Be Nobody (33 page)

Our spiritual traditions have for millennia been telling us that our selfishness and egoism must be put aside if we are ever to find true happiness. And our scientists are now joining their voices in the chorus, pointing out that there is no findable “pearl self” at all; that what we call the self is just a bundle of functions wrapped
together by our self-conception; and that the age-old religious virtues revolving around selflessness—altruism, empathy, compassion, gratitude, and forgiveness—will inevitably bring more happiness to one's life.

And at least some of our scientists now agree with the long-standing spiritual claim that our sense of separation from others and the world around us is a misconception. “A human being,” observed Albert Einstein, “is part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe.' ”

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
³⁴

•  •  •

So we end by restating the million-dollar question, adding a million-dollar adverb:

Who da hell am I . . . really?

Really, beneath all our differences and distinctions, we are all equally nobody. And being really nobody is the condition of possibility for becoming a better somebody—somebody who increasingly realizes that he or she is part of a much larger whole.

We'll always be somebody, so when we're in between being nobody we can live happier, more fulfilling lives by being more nobody-like, more of an Ordinary Joe and less of a special, distinctive little
snowflake, set apart from others. Since we're all
really
nobody, everybody is
really
just like everybody else.

Remembering that we all live in “interbeing,” we can think and act more in accordance with the interdependence that defines our existence in the world. Dispelling the illusion of our separateness, we can find solace in the reality of our interconnectedness, in being everybody.

Detaching from the monopolizing claims of the atomistic “somebody self,” we can integrate more with the world around us and identify more with the fount of our very being, the ultimate reality that is our true self.

This is the path to real happiness, for happiness can only be founded in truth, not in illusion.

Remember, they say nobody's perfect.

So why not
be nobody
?

Action Plan: Secret Agent 000

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to commit to one act of kindness for someone else every day—
anonymously
. Spend a few moments at the beginning of the day making a plan for how you will pull this off. And keep your eye out during the course of the day to see if unexpected opportunities arise to help others incognito. Practice being Secret Agent 000 in all the little ways you can.

Knock,

And He'll open the door.

Vanish,

And He'll make you shine like the sun.

Fall,

And He'll raise you to the heavens.

Become nothing,

And He'll turn you into everything.

——Rumi

I
am inexpressibly grateful to the phenomenal mother-daughter team Wendy and Cindy Lee for the time they took to read the earliest drafts of each chapter and for their invaluable advice and perspectives.

David B. Fishman painstakingly went through the manuscript word by word and vastly improved the quality of my prose. It is a great mitzvah to have a full-fledged genius take the time to carefully review what an ordinary man has written.

I have also been blessed to have superb editors at Beyond Words. Many thanks to Emily Han and Henry Covey for their help in making a much better book out of the original manuscript, as well as to my literary agent, Joelle Delbourgo, for her unflagging advocacy and support.

I am very grateful to those who assisted me in my research—Chantal Carleton, June Maker, Darin McFadyn, Claire Thompson, the Rev. Anne Deneen, Karl Whiting, and my daughter, Sophia
Fleming-Benite—and to the many volunteers who have transcribed oral teachings under the efficient management of Catherine Eaton.

To all whose generosity and hospitality make my life on the road so trouble-free, I cannot begin to thank you enough. And to my benefactors and patrons, I remain in your debt. I hope this book will be of some benefit to others and thus justify, at least to some extent, your support.

There is no way to repay what I owe to my teachers—my spiritual mentors, academic guides, close friends, fellow travelers on the path, and those who pose as my students.

Finally, although it may sound stupid, I'm really grateful to my computer and all it makes possible. I simply could not have written this book without the magic that has become available to us. We live in amazing times.

O
ur true nature is always with us. It has never been born and so can never die; it is eternally unchanging and ever-present; it is the “nobody self” that lies behind and beneath all iterations of every “somebody self.”

And so it is always accessible. It is perpetually there whenever we quiet the ego's chattering, mute the ongoing inner narrative, and relax into the silence, spaciousness, and serenity of
being nobody
.

In what follows below, you'll find a set of simple meditative exercises, correlating to each of the seven chapters in this book, for dropping into that supreme state of bliss anytime you wish. They can be used as full-fledged meditations or merely as ways to catch a few moments of peace at any time during your day.

The exercises are drawn from 112 such meditations, or
dharanas
, that comprise the bulk of an ancient Sanskrit text from the Hindu tradition of northern India called the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra (VBT).
^I
The VBT purports to be a conversation between two
deities, Shiva (aka Bhairava, representing ultimate reality) and his beloved and inseparable partner Shakti (symbolizing the world of appearances and form). When Shakti asks Shiva to teach her how to discover the highest nature of things, the latter replies, “Shakti is the very face of Shiva.” That is to say, the deepest aspect of reality is found nowhere other than within the day-to-day world we live in.

The extraordinary is discoverable within the ordinary; the ultimate within the relative; the transcendent within the immanent. This same truth is summarized within the classical Buddhist scripture the Heart Sutra: “Emptiness is not different from that which takes form, and that which takes form is not different from emptiness.” The void and the plentitude are two sides of the same coin.

In the VBT, Shiva proceeds to teach Shakti an array of straightforward techniques for recognizing her true nature in the midst of everyday life. The methods are simple—deceptively so. They aren't hard to do, but they do require paying close attention to what's happening to your consciousness when you're engaged in them. They are, after all, meditations.

I hope you'll give these exercises a try. If you do, you'll find them to be relatively easy ways to get a little taste of what it feels like to
be nobody
. You'll be able to drop into your true nature whenever you want.

Look at the clear blue sky with an unwavering gaze, keeping the body still. Immediately you will reach your true essence. . . . When one places the mind on outer space—which is unchanging, without support, empty, all-pervasive, and free from limitation—one enters the realm of spacelessness.
^II

Remember how nice it was, when you were a kid, to just lie down on the grass and look up at the sky? Here's a quick, easy, and enjoyable way to break out of your limitations and get out of your own head, anytime during the day or night. Just take a moment to stop and go outside (or at least look through the window) and lose yourself in the unlimited expanse of the atmosphere or in the inconceivable vastness of outer space.

The mind takes the form of what it perceives. If what you perceive is the limitless, well, you've just dropped into your true nature.

Because of placing the mind at the meeting place of the two breaths, either inside (i.e., where the inhalation ends and the exhalation begins) or at the outer limit (i.e., where the exhalation ends and the inhalation begins), the yogi attains equanimity and becomes a proper vessel for knowledge.
^III

Ever heard the expression “Just take a deep breath?” We're breathing all day, every day, so here's a way to gain a little peace whenever you need it. Take a deep breath, but do so mindfully. Notice that at the end of each inhalation and exhalation there is a gap, a pause, before the next exhalation or inhalation, respectively. Gently, without holding the breath or interrupting the natural respiratory flow, place your mind fully on that pause and rest in the respite between breathing in or out.

Fall into the gap! And when done without self-consciousness of being in the gap, you've just found your true nature. There's no need to go to church or temple to find the sacred; it's there with every breath we take.

One who meditates nonconceptually on the emptiness of the body, even for just a moment, loses all conceptions and comes to possess the self-nature of what is beyond conceptual thought. . . . One should concentrate on just the skin encasing the body like a wall [while thinking], “There is nothing inside.” Meditating on that, one becomes joined with the imponderable. . . . [Then] meditate on the self taking the form of empty space, stretching out endlessly in all directions . . . [and] being freed from any resting place, then one sees his own true nature.
^IV

We're all pretty attached to the idea that we
are
our physical bodies, and so this brief meditation helps us to break out of our identification with our corporality at the same time it puts the mind on the infinite.

First, imagine that inside the body there is nothing but empty space, like clear blue sky. Mentally empty out all the guts and bones until it is completely void, right up to the ends of the fingers and toes, encased only by the thinnest layer of skin.

Then erase even the outline of the body and open up into the infinite empty space outside. Nothing to the left as far as you can imagine, or to the right, or up, or down, or in front, or in back.

Relax and reside in complete spaciousness, and enjoy your true nature.

When one experiences desire, anger, greed, delusion, intoxication, or jealousy, one should place the mind on it unwaveringly until only the bare essence of it remains.
^V

When you're on the verge of losing the Big Smackdown with an incipient mental affliction, stop and do this meditation. Close your eyes and go deep within. Locate the feeling you're struggling with and then analyze it. Is it really one, complete, seamless, full-blown “feeling”?

Or is it, upon investigation, separable into moments? Before it's designated “anger” or “jealousy,” isn't it just a series of momentary instances of consciousness over which the mind superimposes a label?

If you can get this far, then have a look at what makes up each of these little moments. Doesn't each instant of what we call “anger” or “jealousy” have its own beginning, middle, and end? And what about the beginning of each momentary fragment of what we name “a feeling?” Mustn't it also have its own beginning, middle, and end?

And down you go. There are no partless parts, no moments of the so-called mental affliction that aren't further divisible. When you get tired of analyzing your feeling into parts of the parts of the parts of the parts, ad infinitum, you'll get to its “bare essence,” as the text says—its emptiness, its true nature—which is the same as yours!

When one experiences great bliss, or when one sees a long-lost relative, one should meditate on the arising of the bliss and thoroughly dissolve the mind in it. . . . One should let the mind rest on things remembered or places one has seen. One's body will lose its support (i.e., one will forget one is embodied) and the Lord will arise.
^VI

We all spend at least some time every day daydreaming, so this little meditation should be easy. Take a moment to immerse yourself
in a pleasant memory. Lose yourself completely in the reverie; stop thinking you're stuck inside your physical body. Fully relive being in some beautiful place, or the wonderful times you've had with a loved one, or any other memory of when you were perfectly happy. Focus on the feeling of bliss that arises, and completely merge your consciousness with it.

This simple exercise also has the potential to evoke a sense of gratitude in us for the good times we've had and the great people we've known in our lives. And gratitude, as it happens, is another very potent antidote and cure for depression and low self-esteem.

One should meditate on the pleasure that arises from eating and drinking—the bliss of that tasty flavor—and then the state of plenitude and great bliss arise. Through the unequalled joy of becoming absorbed completely in the sound of beautiful music and such, the yogi's mind is elevated and becomes one with that.
^VII