Before the Larkspur Blooms (37 page)

“Just don’t know.”

“I see.” She stood and he followed. Her face was an unreadable mask. “When?”

“Next week.”

“Well, that’s just
fine
with me, Thom Donovan. I should have known. You’re as stubborn now as you’ve—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said softly. With his finger, he tipped her chin toward him. “Let’s not say anything that we’ll later regret. If truth be told, you’re the finest thing that has ever happened to me. If it weren’t for you, I’d have moved on long ago.”

Her eyes gazed up at him—eyes that could challenge him and comfort him and dissolve his heart with just a glance. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stay the words from crossing his lips. “I’m going to miss you, Hannah. Markus, too. More than you could ever know.” Sick and tired of hiding his feelings, he pulled her into his arms. His lips found hers. Warm and pliant, they tasted of sassafras, smiles, and growing old together. He thought he’d die from the pleasure.

“Oh, Hannah,” he murmured against her hair, “I love
you
. It feels so good to finally say it. It’s been inside me for so long. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.” Her response was instantaneous, pulling him close, running her hands up his chest and through his hair. Her need seemed as great as his.

When she pulled away, he tucked her head into the curve of his neck. This was their moment. There wouldn’t be another. He wanted to savor it for as long as possible.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” Her whispered plea almost broke his heart.

“Back then, well, I never felt good enough for you. We were very poor. Your mother never let me forget our differences. Loathed the ground I walked on, actually. And then Levi happened. I had to go away.”

Hannah tangled her fingers through his and brought them up to her lips. She kissed softly, sweetly. “Mother doesn’t run my life. I’m a grown woman, free to choose whomever I want. You and I, we have our chance now.”

He kissed the top of her hair, searching for words that didn’t sound foolish. “I’m sorry, Hannah. There are reasons I can’t explain, that I won’t share because they don’t change anything. It just can’t be between us. That’s all.”

Hannah pulled back, looking up into his face, her confusion and frustration evident. “Even after this? Even though you love me?”

He shook his head slowly.

She stared. He couldn’t tell if she was raging mad or if her heart was shattering into a million pieces, like his. She pulled away, crossed the room, and picked up her bag.

“I won’t listen to you another second, Thom! You say one thing but mean another. You don’t make sense.” Her face flushed as she searched his eyes. “You’re afraid. You won’t admit it to yourself, and I can’t fight what I don’t know. Please, just tell me what’s really going on!” Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. “I think we’re worth that, at least!”

The door opened and Markus tumbled in, followed by Ivan. The boy’s face was candy-apple red. “Time to go, Ma,” he said, totally missing the intimate way they stood together, the tears glistening in Hannah’s eyes. “Church tower is donging eleven.”

Hannah forced a smile and reached down to push a strand of hair out of her son’s face. “Thank you, sweetheart. You’re right. It
is
time to go.” She looked Thom straight in the eyes. “It’s time
to get on with our day and our lives.” She went to the door and waited while Markus slung his arms around Ivan’s neck and buried his face in the dog’s fur.

Mrs. Hollyhock came in and stopped just beyond the threshold, looking back and forth between them. Her hawklike gaze didn’t miss a thing. Her eyebrow rose slowly. “Did ya have a nice visit?” she asked. “Or are you bickering again like the brainless birds I have out in that pen?”

Hannah gave her a pained look. “Just business as usual, Violet. Come on, son, say your good-byes.” She went over and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Be sure to send a post now and again.”

“Well, I just don’t know what’s wrong with that Irishman,” Roberta said to Hannah as they walked across the bridge and past the livery. They turned onto the footpath between the bakery and Dr. Thorn’s office and proceeded up the hill toward the little white church. “Except that it’s exactly what I’ve been saying since the moment he came back into this town. He’s thick-skulled. Mind like a mule. Gets an idea and there’s no changing it.” She looked over at Hannah and winked. “We just have to be more clever.”

Markus was between them, playing with a cricket he’d found outside their door. The Sunday midmorning air chilled as the sun disappeared behind a billowy white cloud hanging in the sky. It was only a moment before it popped out on the other side with happy golden rays.

“I don’t want to change his mind anymore, Mother,” she replied softly, feeling mulish herself. No matter what she’d tried that morning, she couldn’t fix her puffy red eyes. Anyone who saw her would know she’d been crying. She’d skip church if she hadn’t promised to talk with Maude afterward about the coming fall social.

As they approached, several ladies smiled and waved. Buggies and wagons were parked about, and trees were surrounded by horses already sleeping in the sunshine. A mill of voices greeted them as they entered. Roberta led the way to their usual pew halfway up the left side of the nave.

“Hannah,” a hushed voice called.

She looked over Markus’s head to see Chase and Jessie directly across the aisle. Shane was perched on Jessie’s lap. Surprised, she recognized the Stockbridges, the couple she’d met in her restaurant on the day of the railroad celebration, and wondered at the connection. Sarah sat between the old man and woman, looking happy as a chipmunk. Hannah wiggled her fingers. Smiled as best she could.

The small building warmed as the townsfolk all gathered inside. Hannah wished the service would get started so she could get her day over with and get home. Ashamed of herself, she glanced down at Markus sitting next to her, knowing she had much to be thankful for. She needed to pull her emotions together. Stop feeling sorry for herself. The restaurant had record-breaking sales every day now, and she needed to talk with Uncle Frank about the possibility of expanding out back.

Brenna walked past with her scraggly brood. Indeed, Hannah was well-off, and she had just better remember that.

“Can ya scooch over a tad?” someone whispered into her ear.

Violet stood close with a solemn-faced Thom directly behind, hatless and clean-shaven. Their eyes met and held. A burst of butterflies filled her chest. Her lips tingled at the memory of his kiss. She jerked her gaze away.

“Of course,” she replied. She gently pushed Markus over toward his grandmother, and Roberta looked over. Her eyes opened, then widened, but she didn’t smile.
Oh, she’s a cool cucumber when she wants to be
, Hannah thought.

At ten sharp, Reverend Wilbrand greeted his congregation. It was difficult to concentrate on the preacher’s words with Thom
sitting so close. Without turning her head, Hannah was able to see him struggling to find space in the cramped area for his long legs. Fiddling with his song sheet. Gazing at the ceiling.
We would have been perfect together.
Filled with hurt, and a good measure of anger, she forced her attention away.

Before she knew it, people stood and began the closing hymn. Roberta exited into the main aisle, and Hannah came face-to-face with Jessie.

“Just wait until I tell you our news,” Jessie whispered into her ear. Her friend glanced over her shoulder and smiled at the woman who held Sarah’s hand. Hannah smiled, too, painfully aware of Thom’s tall presence close behind.

Out in the bright sunshine, people gathered in groups. For many, this was the only social time they had each week. Maude hurried over and pushed in between Roberta and Thom, giving Hannah a big smile. Markus had long since run out back with the other children, where laughter sounded from a game of tag.

When the shopkeeper spotted Violet, she pulled up short. “Good morning, Violet,” Maude said, nodding to everyone in the group.

“Mornin’, Maude,” Violet responded. Her taciturn tone could freeze a forest fire.

The innkeeper’s attitude was not lost on Maude. “How are those poor little pullets? Still alive?”

Oh, no!
If those two got going, Sunday would be ruined. Hannah elbowed her mother into action.

“Mr. Donovan,” Roberta said, without missing a beat. “I want to tell you I’ve had a change of heart.”

Hannah almost gasped. What was she up to?

Roberta smiled charmingly. “What you said the other day. I’ve been thinking.”

“About?” Thom asked slowly, carefully. He looked around the small circle of women, clearly uncomfortable.

“The buffalo. I actually believe the idea has merit. Would be beneficial for the town. And, although I sincerely hate to admit it, especially to you, I’ve grown fond of the aromatic creatures. Particularly the little one.”

Thom looked back and forth between the women, skepticism written in his eyes. “That’s good to hear. Win’s attached to his pets and I’d hate to see—”

Thom’s sentence cut off. A look of confusion crossed his face, then his eyes closed and he collapsed to the grassy earth.

H
annah dropped to her knees. “Thom,” she cried urgently. “Thom!” She stroked his face in an effort to wake him. Something very bad took hold of her heart and squeezed. What was wrong? “Get the doctor!”

Dr. Thorn pushed through the group of women. “What happened?” he asked as he knelt down and picked up Thom’s wrist.

“We were talking and he just passed out,” Hannah heard her mother say. Hannah hadn’t taken her gaze off Thom’s face. Crushing fear sliced her heart asunder as a voice whispered in her mind,
Oh, God, don’t let Thom die.

Hannah glanced up when Jessie called her name. Her mother huddled together with Violet and Maude, the three women whiter than a snowy Christmas morning. She scrambled to her feet. “Don’t let Thom die!” She looked around wildly. “Please, somebody do something!”

“Get a wagon,” Dr. Thorn yelled. “Chase, Jake, Albert! I need some help over here.”

Instantly, all the men in the yard hurried over. They carefully lifted Thom’s unconscious form into the back of a wagon.

“Has this ever happened before?” Dr. Thorn asked.

Win stepped forward, his brows crinkled together. “I noticed he’s been stumbling a lot in the livery the past two days. I wouldn’t have thought a thing about it ’cept he dropped a sack of grain on
our cat and we laughed about it after we made sure she was unhurt and only mad.”

Roberta stepped forward. “What about that draining headache he got at our place last Sunday?”

Hannah nodded. “And I noticed he had a hard time seeing what I had in my hands at the inn,” Hannah whispered. It was impossible to keep tears from trickling down her face. “At the time I thought he was just tired from the night before with Rome.”

Albert cleared his throat as his face drained of all color. When he looked away, Hannah grabbed his arm. “What? What do you know?”

“In light of all this, I feel I must speak up,” he said. “Thom confided in me that he has a bullet lodged in the base of his skull. Got it years ago. He didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want their pity.”

Jessie’s arms came around Hannah to steady her.

Mr. Stockbridge stepped forward as Gabe climbed into the driver’s box. “Drive slowly and take your time,” he cautioned. “We don’t want to jostle him. Chase, you climb in and hold his head completely still.”

Dr. Thorn stood with questions in his eyes.

“We don’t have time for proper introductions, Doctor,” Mr. Stockbridge said, climbing into a buggy Jake pulled to a stop by his side. “I’m a surgeon visiting from Virginia. We best get that young man down to your office before it’s too late.”

Thirty minutes later, Hannah, along with what seemed like half the town, filled the waiting room of Dr. Thorn’s office. Silence was thick. More people gathered outside in quiet contemplation, waiting for news. Children looked through the window with cupped hands. Reverend Wilbrand sat in the corner, reading the Bible.

The two doctors had promised they’d pass on information as soon as they had any. After a short time in with the doctors, Albert left and returned twenty minutes later, disappearing again
into the examination room without an explanation. Every nerve in Hannah’s body felt as if they had just gone a round with a meat cleaver. She’d run to the privy several times with an urge to throw up.