Beautifully Broken (The Broken Series Book 2) (36 page)

Kadyn
looked away as he kicked at the snow. “I can’t help but think how different
things would be right now if I had found you in Paris a few months ago.”

My
eyes widened. “You were in Paris? When?”

“In
late August,” he replied. He continued kicking at the snow.

I
quickly did the math. “We were in Saint-Tropez. Someone tried to break into the
house, and Michael didn’t think it was safe to stay there until they upgraded
the security system.”

Kadyn
nodded. “We saw people working on the security system. We knew you had been
there because a waiter from a nearby coffee shop recognized your picture. We
waited and watched the house, but you never showed. We couldn’t figure out
where he had taken you.”

I
sighed as I leaned against my dad’s car and stared at the snow.
Was I already
pregnant by the time Kadyn had arrived?
“Who went?” I whispered.

“Mason,
Roger, and Cenia, but Dan and Phil put a lot of effort into finding you too.
There are a lot of people who love you, Kri. You don’t have to look far to find
one.”

I
looked at Kadyn and wondered if he could be counted among them. “I’m sorry,” I whispered
miserably. “I am so sorry.” Slowly the tears began to fall.

Kadyn’s
voice broke when he spoke. “I’m sorry too, Kri… but too much has happened for
us to go back to the way we were. I don’t know how to work through this… you
falling in love with another man, willingly having sex with him, and becoming
pregnant with his child. You chose to stay when you could have walked away. You
were going to marry him, Kri… when you should have been marrying me.”

I
knew there was no way Kadyn would believe that I still loved him, not when
everything he said was true. It took everything I had to remain standing in
front of him, instead of collapsing in the snow. I hung my head and cried.

Kadyn
pushed off from the car and folded me in his arms. “I love you, Kri, but not
enough for the both of us. I can’t be with you when you’re in love with another
man.” He kissed the top of my head before pulling away. He nudged my chin up
with his finger, forcing me to look in his eyes before he spoke again. “I’ll be
your friend, Kri. I’ll still be your friend, but that’s as far as I can go.”

I
nodded numbly. “Thank you, Kadyn. I know it’s more than I deserve.”

Kadyn
walked around the car and opened the door. “You deserve to be happy, Kri.
Please be safe and call me when you get to DC.”

I
watched as he climbed into the car and drove away. I don’t know how long I
stood in the driveway crying before I finally fell to my knees. I pressed my
hands to my chest as I folded in on myself, desperate to ease the excruciating
pain. I had never wanted to die more than I did in that moment.

I
don’t remember much about the two weeks that followed Kadyn’s departure, but I
do recall Kimme, Dan, and Charlie traveling to Great Falls to see me. I ended
up staying with my cousin for a month. My family didn’t want me spending
Christmas alone. I wrapped presents and helped decorate the Christmas tree with
a sad sense of detachment. When we went to church on Christmas Eve, I wasn’t
even there. I was standing in the center of the Palais Garnier watching the
wedding that should have been.

I
continued to struggle with sleep. Nothing good ever came of my dreams. The
sleeping pills helped numb the pain, but they didn’t erase the memories that
haunted me. I woke up crying every night. My arms felt empty, my chest felt
hollow, and the rest of me fluctuated between numbness and pain. I would cry at
the smallest of things or nothing at all.

I
finally saw a therapist that Lexie recommended, but talking didn’t help. She
prescribed antidepressants, but I didn’t like the idea of being on drugs day
and night, so I didn’t bother filling the prescription. Besides, there was a
part of me that wanted to feel pain, although I couldn’t say why. Maybe because
I thought I deserved it, or maybe because it was the only thing I could still
feel.

Lexie
helped me carve out a plan, which began with the university where I had been
accepted. They agreed to enroll me in their graduate program for the winter
semester, which was scheduled to begin in January, but I had to make up the
missed credits from the fall semester over the summer. I agreed to their
conditions.

I
called Cenia to see if I could stay with her until I could find my own place.
Cenia assured me I could stay with her for as long as I needed and offered to
pick me up from the airport when I arrived. While it was difficult to say
goodbye to my family, those departures paled so much in comparison to the ones
involving Michael and Kadyn, that I hardly even noticed the pain.

* * * * * *

I
was standing at the baggage carousel when Cenia tackled me with what was meant
to be a hug. “I missed you, Kri! I’m so glad you’re back.”

“I
missed you too,” I choked through tears. I tightened my arms around her. “A
lot.”

Cenia
swiped at her face. She narrowed her eyes at the wall of people standing
between me and the baggage carousel. I could tell she was preparing to muscle
her way in. “So, what does your luggage look like?”

I
peered around the shoulders in front of me. “I have two bags… black with some
random brown pattern.”

Cenia
pushed through the crowd.

“Hey,
you cut your hair!” I exclaimed.

She
turned around and rolled her eyes at me. “Months ago!” She dove back into the
crowd.

I
couldn’t help but smile. I had forgotten how much I loved her spunk.

Cenia
emerged from the crowd. She was rolling two bags that looked like mine. “Are
these yours?” she inquired skeptically.

I
glanced at the ID tags I had attached at the airport in Great Falls. “Yes. These
are mine.”

Cenia
raised an eyebrow. “Some random brown pattern? These are Louis Vuitton.” She
pointed to the overlapping L’s and V’s.

I
gave her an apologetic look. “I didn’t know. I didn’t exactly pick them out. They
were kind of forced on me.” They were the suitcases the maid had packed for me
in Paris.

Cenia
began walking toward the door. “Well, any time you feel like forcing them on
me, I’d be happy to take them off your hands.”

“Hey,
can I take one of those bags?” I asked, trying to catch up.

“No.
I got it. Marie’s out there driving circles around the airport. I didn’t want
to mess with parking, and she insisted on seeing you when I told her you were
flying in today.”

I
stopped dead in my tracks, causing yet another human traffic jam in the exit
doors of the airport terminal. “Sorry,” I said to the haggard travelers. “Bad
habit.”

Cenia
glanced over her shoulder to see what had become of me. She released the bags
and took a step toward me when she saw the panic on my face. “Hey, it’s okay. I
told her. She already knows.”

“And
she still wants to see me?” I asked incredulously.

Cenia
scowled at me. “Of course. Why wouldn’t she?” She grabbed the bags and
continued walking.

My
mouth fell open, then snapped shut. I could have spouted off a long list of
reasons, but I had a feeling Cenia would have dismissed each and every one.

Marie
pulled up in Cenia’s red Nissan Pathfinder. She threw her door open, jumped out,
and threw her arms around me. “Kri! Thank God! I thought I’d never see you
again.”

I
smiled through my tears. “Thanks, Marie. It feels good to be back.”

Marie
nudged me toward the front passenger seat before climbing in back. Cenia loaded
my luggage into the back of the SUV and jumped into the driver’s seat. She
grinned at me as she snapped her seatbelt into place and eased into airport
traffic.

Marie
poked her head between the front seats. “Cenia told me you were accepted into
the conflict resolution program at ICAR. Congratulations, Kri. I heard that
place is hard to get into. Less than fifty students a year are accepted into that
program, and a lot of them are from other countries.”

“I
didn’t realize it was that exclusive,” I confessed.

“What
kind of classes are you taking?” Marie asked curiously.

I
tried to recall what the registrar had told me. “Mediation, negotiation, a
conflict resolution theories class, interpersonal conflict, and research
methodologies.”

Cenia’s
eyes widened. “That sounds like a heavy load, Kri.”

I
shrugged. “I need to stay busy. The program is designed to accommodate people
who work, so most of the classes are scheduled in the late afternoon and evening.
I’ll be attending a training program through the Northern Virginia Mediation
Service during the day so I can become a certified mediator. The certification program
ends in late February, so I should be able to start working in March.”

“How
do you go from health policy to mediation?” Marie asked. She leaned forward and
nabbed one of Cenia’s power bars from the center console.

I
thought about the question. “When I was an elder rights advocate in Montana, I
spent a lot of time helping elderly people resolve their problems… housing,
legal, healthcare, financial, you name it. When I worked on the Hill, the
partisan bickering drove me nuts. I had to resolve each side’s differences and
make sure their interests were met before I could get a bill passed. So mediation
seems like a really good skill to have.”

Cenia
honked as a car suddenly swerved in front of us. “I thought you wanted to be an
attorney.”

“I
was considering law school,” I confessed, “but the only types of issues you can
resolve in the courtroom are legal ones. I think this conflict resolution
program will offer a broader range of options.”

“Do
you want to be a mediator for the court system?” Marie asked as she crumpled up
the wrapper from the power bar.

I
shook my head. “No. I’d rather focus on social conflict or maybe international
conflict.”

Cenia
choked on her Cherry Coke. “Why don’t you just join the military, Kri?”

I
couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t think I’m cut out for the military, Cenia.
Besides, have you seen the uniforms they have to wear?”

Cenia
and Marie both glanced down at their Air Force uniforms and burst out laughing.

I
smiled. “See? Can you picture me… in that?”

Both
women shook their heads.

I
glanced out the window as Cenia pulled into her parking lot. Gabi was on the
phone, pacing back and forth in the middle of the parking lot.

Gabi
walked up to me as soon as I opened the door. “Kri, I hope you don’t mind.
Cenia told me she was picking you up this afternoon. I couldn’t wait to see
you. I’m so happy you’re back!” She hugged me before glancing at her phone with
a confused look on her face. “Oh, yes. I’m sorry. I’m still here. No, I want
hot wings, not barbeque…. I don’t know… a couple hundred? How many do I need to
feed fifty people?” Gabi walked away as she sorted through her food dilemma.

“What’s
that all about?” I questioned curiously. Gabi wasn’t really a wings kind of
girl.

“Mason’s
pinning on Major. She’s planning his promotion party,” Cenia explained from the
back of the SUV.

Gabi
joined us as we walked toward Cenia’s condo. She tucked her phone inside her
purse and linked her arm in mine. “You’ll come to the party, won’t you, Kri?
You can come to the pinning on ceremony at the Pentagon too.”

I
stopped walking. “Will Kadyn be there?”

Cenia
rolled her eyes as she unlocked her door. “Of course Kadyn will be there, and
he’d be disappointed if you didn’t show.”

Gabi
nudged me toward the door. “Hey, Cenia, do you have the stuff to make
margaritas?”

It
was Cenia’s turn to freeze. She narrowed her eyes at Gabi. “Have we even met,
Gabi? Of course I have the stuff to make margaritas.”

Gabi
forced out a breath that was ten times bigger than she was. “Good… because I really
need one. All of this party planning is wearing on me.” She sank into the couch.
Cenia and Marie rolled my bags to the guest room.

I
glanced nervously at Gabi. “With everything Mason has done to help me, I’d
really like to be there when he pins on Major. Are you sure he won’t mind?”

Gabi’s
pretty blue eyes softened. “I think it would mean a lot to him if you were
there, Kri. Please come.”

I
sat down on the couch, suddenly exhausted. “What did I ever do to deserve
friends like you?” I asked, truly mystified.

Gabi
and I were the only two people in our circle of friends who weren’t military,
so she leaned toward me conspiratorially. “I know. We really hit the jackpot
with this crew, didn’t we?”

I
smiled and nodded. Gabi was trying to lighten my mood, but she wasn’t joking.
Each person in our circle of friends would willingly throw down his life for
the other, and they were incredibly good at working through things together
when someone was in trouble.