BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance (32 page)

I
RETURNED BACK
TO MY apartment, carrying two iced mochas and chocolate milk from Bird Rock Coffee.

Annie greeted me with a kiss—and a clean apartment. She’d scrubbed my floors, dusted the furniture, and even folded my laundry. Fuck, I didn’t remember getting married.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I need to be busy.”

I got it. And here I was about to interrogate her about her past.

“Gabriel’s taking a nap.”

We sat at the table.

“What’s wrong, Pat? You’re acting weird. Are you still upset about Chris? We’re meeting him in an hour so—”

“No. That’s not it.”

“No secrets. Spill it.”

I didn’t know how to approach her. We had an unspoken rule never to talk about her time in the Caribbean. “In the brothel, when I came back to see if you were who you said you were, you told me that you and Nicole were convinced you were going to be saved. Why did you think that?”

She shifted in her seat. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.”

“Why now?” She sucked her cheeks in.

“I’ve always wanted to ask you. There’s never a right time.”

“It was nothing. I thought this other guy was sent to save me once. He never came back. Why does it matter?”

“It matters to me. Why did you think he was going to come back?”

“First, you get all jealous about Chris and now you’re interrogating me about the johns? You know I don’t want to talk about them.”

“Please, Annie. I have to know.”

Her hands clenched into fists. “What do you want me to say? You want to hear how he forced me to make out with Nicole? What positions he fucked me in? Will that make you happy?”

“Dammit, Annie. Is that what you think of me? Of course, I don’t want to know that shit. You don’t think it kills me that all those men used you? That I used you? Every fucking night since I met you, I have nightmares of faceless men who fuck you. And in them, I’m fucking helpless and can’t save you. I want to kill every man who has ever touched you. I just wanted to fucking try to understand why no one ever saved you. Is that so fucking wrong?”

She pulled out her hair, like she had on the night I’d returned to the brothel. “I’m sorry, Pat. I’m just so screwed up. I lost it. I hate myself.”

“I’m not mad at you.” I pulled her to me, and kissed her forehead. “I know this is hard for you. I’ve been thinking about it and I want to know. But if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.” I wasn’t using reverse psychology—I didn’t want to upset her further. She’d tell me when she was ready.

“I’m sorry,” she squeaked.

“I’m sorry I brought it up. Forget I asked. We need to leave soon to meet your boyfriend.”

“Ha ha. I’ll get ready.”

Annie emerged from the bathroom wearing a short skirt, a tank top, and strappy sandals. Granted it was eighty degrees, but she looked too damn hot to go outside.

“What are you wearing?”

“Jesus, Pat. Controlling much? It’s scorching out and I thought you’d like it. I bought it yesterday. Now you’re going to tell me what to wear? I was a hooker, I’m beyond modesty.”

My throat became dry. We weren’t communicating at all. “No, I’m not telling you what to wear. But we’re going to meet your ex-boyfriend. I already don’t trust him, and I don’t need him lusting after you in front of me. You can wear whatever you want. It’s going to be so fucking hard for me to be away from you when I deploy next month and you’re not making it any easier.”

“So, if I dress sexy it will be harder for you to trust me? That’s dumb.” She wasn’t backing down.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I trust you. He’s your ex. I’m a man—I know what he’s going to think when he sees you. You’re fucking hot.”

She shrugged. “Okay. I’ll change.”

God, was I that much of a paranoid asshole? I wasn’t one of those men who thought women who dressed sexy were asking for it. I just wanted to protect Annie. I didn’t want anyone fantasizing about her. It would be impossible for me to focus on my job if I were worried sick about every man eye-fucking my woman while I was away.

She came back out in longer shorts, a tee shirt, and the same strappy sandals.

I kissed her. “You still look hot. Thank you.”

“It’s not a big deal. I get it.” She rested her head on my chest. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being honest with me about your feelings. I want you to be able to trust me. I didn’t realize how hard it would be for you to accept my past. I knew you wouldn’t judge me for what happened, but I forget that it must be tough for you to think about me being with those guys. What I’m saying is, it means a lot to me that you want to be with me.”

“I’m not going to lie to you and say this is easy for me. Because it isn’t. No man wants to picture anyone touching his girl ever, let alone hundreds. I know it wasn’t your choice. I know it wasn’t your fault. In my head, that girl was Star.”

She had a gleam in her eye, like an inner glow from her soul. “But for me, I feel like you’re the only man who gets me. Because you saw me as Star. And you’re still here. You haven’t only read about my past, you saw me first-hand like that. Fuck, I mean, you hired me. Star is a part of me and I don’t want to forget about her. Ever. If it weren’t for Star, there would be no Gabriel. She made me strong. Nothing can shake me now. I’ve made peace with my past, getting taken, the rapes, the drugs, and the men. Yeah, it was a nightmare. But it was my path. I was meant to be Gabriel’s mother. I was meant to find you. Therapy and yoga help me to understand that. I forgive my kidnappers. I feel like I can do anything, endure anything.”

I was mesmerized by her. Her forgiveness for the men who took her blew my mind. I never forgave people, my ex, the guy who hurt my mom. Annie was a better person than I was. She made me want to become a better person.

We woke Gabriel up, got him ready, leashed up Trigger, and we walked out the door.

Annie constantly amazed me with how strong she was. In BUD/S, the men who made it through weren’t necessarily the strongest men, the fastest men, or the smartest men. But they were the ones who, on day one, were determined not to quit, no matter what. They would not ring that bell.

Annie was like the men who made it. No matter how hard her life had been, she had been determined not to ring that bell under any circumstances. She was exactly like me. She could survive anything.

Maybe even loving me.

We drove to Solana Beach to meet Chris. He had picked the place, Zinc Café. I didn’t care; I just wanted to look him in his eyes and hear him say there was nothing going on between them.

The place was dog friendly, so Trigger made himself right at home. We walked into the courtyard, and spotted Chris sitting at a table, drinking iced tea.

He hugged Annie, and gave Gabriel a high five. I made sure to study his body language with Annie. He wanted her for sure. Fuck.

“Nice to meet you. Thank you for saving her.”

He shook my hand—a decent handshake. He looked older than the pictures I’d seen of him on the web. His sun-streaked hair was long and brushed his shoulders, his tan skin was weathered, and his eyes had lines around them.

“I’m going to order for us.” Annie kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand. I knew she was telling me to be nice to him. She didn’t have a clue that I had an additional ulterior motive for wanting to meet him.

Annie and Gabriel left us and went to order at the counter.

Chris smiled at me. “I wanted to thank you for clearing my name. I know finding Annie was way more important and it’s not about me, but it’s hard walking around having everyone look at you like a murderer. I felt so fucking guilty because I didn’t know what happened to her. I was depressed thinking she died, or was out there being traded around. I mean, I should’ve been able to protect her, but I didn’t. We were only eighteen and so stupid. I want to tell you that there is nothing going on between us, either. I’m seeing someone.”

I’m glad he got that out of the way, though I was pretty sure Annie had texted him to tell me that. He made strong eye contact and I believed him, even though I could tell he was still attracted to her. Not that I could blame him. “Thanks for that. I trust her. That’s not why I wanted to meet you, man.” I glanced over at Annie. She was talking to the cashier. “What do you know about her dad?”

Trigger sniffed Chris. “Mr. Hamilton? He’s great. Our fathers are old golfing buddies. He always believed I had nothing to do with Annie’s disappearance. Why?”

I wasn’t going to answer his questions. “How’s his relationship with Annie?”

A gust of wind blew his hair into his face. “He’s a tough guy, that’s for sure. Very hard on Annie. Total perfectionist. When we were dating, he was always giving her a hard time about everything. Her grades, her clothes, her friends. And we hadn’t even told our parents when we went on the vacation. He’s old-fashioned and Annie was sure he’d forbid her to go. I think, in all honesty, he’s embarrassed more than anything. He can’t handle the fact she was a hooker. And I think seeing Gabriel, knowing his father kidnapped Annie, is painful for him.”

Made complete sense. Her dad cared more about his image than his own daughter. He couldn’t handle the shame he felt she brought on the family, so he left her to die. “It’s hard for me to deal with, too. But it wasn’t her fault.”

He leaned into me. “Man, I got to hand it to you. You’re the man. I respect the fuck out of what you do, being a SEAL. You saved her. But how do you deal with the fact that she’s been with so many men? I know it wasn’t her fault. But you’re a better man than me. It would drive me crazy.”

“I try not to think about it.” I hated to admit it, but I liked Chris. He was honest and respectful.

Annie returned carrying three plates, like a waitress. She placed a burger in front of me, and Gabriel climbed into my lap.

I took a bite. It tasted great, but there was one problem. “Did you order me a veggie burger?”

“That’s the only kind of burger they have. This place is vegetarian.”

Figured. I was not cut out for the surfer lifestyle.

“So, are you guys best friends yet?” Annie teased.

Chris dug his fork into some kind of weird grainy salad. Quinoa? Bulgur? No clue. “You bet. Hey, do you think you could ever give me a tour of the base? I’d love to see the obstacle course.”

“Sure, buddy.” This guy was more of a fan than a threat. I was glad I met him.

“See? I knew you two would hit it off.”

The rest of the lunch was uneventful. Chris talked about some surf competition he’d entered; I guess the guy was pretty good. Seeing them together gave me a small glimpse of who Annie had been before she’d been taken: carefree, laid back, and sweet. She had probably been the type of girl who would’ve never even considered dating a SEAL.

Annie went back into the café to get some boxes.

Chris stood up. “Nice meeting you, Pat. If you ever need anything, let me know. And I’ll always be here for Annie, even when you’re gone. But you don’t have to worry about us hooking up. I’d never do that to you. Seriously, dude. You finding her was the best thing that ever happened to me. You not only gave Annie her life back, you gave me back mine.”

“I’ll have a beer with you anytime, Chris. And let me know when you want to see the base.”

“I will. That would be awesome. Hit me up if you ever want to ride the waves with me.”

I had no desire to learn. I’d never surfed, and I spent enough time in the water. But, I’d try anything once. “Sounds good. Later, bro.”

Annie walked back out of the café, carrying a paper bag. “Bye, Chris.”

They hugged again and I stared at Trigger. Friends. That’s all they were.

We climbed into my truck and Annie had a big grin on her face.

“What?”

“I knew you’d like him.”

“He’s cool. Different than how I thought he’d be.”

“See?” She rubbed my thigh. “I told you nothing was going on.”

We backed out of the parking lot, and drove away. She squeezed my hand.

Later that night, after Gabriel went to sleep, Annie cuddled up to me. “I’ll tell you what happened.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

“No. I want to. I’m calm now. I just have to separate the experience from myself, you know? I have to be in the right state of mind to talk about it.”

I nodded. Looking in her eyes would make this conversation too painful. For her. For me.

She took a deep breath and spoke in a whisper. “About two years after I was taken, these two American men came to the brothel. Not the same one you met me at, but a different one in Aruba. They were in their mid-thirties, one guy had brown hair and one guy was a redhead.”

Holy shit. My muscles quivered. Dave was right. I didn’t want Annie to see any reaction from me. “Go on.”

“Well, the first time they showed up, they chose two other girls. But I swear to God they both recognized me. When you picked me, you barely gave me a second glance, but the pimp allowed customers to ‘check out the merchandise’. The redhead got right in my face, as he walked down the line. Looked straight at me, even stared at my ankle, like he was looking for my tattoo, you know? I thought for sure he was going to pick me that night, but he didn’t. Around a week later they returned, but this time they chose Nicole and me. We’d been picked together before, sickos wanting to watch some girl on girl action. We were both cautious yet hopeful, thinking maybe they would recognize us. I mean, they were American.”

I ground my teeth. This was almost unreal.

“We went back to the room. They didn’t talk, just kind of motioned at us what they wanted us to do. To each other. Then to both of them.” Her hands made fists. I wanted to take my gun out and shoot something. “So after that, they just kind of lay there. They didn’t bolt like most guys do.” She pointed at me.

Guilty.

“So, I thought they recognized us. I was so excited and still had hope back then. I opened my mouth to tell them our names, but Nicole stopped me. She didn’t want to get in trouble. I didn’t care. Nicole had this look of sheer terror. The redhead, I remember, took this long, like, pained breath. I thought for sure he knew our stories, who we were. But the other man, he was really cold. He stood up and they left. The redhead looked back at me when he left the room and mouthed, ‘I’m sorry.’ I knew he recognized me. I was so positive he was going to come back. And I guess I’d even convinced Nicole we were going to be rescued. That at least they would share the sighting with my folks, and someone would come save us.”