Beautifully Damaged (24 page)

"I'd like to tell you the rest."

"Okay."

He kept my one hand in his and led me back into the living room where he pulled me down onto the sofa with him. He wrapped me in his arms with my back to his chest as he finally spoke his nightmare aloud.

"I thought it was just me, Ember, and even though I looked for the signs and watched her at night, he was more careful with her and I realize now that he was waiting for the nights that I wasn't home."

I looked back at him as he added, "I started early, Ember, fucking around and I know now I did because it was my way to have some control. I was out that night getting my rocks off while my dad was..." He clenched his fists and I could see it, disgust and self-hatred burning in his eyes.

"Is that why you believe you're only good for sex?"

"I've been conditioned since I was a child."

"No, you were abused and don't you take the blame for your father. He and only he is at fault."

I could see he didn't agree with me so I was intentionally harsh in reply, "So then your sister is also at fault."

His eyes burned with fire before he all but roared his denial, "No!"

"Why you and not her?" I forced him to look at me. "Neither of you are at fault, Trace. Only that animal who's your father is at fault."

He seemed to think on that for a moment before he pulled me back to him and pressed a kiss on my head.

"Thanks for that."

"Tell me the rest."

He inhaled and let it out in a slow exhale before he finished.

"That night I begged my mom for help even knowing that she was completely uninterested in her children. I can't even remember what my own mother looked like because she never gave either of us the time of day but I begged her that night, for my sister's sake, to get us the hell out of there. She didn't though, she wouldn't even move from the sofa. It was like she was zoned out, a state she was usually in, so I got my sister into the car with the intent of getting her to a doctor but I hydroplaned and we crashed into a tree. The next thing I knew, we were in the hospital and I learned that my sister went through the windshield. The doctors had thought she was going to die but she lived, though she wasn't the same again."

I turned around to face him and wrapped his face in my hands as his tear-filled eyes looked into mine. "That's why you hate hospitals."

He nodded before he added, "I made her the way she is now. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't for the best because she doesn't remember the abuse. The mind she has now -- she's always happy, child-like in her happiness."

"But you remember for both of you."

"I'm her big brother. It's my job to worry over her."

I reached for Trace's arm to his tattoo as I ran my fingertip over it. "Master of your own hell."

My eyes found his as tears streamed down my face and I reached for his hand linking our fingers.

"You're not alone anymore."

He held my gaze as love filled his eyes. I leaned into him pressing my lips to his. The kiss was just that: a tender, comforting kiss, and when I pulled back he looked less haunted.

"What happened to your parents?"

"They were murdered."

I know my face paled at that announcement as I managed a rather incredulous, "What? When?"

"...that night. The police claimed it was a home invasion but, Ember, I know it wasn't. There had been no previous cases of robberies in the area and for there to be one that ended in a double murder, one of the victims being an heiress, no chance. I can't prove it, and I've really tried, but up until quite recently, I believed that my Uncle Charles killed them."

And then I remembered the paper in the storage unit. The recounting of those gruesome murders was of Trace's parents.

"That's why you reacted so strongly when you heard about him on the news."

"Yeah. He runs for the Senate and his past, my past are going to get dug up and that's bad enough but if he really is a murderer, he'll do anything to keep his secret."

"That's why you feared for me."

He touched my face before he replied softly, "Yes."

"What made you think it was your Uncle?"

"He's always had political aspirations and running a political campaign can be quite costly. If something were to happen to my mom and dad, her estate, minus the trusts that she setup for my sister and me, would go to my Uncle. Plus, my dad was a sick son of a bitch and not someone an aspiring politician wants in his closet. Taking them out would have solved two problems for my Uncle."

"Why would your Uncle take such a risk especially since he wanted to get into politics? Getting away with murder is almost impossible and doubly so for political candidates whose histories are dug up and searched with a fine-toothed comb."

"You met him. He's a self-serving narcissist and he believes deep down that he's untouchable."

"You said that you thought he did it...do you no longer?"

He pulled a hand through his hair before he replied, "I'm not so sure now. Ever since you told me that he got that job for you, I've been looking into him. He's arrogant, ambitious and callous but his reaching out could really be just that. I agree with you; trying to help me is self-serving for him but it's possible that he's just a miserable and self-absorbed human being and not a killer."

"I came to that same conclusion after my meeting with him."

He studied me for a minute before he reached up to touch a lock of my hair.

"What are you thinking?"

"You really pushed me away to protect me."

Tenderness washed over his features as he held my gaze and replied, "My Uncle never once paid my sister and me any attention. He knew what was happening in our house and he did nothing. And then he's running for Senate and suddenly there he is, showing interest in me and by extension you. I really believed that he was only interested because he was trying to discern how much I remembered from back then, how much of a liability I could potentially be. I've lived for so long with the belief that he was a killer, and saw what I believed he was capable of. Knowing you were now on his radar because of me sent me over the edge.

I pushed you away hard because I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you because of me. When I told you I was over you it ripped my fucking heart out seeing the look on your face, the pain I caused you and knowing it was all a lie. But even if Charles is innocent, someone murdered my parents and got away with it. With Charles in the spotlight, his family will also be pulled into it as well and the whole scandalous mess is going to get dug up. Whoever killed my parents is very likely going to get very nervous which means that there's still danger, Ember."

"And we'll face it together."

His eyes filled with tears as he wrapped my face in his hands. "In my life I've never had what I had with you. I've been alone for so long, never shared myself with anyone, didn't know how to engage people and talk about myself since I never learned that. For me, I learned it was safer to close off. I told you so little about myself and still you cared, stayed, engaged and eventually loved me. Even when I was cruel and indifferent you still didn't walk away. You stayed, Ember, and you have no idea what that meant to me. I hated hurting you and when you stayed, and kept staying, it broke my heart but it made me realize something, too. I could let you in, I could share my darkest secrets with you because you knew I was damaged and yet you still loved me."

There were tears streaming down my cheeks as I looked at him. "I do love you, Trace."

"And I will endeavor to deserve that precious gift every day of my life."

"You do deserve it, Trace, always have."

"Where do we go from here, Ember?"

"I want to be with you but it will only work if you don't shut me out or push me away."

"Instinct for me is to do just that but I want you more than I've ever wanted anything. It's going to take me some time to break my habit but for you I will."

I held his tender gaze as my heart ached with love. "I want you more than I've ever wanted anything."

He kissed me then, sealed his mouth over mine and showed me just how much he loved me. When he pulled away he touched my cheek as a smile touched his lips. My heart rolled over in my chest at the look of love burning in his eyes.

"Trace, where's your sister?"

"She's in a facility, the best I could find. I visit her every week."

"Did you take her to that bistro you like?"

He looked at me with an odd expression before he replied. "Yes, she likes it there."

"I saw you."

"What, when?"

"That day I came home from my walk and you were waiting for me. I was going to that bistro for lunch and saw you with her, in the front window, and my heart just broke. And when I asked you about where you were you said you were at the gym."

He reached for me and pulled me up against him. "I remember. The pain on your face when I lied, it broke my heart. And then you told me you believed in self-fulfilling prophecies and I knew that I was going to lose you, that I wasn't strong enough to hold onto you."

"You are though, Trace, you are strong enough you just weren't ready then to share."

"No, but I am now." He reached for my face to cradle in his strong hands. "I'd like you to meet her."

"I would really like that, Trace. Your sister's name is Chelsea, isn't it?"

He smiled before he replied, "Yes."

Rolling Acres was aptly named since the place was situated among acres and acres of rolling, green hills. Located in the beautiful, and affluent area of Westchester, New York, it really was a lovely place. The long, tree-lined drive opened to a sprawling, stone building that was surrounded by gardens, which I imagined would be filled with color come Spring. Trace pulled his motorcycle up to a gated parking lot as the attendant stepped out of his booth to greet us.

"Mr. Montgomery, welcome."

"Hello, Sam."

"Please pull right in." Sam hit a button that was discreetly concealed against the wall of the booth causing the gates to swing quietly open. As Trace parked, I couldn't help but notice that the cars in the lot were all foreign and very expensive. Trace waited for me to climb off before he followed, taking my helmet and placing it on his bike. He reached for my hand and looked down at me nervously, almost awkwardly, and then he offered, "Chelsea will just be finishing lunch and after -- well, uh, she usually likes to walk to the pond to feed the ducks."

"I like feeding ducks."

He smiled then and the warmth of that smile caused a long, slow pull on my heart. He lowered his head before he whispered, "I like you."

We started into the building and as soon as my eyes adjusted, I was impressed with how elegant yet comfortable the place appeared. The colors were soothing and the little touches of fresh flowers and potted plants made the place feel more like a home rather than a hospital. Trace led me down the hall to room 114 before he knocked. When the door was pulled open, we were greeted by a beautiful woman with a big smile on her face.

"Trace." She threw her arms around her brother as his came around her. I stepped back to give the two a moment. I realized as I watched Trace with his sister that his act of kindness to that little girl at the fair really had been instinct. I'd bet money that she had reminded Trace of Chelsea. When Chelsea pulled away from her brother her gray eyes turned to me and her smile, I noticed, never faltered.

"Chelsea, this is my friend, Ember. I told you about her."

My heart leaped at his words and, as my eyes moved to his, love filled me. He spoke to her about me so even though he hadn't been ready to share her with me, he shared me with her, and that made me feel really good.

"She's pretty, just like you said."

And then she held her hand out to me and smiled.

"I'm Chelsea. Nice to meet you, Ember."

I took her hand into my own as a smile touched my lips at her child-like innocence.

"It is my very great honor to meet you, Chelsea."

"I like her, Trace."

And then her eyes turned to her brother's. "Can we feed the ducks now?"

He reached for her hand and smiled. "Absolutely."

As we walked along, I couldn't suppress the smile because Trace was right; she really was very child-like. She ran around us, skipping at times, telling us stories about making chocolate-chip cookies, watching movies, playing with her friends. She was, I suspected, a few years older than me but she had the mannerisms of a carefree, and happy eight-year-old girl.

I watched Trace, watching her, and fell in love with him all over again because the ugliness that haunted him, he didn't let it anywhere near her. My heart also ached for him because I could see in those beautiful eyes that when he looked at his sister he felt responsible, he felt guilt, and that wasn't fair because he had only been a kid himself when he begged for help and had been denied it. He had been only a child of fifteen left to his own devices to seek out that help.

We reached the pond, a beautiful sapphire pool that reflected the sun like thousands of little diamonds resting upon the surface. The mallard ducks swam a bit of a distance away. The vibrant green head of the male ducks was quite the contrast from the all-over brown of the females but, as soon as the bread pieces touched the glistening water, all of the ducks bee-lined toward Chelsea making her squeal in childish delight.

"Aren't they so pretty? The girls should have the pretty colors though, don't you think, Ember?"

"I do, Chelsea."

Trace reached for my hand and, when I looked up into his face, he smiled and then we both turned our eyes to Chelsea. For the next hour, we watched her joy as she fed the ducks.

Later, Trace took me to that bistro and once our order had been taken, he reached across the table for my hand. The gesture was so much like the one that I witnessed with him and Chelsea, that it caused a small tug on my heart before he said, "Thank you for coming with me. I know that Chelsea really enjoyed meeting you."

"She's lovely, Trace."