Beauty from Pain (37 page)

I’m naked as he kneels between my bent knees
beholding my bareness. He puts his palm on my chest between my
breasts and slowly glides it down. “You are so perfect. So
beautiful.”

He’s being so sweet, but I can’t stop my
thoughts from jumping to what he said. He thinks he’s no better
than Blake.

The notion invites my ex into my head. I don’t
want him there so I put my hand over my eyes, as if that will help
block him out.

Jack Henry knows I’ve gone somewhere else and
reaches for my hand. “Look at me, Laurelyn. Leave him out of this.
Only think of me.” I open my eyes for him. He kisses the inside of
my right knee as he looks up. “See me.” He kisses higher inside my
thigh. “Be here with me.”

I throw my head back against the pillow and
groan because I know what he is about to do.

He flattens his tongue against me and licks
straight up my center. “Ahh!” I groan. Nothing feels better than
his mouth on me. He licks several more times and I already feel the
onset of my orgasm starting. It isn’t going to take long for him to
push me over the edge. I bite my bottom lip as my breathing
increases and I feel the waves quickly rising to the surface as he
maintains the slow, torturous rhythm of his tongue.

“
Mmm, I love the way you taste.”
His words vibrate against me and then he stiffens his tongue and
pushes it in and out of me against my upper wall, hitting that
sensitive spot. I lift my head from the bed to see him buried
between my legs and the sight makes my orgasm come on fast and
furious. I have no control as I pant and fist his hair in my hand,
pulling harder than I should. “Ahh, Jack Henry!”

I lift my hips to bring myself closer to his
mouth. I feel the shudder of contractions building deep in my womb
and I pull his hair. I go stiff and arch my back from the bed as
Jack Henry makes me come undone.

When it’s over, I fall back against the pillow
to catch my breath and feel the tiny post-orgasmic quivers again.
He scales my body and kisses his way up until he hovers above me. I
feel the roughness of his jeans against my skin and remember he’s
still dressed from the waist down.

I reach for the button on his jeans and give
it a jerk before I slide his zipper down. I put my hand inside his
boxer briefs to stroke him. “I want you inside me.”

“
No more than I want to be inside
you.” He rolls off the bed and my eyes never leave his glorious
body. I watch as he kicks off his shoes and pushes his jeans and
boxer briefs down at the same time, causing his erection to spring
free.

He bypasses his usual stop at the nightstand
drawer and crawls back onto the bed. He lowers his body between my
legs and stares into my eyes. Everything between us is different.
Our eyes share a silent conversation our mouths don’t dare
interrupt. I understand what he’s asking without words. He wants to
be closer. Skin on skin, nothing between us.

I tell myself it isn’t irresponsible to forgo
a condom because it’s what we both want. We’re both clean and the
risk of getting pregnant is almost zilch since I’m on reliable
birth control.

He swallows hard as he gently presses himself
against my slick opening and waits for my answer. It’s his way of
asking before he enters my body, and I give him permission by
pushing my hips against him. He slides inside my slickness and
squeezes his eyes shut as he hisses, “Laurelyn, you feel
incredible.”

I tighten my walls around him as he moves in
and out with methodical slowness. I savor the full sensation of
Jack Henry inside me unsheathed for the first time. I watch his
beautiful face dancing over me and I’ve never felt closer to anyone
in my life. Ever.

He is gentle with me, as if I’m a virgin. The
affection I have for him is overwhelming, and hot tears roll down
the sides of my face as I own the feelings I have for this man. I
love Jack Henry McLachlan.

We’re heart to heart and he fades into me
until I don’t know where I end and he begins.

“
I’m getting close and I want to
come inside you.” He keeps moving as he talks and I wrap my legs
around his waist, my head spinning with the ecstasy of his words. I
forget who he is, who I am, and what we are to each
other.

I want him to mark me, to make me his. I lock
my legs around him and squeeze. He couldn’t free himself from my
tight hold if he tried. “I want you to.”

He pushes harder inside me. I can’t see his
face because it’s buried against my neck, but he’s close. I know he
is about to fill me with a part of him.

It’s in this moment I know without a doubt
that Blake is my past. Jack Henry is my present, and as much as
that pleases me, I want him as my future. The feelings and emotions
he stirs inside me make it impossible to contain the way I feel
about him. I lock my arms around him and squeeze my legs tighter as
he groans and spasms inside me.

“
I love you, Jack Henry,” I
whisper against his ear as he empties himself into me.

I love Jack Henry McLachlan. And now I’ve told
him. And I regret saying it the moment the words leave my mouth.
Words of love aren’t what he wants to hear from me. He doesn’t feel
the same. This isn’t what he signed up for, and I’ve probably just
ruined the little bit of time I have left with him.

I am a foolish, foolish woman.

His face is still buried against my neck so I
can’t see his reaction. And I don’t want to. I feel him breathing
heavily against my hair. I think he’s contemplating his next move,
so I give him the easy out I owe him.

“
Let me up.” I push him off me
without meeting his eyes and dart into the bathroom so he can dress
and leave without feeling obligated to talk about what I
said.

I wonder if he’ll ask me to leave when he
comes home from work. My back is against the door, my tear-streaked
face in my hands. Maybe I should save him the trouble and just
leave on my own.

44

Jack McLachlan

I lie on my back and look at the
ceiling.
Well, fuck me running.
Laurelyn loves me.
I
wasn’t expecting to hear that. I’m not really sure how I feel about
it.

Our days are winding down and I’ve been
thinking a lot about how I’m going to feel when she’s gone. I admit
I’m confused by the emotions I have. I’ve never grown attached to
any of my companions in the past, but I’ve known from the beginning
that everything about Laurelyn is different. She means something to
me—more than any of the others ever did—but does it equal love? I
have no idea.

A part of me wants Laurelyn to leave so I can
go back to my life before her, but then there’s another part that
wants to beg her to stay forever. As hard as I try, I can’t decide
which is stronger.

I feel a terrible ache in my chest when I
think of her leaving. Is that what love feels like? I hadn’t
thought so, but then I hear her say she loves me and I feel more
confused than ever.

I sit up on the edge of the bed and ponder
what to say when she comes out of the bathroom. Several minutes
pass and I realize she has no intention of coming out while I’m
still here.

I knock on the door. “Laurelyn, will you come
out so we can talk?”

“
I really don’t want to. Please,
don’t make me.” She sounds nasally, so I know she’s crying. It’s
almost more than I can stand because I want to be the one to wipe
away her tears, not the one to cause them.

“
I really think we should.” I
reach to twist the knob but already know it will be locked. “Please
come out.”

Another minute passes before I hear her unlock
the door. She opens it and stands wrapped in a towel, her eyes
downcast refusing to meet mine. I reach out and tilt her chin
upward so I can see her eyes, but she closes them and locks me
out.

I asked her to come out so we could talk, but
now I don’t have a damn clue as to what I should say. I feel
something genuine for her, but I don’t know what it is. I can’t say
I love her, so I do the only thing I can to show her how I
feel.

I untuck the towel from under her arms and it
falls to the floor. I put her arms around my shoulders and pick her
up. “Wrap your legs around me.”

I put my hands under her thighs and carry her
back to the bed. I lay her across the mattress side to side and
creep over her on all fours. I take her chin in my hand. “Look at
me, Laurelyn.”

She hesitates and then opens her
eyes and stares at me. Tears roll down her temples and I lean
forward to kiss them away.
I wish I could
say I love you.

I can’t give her my heart, but there’s one
thing I can give her.

I lower my hand and feel that she’s drenched
with my body fluid all the way down the insides of her thighs. I
run my fingers through it and rub it into her skin as if to mark my
territory. I’m shocked to find how much I like having that part of
myself on her. And in her.

She is mine, at least for a little while
longer.

I enter her slowly and within seconds, her
hips are meeting me stroke for stroke. I want to be gentle because
making love to her is new and I like the way it feels, but she has
other ideas in mind. Using her thighs, she coaxes me to move faster
as I slide in and out of her. She reaches for my neck to pull me
down against her and whispers in my ear. “Harder!” I give her what
she asks for and when I feel her contract around me, it pushes me
over the edge. I push deep inside her one last time as I
erupt.

What is it about coming inside her?

I push her hair from her face and she watches
my eyes. I see fear as she asks, “Are we okay?”

I lower my mouth and softly kiss her lips.
“We’re so much better than okay.” I give her an Eskimo kiss and
then sit up to check the time. Shit! I really need to get back to
work.

I get dressed while she watches. I sit on the
edge of the bed to put on my shoes and she crawls behind me to
slide her arms around my waist. I lean my head back against hers.
“I’m never going to make it back to work at this rate.”

“
I’m going to let you go in a
minute. I just need to savor this moment for a little while
longer.”

Why would she need to savor the moment? Is she
going to leave me because I didn’t tell her I loved her?

I spin around and push her down on the bed. I
imprison her with the weight of my body and pin her arms over her
head. I watch her eyes when I ask, “Are you going to leave me?” She
swallows hard and doesn’t answer. “Don’t you even think about not
being here when I come home this afternoon. I’ll come for you and
drag you back by your hair like a caveman.”

This brings a smile to her face and I can’t
resist kissing her one last time before I leave. “I’ll probably be
late getting in tonight since I need to make up the work I’ve
missed this morning. Be here when I come home tonight.”

I still have her hands pinned over her head.
“I will.”

“
Promise me.” I don’t know what
good I think a pledge will do. If she wants to leave, she
will.

“
I promise.”

My guts tells me she was about to run, so it
doesn’t matter if she promises me or not. She will run if the
notion strikes her, so being away from her today won’t be easy for
me. I won’t rest until I get home and find her still
here.

–––––

I send my fifteenth text to Laurelyn today and await
her response. I’m probably annoying her, but she needs to
understand how much I want her to stay with me until she goes home
next week. I’m not ready to say goodbye. At least not today.

My phone beeps with a response.

*Here waiting 4U*

I’m able to relax because that doesn’t sound
like a response from a woman who has run away.

When I get back to the house, I almost race
through the door to get to her. I’m eager to see proof she isn’t
gone. “Laurelyn, where are you?”

“
In the kitchen.” Relief. That’s
the only word to describe how I feel at the moment. I can breathe
again.

I go into the kitchen and find her standing in
front of the stove. “I let Mrs. Porcelli go early because I wanted
to cook for you. I hope you don’t mind.”

I come up behind her and put my arms around
her waist. I kiss her neck and peer over her shoulder to see what
she’s cooked. Hmm. Lasagna? My favorite. I wonder if she knows
that. I’m reminded of the night we ate at the Italian restaurant in
Auckland for her birthday. “Smells delicious.”

“
My lasagna has been known to
bring men to their knees.”

“
Baby, it doesn’t take food for
you to bring me to my knees.”

She faces me and puts her arms around my
shoulders. “Is that so?”

“
True story.”

“
Good. I like you on your
knees.”

The second the words leave her mouth, I see
her remembering our morning. After the touchy incident following
the Blake Phillips conversation, I decide it’s best to change the
subject. “Can I help you with anything?”