Beautiful Blue World (19 page)

I hurried down the pier to the second fish shop. I bought a fried piece of fish wrapped in newspaper that became instantly greasy. I carried the fish back, biting into it as soon as it stopped steaming. Flaky and fresh, heavily breaded…it was so good! Maybe the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten.

It certainly competed with raspberry-glazed buns.

My heart thudded: this was my last meal in Sofarende.

Maybe ever.

I hurried back up the pier, licking my fingers.

He was still there. “Good grub, isn't it?”

“Very good.”

He hopped into his boat, and offered me a hand.

I tried to get used to the wobbly feel of the boat as we passed the last of Sofarende's islands.

No Eilean in sight.

The sun set, and darkness surrounded us. When I looked back, I could no longer see Sofarende.

My home.

My home. Where I had let loose an enemy.

And become a traitor.

I checked in my coat: the papers were still there. The blue world. My sisters' handprints. I placed my hand over my pocket, feeling warmer, and a bit less wobbly, to know their small images pressed against my heart.

I carried a lot of things from home. Home including Faetre. All of Sofarende.

Not just in my pocket, but deep within me.

What had Megs picked to bring with her when she came to Faetre? I hadn't even asked. I'd been so surprised by her arrival—a gift from home herself.

She had brought news of our families.

Hope that we could be reunited with people we loved.

Those things were more important than anything else she could have brought.

And those were exactly the kinds of things the Examiner had wanted me to learn about Rainer. His memories, small pieces of his life that were important to him. And why they meant something to him.

He'd brought anger, yes.

But other things, too.

Things that we'd all brought.

The
idea
of home.

Safety.

Family.

Wanting to have the whole world set right, back to how things used to be.

If not the whole world, then our own small pieces of it.

I looked back over my shoulder, toward Sofarende, even though I couldn't see it.

A lump rose in my throat.

Father, Mother, Kammi, and Tye—were they all right?

Would someone tell them that we'd left?

Mother and Father would believe that we'd gone ahead somewhere safe.

It was what they had wanted. We had chosen that hope together, back in Lykkelig.

I turned my eyes ahead, looking into the dark for Eilean.

I remained standing, holding them all in my heart. Father, Mother, Kammi, and Tye; Megs; Brid, Caelyn, and Annevi; Tommy, Hamlin, and Gunnar.

Even Rainer and his blue world.

I would carry those people and things with me to Eilean.

And whatever happened when I got there, I would use them to build the world that I wanted.

One in which we could all be at home.

Thank you to the following organizations who provided access to the primary source materials, classes, and immersive environments that helped me imagine life, work, and family separation during wartime:

Suzanne LaFleur is the author of
Love, Aubrey; Eight Keys;
and
Listening for Lucca.
She lives in New York City, where she decorates her walls with the handprints of children she loves. Visit her online at
suzannelafleur.com
.