Becoming the Alpha (5 page)

We were back at my car in less than ten minutes, and Lukas slid into the passenger seat. I saw there were several people moving about in the streets. Now that the bear match was over, and order had been restored, it seemed as if everyone was getting on with their day again.

Lukas didn’t look in my direction when I got in next to him and started the car. I opened my mouth to speak, but Lukas held his hand up. “We’re going to Markus’s house. My house. I am sure you are just full of questions, but can it wait at least until we get there?”

His tone was curt, and I’m not sure why it cut at me. He had just been through a pretty traumatic experience, but it wasn’t my fault. I had been there rooting for him. I felt like in some small way I had even helped him. But there wasn’t an iota of recognition of that from him. It was all business again.

“Sure,” I said, trying to keep my tone even. “You’ll need to tell me where to go though.”

The only words exchanged over the course of the next few minutes were Lukas’s directions. I pulled up next to the curb of a house that stood out like a sore thumb next to all of its neighbors. So far throughout White Oaks, all of the homes I had seen were single story homes that sat squat and low to the ground painted in neutral colors of white, light blue, and gray. This house was two stories tall and looked like one of those log cabins that you saw as second homes on any of the TV shows about the rich and famous.

“Geez,” I said. “How did I miss this one?”

“One of the original clan members was an architect. He said it would be his great honor to build the home of the alpha,” Lukas said. “Markus was out on a speaking tour that summer, and gave the guy a modest budget and told him to keep it simple. He came home to this.”

“I see,” I said. “Well, if you want to make a statement, then this was a good way to do it.”

“It doesn’t hurt to have folks reminded that being the alpha is different than being a regular clan member,” Lukas said. He turned to me then. “I have a feeling you’ll use that sentence word for word in your story, but the context around it will make me sound like a dick.”

I smiled benignly. “Stop sounding like a dick then.”

Lukas blew out an exasperated sigh and got out of the car. I followed him up the sidewalk and stood on the porch as he unlocked the door. Lukas stepped inside, but I didn’t immediately join him, He turned and looked at me with an inquisitive expression. “You’re welcome to come inside.”

I swung my head and took in the view of the street. There were several people working in their yards, and even though they didn’t appear to be paying any attention to me and Lukas, I knew that they were noting our every move. That’s the way it worked in small towns.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Lukas? People were upset enough with me being there at the bear match. I know that story you cooked up worked well enough, but now, it seems like it would be prudent for you to be more thoughtful about appearances.”

“Prudent?” Lukas leaned back against the door jam and crossed his arms over his chest. Which I couldn’t help but notice was still bare. He should have looked ridiculous standing there in only a blanket covering his nether regions, but instead he looked like a sexy lumberjack. That was when I noticed that the bite marks on his shoulder had almost disappeared.

“What the hell?” I couldn’t stop myself from stepping closer. “You should be falling over from blood loss and exhaustion. Your wounds. They are practically healed.”

“Maren, I think it would be a good idea for you to come inside,” Lukas said. He put his hand under my chin and drew my eyes up to his. “I’ll answer your questions. I want you to ask them. But right now, I’d like to get cleaned up. I promise, I won’t bite.”

My eyes wandered back down to the red stains on his chin, and my stomach did a flip- flop, and not in a good way. “Of course,” I said. I moved to the side, so I slide past him without actually touching him. Inside the house, I saw that using the expression “sparse” about the décor would be an understatement.

Lukas pointed toward the sofa that faced the fireplace in the room off to the left. It was obviously the living room. “Take a load off. I’ll be back down shortly.”

I didn’t look at him again as I wandered into the room. I threw my bag down on the floor and kicked off my sandals as I settled onto the couch. I let my head fall against the back of the sofa and took a deep breath. With my mind quieting, I still couldn’t believe what I had just seen.

Then I shot up and dug into my bag for a notebook and pen. Soon I was scribbling notes on everything that I could remember about the bear match. I wanted to capture it all while it was still fresh in my mind. I knew from experience that if I gave myself even a couple hours of respite that certain details would lose their color and vibrancy. It forced me to immerse myself back in the setting, and my heart still beat faster as I wrote about watching Lukas in the throes of almost certain loss.

I didn’t know that Lukas had returned to the room until I felt the drag of weight on the back of the sofa. I turned to find him leaning there looking over my shoulder. I quickly turned my notebook over. “Snoop much?”

“You’re writing about me. I think I have a right to know what you’re saying,” he said with a mocking smile.

“This isn’t something that is going to get the alpha stamp of approval before publishing,” I said, closing my notebook firmly. “Don’t make me hide this from you. I still remember catching you reading my journal when we were thirteen.”

Lukas closed his eyes. “Dear Diary. I can’t stop thinking about how cute Lukas is and wondering if he’s ever kissed a girl before. Is he a good kisser? I’d love to find out.” His voice pitched high in a sing-song voice as if he was imitating the younger version of me.

I hit him in the head with one of the throw pillows. “I never wrote that.”

“You did,” he said. “Who says the only time that I read your journal was that one time when we were thirteen?”

I felt a shot of chagrin. Even though that was over a decade ago, there had been a lot of angst and embarrassing things noted in the pages of my journal over the years. “You didn’t.”

Lukas pushed off the couch and laughed. “Relax, Maren. That was ages ago. We’re both grown-ups now, remember?”

“Some of us, at least,” I said darkly.

Lukas made his way around the sofa. I hated to admit that he cleaned up good. He was wearing a pair of fitted tan khakis and a light green polo shirt that did nothing but emphasize his muscular shoulders and trim waist. I could see that the hairs at the base of his neck were still wet from his shower, and as he dropped down onto the cushion next to me, I could smell soap and lime. It made me want to bury my nose in the crook of his neck to inhale more of it.

I dropped my eyes to my hands. I was fidgeting, but I didn’t know what to do with him this close to me. We used to lounge around all the time at each other’s houses talking for hours on end about nothing in particular. But it was different now. We were different now, yet I couldn’t help but keep drawing comparisons.

“So what’s next?” I asked. The silence was making me jumpy. “The Summit starts tonight, and you’ll be announced as the new alpha.”

“Yes,” Lukas said. “But that’s not what you want to ask me about.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were writing about the bear match,” Lukas said. “I wasn’t lying when I said that there should be a historical record of what happens here in the clan. Markus and I did talk about it several times in the last few months. He said on each of those occasions that he thought you’d make an excellent choice to write the chronicles. But he obviously never got around to pulling the trigger on that.”

I couldn’t keep the expression of surprise off my face. “So that wasn’t a lie?”

“No,” Lukas said. “You’re writing a story anyway, right? It shouldn’t be too hard to twist it however you need to so that it’s able to be used by the clan as well. Which is my way of saying that you might want to go a bit easier on me.”

“I’m just writing what I observe,” I said. “Why would Markus have wanted me to write it? I didn’t think Markus even liked me.”

“That’s not true,” Lukas said. “Markus always thought fondly of you. He had a great admiration for your father’s work, even if he didn’t always agree with it. He said you got your father’s talent, but a more thoughtful eye and perspective. That’s what he wanted from someone who would write our story. He understood it was important to show the balance between bear and human, both from the perspective of how we live our lives, and how we operate as a shifter in society.”

“Wow, I had no idea,” I said. “I thought the clan was all about secrecy.”

“Secrecy does nothing but breed contempt and suspicion,” Lukas said. His expression had darkened again. “Those are two things we’ve been fighting since the day that we declared ourselves. But we can’t just go out and shout our ways and customs from the rooftops. People won’t understand. It’ll be a slow educational process.”

“How do you know that?” I leaned toward him. I was fascinated.

“Look at the trend of hate crimes involving shifters over the last decade,” Lukas said. “Contrary to popular belief, it is on the rise. And it’s not just in places where there isn’t a high shifter population that you could chalk up to ignorance. It’s across the country.”

“I think that’s an unsupported fact being tossed about by shifters to continue to add fuel to the fire of the unequal rights debate,” I said. “I’ve looked into that supposed fact, and I haven’t been able to find out where it originated from. I just know Markus was the first one who said it, and since then it’s been bandied about as fact.”

“Markus and the sheriff keep tabs on things that don’t get reported in the media,” Lukas said. “It never occurred to you that kind of thing might be covered up because there are people out there who don’t want you to know about it? It would make our cause look more sympathetic, and those who don’t want an integrated society don’t want to give us any more ammunition.”

“Jesus, Lukas. Conspiracy theory much?” I stood up. “Look, I am a journalist at the newspaper that is at the heart of everything that has to do with shifters. My dad speaks across the country on a semi-regular basis about shifter and human politics because the shifters won’t. To say that Markus was selective of where and when he spoke would be an understatement. He stepped out of the public’s eye by a great degree over the last three years. And by doing so, he left a gap that hasn’t been filled. People start making up their own truths then.”

“When people stopped listening, he knew that he had to find another way,” Lukas said. “I think that’s part of the reason he isn’t here anymore.”

I put up my hands. “All I’m hearing from you so far is hearsay and conjecture. I don’t deal in that, Lukas. I deal in facts. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. This is too surreal.”

Lukas leaned toward me. “Why? Because it sounds like I know what I’m talking about? Or because you’re surprised that it’s me talking about it?”

“Both,” I said. “When you lived here before, you couldn’t have cared less about shifter and human politics. I remember you told me the only thing you ever wanted was to be just like everyone else. You didn’t want to be different.”

“I am different,” Lukas said. “And in time, I embraced that. I just had to figure out how to grow up.”

We stared at each other because I didn’t know what else to say. He had grown up and grown away from me. It made me sad that I hadn’t been able to witness the transformation. Lukas and I had always said we’d be friends forever, but I had missed so much. I wasn’t sure if he saw something in my expression, but he was on his feet and then wrapped me in his arms.

I should have pushed him away, but I couldn’t seem to find the strength. I let him pull me closer, and then I felt hot tears streaming down my face.

“Maren, it wasn’t your fault,” he said. “I was young and stupid, and I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt, but it seems like no matter what I did, that was always what happened.”

I did pull away from him then and turned my head to wipe the tears away. I couldn’t look at him. “Ancient history.”

“I owe you an apology for the way that I left. I owe you an apology for every time that you gave me a little piece of yourself by being there for me, and I didn’t appreciate it. You were always my rock, and I took advantage of that.”

He was saying the words that I had always wanted him to say, but it felt wrong now. “Why now?” I sputtered. I moved toward the window and looked out to the street. I wasn’t really seeing anything out there. It was just a way to avoid looking at him. “Lukas, I know you said that Markus told you to leave. But you could have called me and told me what you just said a million times over. It’s been ten years! Why now? Just because you came back, and you feel guilty, so you’re trying to make yourself feel better? It’s over and done with, and the past can’t be changed. I’m here to help you, but I can’t do that and be dragged through this every time we’re together.”

There was a long pause. “Okay, Maren. We can play it your way if you want.”

“It’s not my way,” I said. “It’s just the way that it is.”

“I’m giving you free rein to ask me whatever you want to ask me,” he said. “An exclusive interview with the new alpha of the Greyelf Grizzly clan. Do you want it or not?”