Becoming a Lady (8 page)

“Because…” Her chest clenched with pain. “Because things like this don’t happen to women like me. It didn’t happen for my mother when she fell in love with a nobleman, and it’s not going to happen to me.” She scowled. “I had to see the agony on my mother’s face when a gentleman passed through town and showed her a little interest then walked away just as fast as he’d entered. I remember the years of hurt my mother went through knowing the grandfather of her only daughter would treat us like outcasts.” She took a breath. “Calvin, you’re putting ideas in my head and I want you to stop.”

“Are you certain you want me to stop?” He lifted his hand to her cheek and caressed.

“Y—yes.
And I want you to stop trying to charm me with your pretty words. I am
not
a beautiful woman, and I am certainly
not
desirable, as you tried to tell me the last time we were together.”

Slowly, he shook his head. “What if I think differently? What if I happen to think you are a very desirable and lovely woman? I understand you may not think highly of yourself, but I can assure you, I have never known a more remarkable woman.” With both hands, he cupped her face. “And, just like you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met.”

Oh, good grief!
Why did he have to say that? And why did he have to look so sincere at the same time?

Perhaps coming to his room to talk was a very bad thing, indeed.

Chapter Eight

Calvin knew she really shouldn’t be in his room, yet he was reluctant to tell her to leave. Being close to her like this reminded him of how he enjoyed holding her—how he had cherished their first kiss and couldn’t wait for another one.

And here she stood in her nightgown and wrapper. It was as if the stars aligned perfectly in the heavens and fate was on his side, because even the companion wouldn’t be disturbing their privacy tonight.

“Calvin, you shouldn’t say such a thing.” The tone of her voice wasn’t as sharp as it had been moments ago.

“I can’t help it. With you so near, it makes me want to touch you.” He bent his head closer to hers while he continued to hold her face.

She clutched his hands, and for a second he thought she meant to remove them. But she didn’t. Desire coated her blue eyes as they focused on his mouth. His heartbeat accelerated. She wanted this as badly as he did, despite her words earlier. Perhaps she was as confused as he was. But unlike Dorothy, when Calvin became confused, he didn’t cover it with anger.

He brushed his lips across hers. Hesitating…prolonging the excitement building inside him.

“Calvin,” she whispered. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Smiling, he slid his hands down her neck as he rubbed his cheek against hers. “Pray, tell me what exactly I’m doing?”

She closed her eyes. “You’re making me want things that aren’t possible. You’re bringing my mind and body more alive than it’s ever been before.”

He kissed her eyelids. “Dorothy, my lovely, this is a new experience for me as well.” He slid his lips across her cheek again.
“Because I have never longed so much for a woman.”
And remarkably enough, he’d never felt more like a man than he did right now.

A small moan came from her as she searched for his mouth with hers. When their lips met, he crushed her in his arms, kissing her soundly. Her arms hooked over his shoulders as she held him tight. Her response nearly had him dropping to his knees and pulling her with him to the floor. But he remained strong.

“This should be wrong, but it feels too good,” she muttered.

Indeed, this was wrong. Yet when he remembered whose granddaughter she was
,
it didn’t stop him this time. Calvin enjoyed hearing her gasps and sighs of delight too much. He also enjoyed the quickening of his heartbeat and the rush of happiness flowing through him right now.

“Oh, Calvin, I really cannot.” She pulled out of his arms, turned and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge. She placed her hands over her face, and shook her head. “This is not right. I’m so confused.”

Slowly, he walked toward her. “What are you confused about, my lovely Dorothy?” He knelt in front of her and gingerly stroked her hair. Seeing it flowing over her shoulders like a silk waterfall—and feeling just as sleek—made him want to rub the soft locks against his face, close his eyes, and breathe in her flowery fragrance.

“I’m afraid of…being hurt like my mother,” she muttered into her hands.

He gently tugged on her wrists until her hands fell away, and he gazed into her beautiful face. “Do you believe I will hurt you?”

She nodded.

A small part of his heart twisted. He didn’t want to hurt her. All he wanted at this moment was to take her back into his arms and smother her with passionate kisses. Yet, would
becoming
that intimate result in hurting her?

“Calvin, I don’t know you. We have not really talked other than how I’m supposed to act. I have no clue about your life. You know mine inside and out, but I don’t know yours. How can I allow you such liberties when I’m having a difficult time trusting you?”

By Jove, she was right! He stood, his mind whirling with insecurities as he paced the floor. Never had he shared anything personal about himself with a woman. The few times he’d allowed a woman to enter his heart, he’d been proven that they only wanted strong, virile men…
whole
men. Calvin hadn’t been whole for over six months now. Before that, he’d never entered a relationship with a woman because of his duties in the military.

“Calvin, won’t you please talk to me as a friend?”

A friend?
Did he want to be friends with her? He shook away the thought. Of course he did. So then why was his heart yearning for something much deeper than friendship?

Exhaling slowly, he moved and sat beside her on the bed. “You are correct. I have not been very open about my life.”

“Would you tell me now?”

Hesitating, part of him wanted to open up and trust her, yet the reserved part of his heart reminded him that this might push her away as it had the other women he tried to court.

“Yes, I will tell you. What would you like to know?”

She smiled. “Where did you grow up? Do you have a family?”

“I was born and raised mostly in Mayfair, although my father had estates in Surrey and in North Devon.”

“You told me your father was an earl.”

Shock vibrated through him.
She actually remembered!
“Indeed. My father is Earl of Roswell. He and my mother had four children. I have two brothers older and one sister younger.”

Her smile softened as she leaned closer. “Was your family happy?”

“Yes, I believe we were. I got along with my siblings, and my parents.” He shrugged. “To me, that was just the normal way to live.”

“Please, go on. Tell me more about your family.” Her eyes twinkled with excitement.

Relaxing, he chuckled. Of course she would want to know more about his family since she never really had one…or at least a close-knit family. “What else would you like me to tell you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I have just enjoyed hearing about how other families live. Did you go to Eton?”

“Actually, yes.”

“I’d heard that most sons of nobility go there.”

“Most do.”

“What did you do after you were out of school?”

She placed her hand on top of his. Warmth spread through him and he adjusted his hand to entwine their fingers.

“I joined the army. After a few years, I made the rank of Scout Officer. I have done everything imaginable from the Battlefield Artillery Officer, to infantry, to Calvary Scouts, and even a spy. Whatever was needed, I filled the shoes and did what was asked. I would have stayed in the army if I hadn’t been wounded.”

“Exactly how were you wounded?”

“My unit was on a scouting mission searching for the enemy camp. One of the men stumbled over a log.” Calvin shook his head as the scene played in his mind. “An enemy sentry heard the commotion and opened fire. I was hit three times in the leg. My men got me back to camp, and the bullets were removed, but the surgeon didn’t want to take any chances the bullets would cause an infection and then it would spread through my leg, so his alternative was to remove it. My brother—who was my sergeant during that time, commanded the surgeon to leave my leg alone. Thankfully, the wounds stayed free of infection and I was left with only a limp.”

“Your brother definitely saved your life. Even if the surgeon would have removed your leg, that didn’t guarantee the infection wouldn’t have spread.”

He nodded. “You are correct. I didn’t realize you knew things like that.”

“Because my mother helped from time to time at the hospital, I heard many horror stories.”

He patted her hand. “I commend you for wanting to learn more.”

“I love learning new things.” She shrugged one shoulder. “Why do you think I’m allowing you to teach me how to become a lady?”

“Not because I’m paying for your brother’s medical care?”

She chuckled. “Well, besides that.”

He turned to face her better on the edge of the bed, and took both of her hands in his. “Tell me, are you enjoying yourself at all? I know you didn’t want to come, but I hope you have had some delight out of this trip so far.”

“I’ll confess
,
it hasn’t been as awful as I thought it would be. However,” she paused, frowning, “I still fear the moment my grandfather looks at me, he will reject me. He’d hurt my mother, and I have a sinking feeling that he will not be very kind to me, either.”

“My lovely, Dorothy,” he said as he rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles in a gentle caress. “I know your grandfather well. He is a very stingy bugger when he wants to be and ornery to boot. But when he hired me to find you, as well as offered to purchase new clothes and accessories for you, I knew it was because he really wanted to meet you.”

She looked at him with a critical stare. “Is he dying?”

“This, I don’t know. I have just been told his health is declining.”

She released an uneasy breath. “I still worry that once he sees me, he will be disappointed.”

The saddened tone of her voice tugged at Calvin’s heartstrings. He reached up and cupped her face. “If seeing you
disappoints
him, then he is not the man I know…and if he rejects you, I shall know the old duke doesn’t have a lick of sense.”

A soft smile bracketed her face. Closing her eyes, she cuddled her face against his palms. “You are such a kindhearted man.” When she looked at him again, her gaze was dark with desire. “And so wonderful,” she added in a whisper.

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest. The way she gazed at him with so much admiration had him feeling like the man he never thought he’d feel again.

Although she wanted to take things slow with him and get to know him, he knew he must kiss her now…or go stark raving mad with wanting.

As his mouth descended upon hers, he wrapped her in his arms and laid them back on the bed. He half expected her to push him away, but instead, she slid her arms around him and held tight as if she didn’t ever want to let go. He kissed her passionately, and she met his demanding, urgent kisses with some of her own. His heart soared to heaven.

“Oh, Calvin,” she sighed heavily. “I never imaged it would feel this way.”

He took a quick peek at her face. Still with closed eyes, a smile graced her expression.

“You imagined this?” he asked.

Her fingers threaded through his hair as she opened her eyes. “Would it appall you if I admit I have?”

“Why would it appall me?”

“Because I have been stubborn with you so far this trip.”

Grinning, he swept his lips across her mouth again. “That’s just part of who you are, and it’s one of the things I like about you.”

She blushed. “Indeed? What are the other things?”

“I love the way you make me laugh.” He grinned. “I love the way I feel so
complete
when I’m with you. But…” Once again, her grandfather’s face popped into Calvin’s mind.
I can’t do this!
The duke only wanted Calvin to bring Dorothy back…not
seduce
her.

Her forehead crinkled.
“But what?”

“But, I cannot do this with you.” Groaning, he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Your grandfather would have my head on a platter if he knew what we were doing.”

He buried his face in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. Silence filled the air between them. Only the wind and the crashing waves against the ship could be heard. After a few moments, the bed moved and soon her hand stroked his back.

“You stopped because of my grandfather?”

“Yes,” he muttered.

“Is that why you stopped kissing me last week up on deck?”

“Correct, again.”

She moved her fingers to his hair. “I don’t understand.”

He dropped his hands from his face and looked at her. A frown marred her expression.
“Because, my lovely, your grandfather is a powerful man.
I don’t dare go up against him.” Nobody messed with
Longdale’s
family and remained normal afterwards.