Beerspit Night and Cursing (17 page)

Buk please don’t tell me any horror stories about cats & corpses & so on—to me it is natural enough but I do not care to focus upon it/

Oh Buk/ we do “pet the sea” & dear old Al has a distinct soul & so does Sea…by soul one means the Intelligence at Work/

I doubt if I’d prefer a hoss to a man—because of communication thing & Jeffers just don’t know the Perfect Female…she dies without a male to love like a little fern she curls up inside herself—& the joint cd be jumpin’ & she’d dream on/ and Pan’s not an animal Buk he’s a deity! No lamb there is no more noble animal than man/ he is the only one who’d ever share anything—the rest of them incline towards hogery & what’s left goes to whoever…it wd be awful/ this fkn cat I see it in him—one observes it in low character’d humans but for nobility we must look to man/ not that the animals do not have nobility/ but not with food or water then’s when you see they are animals/

Oh let Webb print his son’s work—why not? wait until you see new A & P…its policy is its entirely own my lamb/ But because one has a certain scandalous name she knows we’ll be read & Ezra’s mailing list considers her a Light…but my dear Buk/ we aint got nobody else’s policy/ ’s all right to print Webb jr/

Who is this 23 yr old ear chewer? was it intelligent? can it be elevated? To be spittin’ fire at the Elders at 23 shows a mind at work…& to spit at Webb instead of
The New Yorker
or
Nation
shows a selective mind at work…may be dedicated…not ambitious…who was it?

he’ll write I guess he’s busy with type set/

Gramps don’t know that in a way I am painting—I’m studying those on the wall for their final solution…It takes 5 years sometimes of study to know what subtle touch will complete the work & I must know every colour in the thing—and shape…as they stand they’re done but I know they aint yet complete.

And one is drawing Ernie all the time—it is just that one wants to do
The Psyche
for Ernie’s old age—when I’m not here & he is an old man I want him to go see my Psyche at Yale in the collection & I want to torment his mind with my memory—a fiendish female…you see there is such a mess all over the floor of paper that one wd need another house to paint in…I got to set up the easel/ & buy a small table to move about & paint as I eat—when I pass the table! only way to do it…the mirror is set up for beginning the Psyche/ she has got to be so beautiful that memories will pierce him—like waves & waves of thorns…made of rose petals…I love that dear child…he is the only Knight that saw it is necessary for a male voice to sass Ezra for causing me to ‘lose face’…isn’t that curious—that Ezra has one handle he can be caught by…he shd never have allowed his nervous system to take over in the presence of true art; most especially in an age when his race is being destroyed because it lacks art of sacred nature—It wd be like God tossin’ out Lord Jesus because he’d had a vinegar smell to him & was a bit shook up

Ezra had a stand of love art & artists…I am not a female—I am an artist/ my tao is art/ it shows in the cooking even…I see it…So the Gods sent a son of the Jews to love Ezra’s PoundKake & he alone was sent to sass Ez & grab him by his one handle…and she was penniless & female…she had her name smeared on account of ez/ there were such circumstances as to make it an international scandal for all time…and as usual only
the Jews knew enough to
DO
…how Ernie found me is a miracle & it is curious that his initials are E. P. Walker…his way of fighting aint my way & I see his pattern is sly & stealthy/ toward Ez—“another poet” (in new A & P cover you’ll see) but Ezra will receive it like a Florentine dagger…he will know the thrust & he’ll see straight off the pattern of the Jew & he’ll have to think of something to
DO
instead of going silent like that on us/ & helping the English set/ Ernie is a man that the Gods gave me just before my wings fell into the mud—Gib’s it because his manners are quiet & good but he’s cruel just like his ancestors & when I lost face…he did too with his friends & he’d rather I’d died…

Ernie knows my value/ he saw it immediately—not just worldly value but he saw
HER
just the same way Ezra did…saw clear into the psyche…& I trust him because I trust myself & know my head is clear…but to me it sure is a strange tale…that a Jew will come bearing Ezra’s magic initials & joust King Arthur…It provides me with new insight…a noble Jew—as noble as Ezra—that’s going to be something & this kid has an intelligence & a profound understanding of humanity…he aint a flash…He can draw & he can write…I am not saying he is another Ezra Pound but all the material necessary for a King are present in Ernie/

And he is so pretty—that one did not realise he was not a german boy…it wasn’t until I gave a race speech that’d fired a german (a test of my own making) & Ernie fled & left me with Dr. Einstein or Pavlov & then I knew for certain that I was in contact with a foreign spirit but by then I knew him as my own brother & part of my fate life…preceeding my speech was a hair cut which brought out something that I knew was not nordic or aryan/ it was something different—he is pure bred for living in this nordic (once) land—but the full fantastic out-rageous intelligence of the Jews is packed solid in his beautiful head/ I do believe that Ernie cd outsmart anybody in this world except a Seeressa/ she who can see Gawd—first one went to NYC & the communists/ then to d.c. & the fascists…then one got smeared as a antisemite—then out here to the anarchists & then Ernie gets here to joust with Ezra/ it has the look of a plan to me…all that cdn’t be an accident—I know from experience everybody’s political life & their romantic life—those who matter one means/ it is like being in a dark room filled with
broken glass & knowing where each hunk of glass is

Ernie is the Son of Godtttt…he will save us…he is absolutely the first of all my fellowcountry men who has on his own taken Ezra to task for what Ezra did to a female Botticelli after Ezra wrote a whole book about how lousy people were to the artist…he committed a crime in his own book and Ernie is a Sacred God who will cause them to regret/

They made his Love lose face & he is like my husband; my son; my brother…he acts from all these positions…yes Po Li is a marvel to let me know him…I think Po Li is relieved to see a male who loves me in truth…there were so many who’d like to say they slept with me…I told all of them “oh just say you did anyhow…everybody else does…” to solve the problem as I don’t do anything I don’t madly love to do

I love Ezra & I know Ernie wont be-head him—he is just going to put that Florentine dagger in so many times that everybody around Ez will get uneasy that he might get killed—Ernie is a capricorn & he will never give up once he gets a notion/ like me…we must provide that this never happens again to any of us anywhere & Ernie is our Son of God—nobody else wd dare sass Ez for a hunk of silly female…none but this bright shining child

I wonder who wrote my life for me? I think I’ll perfume the paint I use for that Psyche so Ernie can smell her as well as see her/ he likes cloves…He gets alcohol & mixes it with oil of cloves & rubs it on me & I smell of cloves like Helen for Ernie & he makes me take a bit & swish it in my mouth & spit it out & I smell of cloves for him—he is the most sensual animal I ever met/ so I’ll paint with oil of cloves & pigment/ it cd work/ & it sure will hang on/ & crush cloves to work in any texture effect…let us say flowers…or leaves…

I want to make a Psyche for Ernie that will be a little Botticelli venus…Some of my husbands who travel’d to Italy write & say the resemblance to Bott’s Venus & their wife is…breathtaking…so I got the correct equipment to operate

Only true Love can move us to create Art…that other stuff is Self Love & that’s a consolation…sort of…I loved Ezra so much I’d even paint for him…and Ernie also…all I want to give us are 2 more…the Pan & the Psyche…that Eros loved…

it is fun sitting here by the south window…the sun hot on my back/ in a sun dress—herman out there rollin’ herman the
ocean…Every once in a while I lean back & ask Our Sun “what is the secret of this world?” I’d like to know/ he said “tell Buk yr supposta grow”…Is that its meaning & secret?

have a drawing here one did of Ernie/ he looks like Endymion the Gold/ son of the Sun/ soon’s foto will mail you…hell that’s the hangup with me being a female…otherwise it’d be a broad one wd talk about to you/ sometimes with Ernie/ he will say something & a thought flashes across my mind that the cloak & dagger
A.D.L.
read my mail & Ernie is here fully aware of each private sentiment/ or he’ll use an expression that Ezra made up for the family or one I did/ I tell him but usually not at the moment as I’m too busy trying to fathom just how in the hell did this 19 yr hick kid know
that
! He has no special education but he has a complete Ezra paideuma in him/ do not know
HOW
it got there—my A.D.L. suspicion is silly of course but if they
HAD
sent him…that is the way he’d come…

he is a completely destined spirit/ with his life work beginning at 19…and he has Sheri Martinelli for his mistresswife&-mamma/ that aint a handicap…Capricorns love to death—they never forget a kindness or a love

He is terrible too Buk/ my god what a cleverness that never abandons him—example/ I told him that he wasn’t a german & I realised it & that he was a Jew & ought to be proud of it…He emphatically denied it—yet all the time he denied he was a Jew he stood in that typical pose with the fingers all held together in a loose point & touching that hollow in the shoulder…His entire physical presence was speaking the truth while his tongue lied…He wont lie—if he cant speak the truth he acts it out…a fantastic intelligence…I trust that I am being still our Sheri in polishing this boy to perfection. I trust I do no wrong or harm…the signs were so strong—that he was to arrive/ and he did…I garrrrs it wuz arfttter dot Pidgeon caught me that Ernie sprung full grown into our life…my divine babe

I can live with him for I always speak the truth & see what he is doing & no bull shit & I love him with every degree of love known to mankind—for his own good & often for his own bad too! I don’t think I’m letting a Trojan Hoss into our Temenos—even if the pagans & the Jews go on fighting another 23 thousand yrs—this child shd know us—I don’t know who
made him afraid to be a Jew but one will restore his pride for him—anything as intelligent as he is shd have no fear/

Ernie will love me all my life the way I love Ezra because he
SEES
me totally/ He drives me screamingly mad with his Yiddish house manners—I am his mamma I cannot refuse him anything…am I eating a cooky then Baby wants 100 to stuff in his little mouff—am I having eggs & bacon…then Baby wants some…do I have a new book? Baby must have it—Baby must have mamma’s Ovid in Latin & baby must have his Cantos with notes like mamma & mamma must prove she loves Baby by following him about constantly & picking up after him—I am beginning to be a Yiddisher Mamma & see into their psyches—also I see why they make their husbands & sons so fat—I discovered it when I contemplated marriage with Ernie & I knew in a flash/ I’d feed him & he gets so fat on what I do feed him without trying to make him fat…but I’d hide that beautiful beauty under fat & only I’d know it was there & it wd always belong to me…so I knew why/ I’d be a typical Jew if I went off with Ernie

Of course one cant do that to him—he is a baby & both Gib & I must help him grow…one must not snatch & grab just because it is a life time dream of a female to be loved as Ezra loved & as Ernie does…They deliberately made it tough for me to succumb to being a real wife to anyone…if I had found Ernie at 19/ you’d have lots of talented kids instead of a Paradisial Spirit that has come to guide you to Paradise…Ernie is my Paradise & so was Ezra…and once this love hits you where you see clear into the other’s spirit—no earthly thing matters—it is like a spring of water running through the mind…one don’t see age or youth or race or sex…one sees that delectable spirit…that Ezra wrote “delecta…” I can truly write to Ernie…“delecto…” my deliciousness my fun…I am enchanted for sure—spell held—but I don’t know why…

I am ridiculously in love with Ernie as Ezra was with me—if he is outside shooting the 22 being beautiful & manly for me to watch him…I take food & feed it to him at intervals…he don’t even have to use his hands…mamma feeds him by hand & oh he smiles like a kitten purrs—the cookies my maw sent us for xmas…one stood & fed Ernie the whole box…he is a piggy pig for sure but I think it’s adorable…Buk I must be plumb crazy…or madly madly wildly loving of this young Jew who came via the spider webthread path…

What an anti-semite! or is it the Gods of the Jews torturing me with Ernie? What can be the meaning of all these strange contradictions? Gilbert gets mad as hell because I feed Ernie because I know the ghetto insecurity & that they are supposed to “eat them out of house & home” & after Ernie leaves this house is bare—if we ran out of food I’d feed Ernie my own self/ I am mad. He’d eat me too with that beautiful self-conscious smile of perfect contentment at having something that belongs to him like that like a mamma—I adore him/ his ways are adorable/ Gib is so sensual himself that it fascinates his bored oriental spirit…& of course one deals no hurt ever—he gets mad if ernie whispers to me too much—ernie likes to whisper like children do to their mammas & Gib don’t like that but he endures the hugging & kissing & it rather faintly excites him—I see that…I completely ‘spoil’ Ernie just like Ezra ‘spoiled’ me/ he made a brat out of me—he thought I was so damm’d cute & adorable just like I think Ernie is…and I am—& so is Ernie…so are you & so’s Gib…we are cute & adorable…that means we are artists…now by this love for Ernie I see how much Ezra loved—and because Ernie is such a pest & brat too…I see why Ezra cd toss BirdLet out of the nest & if one adds Po Li to that…but one is sensible…one hopes—and Ernie is too smart to bring any
Suzi Wongs
to meet me! I shd have hidden Po’ Li but I am not clever only truthful

It is an interesting problem to love 2 male spirits at once…I don’t prefer it…I prefer 1 male spirit at a time…one gets more done