Before I Let Go (19 page)

Brendan was now walking, and Laney ran right past him. She was moving fast. So fast, in fact, Brendan hardly got a glimpse of her tight ghetto booty as it bounced from side to side with each stride. She was running in spandex tights and her usual sweatshirt. He did notice that she looked sexy, as usual. He always felt turned on when she ran, no matter what she wore. There was hardly a day that, after they had jogged, they didn’t end it knocking boots. It wasn’t happening today, though. Laney watched Brendan head for his car, and she lost her nerve. She figured that if there were even the slightest change in attitude on his part he would have waited for her to finish. But he had figured that when she kept jogging she had actually come to jog and not to talk. She had taken him there to run initially, and perhaps she was going to keep running there whether they were together or not.

I couldn’t believe
that Nina and I were arguing over something so silly. We stood in the video store, and she was insisting that we rent
The Brothers
. I had foolishly mentioned that I had seen it twice in the theater. When she asked me whom I had seen it with, I had told her that I had gone with a couple of friends back in Atlanta. Her next question was “With two different dates, huh?”

Now here we were in Blockbuster arguing about something that had happened last summer. “Well, forget it then, Cory. I don’t want to see anything that you watched with another bitch, let alone two.”

“That is beyond stupid, Nina,” I said. “If you want to see the movie, then get it. What difference does it make who I saw it with?”

“So now I’m stupid,” she said, nostrils flaring.

“I didn’t say you were stupid. Look, if you are getting the movie, just get the doggone thing. I’m not going to stand here and argue with you about it.”

Her eyes were squinted as she looked at me and then she rolled them in her head as she turned back toward the shelves. “How about this? Did you see this with one of your girlfriends, too?”

I didn’t even look at the movie, and said, “No, I’ve never seen that. Get it. C’mon.”

I heard her suck her teeth, then mumble something in Spanish.

“Don’t start talking that shit either,” I said.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I meant to say that in English,” she said in a sarcastic tone. “Do you want to know what I said?”

“I don’t know. Do I?”

“I said you are a dog just like your boy Nate.”

I stopped walking and turned to her. “What the hell does my seeing a movie have to do with me being a dog like Nate? Huh, just tell me that.”

She could tell that she had finally irritated me, which was apparently her goal. She then cracked a half-restrained smile and said, “If the shoe fits, wear it, nigga.”

I saw a girl off to the side of us looking entertained, and I headed off to the check-out counter. Nina followed. We didn’t say anything else until we got to the car. Nina stood by her door and waited for me to come to her side and open it. When I hit the alarm and jumped in on my side, her mouth dropped open. I laughed to myself when she got into the car. I said, “You know dogs don’t open doors. At least, Nate doesn’t.”

“Yeah, okay. I got something for you when we get back home.”

“I bet you do,” I said, as I reached for her thigh.

“Stop it, dog,” she laughed out, as my hand slid up her skirt. She pulled it back out from between her legs and looked directly into my face and called my name. When I answered she said, “You can’t get enough of me, can you?”

I just smiled in response, and she asked again, but this time she poured on her accent: “Tell me, Popi. You can’t, can you? You can’t wait ’til I get you back to that apartment, can you, and show you how Nina trains dogs, can you?”

I wasn’t sure if I was too fond of that dog business, but I definitely wanted to keep her in the mood that she seemed headed toward. I was starting to notice that she liked to start little arguments like the one we had just had so that we would have an excuse to make up. I wouldn’t protest, because everyone knows how good make-up sex can be. It is so emotional. There’s nothing like taking out hurt feelings, bruised egos, and anger on your lover in bed, especially when they are willing to let you do it. Especially when they love when you do it.

“You still didn’t answer me. Can you wait?”

“No, baby, I can’t. Do you want me to pull the car over?”

“Mmmm. That sounds like a good idea.”

“We’re almost home, girl. We might as well wait,” I said, trying to sound practical.

She burst into laughter. “Boy, I know you didn’t think that I was going to give you some after you called me stupid, walked off, and then didn’t open my door. On top of that, I told you last night that I loved you, and all you produced was a dumb-assed grin. What’s up with that? We have some talking to do when we get upstairs.” She started with the jabbering again as the words flew out of her mouth like a machine gun. “I mean, Cory, it’s not like you have to say the same thing, just because I did. At the very least, though, you could have acknowledged what I said. I mean, it’s only fair that you let me know where things are going, and if you just…”

I cut her off. “Nina, Nina.” The second time I said her name a little louder. I had her attention. Then I said it: “I love you, too.” The words came out, and then there was silence.

I hadn’t said
it to her the previous night because I just needed some time to take in that she had said it to me. I knew that loving her would be the easy part. Dealing with her attitude might not be as easy. She was spoiled, bossy, and jealous. But I was starting to feel as though I needed her in my life for the long haul.

I probably would have taken a little more time to come out and tell her if she hadn’t forced my hand; now we were going to have to deal with things a lot sooner. On top of the feelings that had grown so unexpectedly and so much faster than I had had time to comprehend, one of us would eventually have to tell her sister. It would have been hard enough coming to her if I felt totally right about what Nina and I had been doing. Deep down inside, I was hoping that love could never be wrong. Lately I had spent a lot of time comparing the romantic feelings that I had with Nina to the “out of control” love I had shared with Shelly.

Being a man,
I found it uncomfortable going through so much emotional turmoil. Like most men I was more used to
doing
than actually feeling. I still had feelings swirling around in my head where Paula was concerned that were prompting me to call her; I still had some issues to resolve with her. I still needed some closure. Paula hadn’t called me in a couple of months, but I knew that she still loved me. I still cared for her as well, and I had the feeling that one last weekend with Paula might be in order before I totally ended it by telling her that I had moved on.

I knew that it might be selfish of me, and possibly warrant Nina saying I was a dog. But no matter what I knew, I was trying really hard to fly straight with Nina. I’d resisted and turned down many advances from women at the company and old acquaintances, who had been coming out of the woodwork once they found out I was back in the area. Believe me when I say that it wasn’t easy. Nate had warned me about the temptation that the spring weather would bring, with all of the short skirts that would hit the streets, clubs, and malls.

Nina still hadn’t
said a word since I’d said those three little words. I let her have her moment until I parked the car. She sat there and waited as I went around to get her door. She just smiled as I took her hand and helped her out of the car. I definitely had my honey. Nina was all that, and the shoe definitely fit.

N
ate was now nearly an hour and a half late. Sahleen’s flight to Barbados had been delayed because of severe weather along the coast of North Carolina, and she had insisted that Nate wait with her. As they sat in the lobby of Gate C at BWI Airport, Sahleen sipped on some Starbucks. Meanwhile, Nate sat anxiously, trying hard not to act as though he had somewhere to go.

“Baby, is something wrong?” Sahleen asked.

“Nah,” he answered. “What makes you ask that?”

Sahleen smacked her lips together and picked up her latté. “If you don’t want to wait, then go. I’m sorry. I really didn’t intend to hold you up.”

Nate sensed her suspicion. It was so unlike him to get rattled, but something about Sahleen, probably her overpowering intuition and strong spirit, often made him uneasy.

He was beginning to doubt his own game. He kept feeling as if Sahleen had him figured out. It seemed that she would call at the oddest hours, right when he was about to get into something, and demand his company. Or if she was out of town, she always had thirty or forty minutes of intense conversation for him. By the time she was finished with him, he was usually too on edge to go through with his plans. Often India was the one left hanging, just like she was right now.

At this moment she was at home, dressed and waiting for Nate to arrive. He was supposed to have picked her up at five o’clock to go see Maysa, who was performing live at Blues Alley in Georgetown. Sahleen’s flight was supposed to have left at four-thirty. But here he was at a quarter after six, waiting in the airport. He had promised India dinner before the show, but the clock was ticking, and his two-way pager had been going off every ten minutes.

Sahleen reached into her attaché case and pulled out a large manila envelope. “I almost forgot,” she said. “I need you to mail these bills off for me.” She handed Nate the envelope. He nodded his head in agreement. “No later than Monday afternoon. I messed around with the cable bill, and I don’t want to have to pay a reconnect fee.”

“Okay, okay.” Nate was glad that she had changed the subject and redirected their attention, away from his impatience. “So, when are you coming back?”

“I thought I told you already. Thursday, but I won’t need you to pick me up. Franco’s car is here at the airport. He left yesterday, but we’re coming back together.”

“Five days in sunny Barbados. Must be nice.” Nate smiled. Everything was an effort. He was as nervous as a rapper who’d pissed off Suge Knight. His two-way had just gone off again. India was growing tired of his excuses.

“Yeah, baby, but you know it would be nicer if you were going to be there,” Sahleen said, as she leaned closer to Nate and put her head on his shoulder.

“I wish I could come, but you have got business to conduct, and it’s not like you’d have time to spend relaxing or…”

Sahleen cut him off unintentionally. “I know, I know, but still, I can wish, can’t I?” She paused, then lifted her head off his shoulder.

“Do you still want to come to New York with me for the Shawn Simmons video?”

“You know I want to. When is it?”

“They’ve pushed it up to the weekend after next. Her new single is going to be released Memorial Day weekend, and they want the video done by the first week in May.”

“Baby, you know I can’t wait for that. Next to you, of course, Shawn Simmons is the bomb.”

“Next to me my ass. I saw how you and Brendan reacted when she sang at the
Soul Train Awards
. You would have thought she was naked, the way you two were howling and whatnot.”

“Now, you know that was Brendan. I don’t even trip like that. Plus, it was television,” Nate laughed. “But you have to admit, that dress that she wore left nothing to the imagination.”

“Just imagine what we’ll have on for the video,” Sahleen said.

“I’ll wait and be surprised like everyone else.”

“You won’t have to do that. You’ll be on the set when we shoot, of course. And if you behave, I’ll make sure that you get to meet Shawn in person.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, in that case, I’ll have to be sure to behave for the next couple of weeks at least.” They both laughed out loud.

“
Flight 312 now boarding to Barbados at gate C 12,
” the announcer blared over the loudspeaker.

“That’s me.”

“I heard.”

They stood and locked in a quick embrace and a quick dance of the tongues, and Sahleen walked off toward the terminal. Nate headed for India.

Brendan and Renee
sat in the bed with their heads propped up on oversized pillows. They were naked and still sweating, watching the BET movie channel. This had been their routine for the last month, since they had first slept together. As a matter of fact, they had only slept apart one night. That had happened only because a late snow had surprised the nation’s capital.

In D.C., by the end of March the threat of snow is almost nil. This was the snow that caught everyone off guard, particularly Brendan. That night some flurries had been predicted, but instead nearly four inches of snow and sleet had hit the ground, coating the streets and making driving home an unnecessary risk. Brendan had taken a night to hang out without Renee. He, Nate, and Sahleen had gathered at Nate’s to watch the
Soul Train Awards
show; Laney ending up at Nate’s apartment had been unexpected.

It had just been a coincidence that the snow came on the same day Brendan had reluctantly agreed to see Laney. She had come to his job and told him that she really wanted to talk to him. She had sounded convincing enough, when she assured him that she didn’t expect anything but conversation. Though he was still angry with her from his birthday disaster, he was starting to miss her, and therefore he agreed to let her meet him at Nate’s. Laney was reluctant to meet him where his friends would be gathered, but she realized it might be her only chance. Plus, she hoped to gain some support in her battle to win Brendan back.

Although she stayed with him for the night, Brendan didn’t sleep with her. He wanted to, but his anger, coupled with his new situation with Renee, made him hold fast. But two weeks had passed since that night at Nate’s, and Laney was slowly but surely melting Brendan’s anger. Her approach had gained ground for her, even if it was only an inch at a time.

She wasn’t pressing him the way Trina had after their breakup. Her approach was subtle, and more effective. She would leave sweet messages on his voice mail when she knew he wouldn’t be at home. She had sent flowers to his job, and had even had a mobile car detailer come to his house to wax and buff his car in the parking lot early one Friday morning; he hadn’t known it was being done until he came out of the house to go to work. Laney knew how much Brendan loved his car, and that had really gotten to him. Laney’s onslaught was really beginning to wear him down, but it didn’t change the fact that he was truly enjoying his fling with Renee. Even still, he found himself starting to return phone calls, even when the message said “Brendan, I don’t want anything. Just wanted to hear your voice. Laney. Bye.”

Renee wriggled her
bottom and then lifted it off the bed. “Uhhh.”

“What?” Brendan said, momentarily moving his eyes away from the screen.

“I was in the wet spot,” Renee whined.

“It’s all yours. Why are you tripping?” Brendan smiled at her.

“It is not. Hand me a towel.”

Brendan hopped out of the bed, grabbed a towel, and tossed it to Renee. “You want anything to drink? I’m going to get a glass of Minute Maid.”

“Yes, please. But hurry back before I miss you.”

Brendan shook his head and headed down the steps. While he poured lemonade into the oversized cups, he thought that he had really gotten some shit started with her. He wondered when they would be having “the talk.” The “where do we stand, and where is this headed?” talk.

Earlier in the
week the three of us had eaten dinner at Ben’s Chili Bowl after leaving happy hour at the Bar Nun. While we pigged out on Ben Ali’s famous chili burgers and cheese fries, Nate had taken the opportunity to confide in Brendan and me the status of his relationships. He actually admitted that while he had been avoiding “the talk” with India, he was somewhat curious as to why Sahleen hadn’t been trying to initiate one. Judging from the way he went on about it, apparently it troubled him. By the end of the conversation he had just chalked it up to her pride and decided that he would hold off as long as she could. Looking back on the conversation now, it should have been obvious to us that he actually
wanted
to have the talk with Sahleen for the first time in his life, though he would never actually admit it, even to himself.

Brendan had brought up the fact that Nate had been dating the two women pretty much exclusively since November. “Damn, you’re right,” Nate had replied. It was nearly May, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to ward off India’s request for a heart-to-heart too much longer.

I had asked him if he originally had intended to stick around with either of them for so long. His response had been, “Not really.” But at this point in the game it was simply too late. Whether Nate wanted to admit it or not, he was in love with his situation. Both ladies were gorgeous. If she were taller and slimmer, India could have passed for a model herself. Both were independent go-getters and outgoing sistahs with great personalities, and both, it appeared, were crazy about him.

Brendan was headed
back up the stairs and was almost at the top when the doorbell rang. He entered the room and set the glasses down. Renee was lying on her stomach looking really comfortable. “You expecting anybody?” he asked, as he put his underwear on.

“No. I thought I heard the doorbell. Put on a shirt; it might be my mother. She said she might be coming out this way to go to Target.”

“Alright,” Brendan shot out, as he grabbed his pajama bottoms.

Brendan pulled the
door open and stood there, shocked. It was Laney.

“A little early for bedtime, isn’t it? Why do you have pajamas on?” Laney continued, while Brendan’s mind raced. “It was a rhetorical question.”

“What are you doing popping up like this?” Brendan replied.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want to come in unless you invite me. I just wanted to drop something off. I’m about to go to Philly for a bit, and I wanted you to have this before I left.” She handed Brendan a shopping bag.

There was a momentary silence that was broken when Renee made her way down the steps. “Who is it, Brendan? Is it my mother?”

“No, it’s for me,” he said, but he didn’t have to say it loudly, because Renee was now standing beside him in a terry-cloth bathrobe.

“Well, hello Laney. Long time no see.”

Laney’s eyes showed Brendan her concern and curiosity about the picture. Why in the world were they both in their nightclothes at eight-thirty on a Saturday night? And why did it look as if every light in the house was off?

“Hi,” was all Laney said to Renee. “Well, Brendan, I’m off. It looks like I caught you at a bad time, and I apologize for that.”

“No need to apologize.”

“Next time you might want to call first,” Renee said, and she turned and walked toward the kitchen.

“What the hell is her problem?” Laney said, loud enough for Renee to hear.

“It doesn’t matter, but you really shouldn’t be buying me stuff. I mean, I just don’t want to confuse matters, ya know what I’m saying?”

Laney was biting her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Then she stated, “Look, I told you I don’t expect anything from you. I know my keeping things from you hurt you, but you never gave me a chance to explain. Just open the package when you have time. Maybe it will help you understand.” She started to back away. “Do it when you have some time to yourself, though. Just do that for me, at least.” She turned and walked away without saying good-bye.

Brendan closed the door and headed upstairs with the shopping bag in his hand. He put it in his bedroom behind the door, and headed for Renee’s room. Once he walked into her room he saw that Renee had turned the movie off and had the video channel on.

“Why did you cut off
Baby Boy
? You know I love that flick.”

Renee just glared at Brendan, and then he knew at that very instant it was coming.

“I guess we need to talk? Huh?” he mumbled.

“Yeah. You guessed right,” Renee said, arms folded.

Brendan walked into her bathroom to relieve himself. He looked into the mirror, stared into his reflection, and tried to come up with some answers to questions that hadn’t even been asked yet.

“So, is now a good time?” Renee called from the bedroom.

Brendan made his way back to the bed. “What’s wrong, Renee?”

“What’s wrong is, I don’t like her just popping up over here like that. And I don’t know why you didn’t bomb her out for showing up like that, anyway.”

“C’mon now, why would I have…”

“And when did you start speaking to her again? What’s going on with you two, anyway? I thought you weren’t speaking.”

“Look, she just said she had some things to get off of her chest. I never told you that I wasn’t speaking to her. I told you that she had tried to initiate several conversations with me, but that I wasn’t ready to talk to her at that point,” Brendan said calmly.

Renee breathed deeply. “Oh, but now you’re ready to resume talking with her?”

“I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean that all of a sudden I am going to forgive her for anything. She just wants to be my friend. That’s all. She’s not pressuring me, or even trying to talk about our relationship.”

“I guess she doesn’t know about us? I can tell from the way she looked at us that she didn’t.” Renee rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust.

“Now, why would I call her and explain what I was doing with you? That’s none of her business.”

“Well, I think you had better make it her business.”

“Hey, why are you getting all bent out of shape?” After a pause Brendan continued, “If this whole situation is making you uncomfortable, I understand.”