Beauty Queen (38 page)

I know a bigger boy who could use one, too, Matt suggested. I have a clean shirt in the car if you would let me borrow a shower.

As ridiculously juvenile as it was, the thought of him naked in her house sent a very warm and unexpected shiver up Rebeccas spine. Absolutely! she said. Yes, sir, you bet. A shower. Weve got plenty of those, huh, Gray?

We only have two, Mom, Grayson said. The one next to my room and the one in your room.

Rebecca laughedsomething like a horses whinny and grabbed Graysons shoulders. Thats right. Just two. Okay, come on, Ill show you where, she said, and pushed her son into the house with Matt following.

They walked down the long hallway to her room, but when they crossed the threshold of her inner sanctum, Grayson squirmed out of her grip and ran to the bath. Nice, Matt said, looking around at the pale blue walls, the rustic quilt that covered her bed, and the whitewashed furniture. A person could really hide out here for a few days.

What did that mean? Was it a suggestive comment, or was she now just hallucinating like a teenager? Rebecca shot him a look; he smiled pleasantly. Rebecca walked (or staggered, she wasnt really sure) into the master bath.

Thanks, he said, looking at the extra-large shower, which Rebecca remembered, with a heat in her neck, had been built specifically for two people. I appreciate it.

Towels are there. Shampoo, soap, that sort of thing in the shower.

Great.

She tapped Grayson on the shoulder. Come on, kiddo, we need to get that mud off you. She walked out of the bath, thought she could feel Matts eyes on her, and as Grayson went darting past her, she casually glanced over her shoulder. He was looking at her, all right, that deep

intense gaze with which he had looked at her since he showed up on her dock. Umm... anything you need? she asked.

A curious smile came over Matts face. Actually, I think all that I need is right here.

Okay, she definitely had to stop reading something into every little statement he made. But even just standing there her skin was doing that prickly thing, so she just nodded, ushered Grayson out of her room and across the house to his bath.

While she helped him bathe and get the big clump of mud out of his hair, she barely heard his chatter, something to do with the habits of frogs. Her mind was filled with the image of Matt standing in her bathroom, looking at her in a way that made her feel so ... tingly.

When Grayson finished his bath, she helped him dress in his favorite SpongeBob pajamas (freshly laundered, thank you, as some habits died a slow and painful death), saw him to bed, and was prepared to read to him, but Grayson wasnt interested.

You dont want a story? she asked, surprised.

No, because I went frog hunting and now its your turn.

My turn for what?

I dunno, he said, settling back against the pillow. Maybe ice cream, because you really like ice cream.

Rebecca laughed. I do like ice cream, she said, and kissed Grayson good night, left him to dream about frogs while Tater dozed on the floor next to his bed.

As she walked down the hall to the great room, she could hear Matt in the kitchen. He had dressed in a fresh polo shirt, had wiped the mud off his jeans pretty well, and was padding barefoot around the old oak floors of her kitchen. Frank, Bean, and Tot were with him, all lounging, their heads between their paws, their snouts pointed at empty dog bowls.

Matt looked up and smiled as Rebecca walked in. Your dogs are hungry.

Theyre con artists, Rebecca said, sliding onto a bar

stool. Theyve all been fed. Frank thumped his tail against the floor in acknowledgement of the truth.

Is that right? he asked, frowning down at the dogs. They scammed me out of a couple of biscuits, then. He looked up at Rebecca as he reached into a bag of grapes. I hope you dont mind, but I sort of invaded your pantry. He paused, held up a bottle of wine for her to see.

I dont mind, she said, and in fact, thought it was kind of nice, particularly seeing as how he had some French cheeses arranged on a platter, and was now putting grapes around the cheese. I had no idea you were a gourmet.

Actually, Miss Texas, theres obviously a lot you dont know about me, but a gourmet Im not. This is something my mom does. I have no culinary skills, but I copy well. Except, he said, frowning down at the platter, theres something she always puts with it...

Just a wild guess, but maybe crackers?

Yes! he said, snapping his fingers. So youre the gourmet.

Theres a lot you dont know about me, too, Big Pants. As it happens, I have dabbled in the culinary arts. Enough to at least know that crackers go with cheese, she said. Ill get them for you.

Great. Will you bring them outside? he asked as he stuffed the wine bottle under his arm and picked up the platter.

Rebecca fetched the crackers and followed him out onto the porch, where he had lit three citronella candles that she kept out back to keep the mosquitoes at bay. There were two wineglasses and a corkscrew, too. Matt put down the platter, took the crackers from her hand, and emptied some onto the platter. Then he stood back, looked critically at his efforts, and finally shrugged. I dont know why, but it always looks a lot better when she does it, he confessed, and picked up the corkscrew and wine bottle.

Do you see her often? Rebecca asked.

Too often, Matt said with a roll of his eyes. My folks live in Dripping Springs, and my brothers and sister and I troop out for dinner every Sunday night if our schedules

allow. Now the folks are getting to the age that they get a little testy if we dont make it. So what about you? See your parents much?

Well, lets see .. . Dads an ass and Mom avoids him like the plague, so no, we dont get together much, she thought, but said, Not too often. Dad lives in New York most of the time, and Mom lives in California.

Ah. Opposite ends of the country. Ive definitely handled those divorces, he said, as he pulled the cork. Frankly, I was thinking you and I were going to end up like that, he said as he poured a glass of wine and handed it to her. Opposite ends of the universe, I mean.

Rebecca sat in one of the padded wicker chairs and asked weakly, You did?

Well, yeah, Matt responded matter-of-factly. Didnt you? I mean weve been going around and around, wouldnt you say?

Rebeccas heart did a funny little skip. She hated this feeling of being fifteen all over again, despised this childish business of second-guessing every word he said, hoping around and around meant what she wanted it to mean. At least she thought she wanted it to mean something, but then again, she was totally screwed up when it came to Matt. Going around and around what? she asked, forcing herself to take a sip of wine as Matt fell lightly into the seat next to her.

That made him laugh, as if they shared some little intimate joke, and he leaned over, put his hand on her forearm. Involuntarily, her body flinched; how embarrassing that even the smallest of his gestures could send a shock of light through her.

Youre stiff as a board, Rebecca, he said softly. Are you afraid?

Afraid? Ha! Like I have something to be afraid of! Lord, no! I am just... just what if he says he loves you again ? Would you like some cheese? she asked abruptly, leaning forward so that her arm escaped his scorching touch, and busied herself by putting some cheese on a cracker. Gouda! she exclaimed, feeling strangely nervous, and

deathly afraid of any silence. I love Gouda, dont you? Once, when I was in France. I found this little cheese shop, and I ordered two pounds of it. But my French isnt very good actually, I dont know French at all, just a few words and phrases, but anyway, the shopkeeper said he didnt have that much and hed deliver the cheese, which, if you think about it, is kind of a funny thing to say, but anyway, when they brought the cheese around, it was more like two wag-onloads. She thrust the cracker at him. It was Gouda.

Marts steady gaze did not waver as he respectfully put the cracker down. Rebecca

Its good you had a clean shirt, she continued blathering as her mind raced wildly and her heart beat like a huge kettle drum.

Matt looked down at his clothing. I always keep an extra shirt in the car. You never know, right?

No. You always know, she said instantly.

Matt glanced up. What?

Its wrong! she blurted with sudden misery. Dammit, her heart was sinking because she realized, as her gaze dropped to his shoulders, that shirt was exactly the problem. Fifteen-year-old girls did not know what thirty-two-year-old women knew, and the giddiness suddenly bled right out of her.

Excuse me? he asked, baffled by the abrupt change in her.

I always know, she said, still staring at his shirt. I always know where I am going to be, without question. And the fact that you dont always know where you are going to be or who you are going to be with is just a little ... a little.. .

Disconcerting?

Disconcerting!

But why would that be disconcerting for you? he asked.

Because,! she cried, putting her glass down, because I always know! At least I think I do, but when it comes to you, I honestly dont know anything anymore.

I do, he said calmly.

Great. I feel like a fifteen-year-old girl again, and wondering how I could have met the one man who really lights a fire in me, and he is carrying extra shirts in his car!

Really? I light your fire?

Oh gawd, Rebecca moaned, and fell back against the wicker chair. Ive really, truly, lost my mind!

Matt laughed and playfully squeezed her knee. Its okay, Rebecca Ive lost my mind, too, because you really light my fire, too.

Axe you sure? she asked, looking at him suspiciously.

Oh, Im sure.

Like that didnt go shooting straight to the pit of her groin, and Rebecca smiled a little. Still... she straightened up in her chair, shook her head clear. How do you know its not an infatuation?

Look, I dont know about you, but I know whats going on in here, he said, tapping his chest. And I do not think that whats going on between us is just an infatuation.

What if mine is? she asked quietly.

Why not just go with it? You never know where life is going to take you.

I dont know if I can.

Matt sighed wearily. Youre really a lot of work, girl, you know that? This is real, Rebecca. Believe me. Look, I know you probably have a hard time trusting because you must get a lot of fawning over you all the time, simply because youre so drop-dead gorgeous

Oh! She dropped her head back and stared helplessly at the fan above her head. Jesus, Matt, sometimes I think you are about the smartest man I have ever met, and then youll come out with some boneheaded comment like that!

Like what? he demanded.

The ... beautiful thing! Okay, so I won a beauty pageant way back there, but Im not the same woman I was then, and I am not so beautiful! I dont get fawning all the time, I never get fawning! In case you havent noticed, Grayson and I arent exactly whirling around with busy social calendars!

Then what in the hell are you trying to say?

I was trying to say that I just cant. .. just.. . you know! Have flings! I mean, I have Grayson, and I have ... this is going to sound stupid, but I have standards

Oh great, like I dont?

Youre the one with the shirts, she said, nodding at his polo.

I also told you I love you, he said sharply. For the love of God, I must have lost my friggin mind, because I am sitting here, in the middle of a ridiculous conversation with you, like it means something, for Chrissakes, which it doesnt, because every time I come near you, you freeze up like an ice cube! Why do I waste my breath? Why do I splay my heart open for you? If there is a fire burning anywhere in you, its turned way down low!

Rebecca gasped. Stood up. Thought of a billion retorts. So many that she couldnt manage to get even one out, and suddenly pivoted, marched away from the little table and down the steps to the lawn, to where, she had no idea.

Matt was right behind her. Uh-uh, no way Im not going to let you swim away this time, he said. Stand and deciare!

Okay, hows this? fm very upset to learn that Im the moron in this equation!

At least youre the gorgeous one

She stopped, whirled around to face him. Do you think, she asked, stabbing him in the chest with the tip of her finger with each word, that because I havent jumped right into your bed then I must be frigid? Is that what you are so ineloquently trying to say?

No! he said sharply, grabbing her hand. I mean you arc scared stiff, you little chickenshit. Literally.

Rebecca sucked in a breath to tell him that was a lie. but thought the better of it (since it was true), and closed her mouth. They stood there under the moonlight, staring at each other, and all Rebecca could hear was the river running just a few yards away, running slowly, running away, just like shed been doing from the moment she had met Matt. You would be, too, she admitted with a moan, and laid her forehead against his chest.

Matt put his arm around her. Why? Isnt it pretty obvious I adore you? he asked. Fours Seasons debacle notwithstanding, of course. Do you know the last time I told a woman I loved her?

No.

I was seven.

Rebecca laughed into his chest.

And look at it I came all the way out here to grovel at your feet for having made an ass of myself. And I stood there and let you throw stuff at me, and then I pretty much admitted Ive got a thang for ya, baby. I was just sort of hoping you had one for me, too.

Rebecca laughed again, then lifted her gaze to Matt. I do, sort of! No, really, I do. I mean ... shit; its so hard to explain!

Matt put a hand to her face, cupping her chin. Try me, he said, and he looked like he meant it. Try me. Try anything.

Okay. For starters, Ive never really been with... I mean, Ive only been with one

Oh, I get it, Matt said, nodding, and started to sway softly with her under the moonlight. So youre not quite over him, is that it?

That was so preposterous that Rebecca snorted loudly through her nose. Oh my God, Im going to have to get a blackboard and chart this out for you. No, Matt, she said, and with a loud sigh, lifted her gaze to the stars. I was over him years ago and Ive never been sorry for a moment that he left, she said. What Ive been sorry for is that he left me without any emotion at all. Just up and announced he was leaving one day, like he was going to the store, like ending ten years of marriage was no more than stepping out for a six-pack. And even though I had stopped loving him eons before that, I couldnt understand how two people could have passed so much of their lives together and there be no emotion at all. Just nothing. Unless ... Unless she was nothing, wasn t worth it.