Because of You (6 page)

Jill couldn’t lie to herself. She still cared for Adam, no matter how distant he’d become. Yet, she couldn’t deny the fact she needed to be desired and wanted—and loved. Sex once or twice a month was not what she considered fulfilling. And it wasn’t only the sex. The intimacy was also lacking. She didn’t want to be alone more often than not. And Adam never fully opened up to her. Nothing, not even writing could fill that type of loneliness.

Writing was very therapeutic for Jill. As she delved into shaping her characters, she learned a great deal about herself. Here she was empowering her women, when she was behaving like a victim. There were things she could do to try and change things in her life for the better. First off, she had to make Adam want to be with her more. If she could create characters who could seduce one another, why couldn’t she do the same with Adam? All she had to do was write the scene.

Jill decided to keep their fragile sexual spark alive by seducing Adam when he came home that night. The last time she tried to do this he hadn’t come home. Instead, he’d flown to Buffalo. But, tonight she felt it was safe to proceed because Adam had mentioned he’d be home the normal time for dinner and hadn’t called to tell her differently.

She prepared a salad and a rice dish along with some southern fried chicken as she watched the news on the TV mounted on the kitchen wall.

Adam appeared in the kitchen. Jill picked up the remote and shut off the TV as Adam walked inside. She kissed him hello.

“Hmm, something smells good,” he murmured.

“That’s the fried chicken. Wash up. Everything’s almost ready,” she said as she went to get the salad.

Most of the talk over dinner was about her book signing. Adam appeared to be interested to hear all about it. As they were finishing, Jill put into play the scenario she’d planned in order to get Adam to follow her upstairs into their bedroom. It was a cockamamie story about needing his opinion on which blue suit she should keep.

“Okay, wait here, while I change in the bathroom. That way you’ll get the full effect,” she said.

Adam shrugged but smiled. “Okay, I guess.”

Jill rushed into the bathroom to change into her sexy teddy. She was going to rock his world. When she emerged not more than five minutes later, she found Adam stretched out on the bed sound asleep.

Staring at her husband sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling gently, Jill felt tears of frustration and disappointment escaping her eyes. Then she felt a surge of tenderness as she looked at his tired, handsome face. With a sigh she got into bed and took out her new pink vibrator.

Chapter Ten

Jill had another book signing later that week. It was held at the Barnes and Noble in Carle Place. This signing proved to be just as successful. Evelyn had stopped by and was pleased enough to start arranging more signings at other locations. She informed Jill that if this trend continued, they would be looking at a second printing of the book.

Now reflecting on this, Jill realized she soon could be negotiating a bigger advance for her next contract. What scary, wonderful words.
Her next contract
? She was jumping the gun quite a bit, since she hadn't written anything concrete for her second book. Sure, she’d scribbled down several plot lines she was toying with, but she couldn’t decide in which direction she wanted to go. What if she were a one-book sensation?

***

Later that day, Evelyn called to let Jill know she’d been nominated for the American Romance Writers Association award for best new romance fiction writer. The winner would be announced at the awards dinner in a few weeks. After the call ended, Jill decided it was time to start thinking about giving the bank notice.

Jill felt different after her successful book signings. It was as if she’d broken out of the cocoon in which she’d been living her entire life. She felt empowered, truly a feeling she’d never experienced before. She’d always stood in someone else’s shadow, never feeling independent before. First, she was practically invisible to her parents who had put their causes before her. Then when she married Adam, it was his success that she basked in. Now for once, she was standing in the sun and casting her own shadow as she spread her wings. And it felt
damn
good!

***

On the way to work the following morning, Jill decided on the plot for her next story and hoped it would be as good as her first one. That’s all she wanted—along with a more attentive husband. She was even willing to give up precious writing time if Adam would spend more time with her. That would mean more to her than all the success in the world. It was no fun not being able to have him at the various publicity functions the publisher scheduled to share in her success and happiness.

Some of the bank’s patrons had already read her book and asked her to sign their copies, which they’d brought along. Overnight she’d become a minor celebrity. Even so, she nervously glanced every now and then toward the bank manager’s cubicle to make certain she hadn’t overstepped bank policy. She honestly didn’t want to cause trouble, but deep inside she was reveling in her celebrity status.

Jill ran some errands after work and was surprised to find Adam already home by the time she got there.

“Boy, you look as if you’ve seen a ghost. I
do
live here you know.”

He had no idea what Jill had planned the previous night. Nor had he woken while she was pleasuring herself. She suddenly felt guilty as if she was keeping a secret from him. Recovering her composure she said, “Sorry, Adam. It’s that you usually work more late nights at the end of the month.”

“True, but I wanted to come home and spend some time with the soon-to-be number-one
New York Times
bestselling author.”

“Aren’t you being a tad premature?” Jill said.

“Nah. Just clairvoyant. I see people reading your book everywhere. I’m truly proud of you, darling.”

He hadn’t called her that in such a long time. Jill searched Adam’s blue eyes, which had become heavy with desire. “Are you?”

“Yes, I really am,” he replied, reaching out for her. “Maybe I can pop into one of the signings you’ll have in Manhattan.”

Jill brightened and slid into Adam’s arms. “I’d love that.”

Though Adam’s words caused Jill’s heart to lift, as he covered her mouth with his, guilt clouded her mind. Perhaps, she’d been too hasty in thinking there was little hope for their marriage. But when his hands began to roam her body, all she could think about was how much she still cared for him. He had the power to make her tremble at his touch.

Adam’s lips and hands quickly obliterated any lingering doubts or negative feelings she had. At the same time this demonstration of his love gave Jill renewed hope that things would be different now. Her last thought before her libido took over the control of her mind was that dinner was definitely going to be late.

Together they went upstairs to the bedroom. There was no sense of urgency in their lovemaking. Instead, it was a perfectly choreographed dance from beginning to end. Every touch and every kiss was a slow, measured movement. They undressed each other and took the time to delight in one another’s body. Thus the pleasure was trebled in measure.

Afterward, Adam rested his cheek on one elbow as his eyes caressed Jill’s naked body. “I’ve forgotten how beautiful you truly are, Jill,” he said in a hoarse voice. He kissed her breast, before gently nipping at its pebbled nipple, causing her to shiver in delight.

Jill could feel the tension in her sex growing taut as she raked her restless hands through his hair and down his back. Adam lifted his head and looked deeply into Jill’s eyes for a beat before he straddled her. His unmistakable look of want further heated Jill’s own lustful desires. Crushing her lips with his, he clasped her hands and held them over her head. Then he slipped inside Jill and their bodies became one as they moved in an exquisite harmony known only to them.

Before long, they reached that pleasurable precipice where every stroke and every touch propelled them closer to their climaxes. The bed springs creaked as the movement of their bodies increased in speed. They kissed and stroked each other with frenzied movements. Jill felt so close, she needed to feel him deeper. She grabbed his pillow and shoved it under her bottom, which tilted her pelvis slightly. It proved to be just enough and a beat later, Jill let out a long moan of pleasure as one wave of ecstasy after another washed over her. Just as she felt her last spasm of pleasure wane, Adam climaxed and released inside her. She had but one thought. If only she could bottle this moment for all eternity.

As Adam collapsed on top of Jill, he said wryly, “Perhaps it should be a pizza night.”

Her laughter filled the room.

Jill went to bed that night nearly giddy with happiness. Apparently, despite the bickering and doubts, Adam still loved her. However, it was the fact that he took pride in her success as a writer that lightened her heart.

Chapter Eleven

Adam came home from work early every night for the next several days. What pleasure it was for Jill to have dinner with him. It was reminiscent of the way things were when they were courting and they had all the time in the world to talk and make love. And now there was much she needed to talk about.

Earlier in the day her editor, Robin, had called with the good news that the publishing house had decided to print a second run. If her publicist, Evelyn Mason, had her way,
Never Leave Me
would be gracing the front window of every bookstore and the shelves of every library in America. Robin also mentioned that the publicist had a number of book signings lined up for that week and would contact Jill with the final details. Though the news was wonderful, it also left Jill with a dilemma.

Up until now, whenever she needed time to pursue her writing career, she’d been able to call in sick from her job at the bank. But, spontaneously taking several days a week off would be different. Jill didn’t think the bank management would be okay with this. Though she’d decided to give notice, she’d been putting it off. Now she was out of time.

Over Adam’s favorite meal of meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and corn, Jill brought the subject up. “My publicist scheduled two more book signings for this week,” Jill said.

“That’s good exposure. Hopefully, I’ll be free for one of them.”

“I agree about the publicity. It’s definitely good for my writing career, but not so good for my other job.”

“You
haven’t
given notice to the bank, yet?” Adam sounded surprised.

“No. It’s a steady income.”

Adam began to laugh.

“You find that funny?” Jill’s eyes narrowed, failing to see the humor in what she’d said. She merely jumped to the conclusion that Adam was belittling her job at the bank—again.

Gesturing with his fist against her head, Adam said, “Knock, knock, anybody home? You’re an author now, Jill. And from the looks of it, a damn good one. Stay home and write.”

“What if my next book is a flop?”

“You’ll write another. Who cares? Your book is making money and I make an excellent salary. We won’t miss the bank pay check.”

Then it finally dawned on Jill. This was her chance to develop her new career. And if she could remain at home to write full time, then perhaps she could also finally realize her
true
dream: to start a family. Keeping her voice light, Jill said, “I guess with my being home more, I could look after a baby easily.”

Adam shrugged. “I guess. Maybe sometime in the future. Let’s not rush into anything.”

Above all else, Jill wanted to have a child. She had been waiting on Adam wondering if he’d ever be ready. It seemed not.

***

The following Monday Jill gave her two weeks’ notice to the bank. The manager, Joseph Dennings, was a trim man in his late fifties with salt and pepper hair that made him look distinguished. In the 10 years that she had known him, Jill had never heard him raise his voice. He ran the bank so well that there were fewer turnovers in personnel at his branch than any other in the area. Dennings liked Jill and offered her the chance to stay longer by offering her a leave of absence. She knew her leaving was inevitable and felt it wouldn't be fair to him or the bank staff to accept the offer, so she turned it down.

When Jill came home from work, she found Adam already home. He was in the bedroom packing an overnight bag.

“Where are you going?” Jill asked her heart sinking. “We have the American Romance Writers Association award dinner tomorrow night. You know I’ve been nominated for an award as the best new romance fiction author and—”

“I know. I had every intention of going, but one of the deals I’d made a while back seems to be going south. My boss feels that only I can fix it, so I have to go to Atlanta. It’s not my decision, Jill. I'm truly sorry.”

In that moment Jill realized that no matter what, Adam’s career would always come first. And, there would always be a problem that only he, “the super adman of the world,” could fix. All her newfound happiness would always be secondary. Business was business. She had kidded herself into believing things had changed. She would have to fit her life into Adam's business schedule. Did she really want to play roulette and hope that one day the ball would fall into the right pocket?

“I really am sorry, Jill,” Adam said quietly, breaking into her thoughts.

“Sure. I understand.” And as the stark reality struck her, Jill thought she actually did.