Read Beautifully Broken Online
Authors: C.C. Russell
“I am an impressive guy what more can I say. I’m not the
best singer, you’ll have to help me out there,” Edwin said
as he took the guitar out of its case and sat down on the
bed beside her. She could tell by the look on his face that
he liked music. He shut his eyes as he strummed a few
notes making sure it was in tune. “Do you know Free
Bird?” he asked her “It seem like it would be a good song
for us to sing,” he smiled.
He started playing from memory. He shut his eyes as he
strummed his guitar, listening to each note. He played so
gracefully. Even though he didn’t open his eyes his face lit
up with joy showing how much he loved playing. Music
was an escape from his dark secrets and the past he was
running from. She watched him and listened to him play;
his love for music was so natural and pure. He opened his
eyes and looked at her as he began to sing. She was
captivated by him. She hung on to every word. It was like
he was singing to her, he never took his eyes off of her
and he smiled the whole time.
He stopped playing and just looked at her, she was
glowing full of happiness she kept singing even after he
stopped playing. She went on and on making up her own
song.
“I’m a free bird so free and happy free from you now
daddy, you can’t get me now you can’t hurt me anymore
because I’m a free bird and I can fly…”
She sang then stopped and started laughing she chugged
her drinks and then fell back on her bed crying and
laughing at the same time.
“Ya well I told you I’ve never drank before,” Cali said
slurring her words as she touched his face and looked
into his eyes.
“Why do you have to be so amazing, and incredibly
charming? Do you know how hard it is to resist you? It’s
torcher, if I admit it right now that I want you, will you kiss
me?” Cali asked trying her best not to slur her words.
Edwin moved away from her, she sat up feeling very
embraced and rejected.
“Every time I give you an opening, you always fail to
follow through,” Cali shook her head trying to play it off
like she didn’t care but he could hear the disappointment
in her voice.
“Cali you’re drunk, and believe it or not I actually like and
respect you and wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt
you,” Edwin said looking away from her. “I will kiss you
when you’re sober but you never seem to let that happen.”
“Oh stop being so serious, you’re killing my buzz. Let’s do
something fun,” she said jumping up and down on the bed
like a little kid. “You should do this with me it’s so much
fun, I’ve never jumped on a bed before,” Cali was laughing
as she fell down on the bed beside him and he laughed at
her, her sweet innocence made her even more irresistible.
“Ok I’ll play your little game but first you have to do one
thing for me,” Cali said bending down towards him. “You
have to jump on the bed with me, just one time.”
“You’re like a child do you know that?” Edwin laughed
and shook his head.
“Ya well you’re the one that said we could do all the things
I have never done before and I have never jumped on a
bed before,” she smiled at him giving him this seductive
look. “It’s so much fun I think I will do it all the time now,”
Cali said laughing as she put her hand out to help him up.
He took her hand and stood up. They were both facing
each other on the bed. She giggled and smiled like a little
girl and it made him feel happy and he laughed too. They
began jumping. She slipped and almost fell off the bed but
he reached out and caught her before she fell. He held her
in his arms, she didn’t want him to let her go, he looked
down at her and she looked up into his eyes.
“I think I am as scared of this as you are,” the words flew
out of his mouth and she knew what he meant. They both
knew that if something happened between them it was
going to change them both forever. They had this
connection, a pull towards each other that neither of them
understood or ever felt before.
“Ok let’s play your game now,” Cali said and he released
her from his arms. They both sat down on the bed facing
each other. “What’s the game?”
“Ok that sounds easy enough, you go first,” Cali muttered.
“What do you like better peanut butter or jelly? Edwin
asked smiling.
“Peanut better,” Cali answered. “Ok what would you rather
do eat worms or lick a frog?” She scrunched up her face
as she asked the question.
“A doctor, but they are both hard jobs,” Edwin said
thinking about it. “But definitely a doctor; trying to help
save people verses lying for people.”
“Ok well if you hate lawyers so much what would you
rather be a lawyer or a striper?” Edwin asked laughing
playing it off like he didn’t hear her last comment.
“Hahaha that’s a horrible question, I don’t think I could do
either, I’m going to pick stripper just because I have to
pick one and this is hypothetical but for the record I would
be one broke ass stripper,” Cali took another sip of her
drink. “No one would want to see that and I would likely
cry every time I took off my clothes” she whispered and
laughed at herself. “I’m getting bored of this game, let’s
play have you ever?” she smiled at him.
“Yes of course I have. I’m lying to you right now,” she said
laughing. “I know you have me pegged as this sweet,
innocent little girl but sadly I am not. I think once you get
to know me better you’ll lose interest when you find out
I’m just bad,” she put her head down.
“Ya well I don’t think so, Cali everyone lies we already
both know were running from something and we just met
of course we have lied to each other, it’s no big deal,”
Edwin mutter touching her shoulder.
“Yes I have stolen before. It’s kind of funny I but I stole a
doctor’s uniform to sneak into the hospital where my
girlfriend was. I had to see her and they wouldn’t let me, so
I found a way in. I had to say good bye to her. I had to
know she was ok,” he spoke with so much sadness in his
voice.
“Will you tell me about her?” Cali asked.
“Her name was Kayla. She was petite like you, with wavy,
golden brown hair and hazel eyes. She was all over the
place she was happy and wild and then she was crying
and angry. I loved her so much but I couldn’t help her she
had so many mental health issues. I didn’t understand
back then. I thought if I just loved her enough she would
get better and then everything would be ok. She had a
nervous breakdown and she was in a mental health facility
for a few months. The day before she was supposed to go
home, we went for a walk. She seemed so happy that day.
We went to the roof of the hospital that’s where we would
go to be alone it was so nice, we could see everything
from up there. When we were up there she told me life was
too hard and some people were strong enough to face it
and others just couldn’t live. She kissed me and told me
she loved me but it just wasn’t enough that love couldn’t
save her from herself. Even with me she still didn’t feel
strong enough to go back home and face reality. I didn’t
know what she was talking about before I could process
what she was saying. She looked into my eyes and she let
herself fall off the edge of the building. I wasn’t close
enough to be able to save her. That broke me all over
again. I was healing after the death of my parents but then
after that I was lost for a long time,” he stopped talking
and looked down. He was quiet for some time, trying to
hold back the tears. Cali had tears in her eyes. It was a sad
story but even more than that he opened up to her and
told her something real. After listening to his
heartbreaking story she felt closer to him. He was broken
too, just like her. She felt less lonely but at the same time
even sadder to know that he had been through so much.
She could see the pain in his face and she wished she
could take all his pain away. She didn’t say anything she
just held his hand and looked the other way she didn’t
want to make him feel bad or uncomfortable but she
wanted to comfort him at the same time.
“Life is hard, but sometimes the hardest thing is living,
after tragedy it’s so easy to just give up it takes a stronger
person to fight and to get up each day and face the world,”
Cali spoke quietly and slowly.
“Only someone who has been through a great deal in their
life would understand that,” Edwin said looking over at
her. “I told you one dark secret now it’s your turn.”
“My mom’s name was Katie. She was so pretty. She had
curly blond hair and light blue eyes and when she smiled
she could brighten even the darkest day. She made me so
happy. She was the best mom. She did everything with me;
we built forts, did crafts, she never yelled at me or hit me.
One day we made this big huge chocolate cake with white
icing and sprinkles. The kitchen was a mess but we had so
much fun it was the best day I can remember and it was
also the last day she was alive. That night she told me I
was everything she ever wanted and that I made her so
happy. She told me she loved me more than anything in
the world. That night she killed herself after I went to sleep.
After that life all went to hell, so yes I have been through a
similar situation and I understand how difficult it is. I
wouldn’t say I know how you felt because I don’t know
what you went through. But I know how it feels to be alone
and lost and broken and no good. I don’t hate my mother
for what she did, I understand wanting to be free but as
hard as my life has been I still want to live. I’m not ready to
give up on hope that things can get better,” Cali spoke
clearly and slowly she was sad thinking back to her
mother because that only made her think about her father
and thinking about him made her feel sick and anxious.
Thinking about her father made her worry about her
sisters and what they must be going through.
“Wow its interesting how we have both been through so
many similar things in our lives,” Edwin said looking at
her with a curious expression on his face. “I think we met
because we need each other”.
“Will it make you uncomfortable if I sleep in my boxers I
promise to stay on my own side of the room on my own
bed,” he said smiling at her, putting his hands up in the
air.
He took off his jeans and his shirt. She couldn’t help but
watch him. It was dark in the room but the light from the
moon allowed her a peek at his perfectly chiseled body.
He was so incredible, she turned her head away when he
looked over at her; she didn’t want him to know she was
watching him. He got into his bed and rolled on his side
and she rolled on her side so they were facing each other.
“What would you say is the best thing you have in your
life?” Edwin asked as he looked at her. Even in the dark he
could see her beauty.
“My sisters,” she talked very low and her voice cracked. “I
love my sisters. We are all really close and I have always
been there for them until now. I just abandoned them,
leaving then alone to fend for themselves. I have never
been so selfish before; it’s killing me I haven’t even talked
to them since I left. It’s so hard I miss them so much we
have never been apart. It’s so weird not having anyone to
take care of. I feel so lost and lonely. I miss Lila. She is
shy and quite and her heart is so pure. I miss hearing her
play the piano. I miss Natasha. She is my best friend. She
is so strong and so beautiful. I miss talking to her I have
always told her everything. I miss Amanda’s innocence
and optimism. She is the happiest person I have ever met.
Her head is always up in the clouds dreaming of her
prince charming. Then there is Claudia. I think I might miss
her the most. She probably hates me for leaving her and
ruining her life. I love her so much even though she breaks
my heart. She is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever
seen and she knows it but that’s all she thinks she’s good
for. She is so much more than that. She’s smart and
talented. Without me there telling her that every day, she
might forget how special she is and I just worry about her.
She’s not as strong as she thinks she is. I am sorry I’m
babbling on and on about my sisters, I just miss them so
much”.
“I couldn’t handle things anymore. I just needed to get
away. One day I know I will have to face my mistakes but
for right now, I choose to run and live a little before I go
back and face my fate,” Cali said tears running down her
face, she told him what she could, without coming out and
saying;
Ikilled my dadbecause he rapedandtorture me