wait, Sister? I promised Harry I’d stay with him until the end. It can’t be long now.’

‘He won’t know if you leave for a short time.’

Bob shook his head. ‘He might, and I gave my word.’

‘Of course, you’re quite right. You stay then, and I’ll see you later. It isn’t anything that won’t keep.’

Two hours later, Bob stood up, stretched and walked out of the room. This had happened a few times since he’d been here, and he’d learnt to cope with it, but it didn’t get any easier. He’d kept his word and now he had better see what Sister wanted.

After knocking on the door he looked in. ‘You wanted to see me.’

‘Come in, Bob, and sit down for a moment. I want you to meet a good friend of mine, James Morgan. He’s a professor of mathematics at Oxford University.’

Bob smiled politely. ‘I’m pleased to meet you, sir.’

They talked for a while, but Bob couldn’t quite understand what he was doing in Sister’s office talking to one of her friends. James Morgan was interesting, though, and he found the conversation stimulating. He was obviously a man of considerable intelligence, and his sense of humour appealed to Bob.

Quite suddenly he turned the conversation round and said, ‘I believe you are thinking about becoming a teacher.’

Bob shrugged. ‘Thinking about it is as far as I get.’

‘Have you given up, then?’

‘It’s always been a dream – a desire to do something useful, I suppose – without any hope of becoming a reality.’ Bob gave an amused grin. ‘Sister tells me that nothing is impossible because Fate guides our path.’

The professor gave a low rumbling laugh.

‘It’s no good you two making fun of me,’ she said, smiling at them. ‘Sometimes we think we should do a certain thing because that’s right for us, and then something comes along to change those plans, and we are led in a completely different direction. And that turns out to be what is right for us. I don’t believe chance comes into it.’

‘And you could well be right, Mary,’ James Morgan said, winking at Bob. ‘But we have to walk the path that is in front of us.’

‘Of course, I’m not saying we should sit around and see what falls into our laps.’

‘Indeed not.’

Bob glanced at the clock and quickly rose to his feet. ‘Please excuse me, sir, but I must get back to work. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.’

‘I’ve enjoyed our talk, young man.’

‘What do you think, James?’ Mary asked when Bob had left the office.

‘Considering his background he’s remarkably bright, and appears to have compensated for a bad education by reading a great deal of good literature. That teacher he told you about must have seen to that.’

‘That’s what I thought. I don’t like to impose on our friendship, James, but do you think you can help him?’

He laughed. ‘Mary, you know you wouldn’t hesitate to impose. Why do you want to help this boy?’

‘I like him.’

‘Not good enough.’

‘Oh, you are a difficult man. All right, I believe he has the potential to do something with his life, and I do not like to see talent wasted.’

‘Neither do I, but there is a problem with him. He’s carrying a lot of mental baggage around and it colours his attitudes and opinions. It could hold him back.’

‘I disagree with you. He has changed in the years he has been here, and quite honestly I believe he could achieve a lot now.’

The professor stood up. ‘I’ll talk with him again in a couple of weeks. Don’t let him go wandering off, will you?’

‘I’ll try, but I have the feeling he’s getting restless. His work here is excellent, and I don’t want to lose him, but all the time he has this idea of becoming a teacher, he’ll be unsettled, no matter what he’s doing.’

James Morgan stood up and kissed Mary on the cheek. ‘Then we’ll have to hope Fate takes a hand.’

They both laughed as he left.

Bob didn’t sleep much that night. Ever since he had left home he’d shut out the past, but after talking about it the doors had sprung wide open. He couldn’t help wondering what his father was up to now. And what about Ruth and her family?

He tossed and turned. Dammit, he wanted to know, but he couldn’t go back to Canning Town. Too much time had passed, and he didn’t think he could face them now. But there was one man who might be able to tell him, and Bob owed him an apology as well.

Decision made, he finally dozed off.

The next morning he headed straight for the office and was greeted with a bright smile.

‘Good morning, Bob. You’re in early this morning.’

‘Morning, Sister. I want to ask you if I could take a couple of days off.’

‘Of course you can. You are due a break so take a week if you want to.’ She studied him carefully. ‘Where are you thinking of going?’

‘Kent. There’s someone there I need to see, but two or three days will be enough. From tomorrow, if possible?’

‘That will be quite all right.’ She looked him straight in the eyes. ‘You will come back, won’t you?’

‘I promise.’

The house looked exactly the same, and pleasant memories flooded back, bringing a smile to Bob’s face. While he was standing there the front door flew open. ‘Well, you certainly took your time coming back, Robert Hunter.’

‘Hello, Mrs Trent, have you got a room I could have for a couple of days?’

‘Of course!’

Bob’s grin spread. ‘You’re just as beautiful as ever.’

‘Oh, oh, I see you’ve learnt the art of flattery while you’ve been away.’

He laughed and lifted her off her feet. ‘It’s wonderful to see you again, Mrs Trent.’

‘Come in,’ she said, as soon as her feet touched the ground again, ‘and tell me what you’ve been up to.’

After making a large pot of tea and producing her famous fruitcake, they talked for more than an hour. Mrs Trent demanded every detail of what he had been doing, but he managed to avoid telling her exactly where he was living, or the true nature of his work.

Finally, Bob sat back, accepted another slice of cake, and said, ‘Now it’s your turn. I want to know how Captain Russell and his family are.’

‘Just fine. He hasn’t touched a drop of drink and his family is growing.’ Her face lit up. The little boy is toddling around now, and Lilly is turning into a pretty girl, but is just as outspoken as ever.’

‘I’m glad she hasn’t changed,’ he laughed, remembering the lively child.

Mrs Trent studied him thoughtfully. ‘No, she hasn’t, but you have.’

‘I’m older.’

‘It’s more than that. It’s hard to explain, but there’s a softness about you that wasn’t there before.’ She tipped her head to one side, concentrating. ‘Am I right to feel that you have fought a few battles with yourself and found a measure of inner peace?’

‘You could say that.’ His smile was wry. ‘I was too quick to judge, and so sure I was right. I didn’t understand what Dad and men like him were going through. All I could see was that Mum was suffering, and I blamed him. I was wrong. Instead of helping I added to both their burdens. I’m not proud of that.’

She reached out and squeezed his arm. ‘You mustn’t blame yourself for what happened. You were so young, and the past can’t be changed, Bob, no matter how much we wish it could.’

‘I know, but it isn’t easy to let the regrets go.’

Mrs Trent stood up. ‘You’ve grown into a sensible young man. You can have the same room as before. How long are you staying?’

‘A couple of days, and then I must get back.’

‘Well, after you’ve put your things in your room, go and see Captain Russell. Jim’s still there and he’s married now with a nice little house on the estate.’

‘Ah, so you’ve lost a lodger. Is anyone else staying here?’

‘No, so that means I can spoil you. Off you go, but be back by seven for dinner.’

It was strange, but Bob felt as if he had come home as he walked towards the stable block, eager to see if Midnight was still there. He started singing softly as he walked through the door, and smiled when a horse started stamping in the stall. That was Midnight.

‘What’s the matter with you, Midnight?’ Jim called. ‘I’ll let you out in a minute.’

‘He knows I’m here.’

Jim spun round. ‘Bob! About time you turned up. Where on earth have you been?’

‘Working in Surrey.’ The two men laughed with pleasure at seeing each other again. ‘I hear you’re married now.’

‘Eight months ago.’ Jim shook his head at the racket coming from Midnight’s stall. ‘For heaven’s sake, go and sing to that animal. He’s been nothing but trouble ever since you left.’

Midnight was beside himself with excitement when he saw Bob, pushing, shoving and milling around in the small space. As soon as Bob began to sing, he calmed down, a dreamy look in his eyes.

‘Daft animal. We’ve all tried singing to him, but he didn’t like our voices.’

There was a sound of small feet running. ‘Is he here? Green said it was him. Where is he? Bob!’

The girl threw herself at Bob, and he lifted her high in the air, pretending to stagger under the weight. ‘Who is this grown-up young lady?’

She laughed as he put her down. ‘It’s me, silly. Why have you been away so long? We thought you weren’t going to come back.’

‘Sorry, Lilly, but I’ve been busy and couldn’t come before. I’m only visiting.’

‘Hello, Bob.’

‘Captain Russell.’ They shook hands. ‘I hope you don’t mind me walking into your stables like this, but I couldn’t wait to see Midnight again.’

‘You are welcome anywhere on this estate. What brings you back after so long?’

‘I’d like to talk to you, sir. Can you spare me a few minutes some time? I’ll be here for two days.’

‘Let’s go into the house and we can talk now. I won’t keep Bob long, Lilly,’ he told his daughter.

Once in the library, Bob wasted no time. ‘I’ve come to apologize for walking out the way I did. You were only trying to help and I should have recognized that. You and your family had been good to me, and I’m sorry I was so ungrateful.’

‘No apology is necessary.’ The captain sat down, and waited while Bob did the same. ‘What have you been doing since you left?’

‘Oh, this and that,’ Bob said evasively. ‘I’ve been working in Surrey most of the time.’

‘But you won’t tell me where?’ When Bob shook his head slightly, he said, ‘Well, you look well fed, and that suit is expertly cut, so I must assume you are making a decent living.’

‘I am, and being so tall I can’t buy ready-made clothes, but because of where I work, I’ve found a sympathetic tailor.’

‘This place you work is special, then?’ Ben still probed.

‘I think it is,’ was all Bob would say.

‘Then it’s no good me offering you work here again?’