Becca (20 page)

“No.” I mumbled.

“David is wanting to go up to the roof and practice with the crossbow. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you want to come?”

“No.”

“Are you okay?” She sat next to me. She really looks worried. “You look sick. You haven’t been eating.”

“I’m okay.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Go have fun.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

She leaned down and hugged me, then left me there. She looks so worried. I must look like I’ve spent a week in bed. I have. Or at least most of one. Not really a lot of point getting out of bed if I have nothing to do. Except I do have something to do.

I got up and washed up a little, ran a comb through my hair and put it in a pony tail. I put on some fresh clothes that Amber found in some luggage two days ago and brought me. I filled a backpack with some extra ammo and a couple of cans of tuna.

“Mom.” I sat beside her. Dad is gone. Probably up with the others, learning to shoot a crossbow. That’s the most initiative he’s shown in weeks, if he is up there. “You awake?”

“Hi honey. I haven’t seen you for a few days.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m getting better.”

“Good.” I leaned down and hugged her. “I really hope so.”

“Bridget is worried about you.”

“I know.” I scooted away from Mom and looked over at the door. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, honey. I love you too.”

“I’m leaving.”

“Oh? Going for more supplies? When do you think you’ll be back?”

“Um,” I took a deep breath. “I doubt I’ll ever be back.” I started crying. “I will if I can.”

“Rebecca, honey, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t do this without Tasha.” I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t even know if I want to live anymore. I just... I need her. It’s like I’ve been ripped into pieces, and I just... I just... I have to find her.”

“Of course you do.” she said. “Promise me you’ll try to be safe. Promise me you’ll come back.”

“I’ll do my best.” I said. 

“Come give me a hug.”

She held her arms out and I leaned down and hugged her. She seems so fragile now. I don’t know what happened to her.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t do more for you, Rebecca. I wish we could have given you a better life.” Mom told me. 

“You guys did great. Up until this all happened there was nothing I would have changed.”

“When you find her, you make sure she knows how much she means to you.”

“I will. I have to go now. I love you.”

I went up to the roof. Dad was standing with the others, watching David shoot the crossbow at a target they had set up. He was smiling. That’s the first time I’ve seen a genuine smile from him since before this all started.

“Hey.” I said.

“Is your mother sick?” he asked.

“No, that’s not why I’m up here.”

“Decided to give the crossbow a try, huh?” David said.

“Nope.” I put an arm around Dad, giving him a little hug. “I got you guys here safe.” I said. I feel silly taking credit for all of it, but it’s mostly true. “Now I have to go.”

“Go where?” Bridget asked.

“To find Tasha.” Amber answered for me. “I’m surprised you waited so long.”

“You can’t leave.” David told me.

“Sorry, I have to.”

“We’ll all go.” Bridget said. “We’ll come with you.”

“No. I had to make sure you were safe. Now you’re as safe as I can get you. Now I need to go.”

“Rebecca, are you sure about this?” Dad asked.

“Yes.”

“You can’t go!” Bridget said. She wrapped her arms around me. “We still need you. Please. Becca!”

“Honey, I know you’re scared. You’re going to be okay now.”

“But what about you?”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Liar.”

“Whether I’m okay or not, I have to go.”

“You don’t have to go.”

“I do. Bridget, I hope you’ll understand this one day. But I do have to go.”

“But what about us?”

“You’re going to be okay.”

“But... well none of us are any good at figuring things out. We’re going to do something stupid and get killed. You have to be here to keep us from being stupid.”

“You don’t need me.”

“We do.”

She’s sobbing like a baby now. Please Bridget, just stop. I pulled her across the roof, away from the others, so I could talk to her. I sat down and pulled her beside me.

“You’re so amazing, Bridget. I can’t believe how much of myself I see in you, but it’s like you took all the little good things about me and amplified them, and you’re just so much better than I’ll ever be.”

“Stop. Just stop trying to change the subject. You’re abandoning us.”

“No. I would stay if I could, but I have to do this. I love you so much, but I have to go.”

“Dad isn’t capable of taking care of us, Becca. He’s messed up, ya know?”

“He’s going to get better soon. Until then I’ll leave Amber in charge.”

“Why her?”

“Honey, you’re smart and great at almost everything you do, but you get scared. Amber’s tough.”

“Well what if we do something and get killed?”

“I can’t baby sit you forever.” I told her. It felt wrong just to say it. Like I was telling her she wasn’t important. “I believe in you. You guys will be fine.”

“You really have to go?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to miss you. I love you, Becca.” She wiped at her eyes. “I always wanted to be more like you, so you’d be proud of me. And now you’re leaving and...”

“I couldn’t be more proud of you. I love you so much. There is no way I would have even made it through this if I didn’t have you around. But now you have to take care of Mom and Dad. I’m relying on you. And I’ll try to come back.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. Bridge, if I never see you again, it won’t be because I didn’t want to. I’m going to try my best to come back here some day.”

I said my goodbyes, then Amber walked me down the stairs so she could close the bottom doors and lock it behind me.

“Good luck finding her, Becca.” Amber said. We were at the door now.

“Thanks.”

“I’m going to take care of them. I promise you.”

“I trust you.”

“Can I ask you for a favor before you go?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Well, look, we both know I love you, and I’m pretty sure we both know it’s a crush and not real.” She held her hand up, stopping me from interrupting. “That doesn’t change how it feels, though. Anyway, this may be my last chance. And I don’t mean with just you, I mean ever, in my whole life. So... um... will you... kiss me?” She’s so red right now. “Not just a little kiss on the cheek, but a real kiss?”

Would that be cheating on Tasha? I don’t know. I don’t think she’d think so. Especially not in this situation. And this is something I can do for Amber.

I put my bag and my gun down, and I leaned over and put my hand behind Amber’s neck and pulled her close and kissed her. I just wish it was Tasha I was kissing. 

“Thank you.” she whispered.

“Amber, don’t give up. Someone out there is right for you. Or maybe even someone here. You never know about Bridget. Tasha never even looked at a girl until I told her how I felt, so maybe you two will wind up together. I would be very happy if she ended up with someone as great as you.”

“I think David would kill me.” she said, laughing.

“Maybe.”

“I already think of her like a sister, anyway. You too, I guess. When I’m honest and get past my silly crush.”

“I am honored.” I said. I gave her a quick hug. “You’re like a little sister to me, too. I love you, squirt. I hope to see you again some day.”

“I’ll pray for you.”

And with that I was out the door. It felt weird leaving and knowing I’ll probably never be back. I have no idea if I’ll even be alive this time tomorrow, so I think making it back is unlikely. I’m okay with that. If I die trying to get to Tasha, that’s okay. I’d rather die trying than to sit and always wonder.

Saturday, May 21
^st
 

I slept in Tasha’s car last night. I only made it a few miles out of town before it started

getting dark and I decided I should try to rest. It was freaking scary to sleep alone in a car in the middle of nowhere. I mean the infected don’t seem all that smart, so it’s not like they would figure out how to use a rock to break the windows or something, but they’re still strong and could maybe break the windows banging against them. But there were no problems.

I ran over an infected person around noon. He walked out in front of me. I didn’t even try to miss him, I just slowed enough that it wouldn’t hurt the car and knocked him out of the way.

Later I was stopped along the road, beside a couple of abandoned cars, siphoning gas out. I could hear a car or truck of some kind on one of the highways crossing this one about a quarter of a mile up. I stopped and watched for a while, and I never saw it pass, but whatever it was was loud. Like some big truck with bad exhaust.

What would I do if I came across a bunch of people? I couldn’t really trust them, could I? Maybe. But what if they were like those guys who came to our cabin? I can’t risk that, because I have to get to Tasha. If I can even find her. I know it’s a military base near Cheyenne.

Thursday, May 26
^th
 

I spent the day driving around Wyoming, trying to find any signs of life, any road signs

pointing toward a military base near Cheyenne. I haven’t even bothered to eat for two days now. I’ve made sure I had plenty to drink, at least. Except it’s scary as hell stopping to pee behind a bush with all those infected people roaming around.

And then I saw it. I stopped the car and stared for maybe five minutes, crying. Signs pointing to the base. It’s just a mile away. I’m here. I can’t believe it, I’m here!

I rolled slowly down the road, not trusting myself to drive fast. If I died in a car wreck now it would be embarrassing. And I saw the gates. And four armed guards. I stopped the car about a hundred yards from them and got out.

“This is a military installation.” A voice shouted over a loud speaker. “Civilians are not welcome. Please turn your vehicle around and leave immediately.”

I stopped in the road. Okay, so what are they going to do, shoot me? At this point it doesn’t matter much. I’m not leaving without her. If they’d just shoot me it would be a mercy killing. That’s much preferable to the alternative.