Bed of Lies (19 page)

"A half dozen," Rachel said, giving Julie a quick hug as they stood in the doorway. "I thought you liked the jelly ones, but there's always the chance that your tastes might have changed or that it might be a really bad day. So I got six, all different kinds."

"That's perfect. Come on in," Julie said, shaking her head as she thought of Zach calling his mother to come take care of her.

"Look at you," Rachel said, unbuttoning her coat, which was wet from the rain. "You're all grown up. So tall and so pretty."

Julie smiled in spite of herself, thinking that surely every bit of the last few days showed in her face. Everything except the sex, she hoped.

She took Rachel's coat and hung it on a peg by the door, took the paper bag and made room among a few newspapers, days' worth of mail, three old coffee cups and a bag of chips.

"Give me just a minute."

Julie started clearing the table and pushing things back to make room on the counter. Her face burned once again, reminded of the way they'd always lived here. Haphazardly. Clumsily. Loudly. Chaotically. Fearfully.

She made herself stop what she was doing. The table was clear enough. They could sit and drink their coffee and have a doughnut. This wasn't anything Zach's mother hadn't seen before.

"You look great," Julie said, meaning it sincerely. She'd also always believed Zach's mother was kindness personified, and just thinking of having someone like Rachel look out for her both now and over the years, made her feel better about being here. She felt a sudden rush of tears. "I'm so glad you're here."

Rachel smiled. "Now, don't you dare cry. Zach will call and ask how you were, and I can't lie to him."

"Okay. I won't." Julie thought of Zach checking up on her. She remembered his voice as he'd said,
Call me if you need me.
Something she had no right to do. But she liked knowing he'd offered. "Zach's been... Well, he's wonderful, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that."

"No, you don't."

"He was always so kind to me. All of you were. I don't think I could possibly tell you how much that meant to me when I was living here."

"I'm glad you could come to us. I wish we could have done more. Grace wanted us to just keep you so she could have you for a sister. Did you know that?"

"She told me." Julie had been eight and a half at the time, Grace nine. Julie had gone straight home and packed her bags. She'd waited for a week, thinking they'd come to take her away. But it never happened. She was too embarrassed to tell Rachel she'd thought it might come true. She'd been sure no one at her house would have minded if she'd gone to live with Grace's family.

"It's going to be all right, Julie," Rachel said.

She nodded, working hard to hold back those tears, not wanting Zach to hear about her crying this morning.

"Drink some of this, while it's still hot." Rachel opened the bag and pulled out napkins, a stirring stick, artificial creamer and sugar, then a steaming cup.

Julie grabbed a napkin and quickly blotted the moisture from the corners of her eyes, and then busied herself pouring sugar and creamer into her coffee. Rachel tactfully busied herself doing the same, and once Julie had had a few sips and thought she might live through the morning, she reached for a doughnut. After all, sugar was one of the finest comforts known to womankind.

Which made her think of Zach's shirt, of smelling it, of how comforting that was to her. Which made her think of Zach without the shirt, in bed with her.

"Zach told me everything," his mother said.

Julie's jelly doughnut got stuck in her throat. She coughed once, then again, and Rachel looked concerned.

"I'm fine," she managed to squeak out. No way he'd tell his mother about that. "Sorry," Rachel said. "He wanted me to know so that I could help."

"Of course," Julie said.

It was about Peter. She should be thinking about Peter, not Zach. He was the reason Julie was here. Not because she was running away from all her problems in Memphis. That little thought was nagging at her. That she wasn't being noble at all. She was running again, doing what she did best.

"So, what can I tell you?" Rachel asked. "I really do want to help."

Tell me how to stop running,
she thought. Rachel didn't run. Her husband, Sam, didn't run. Zach didn't. They should teach that in school. Life 101: How Not to Run When Life Gets Tough.

"I don't even know what I need to know," Julie admitted.

Then it occurred to her that Rachel had been just down the block all these years. She must know so much more about what Peter's life had been like than Julie did. All she had to do was ask...

"Has it been really bad for him here?" Julie began.

Rachel didn't say anything right away. She seemed to be sorting through her thoughts, picking her words carefully. "Well, he didn't... come by the house as often as you did. And with our kids grown... Sam and I aren't as plugged into what's going on with the neighborhood kids as we used to be. But we saw him from time to time. I don't think much has changed in this house, Julie."

"But Peter's their son."

She had been only her mother's daughter, and she'd always known where that left her. Outside the loop. A nuisance, at best, always underfoot.

Rachel's compassionate look told Julie that it hadn't mattered.

"I thought... I mean, it was tough for me, but with him... They always treated him differently."
Better. Not quite as bad.
"I mean, I know it wasn't the perfect home, but they didn't come down on Peter the way they did..."
On me.

Rachel nodded, reminding her of Zach, with way too much understanding in those eyes.

"I don't know for sure," Rachel said. "Peter doesn't really talk to me. It's just... from what I've seen, I'm guessing that he felt kind of... lost and lonely. I wish I'd done more for him—"

"No. That's not what I meant. He's not... " Rachel's child. Or Rachel's brother. He wasn't her responsibility in any way.

"Still," Rachel said, "I wish I had."

Julie nodded. What could you say to people like that? The ones who tried to take care of kids who weren't even theirs. Or other ones who tried to take care of friends of their little sister. Or the parents of a man who had slept with you on a really bad night? This was something she just didn't understand.

"I know you must have tried to help him," Julie said. "And I'm so glad you're here now. Now that I'm back."

"I'm glad you were in Memphis for Zach."

Julie went still, trying to gauge the look on Rachel's face.

Finally Rachel said, "When the verdict in his trial came in."

Julie nodded. Carefully, she said, "Zach took it hard."

"He always does."

"It happens a lot?" she asked, because she just couldn't see Zach losing often.

"Any case he loses is one too many to him, and he takes the toughest ones he can find. He claims he does it for the sheer challenge in it, but—"

"I don't believe that," Julie said.

"Neither do I," Rachel agreed. "Grace said she told you their birth father got out of prison six months ago. Emma and Grace are okay, I think. Upset for a few days after they all went to see him, but okay. Zach insisted that he wasn't upset at all, but everything about the way he looked and the way he sounded told me he was. And he's hardly been home since."

"What did the man say to him?" Julie asked.

"I don't know. Did he talk to you about it?"

"A little," Julie admitted.

"I'm not going to ask you what he said. I'm just glad he talked to someone about it. I'm glad you were there when he needed someone."

"I'm glad, too."

To hell with everything else. He'd needed her, and she didn't want to think of what he might have done had he been alone.
There.
She'd almost managed to make it sound noble—sleeping with this other woman's fiancé.

"I know how he seems to the world," Rachel said. "So strong, so self-sufficient and together... He doesn't let me take care of him very often, which I suppose is normal now that he's all grown up, but we all need someone at times."

"I know." Julie needed more than most.

"I want someone to be there for him, even when he doesn't know how much he needs someone."

Julie nodded, ready to agree, and then remembered it wasn't her place. He had a fiancée. Maybe. Julie was supposed to stay away from him and not mess that up any more than they already had.

"He's always been a good friend to me," she said, vague beyond belief considering, but she was talking to his mother. "I'd do anything for him."

Okay, that definitely wasn't vague or noncommittal, but it was true. That counted for something, didn't it? She tried to backtrack quickly. "I mean... I'm sure he has a lot of friends who feel the same way. That if he ever needed anything..."

"He won't ask, Julie. That's what I was trying to say. He won't ask for help."

"Oh. Okay." So what was she supposed to do? If the situation were reversed, Zach wouldn't wait for her to ask for help. He'd just show up. Except she couldn't now. "He's in Memphis, and I have to be here. For Peter."

"I know. But the penalty phase of the trial shouldn't last long. A few days, maybe. And after that, I want him home. I've told him that myself, when I can get him on the phone, but it's not doing any good. And then, after weeks of ducking my calls, he called me because he was worried about you. I was just thinking... He's a lot more comfortable taking care of others than having anyone take care of him. If he thought you needed him here..."

"Oh." She got it now. She was supposed to play the helpless female to Zach's hero. She should be perfect for this role. She'd been practicing her whole life. No acting abilities required and no lies. All she had to do was tell him how she really felt. If she could get him here, then his family would take care of him.

What was she supposed to do? Resist something she wanted very badly because she was afraid of what else might happen between them if he was here?

It would not happen again. He didn't really want her. He'd just needed someone, and she'd been there. She firmly shut her ears to the little voice inside that insisted it had sure felt like he'd wanted her, despite the fact that he was supposed to be in love with someone else.

Julie blurted out, "He's engaged, isn't he?"

"Yes," Rachel said.

"I just thought... " Julie began. "If he was in trouble, she'd be here."

"She's busy with her father's campaign. And I'm being an interfering mother, which I try not to be. I just thought, if you asked, he might come home."

"Well, I was just pitiful on the phone with him last night, if that helps."

Rachel grinned. "There you go."

"I guess if he gave me a chance, I could pour out my troubles to him again."

Julie couldn't be happy that Rachel was so worried about him, but if this was where he needed to be...

She'd never deny Zach anything when he was in need, and yet...

Oh, it was crazy.

She couldn't let herself want anything more than that one night. It was all she'd ever have of him.

Chapter 10

It took exactly forty-eight minutes for the jury to decide the fate of Tony Williams. Zach clocked it, pissed when it happened so quickly.

Tony huddled like a child against Zach's side, while Zach put his arm around the boy and stared at the judicial seal on the wall above the jury box, his mouth clamped shut.

Through the fog of his anger, his frustration and his fear, the verdict finally registered—life in prison. Relief was a hard emotion to let in, given the verdict, but it was life, and Zach didn't stop fighting once a verdict was in. He'd fight as long as there was hope of winning.

They finished with the formalities. The guards were waiting to take Tony to prison for a long, long time. Zach should really say something.
It's not over yet. Don't give up. Just try to stay alive in there.
He would choke on the words.