Bearing Up In Wolf Rock (A BBW Bear Shifter Romance) (Wolf Rock Shifters) (16 page)

“What’s up? Any news?” she asked.

“Nothing. Every patrol has come back saying the same thing: all’s quiet. No problems.”

“You look worried, though.”

“I am a little,” the alpha replied. “Something doesn’t feel right. But we’re doing what we can.”

“Do you need me to head out and have a look around?”

“It wouldn’t hurt, Kyla. Thanks. Be careful though.”

“I always am.
”

She got undressed upstairs and shifted, catching a glimpse of her human form in the mirror just before it altered. It was impossible now not to think about Maddox kissing, licking, fingering this or that part of her. A glance at a hip reminded her of his large hand on her flesh; a nipple made her think of peanut butter.

Desire filled her as she became a wolf, and the animal in her simply felt it more acutely: hunger. Raw, simple. Hunger for a bear, of all things, to feel his heat, his breath on her.

Other senses were heightened as well, and Kyla was utterly aware of her duty now. She padded down the stairs and out the front door.

The day was warm and sunny, and the wolf inhaled the air, taking in the scents of autumn. It may have been her favourite season, though she told herself that every season was, depending on how she felt in the moment. The snow in the mountains was delicious. But the autumn with its crisp leaves and the promise of things to come; a death and a rebirth, was something beautiful. Right now, though, she felt a profound sense of loss.

Kyla paced through the woods, silent and wary. She longed to have a vision, to help the pack, but also to know if Maddox was to have a place in her life from here on out. Occasionally she found herself squeezing her blue eyes shut, attempting to see images, but all she saw were the ones she’d conjured; things she hoped would happen. Her man staying in Wolf Rock. The pack, safe and warm in the comfort of their homes. A quiet pub.

As the sun reflected in shades of pink and orange off the mountain peaks surrounding the area, Kyla decided to return to the cabin. There was no scent of human; nothing amiss. All was dully fine.

Tristan looked at her, his eyes i
nquiring, as she entered the living room. She simply shook her head and jogged up the stairs.

As she lay on her bed, naked and human, Kyla thought about Maddox. Should she go to him? Was it wise? There was a pain in her; the sort of sadness that comes when you realize that you’re growing to love a person and that he’s intending, in spite of feelings, to leave forever.

“If he doesn’t care, it’s stupid of me to torture myself by getting more attached,” she thought, though her body told her to take advantage of every second with him.

She closed her eyes.

Now images came, and not the ones that usually resided within her. Flashes again, out of control and fast.

A man, walking into the bar: the one they’d seen the first day she’d met Maddox. The one wearing khaki
camouflage and carrying a pack.

She saw
Maddox, only he looked different. Something about him wasn’t right, but she didn’t know quite what it was; the thoughts and pictures flew by too quickly.

The
n there was the cabin. She was seeing it from someone else’s vantage point, through crosshairs, as if she were aiming a rifle.

Finally, she saw herself, lying wounded on t
he ground.

S
he shot up, breathing heavily.

No, this wasn’t going to happen. There was no indication that someone else was in the area. And there were others out patrolling. They were safe.
She
was safe in her room, sheltered.

More than anything she wanted to see Maddox. But more than ever, she knew she had to stay.
She thought about calling the motel and telling him that she wanted to come to him; not to think she was indifferent. But again, it all smacked of a relationship, and Kyla wasn’t sure that was what they had. They had fucked, yes. They had been intimate, loving even. But he wasn’t her boyfriend, her mate, her partner. He was simply a man whom she found endlessly interesting and attractive.

And she h
ad no idea what she was to him.

***

The following morning, Kyla set out to patrol. In wolf form she began to find herself focused, in control. Thoughts of Maddox changed and converted themselves into an alertness that set in when her senses were heightened, and it was perhaps the added incentive of banishing him from her mind that allowed her to feel herself becoming more aware than usual of her surroundings.

Her normal path was to hike in a straight line out from the cabin, then walk in a vast circle around the area, moving in closer each time she reached the twelve o’clock  point, so that she felt she’d covered the entire region.

The day was beautiful and she enjoyed the feel of the gentle breeze ruffling her light fur slightly, her nose picking up the scents of the season. Birds chirped overhead, unafraid of the large wolf in their midst. While deer and other earthbound creatures fled from the wolves, the birds knew that they had nothing to fear, and she enjoyed their occasional company.

Kyla looked for signs of life, of anything out of the ordinary. She came across the place where
Dascha had found Peterson, but there were no new indications that a human had been in the area, and for that she was relieved. The calm forced her, however, to keep her mind on the task at hand and off of the man who seemed so close by and yet so far away, in that motel in Wolf Rock. Or perhaps he was out having breakfast.

Perhaps some woman was looking at him even now, sizing him up,
admiring him. But no. It wasn’t jealousy that occupied Kyla’s mind; it was a fear that she would never see him again, never feel this way about anyone else.

In her was
also a fear, she knew, of telling him of her feelings. Somehow, it seemed like he should say it first; he should say, “I’m growing to love you.” Or at least to like her, to be torn; to want to stay by her side. But she worried that if she made that move herself, it would seem too much like begging him to stay. And that was a pressure she couldn’t bear; the idea of asking him to leave his home and family for her. It would mean that she was responsible for making him happy, and she couldn’t guarantee his happiness. She could make him feel good, yes. She could make him feel loved, appreciated. But he needed to want to stay for himself.

When dusk came, Kyla headed back to report to Tristan. She changed into human form and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt.

“Anything?” he asked when she entered the living room.

“Nothing. Absolutely zero. I’m starting to wonder if the bad guys have realized it’s not a great idea to mess with us.”

“Well, ironically, the truth is that it’s not a good idea to mess with
bears;
it’s Corgan who’s done most of the damage control. Our hands are relatively clean for now, if you don’t count your tackling Hicks. But I do hope your theory is right.”

“Me too.” Kyla didn’t want to tell her alpha of her sketchy, unclear visions. She wasn’t sure they mattered much.

Tristan left her sitting alone, pondering the situation. She felt that she should stay at the cabin, just in case something happened. And it would keep her from the temptation of contacting Maddox at the motel.

“You’re deep in thought.”

Nikki had entered the room
from behind Kyla, who jumped slightly, amazed at the other woman’s stealth.

“You’re getting good at mov
ing around quietly,” said Kyla.

“I’m learning to prowl. I di
dn’t mean to scare you though.”

“It’s okay. You’re right; I was deep in thought and anyone could have startled me. Not a good state to be in. I should be more alert.”

Nikki sat down on the couch and looked at her friend.

“
Is everything okay? Where’s Maddox?”

“I left him at the
motel. Everything’s okay. It’s best that we stay away from each other.”

“Does he say that, or do you?”

“Does it matter?”

“I think it does. Look, Tristan and I tried to stay apart. We really did. But we were always thinking of one another and it was impossible. It would have made us both miserable to be torn apart forever.”

“But you both knew it. You knew how much he wanted you.”

“Think about it, Kyla. Don’t you t
hink Maddox wants you as much?”

“Maddox is an enigma, to put it mildly. A bear who’s hard to read. One minute he’s worshipping at my altar, the next he’s aloof. I don’t know what to make of him.”

“He’s probably simply a man who’s fearful of love.”

“Yes, he is that. I know he is. But that’s all the more reason
for me to stay away, isn’t it?”

“I’m not sure. I think everyone needs to find
a way, eventually, to allow love in. To let people get close to them. It’s scary, of course, because you can get hurt. It’s the biggest risk a person can take in life. But think of the reward.”

“Well, on top of everything else, it
would be simpler if he lived here. But he doesn’t.”

“Well, what does
he do? Why can’t he move here?”

“Funnily enough, after sleeping with him a few times, I don’t know what he does, other than help on his father’s ranch.”

“Well, perfect. He could do that here. Or something else.”

“I suppose he could.”

“Kyla, I only speak from the limited experience I have. But you should tell him how you feel.”

“Yeah, you know, you’re right. I should. I suppose the worst that could happen is that I’m humiliated beyond words and feel like an ass forever. Or for a few weeks.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Listen, Nikki—speaking of love—how are things with your mother? I keep meaning to ask if you’ve spoken to her lately.”

“Well, you know that at first she was sort of heartbroken about my relationship with a shifter. But she’s coming around, I think. I miss her like crazy, though, and I worry that she’s lonely.”

“As long as you let her know you love her, I’m sure she’ll be fine. Maybe she could come visit?”

“I would love that. I’m working on it but I think it’s painful for her. The last shifter she saw was my father, and he hurt her so badly.”

“She needs to see that not everyone is going to desert her.”

“Agreed.” Nikki smiled.

Just then, the sound of a car engine outside made both women shoot their eyes to the window. The encroaching dark meant that they could only see approaching headlights.

“You don’t think that’s someone unwelcome, do you?” asked Nikki.

Kyla sniffed the air.

“No. I think it’s Corgan,” she said, smiling. Maybe he’d have news of Maddox. Maybe Maddox was with him, even.

“Your nose is awesome.”

“I think I have a nose for bears. That’s all.”

“That
’s not all you have for bears.”

Corgan
was alone, which wasn’t surprising but Kyla still managed to feel disappointed.

“I’ve come to bring some stuff to Tristan,” he said
, limping into the cabin. “Information that he asked for.”

“Yes, come in,
Corgan,” said Nikki, reminding Kyla of her mother inviting a guest into the house.

Tristan was already making his way down the stairs.

“How are things, young bear?” he asked. Though there was enough animosity in him to want to keep Corgan and Maddox away from the cabin, Tristan seemed fond of the two; there was a respect and an appreciation of their differences.

“Fine. I’ve got a bunch of p
aperwork: names, email and web addresses for you. A couple of street addresses, even,” said Corgan.

“That
’s fantastic work. Thanks so much.”

The young man
handed Tristan a pile of papers. “Really, this is remarkable,” replied the alpha. “You’ve done great. We should hire you.”

“To do what?”

“Not sure yet. I have a funny feeling that we’d find something to call a job.”

“Well, I’d work here in
a second. I like this place.”

The young man was smiling, and Kyla wondered if it was the place or his
temporary hostess that Corgan liked.

“How did you enjoy Julia?” asked Ni
kki, as if reading Kyla’s mind.

The bear shifter
’s already wide grin widened.

“I…enjoyed he
r a lot. She’s a feisty little thing.”

“Yeah, she is. Be careful. She may not have big teeth or claws
but she’s dangerous, that one.”

“I believe it.”

Kyla didn’t get the impression that Corgan had slept with the redhead; merely that he wanted to.

“How’s Maddox?” she asked, realizing only after the words came out that her reasons for inquiring must be obvious.