Before Now (Sometimes Never) (9 page)

He left piss
ed off and I started packing my shit. The next day, I moved in with Jessie.

I blink,
coming out of my bad memories. When I pull into the diner’s lot, Guy looks over at me and smirks.

“Shut the fuck up,” I grind out.

“I didn’t say a word.”

“You were going to.”

He opens the door and starts for the restaurant. I sigh and follow. If he starts his match making bullshit, I’m out. I’m not even playing around. The dude lives for this. That and my embarrassment.

He knows something that most people don’t.

I was a virgin until I came to college.

T
hat girl, Hope, she was my world. My everything. She wasn’t ready and I never pushed her. I was content to wait until she was ready. She never was. Not with me. She met someone that made her—makes her—happier than I ever could. Someone that took—takes care of her better than I did.

I thought if I waited, she would come back. She didn’t. It wasn’t until
almost a year later when she went off to college in another state—with the guy she left me for—and I came here, that I finally realized it was definitely over. I went a little nuts. I started drinking worse than I ever did in high school and I started fucking my way through the female population.

The past year
is a blur of physical release and emotional torture. I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way, little pieces of who I used to be are spread like breadcrumbs, but I don’t think I’ll ever find my way back.

Guy attempted to set me up
several times, but after Hope, I haven’t ever wanted a serious relationship again. That’s laughable, because we were never serious. She didn’t want to label us, which meant I thought she was mine, but she didn’t want to be tied to me. Now the word
relationship
makes me physically ill. I gave my heart to a girl just for her to rip it out of my chest and stomp it into the dirt. I am never doing that again. Fool me once—fuck you. Fool me twice—I’m a fucking idiot who deserves what I get.

“Guy!” Lucy
calls excitedly. She rushes over to give him a hug. I don’t receive the same greeting. She tucks a loose strand of hair behind the ear with all the piercings and smiles. “Hey Park.”

I nod and walk past her to my booth. I forgot my book in the car because Guy threw me off. I guess it’d be rude to sit here with him and read anyway.

I wait for him to join me, but he has his head bent toward Lucy in private conversation. She’s nodding and he’s smiling. I don’t know why it irritates me. I shake it off and start looking at the card advertising some new pie. It doesn’t even look very good, but I read it four times before Guy slides in across from me.

“She is so sweet,” he states matter-of-factly. “She said she’d bring you a milk.”

I look at the window, but all I see is my reflection. It’s the last thing I want to look at right now—then I see her gliding toward me. I turn to face her just as she sets my glass in front of me. “I wanted Coke,” I say curtly.

“Oh,” she says, her brows drawing together. “Okay. Sorry. I’ll take this back.” She gives Guy his ice tea and he shrugs. That
fucking pisses me off.

“Don’t do that,” I spit.

He narrows his eyes at me. “What?”

“Don’t a
pologize for me.”

“I didn’t.”

“You shrugged. You might as well have said: ‘Sorry, Lucy, I don’t have a clue why he’s such a dick.’”

He sighs. “Well, someone has to do it.” And then, as if just realizing what I said, he adds, “Why
are
you such a dick?”

I grin tightly. “Guess I’m just special that way.”

“If you’re mad at me that’s fine, `cause I’m not real happy with you, either, but don’t take it out on Lulu. She doesn’t deserve your shit.”

My head gets light as all the blood rushes there. “She doesn’t deserve my shit, or I don’
t deserve her? Come on, Guy, say what you really mean.”

He takes a drink and set
s his glass down so calmly that I want to reach out and tip it over. “You deserve a good woman,” he says quietly. “Because I know you’re a good person. You’ve just buried him so deep I’m having a hard time finding him anymore. You need to get yourself straightened out before you get involved with any girl. If you don’t, you’ll wind up taking her down with you. Do you want to do that to Lucy?”

This is usually where I walk away, but I’m tired. I’m just so
fucking tired. “This is it,” I say firmly. I jab the table with my index finger. “I’ve changed. This is who I am now.”

He nods, taking another drink. “You’ve changed, but this isn’t who you are.”

Lucy stops hesitantly next to me and places my Coke down. She puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. I flinch at the intimate way she touches me. Like she sees I’m pissed off and wants to calm me down. It’s fucked up that it works. “Do you need me to come back?”

“I think I’m going to take off,” Guy says, his eyes on me. He throws a five on the table and stands. “Lu, take care of my boy.”

She looks at him and nods. “I’m trying,” she says softly.

I flinch again.

Guy leaves and Lulu takes his seat. She reaches for my hand and I draw it back. “Are you all right?” she asks.

I stare at her, trying to understand what her motive is. Why does she continue to be nice to me? “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I snap.

“I don’t know,” she says quietly. “You look upset.”

Upset. Not pissed off.
She wasn’t calming me, she was offering me support. I sit back because I can’t decide if I want to yell at her to go away or pull her into my lap. “Why do you care?”

Now she flinches. “I thought we were friends.” She searches my face for something. “It’s like we take a step forward and then you shove me five steps back. Why do you do that? Why do you push me away?”

“I don’t know,” I say truthfully.
Maybe because I want you close and it fucks with my head.

Her lips part and her gaze flicks over me again. “Well stop it.” She stands and picks up Guy’s abandoned glass. “I’m
stubborn as hell, Park. You might as well make it easy on yourself and just give in to me.”

11

Lucy

Every time Park steps outside to smoke
a cigarette, I think he’s going to leave and not come back. I have to keep answering questions from my co-workers about his newly constant presence. Who is he? Does he have a girlfriend? Am I his girlfriend?

Kimmie
slides up next to me as I’m pretending to wipe down the counter. Really I’m watching Park watch the stars while he smokes.

“Whatchya doing?” she asks with a huge grin. She knows
exactly what I’m doing.

“Math,” I deadpan.

She bobs her red ponytail. “Adding up all the things you’d like to do to him?”

I huff a breathy laugh
. “More like subtracting clothing.”

“Oh, I hear ya. He’s going on my list.”
She wiggles her eyebrows and smiles wickedly.

I turn my whole body toward
her, gripping the counter behind me. “You’re list?”

She nods, picking up the washcloth
so she can actually wipe the counters down. “Greg and I have a list of people that we can sleep with and it’s not cheating.”

I press my lips together to keep from laughing because knowing
Kimmie, she’s dead serious. “I thought those lists were supposed to be famous people?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know any famous people.”

“I think that’s the point. Isn’t it cheating if you have sex with somebody that isn’t your boyfriend?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Not if they’re on the list.”

“But couldn’t you just sleep with someone and then add them to the list?”

She cocks her head to the side. “I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
She winks and saunters over to one of her tables.

Three guys come staggerin
g in and I seat them in Kimmie’s section. Mine is pretty full and I know she needs the money. She gives me a grateful smile as I walk back to my station.

Park plops down in his seat and I bring him another Coke. He grins at me. “Thanks.”

“We don’t want a ginger,” one of the drunks bark. “Where’s that other waitress?” I look over my shoulder at the guys I just sat. The one with the goatee waves his hand at me. “There she is. Come here.”

I start over and Park grabs my arm. I look down at his hand wrapped around my wrist and then at his face.
He’s staring at the guys. “If you need me, I’m right here.”

I feel my eyes widen. Park can make out with a girl he just met in a bar full of people, groping her for all to see. He can drink his weight in liquor and pass out in front of my door. H
e can leer at me and make his sexual innuendoes. None of it fazes me. But this—Park offering to have my back…this shocks me.

“Thanks,” I say quietly. He drops his hand and I go on over to their table. “Hey guys. Is there a problem?”

“Not now.” They break out in laughter.

“You can have them,”
Kimmie tells me. “They’re drunk as hell.” She pats my shoulder and leaves me to deal with these idiots by myself.

I pull out my pad and pen and cock my hip against the table. “All right, boys
. Listen up. I know you’ve been having some fun tonight—”

“Hell yeah,” goatee slurs.
His eyes are red and glossy as he looks me up and down.

“And you can keep having fun as long as you’re respectful. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.”

He licks his lips suggestively. “Baby I’ll be so nice to you.”

I raise a brow and frown at him. “See, that right there. You can’t do that or I’ll have to ask you to leave. But if you can behave yourselves, we’ll get along fine.” I glance around and the other
s nod. Goatee just grins stupidly.

“What can I get you to drink?”

The less wasted ones order and when I turn to goatee, he leans toward me, his chiseled arms resting on the table top. “Pretty girl, I’d drink your bath water,” he says. His finger slides toward me slowly and he reaches out, skimming it down my thigh. Then he hooks it under the hem of my shorts. I try to back up, but he slips his other fingers under, tightening his grip. “But the only thing that’s going to quench my thirst is a sip of your sweet, wet—”

I do
n’t get to hear the end of that sentence—thank God—because Park’s there, shoving the guy’s face into the table. One of his friend’s stands up.

Park points to him. “Sit the fuck down.” The friend listens a
nd Park’s grip tightens around Goatee’s neck. “Let her go before I fucking break your hand.” I feel him release me, and I take a quick step back, but I can’t pry my eyes off Park. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m going to let go, and you are going to apologize, then you are going to get up and leave without making any more of a scene.”

I look around quickly and he’s right. It’s a scene. My manager has his hand on the phone, ready to call the police. The other waitresses are huddled together, watching the events unfold, and ever
y customer in the diner is craning their neck to get a look.

“Fuck you,” G
oatee spits. His cheek is smashed against the table, his face red with rage. I can tell he’s struggling, but Park looks calm and composed. The bulging of the fine veins in his forearm and the whitening of his fingers are the only tell. He shakes the guy, slapping his cheek into the laminate top.

“I’m not letting go until you agree,” Park growls.

“We’ll go,” one of the others says.

The third one glances over at me. “He’s just drunk. We’ll get him out of here.”

I nod, but Park still doesn’t let him up. I touch his shoulder and the hard muscle beneath my fingertips makes me draw back. “Park.”

He turns his head slowly to look at me. “Step back, Lucy. Now.”

I do and Park shoves away from the guy who comes up swinging. He catches Park in the jaw and I release a shocked scream. His friends dive for his arms, but he’s bigger than them, and he’s furious. He shakes them off and goes after Park again. But Park’s recovered from the first hit and sidesteps the next wild throw. Then he lays Goatee out with an uppercut to the chin. As the big guy falls back into the table, I move forward, grabbing Park’s arm.

It takes him a moment
to turn to me, and when he does, he captures my face between his hands, looking me over. “Are you okay?”

“
Am I okay?
Are
you
okay?” I trail my fingertips over his reddened jaw line. It’s hot to the touch and I’m pretty sure it’ll bruise. He closes his eyes and steps back, dropping his hands as he curls them into fists. I notice his knuckle is split and bleeding. I take a napkin off the next table and press it carefully to the wound.