Beastly Desires (21 page)
“Jesus…” Kaisal brushed Basanti’s hair back from her serene face. One huge bruise ran from her temple to her chin. “What happened?”
“She took to a tree and one of the rogues followed her up,” Naresh answered. “He snapped the branch mid-fight and she went down.” His brother’s eyes flicked to Dublhainn. “Dubbs flipped his shit on an
epic
scale.”
“Which would explain why he looks as though his name should be Norman,” Kaisal stated. He looked away from his unconscious cousin. “Leave any alive?”
“Not. A. One,” Dublhainn growled.
“Didn’t think so.” He nodded to the left. “Get back to the house and get her to the E.R. I’ll follow in a bit.”
“And that one?” Naresh motioned toward Rave who was attempting to crawl away.
Kaisal looked from the lion male to Kamali’s questioning gaze and back to his sibling. “He’ll be dealt with when I have on some pants.”
Naresh patted him on the shoulder. “That would be advantageous for us all, big brother. For us
all…”
***
“Princess?”
Kamali lifted her eyes from Callum’s slumbering form as he rested in her lap while they sat in the waiting room of a supernaturally run E.R. About an hour ago, a snow leopard in scrubs had let them all know that Basant’s concussion was minor but her leg was most certainly broken and would take a week or two to completely heal. They’d set the limb and left her on a special dosage of painkillers while she slept on.
They’d all been treated for any injuries sustained while defending pride land, and before leaving Verochka territory, Kaisal had placed Rave under the watchful eyes of several tigers who were part of his security team. Why he’d left the lion alive Kamali didn’t know. She also didn’t know the reason he’d conveniently forgotten to mention he was staging an ambush. If it were anyone else and any other situation she would be
livid
but the guilt-ridden expression her mate had been wearing since he’d stopped her from taking Rave’s throat softened the blow of his misguided decision to leave her unaware. It didn’t mean he was out of the time-out corner just yet though.
He held out a bottle of water and candy bar in her direction and she took it. As he started to walk away, Kamali said, “Kaisal?”
Stopping, he looked over his shoulder.
She nodded to the empty chair beside her and following her silent request, he took it.
“Kamali—”
When she held up a hand, he quieted.
“Do you trust me?”
He frowned. “Of course I do.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Reconsider that answer.”
Kaisal looked around the small room and toward Naresh and Dublhainn who were avidly watching from another side of the sitting area. “Out.”
The wolf alpha and the younger tiger rose.
Kamali snapped her fingers and pointed downwards. “Sit.”
Their gazes bounced between herself and Kaisal. Either they respected or feared her more because they retook their seats.
She glared at Kaisal. “You’ve had every other discussion about our lives, future, and relationship with them, why should this time be any different?”
His hands balled in his lap. “I did what I thought was best.”
Snorting, she replied, “
Gb
Í
si mi.
Listen to me.
Mo m
Í
ohun ti o dara fun aw
Í
n ti o j
¹
.
I know what is good for you.”
“I am
not
Enilo.”
“Then stop behaving like him,” Kamali snapped. “Stop trying to make me bury my head in the sand.”
“I was attempting to
protect
you.”
“
No.
You were attempting to
cage
me, the very thing you swore you wouldn’t do.” She held his glare. “You’re remorseful for all the wrong reasons right now,
mate.
The weight of the world shouldn’t be on your shoulders because you
think
you put me and Callum in danger. It should be on your shoulders because you shielded me the same way he always did and it left me
blind
.” Her lungs felt as though they would explode if she exhaled any harder. “Fighting Rave—coming close to killing him—was a necessary evil that I accepted would happen eventually. The same way I accepted that at some point Nico would come back to haunt me. I just wish I could’ve done it on my own terms. I just wish you trusted me to be as strong as you are.” Standing, she adjusted Callum in her arms and left the room without another word.
Kamali wouldn’t talk to him. She ignored his presence, only acknowledging him when Callum was around. The silence had been going on since they’d left the E.R. yesterday. Along with long hours in her studio when they’d eventually gotten home and the coldness that cloaked her when she finally climbed into bed at night, making sure they never touched. It was all for naught though. They still woke every so often in the middle of the night just to find either Kaisal spooning her with a hand cupped over her sex or Kamali allowing him to use her chest as a resting place. The moment she came to, she was on her side of the bed again, distancing herself.
It was the same wary, frigid behavior she’d exhibited when they met and he hated it. He hated himself even more for causing it, but each time he opened his mouth to make it right, to apologize, she just abruptly walked away and sequestered herself in her studio. Kaisal was coming to despise the very thing he’d created just for her.
Ever composed, she never let on that something was wrong in front of Callum but as much as they liked to see their son as an innocent, he was intuitive. This was demonstrated when he pulled Kaisal to the side this morning after breakfast, stared intently up at him and stated, “Whatever you did—you need to fix it.” The cub walked away after that, leaving Kaisal to wonder exactly what the solution to this particular problem was because, as of right now, he didn’t have the slightest idea.
Therefore, he occupied himself with something he
could
do: brooding. He sat on his back porch, he sipped from his favorite coffee mug, and he
brooded.
It was a blissfully silent time…for all of five goddamn minutes.
“I don’t need you to carry me!”
“Stop being so fucking stubborn! It’s only been a day and you can’t put weight on that leg!”
“I’ll hobble around this entire goddamn yard before I let you treat me like an inval… Goddammit, Dublhainn put me down!
Put me down right fucking now
!”
“Shut up! Just shut up and let someone help you!”
Sighing, Kaisal raised his eyes from his mug and watched as Dublhainn came striding toward him, once again holding Basanti in the same cradle as the day before.
They’d wanted to keep her overnight for observation at the E.R. but she scared the living fuck out of her doctors so they’d released her under Dublhainn’s care and Kaisal could only imagine how that had gone over. They were obviously coming from Basanti’s home, which was about a five-minute walk, and the irritation that shrouded the pair was comical.
The need to maim the wolf glittered in Basanti’s ginger-shaded eyes, and she looked moments away from raking her nails down his face. Dublhainn on the other hand looked…
satisfied.
Kaisal could give his theory on why but there was a distinct chance that it would result in the loss of full mobility in his legs. He’d rather not risk it.
The pair reached him and Dublhainn set Basanti down next to Kaisal. She sniffed contemptuously and took Kaisal’s mug from his hands. “Before you bemoan the loss of your coffee, let it be understood that I either drink this or gnaw off Dublhainn’s nose.”
He exhaled and sat back as the wolf’s lip curled just a bit. “Coffee it is.”
“Where’s Naresh?” she questioned.
“Keeping watch on Rave.”
Her brows rose ever so slightly but it was Dublhainn who asked, “Do you think he’d really attempt escaping?”
Kaisal held his friend’s stare. “Naresh isn’t trying to keep Rave
in.
He’s trying to keep me
out
.”
Quiet settled over all three.
“Kamali?” Dublhainn suddenly prodded.
“Still not speaking to me,” Kaisal retorted.
The wolf grimaced. “And how did she react when you told her you were holding Rave?”
He looked off and softly responded, “She wanted to ask me why I stopped her from killing him. It was written all over her face but she simply shook her head and walked away.”
“You’re deciding things for her again,” Basanti interjected. “She needed to kill him just like she needs to kill Traore.
She
has to end this. It can’t be you, it can’t be
any
of us.”
“And you know this because…?”
“I fell out of a fucking tree and had a walk with my spirit animal,” his cousin snapped. “I know it because the very thing you’re doing to her is what happens to me on security jobs with men. Everyone thinks you’re too delicate, too unblemished to handle what consequences follow taking a life, even when in self-defense. I didn’t realize I was helping to facilitate that very thing until someone told me the damage she managed to do to that son of a bitch all on her own.”
Basanti closed her eyes. “Believe me when I say that I wanted her to be unmarred. I
wanted
her to be spotless because that’s what I’ve always thought you needed, someone with a completely clean spirit. But it’s that corner of savage darkness she has that makes her
perfect
for you.” Her lids lifted. “Don’t make her feel dirty for wanting to do what comes so naturally to us all—protecting what we value, what we
love.
She didn’t fight because she’s feral and can’t control the urge to do damage. She fought because she’d rather be hurt preserving what matters most than to stand by and watch it be snatched away again.” Leaning toward him, she added, “Don’t leash her, Kaisal. Don’t project your own fears onto her. And don’t, by any means, leave her assuming that you don’t think her strong enough to handle her own battles. She found her way to you all on her own. Refrain from giving her reasons to question that choice.”
“Heh,” Dublhainn breathed. “That was some serious wisdom from Friskies here.”
Basanti turned on him so fast Kaisal simply decided to get out of the way. As the pair commenced with bellowing and insults, he slowly walked up the back steps, over his deck, and into his kitchen, resolved in the knowledge that his mate needed to see what he saw when he looked at her.
***
Inspiration evaded her. Not matter how hard she attempted to focus on drawing something—
anything—
she couldn’t get her pencil to move. So there she sat, in the room that had been her haven just a few short days ago, staring out the window across from her desk and wondering when she’d be able to talk to Kaisal without screeching. Kamali loved him—by God did she love him—but this time she couldn’t find it within herself to be so…
calm
.
She understood his motivation for wanting to keep her safe but she’d made it a point long ago to establish her independence as an artist, a shifter, and a mother. Kamali had never hidden behind anyone for
any
purpose, and she had no intention of doing so now.
Obviously she hadn’t made that clear enough to her mate because he was still handling her as though she’d crumble under the slightest of pressures. She might not have lived the same way Kaisal did, she might not have experienced the dangers he’d endured in the military or as a weapon for hire, but she knew the highs and lows of their world, had witnessed them for herself. Struggling with the Enilo’s overbearing nature had taught her a valuable lesson on what it meant to show others she wasn’t to be underestimated. A gentle nature was inherent to her simply because motherhood had opened up that hidden characteristic but beneath that, she had instincts, strength, unencumbered compulsions just like every other predator she’d ever come across. Those compulsions had taken over yesterday when she’d been seconds away from wiping Rave from the face of the earth. Her lioness’ outrage at being stopped in the midst of finishing its prey was poignant.
She distanced herself, deciding that remaining in the quiet space of her studio would keep her from saying something she couldn’t take back. After breakfast Callum had disappeared for a slumber party with the other cubs and Kaisal informed her that he was holding Rave until he could figure out what the next step was. Kamali had wanted to ask then why he’d prevented her from ending Rave’s life but she’d stopped herself, preferring to simply walk away before frustration got the better of her.
Eyes focused on her mother’s name, she wondered if their story of love would slowly transform into one of resentment. A sharp rap on the closed door drew her away from her thoughts and before Kaisal even said, “It’s me,” she knew who was outside.
He’d been attempting to apologize each time he’d managed to get her alone but she didn’t want platitudes or more promises. She wanted him to admit the reason why he’d left her oblivious.
“Princess,” he softly said. “
Please
?”
The plea in his voice was tangible but Kamali never moved.
Kaisal sighed. “Okay. You want to do this through the door? Fine. We’ll do it through the door.”
She kept her mouth shut.
“I didn’t trust you,” he quietly confessed. “I didn’t trust you and I
should
have.”
With resignation, Kamali pushed back from her seat and unlocked the door, opening it.
Her mate stood there, his hands gripping the frame on either side but he made no move to cross the threshold. He only continued speaking. “I didn’t trust that you could fight your own battle and I didn’t trust that you could handle the consequences that followed.” Kaisal’s eyes drifted toward the floor. “Even worse, I didn’t trust that you wouldn’t take Callum and run the first chance you got.”
She swallowed and wrapped her arms about herself.
Kaisal reached out but pulled back and dropped his hand to his side. “Every corner of your heart is pure. I see it in your smile, I hear it in your laugh. And when you look at me like I’m the reason you’re still anchored to this world…” He exhaled. “The way you call Callum
love
and mean it every single time as if it’s not a simple moniker but a fact
spears
me. I watch you interact with Naresh and see the charm that rests under his idiocy and I see how comfortable Basanti becomes in your presence. Dublhainn who has very little respect for
anyone
or
anything
sometimes stares at you with this awed expression because he very clearly sees what I do when I look at you. And my pride—
my pride—
who questioned my father’s decision to appoint me as the new dominant were willing to risk
everything
to ensure your safety. Kamali, I don’t believe Enilo wanted to control you. I believe he wanted to safeguard the very thing that cloaks you like a blanket—your goodness. In all the time you’ve been here you’ve struggled with staying because you were concerned about what would happen to everyone else. You were concerned about what would happen to
me.”
Clenching his jaw, he lifted his palms, spread his fingers wide, and told her, “
There is no comparison between the strength in my hands and the strength in your heart. I've allowed my hands to rule me while you've allowed your heart to
guide
you
. I move based on emotion while you use logic but you need to know that behind that—behind everything I do for you—is love. I
love
you. I didn't want the last vestiges of peace you’d finally garnered to be broken so I attempted to cover them when I should've comprehended that as my equal, my
mate
, you could do it on your own. That doesn't mean I'll never become tempted to guard you again but it
does
mean I'll remember the woman I marked is so effortlessly capable that I won't
need
to.”
He took a in a deep breath. “So this is my apology, princess. This isn’t me patronizing you or speaking only because it’s what I think you want to hear. This is me, telling you I am sorry for doing the very thing I promised I wouldn’t. I’m sorry for caging you. I’m sorry for leaving you blind. And I’m sorry for underestimating the primitive parts of you that make you so errorless.”
She didn’t open her mouth for fear of releasing the sob stuck in the back of her throat so Kamali could only manage to nod and blink.
“Right.” Kaisal backed away. “I’m gonna um…go…do something.” With that awkward statement, he turned and began to walk away.
Finding her voice, she called, “Kaisal?”
As always when she said his name, he halted mid step and waited patiently, his eyes warm.