Authors: Brad McKinniss
Tags: #communism, #secret societies, #conspiracy theories, #dr frankenstein, #rosenberg, #strong female protagonist, #the flagship
“
Just trolls and
extremists,” assured Jeffrey whenever one of those emails would
come through the server. “I wouldn’t be surprised if those emails
were from out of state dissenters, rather than regular Arkansas
folk.”
-----
Jeffrey was just finishing
up a phone call. “We would be pleased to have your support, Mr.
Cartwright! If you wish to donate to our campaign, I would suggest
you head to our website and buy signs, shirts, bumper stickers and
more! Yes sir, it’s all on the website. Thank you so much, good
bye!” He hung up the phone gingerly then stretched his back. He
released out a huge yawn.
“
Can’t rest now, Jeff!”
said McCarthy. McCarthy sat right next to Jeffrey at a different
phone and computer monitor. “We have more work to do!” His voice
gained in volume and a bothersome tone. “Gotta keep at it! We want
to be in the governor’s house! Or whatever it’s called in this
shit-pie state.” He pulled out his handkerchief and blew nose goo
into the disgusting piece of cloth he carried around with
him.
Jeffrey’s nose wrinkled at
the handkerchief. “Oh shut it, Joe,” replied Jeffrey. “And it’s
JEFFREY. Not Jeff. People named Jeff are slovenly
creatures.”
“
Relax, kid, relax. I’m
just trying to keep you on your toes.” McCarthy laughed. He moved
his handkerchief into his back pocket. “This shit isn’t over yet.
Anything can happen to disrupt this run at becoming governor. Hey,
boss, what’s the word on those implants things? Has that doctor and
your security detail finished their next wave? Or did they succumb
to some dumb shit?”
Silence.
Jeffrey turned and looked
at where Chairman Obelis was sitting. McCarthy didn’t turn around.
He focused on his computer monitor where he continued to answer
emails slowly by typing one finger at a time.
McCarthy asked again,
“Boss? Chairman Obelis? Where is that little guy, Silva, and where
is that pale oaf, Thane? Are the implants getting around Arkansas
correctly? Chairman? Hello?” More silence. He finally turned his
chair around and stared at Chairman Obelis.
Chairman Obelis was sitting
in a sturdy wooden chair watching coverage of the debate. He sat
uneasily watching the news from every channel imaginable. He was
happy how the debate had turned out and was overjoyed by the
staggering amount of support from Arkansans over the phone and
through email. What made him uneasy was the incredible amount of
coverage focusing on how his competition, Ryan Southwyck, exited
the debate.
“
This is what they focus
on?” said Chairman Obelis weakly. “This is really what they focus
on?” He grabbed his forehead and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to
be patted on the back, but can’t they for once just focus on what’s
going on in these debates? Focus on the candidates’ stances, not
what the candidates physically do
during
the debates?”
Chairman Obelis put his
hands near his ears and opened them widely as he faced the giant
television right in front of him. The television volume rose for as
long as his hands stayed open. It was the only television that was
not muted.
Don McSuede, the moderator
and announcer of the El Dorado debate, was on a roundtable talk
show. “I just couldn’t believe a candidate like Ryan Southwyck was
selected to
run
a
state. He just gave up after one question!” McSuede laughed. “It
was an abysmal showing for a predominantly republican base in that
community college ballroom. Can we watch that video of him pushing
away his advisors and friends?”
The roundtable show faded
to the video of Southwyck. Everyone on the show chortled and
guffawed. McSuede interjected as the video played, “Strangely,
Southwyck didn’t drop that much in the polls and still holds more
of the electorate than Huxley Obelis. People must think this
hilariously embarrassing video was endearing, or they’re not well
versed in politics!” More laughs, chuckles, chortles and guffaws
were had at the expense of Southwyck and Arkansans.
The camera panned to the
host of the roundtable show, after the video played six or seven
more times, stated, “We’ll be right back after a commercial break.
Be sure to stay tuned, as we will be talking with Ryan Southwyck on
how his mental breakdown can appeal to his voting base! We hope to
see him have a breakdown on air! Erm, I mean I hope we
don’t
see him have a
breakdown on air!” The screen faded to black then commercials
started to play. The first commercial was an advertisement for
penis enhancement pills. Or possibly bath tubs. It was difficult to
determine.
Jeffrey stood up from his
chair and walked over to the disappointed Chairman Obelis. His open
hands went to his ears and then he quickly closed them. The
television became muted. McCarthy shook his head at Jeffrey using
this method, as the remote control was just a few feet away and the
televisions were the same distance as well.
“
Lazy prick,” muttered
McCarthy.
Jeffrey placed a soft hand
on Chairman Obelis’ shoulder. "Slowly but surely things will
change, sir. You knew how the media outlets react to these sorts of
things – it’s about views and ratings to them, not what’s
legitimately news. It’s going to be a snail’s pace to change that,
but we – you, me and even McCarthy,” McCarthy looked at Jeffrey
when his name was mentioned and then began to pick his nose, “are
slowly going to be changing everything for the better. It’s slow
but it’s building up and will become faster and faster! Remember,
you can teach a man to fish, but he can still mess it all
up.”
Chairman Obelis sighed
softly and looked up at Jeffrey. “You’re right, Jeffrey. You’re god
damn right. I can’t mope. I have to stay strong, stay heady.” He
stood up and gently brushed off Jeffrey’s hand. “Joe, I’ll get in
touch with Silva or Thane right now. We need those implants in all
of Arkansas now!”
“
Awesome, boss!” replied
McCarthy as he turned his chair back around, still fiddling with
his finger up his nose. Jeffrey rolled his eyes at McCarthy’s
constant use of the word ‘boss’ and how often McCarthy would
fingerbang his nose.
“
Jeffrey, stay here and
monitor McCarthy while I make this phone call. I have to find
Silva’s new weekly phone number on my desk!” Chairman Obelis said.
Jeffrey nodded and returned to his seat. Chairman Obelis went to
leave the room when all three men went still at the sound of an
unusual noise.
Ding-a-dong.
Each man looked at one
another.
“
Um,” said
McCarthy.
Ding-a-dong.
“
This is a joke, right?”
said Jeffrey.
“
Quiet,” said
McCarthy.
Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
“
Jeffrey,” said Chairman
Obelis quietly, “hand me that tablet.” Jeffrey stood up swiftly to
adhere to the command. He handed the nearby tablet to Chairman
Obelis.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
The intensity of the noise
rose and echoed in each man’s ears.
“
One moment,” said Chairman
Obelis. “Checking the cameras.” He tapped and slid his finger all
over the tablet to access the security cameras to his
home.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
It was a feature he rarely
had to access as his houses had security devices that normally kept
intruders at bay: Jehovah’s Witnesses, Girl Scouts, journalists,
and looky-loos were all kept outside of his fences. Keeping people
at bay was a central ideal of Chairman Obelis, as he did not want
anyone to sabotage him – purposefully or accidentally. He was sure,
however, it was just a malfunctioning doorbell and all would be
solved soon enough since the complex security system in place did
not activate.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
Almost there,” said
Chairman Obelis. McCarthy and Jeffrey sat in their chairs quietly,
breathing softly. “And now I’m seeing all the cameras. Everything
appears to be fi… what in the world!” Chairman Obelis brushed the
sweat off his forehead with one hand. “There’s someone at the door!
There’s someone at the door! How?!”
Jeffrey began to panic. “Oh
God, oh God, oh God,” stammered Jeffrey. “We gotta get Joe outta
here, now!” Jeffrey ran over to McCarthy and tried to pull him out
of the chair. “No one can know you’re alive! Get up!”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
Get off of me!” screamed
McCarthy. “God damn it, stop touching me.” The two grappled for a
few moments until McCarthy pushed Jeffrey off of him. “Stop it,
Jeff!” Jeffrey stomped toward McCarthy.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
Both of you, quiet,”
commanded Chairman Obelis as he kept watching the front door
security camera’s live footage. It was hard to tell who the person
was since the camera was at a poor angle. “Who the hell installed
this camera? Why do we only have one camera focusing on the front
door? This is poor planning.” It only showed the person from the
chest to their knees. “They look a bit portly and out of shape. I
can’t figure out who this person is – I can’t imagine they’re
dangerous.”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
They have to be dangerous,
sir!” said Jeffrey in a frazzled tone. “Why else would they come up
to your house like this? How’d they even find this house? The one
registered for the governor’s race is in Little Rock.”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
I have a plan,” said
McCarthy. “Give me a disguise or some shit. I’ll pretend to be your
butler or male maid or whatever the fuck it’s called nowadays.”
Chairman Obelis looked up from the tablet. His face twisted towards
McCarthy. “Come on, I barely looked like I did fifty years ago
anyhow. Most people won’t know who Joe McCarthy even is. Damn that
was sad to say.”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
Chairman Obelis, face
untwisted, looked over at Jeffrey. “What do you think, Jeffrey? Do
we risk it?”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
“
I… I, um, I’m not in the
best state of mind, sir,” said Jeffrey. He began to pull at the
hair on his eyebrows. “Whatever,
ow
, you think is right, sir.” He
continued to pick at his eyebrows frantically.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
“
Come on, Chairman Obelis!”
laughed McCarthy. “If it’s an assassin I’ll take the hit! If it’s
some booty looking to fuck you, I’ll take the hit!” He laughed
again. “But seriously, sir, give me some formal clothes quickly.
I’ll be a good little butler. I won’t even make eye contact or talk
in a vulgar manner!” McCarthy got up from his chair and walked to
the exit.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
“
Fine,” said an
apprehensive Chairman Obelis. “Jeffrey, go get Joe a suit jacket, a
white shirt and sunglasses. There should be some extra fat guy
clothes in one of the guest rooms.”
“
Sunglasses?” chimed both
Jeffrey and McCarthy.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
“
Just an extra measure to
conceal his identity,” said Chairman Obelis. “Now, both of you
hurry! Now!”
Both men scurried out of
the room.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
“
Does everything fit?”
asked Jeffrey. “Screw it, just go. This person isn’t going to leave
until someone answers that fucking door.”
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.
McCarthy walked briskly to
the front of the house in a tight black suit jacket, a wrinkly
white buttoned shirt and lime green sunglasses. “These are the only
ones I can find right now,” Jeffrey had told McCarthy as he
dressed.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong. Ding-a-dong.
Ding-a-dong.