Beg for It (6 page)
One sleek eyebrow arched as he stood with fluid grace. His hand closed on her shoulder. “Don't lie to me, Bella."
Reason, Bella. Give him a reason
. “I-I just need some time to think all this over.”
Never show weakness. Never get hurt.
Kole had somehow stripped away the very fiber that made her what she was. He'd made her lose sight of the fight to always be strong. Why the fuck did she give him that control? For what? An orgasm.
"All right, Bella.” He lowered his hand, and she exhaled, glad for the freedom. “I warn you that you better not be hiding anything from me.” He gestured toward the door. “But if you wish, you may go off and think."
What had he meant by that? She wasn't lying. Not really. Just not telling him her innermost personal thoughts. That was different, right?
She couldn't care to figure it out.
Without a kiss good-bye, hug, or even a wave, she hightailed it for the door. She yanked it open and let it slam behind her.
Hugging herself, she hurried to the women's changing room. Confusion clouded her thoughts, leaving her unable to focus.
I need my girls.
Outside of her house, Bella noticed the lights were still on the living room, indicating everyone was awake. No doubt the girls were excited to hear how the night had gone, considering how surprised they'd been when she told them of her arrangement with Kole. Marley's only response was “I sure as hell hope you know what you're getting yourself into."
Now she regretted this whole idea.
She hadn't ever thought of herself as a woman who needed a man to dote over her, but with Kole she desired it. Clearly, she cared for him far more than she'd thought she did, and seeing the disappointment in his eyes made her feel shunned.
With a long, deep exhale, she made her way to the front door; then she strode in. Kyra and Sadie were curled up on the couch watching a movie, but Bella was surprised to see Reed sitting on the recliner with Marley on his lap.
Kyra straightened up on the couch, nearly bouncing in her seat. “How'd it go?"
Bella's breath hitched. Dammit, she didn't want to break down with Reed here, but her hidden emotions were now exposed. Even the usual wall she threw up to stay strong crumbled.
In the comfort of her friends, she broke. “I...” She drew in a shuddering breath, then burst into tears.
All three friends were off the couch in a second and embraced her. Reed remained on the chair, but his stern gaze that normally would shut down all her emotions didn't have an impact.
Marley stared wide-eyed. “Jeez, Bella, what happened?"
Bella sniffed, tried to find her voice, but she was too afraid if she opened her mouth, it'd come out in a sob.
"Did it not go well, sweetie?” Sadie asked softly.
At Bella's continuing pause, Kyra looked around at the other girls with a wary glance, then focused back at Bella. “Seriously, why are you crying?"
She wiped her tears, gulping back the lump in her throat, and kept her gaze on Marley. “It was...” She tried to control her tears, but that only made her cry harder. “Kole, he...hurt..."
Marley's brow creased before she looked back at Reed. He stood with clenched fists, his voice all but a growl. “What did
he
do to you?"
Bella parted her mouth, but nothing came out.
I gave him control, and now I'm lost
. “He...” She'd always been the strong one of the group. Right now her soul was weak.
Reed approached Marley, his features tight, and he frowned. “I'll call you soon.” He kissed her cheek, then strode toward the door.
"Where are you going?” Marley called.
Reed never responded, merely closed the door behind him with a slam.
Marley finally sighed, then pulled Bella over to the couch, taking a seat next to her on the cushion. “What happened?” Her gaze probed Bella's. “Did he do something bad to you?"
Bella wiped her tears and pulled herself together with a deep breath. “I just realized that I care..."
Marley gasped with fake surprise and held a hand over her heart. “Oh Lord, she's going to admit it."
Bella rolled her eyes. “Okay, so I've got a thing for him."
Kyra snorted. “When did you get your first clue?"
"Leave her alone,” Sadie interjected. “I don't understand why you're so sad, though. You said he hurt you. Did he physically harm you?"
"Well, he hurt me...a little, but I liked it.” The girls giggled, and she added, “He didn't do anything but give me a night I'll never forget."
Kyra's lip curled. “And this is a problem because..."
"Because he doesn't share the same feelings that I have for him."
"I don't believe that,” Marley retorted. “Whenever you're around, his gaze follows you. Even if you haven't noticed, I have.” Her look was knowing. “That man has been after your ass since day one. Reed even said as much."
Bella shook her head, her lip quivered, and failure sank deep into her gut. “Not anymore."
"What do you mean?” Sadie asked.
Lie?
Not an option. A vow of truth existed between the four of them and was the reason they'd been so close since childhood. “I used my safe word, and he stopped the scene."
Kyra's gaze darted to Marley and Sadie before returning to Bella. “I have no idea about this BDSM stuff, but from what Marley has said, isn't it a good thing that he listened to you?"
Marley nodded. “Exactly. I don't get why you're so upset about that."
Bella shrugged. “I think it's because I'm not enough for him. He didn't seem happy with me. You know how Kole is.” Marley gave a nod of agreement, and Bella continued, “You've told me that he gets intense and likes to push his subs."
Rage burned in Marley's eyes. “So he did hurt you?"
The pain he offered wasn't the problem, and even that surprised Bella. How it made her so hot and brought her body to life in ways she'd never dreamed of, and offered new sensations that made vanilla sex boring in comparison. “It wasn't like that. He refused to let me orgasm, and I tried to hold off, but I couldn't."
"BDSM is weird.” Sadie's nose wrinkled. “Why would anyone want to refuse an orgasm? Isn't that the point of having sex?"
"It makes it more intense.” Marley dismissed Sadie's question with a flick of her hand. “Did he tell you he was disappointed?"
"No. But I saw it in his eyes."
"Hmm...well, I don't know why he'd be disappointed in you.” Marley tapped her lip as she studied Bella. “But besides that, did you enjoy yourself? Are you feeling okay...you know, with it all?"
"I loved it.” Bella bowed her head and tangled her fingers together, her heart breaking into pieces. “I enjoyed him."
A long pause followed as her friends just stared at her, offering comfort in their soft expressions. Then Sadie said, “Sooo...what did he do to you exactly?"
"'What didn't he do?’ is more like it.” She glanced between her friends. “Honest to God, I thought more than once I was going to die from pleasure."
Kyra laughed. “That sounds like a good thing, even if you'd never catch me being tied up and hit with anything. The man would have a black eye and a broken nose if he dared to boss me around."
"Oh yes, you'd just rather have two dicks,” Marley countered. “You're up next. Let's just wait to see what
you
end up doing."
Kyra blushed right to her hairline and focused on Bella, diverting the conversation. “What went wrong, then?"
"I don't know.”
God, how pathetic do I sound?
“He was being really sweet and stuff, cuddling me afterward; then when I looked at him, everything changed, and he was cold."
Marley patted her leg and gave a reassuring smile. “Kole is a tough Dom. Even, I, who've been in the lifestyle now for a little while, couldn't—and would never in my life be inclined to—be with him. He pushes in ways others wouldn't.” She gave her a hard look. “I told you this about him when I first noticed this thing between you two."
"Yes, I remember, but I needed to fulfill a fantasy, and well...he was there, and I wanted..."
"His junk,” Kyra finished for her.
Bella snorted. “To put it simply."
"But I'm still not getting what bothered him,” Marley said. “Are you sure you're not misreading him? Did you not talk afterward? I mean, that's why you discuss things during aftercare, so you can figure it all out."
Bella gulped at the rise of emotions, which were ready to burst. “Yeah, we talked and everything. But it wasn't what he said that was the problem. It was the look he gave me. Like I failed him or something."
Yeah, that was what bothered her. A look she'd seen so many times from other men. Like she wasn't enough. Hadn't been strong enough to hold her own.
With Kole, she let him in more than she had anyone else, which included giving him total control, and he spat on it, or the disappointment in his gaze did.
Marley took her hand and squeezed. “It was your first scene, Bella. Cut yourself a break. Tonight, I'm sure you went through lots of emotional crap. I know I did the first time. It
can
be overwhelming, so let yourself just soak it all in.” Her gaze firmed. “And let me tell you, if Kole is disappointed in you, he's a total dick, and you
should
stay away from him."
All this, though, wasn't about her night. It was about the ache in her heart and the hard truth that she craved Kole's approval. And she'd never needed anyone's approval of her.
For the first time in so long, she opened herself, gave Kole all of herself, and...
He let me down just like men always do.
Not only the ones at work, but the list of men she dated and the relationships that had gone nowhere but down the toilet.
Marley smiled softly. “I'm really sorry that you came away from your scene so upset, but I'm sure Reed will get to the bottom of this."
No way
. Reed was so
not
cleaning up her mess. She forced her emotions away, feeling foolish for crying over this. Good God, where was her strength?
She stood, pushed away the ache, and left the warmth of her friends and the comfort they always offered. “What's to find out? I couldn't keep up or give him what he needed. He wants a woman who can. Nuff said."
Marley's brow puckered. “Bella, but—"
"No,” she interrupted. “I'm done talking about it. I'm feeling better now. I'm just tired, and I guess it overwhelmed me.” She looked at each of her friends. “Sorry I got so emotional. Tomorrow I'll be a hundred percent. Tonight I'm just..."
"Sore?” Kyra offered.
She forced a grin, which made her friends giggle. “Exactly."
Kole raised his beer to his mouth and chugged it back, as he sat at the kitchen table. He thought he'd gotten to Bella. It appeared that he'd made ground with her, and she opened up to him.
The woman he'd seen during their scene was the one he knew lived within her, past all those defenses she put up. Then, she clammed up and returned to the same old standoffish Bella.
He racked his mind trying to figure out what had changed. Was it something he said that put her on edge?
The change in her demeanor was obvious, and it disappointed him. He wanted the Bella he'd seen tonight. Who gave him control because she trusted him and even more so, was happy with him. That woman he adored.
Maybe he'd been foolish to think something more would come out of their night together. But there it was. He wanted her as
his
submissive. And he hadn't any idea what he'd done to fuck it up.
Damn it all to hell!
The front door of the condo slammed open and dragged Kole away from his thoughts. Reed entered the kitchen, fists clenched and veins protruding from his forehead. “What the fuck did you do?” Reed strode forward, and before Kole could catch up, Reed sucker punched him, sending Kole flying out of his chair to land on the floor.
Reed stood over him, his eyes burning with fury. “I told you to leave her alone, that it wasn't a good idea to take her into a scene.” He pounced and attempted another punch, but Kole grabbed his arms, pulled him down to the ground, and tried to get the upper hand.
"It's not your business."
"It fucking
is
my business when Marley wrings my neck because of you. You promised you'd not be tough on her.” Reed groaned as Kole kneed him in the gut. “What were you thinking?"
Reed pushed Kole's head to the side, squeezed his thighs around him, and Kole moaned as his cheek squished into the hard floor. “Get the hell off me!” He shifted his hips up, pushed Reed off, and reversed their positions.
"I warned you about this.” Reed punched, but Kole dodged the hit by grabbing his arm and pinning it. “You played with someone you shouldn't have, and you broke her."
Kole jumped off, breathing heavily, but
that
statement surprised him. He held his hands up in surrender. “What do you mean I
broke
her?"
Reed pushed himself off the floor, and his fists remained clenched at his sides. “She returned to the house in tears."
Hot rage flowed through Kole's veins. So she had been hiding from him. But her reaction gave him hope too. Whatever had upset her, he didn't understand, but if something made her cry, it meant she cared more than she showed. “Is that so?"
"I will ask again only one more time before I beat your ass.” Reed raised his fists. “What did you do to her?"
Not much of a surprise that Reed attacked first and asked questions later. Wasn't that what brothers did? And their relationship was that close.
"I didn't do anything to her.” He drew in a deep breath, pondered this, and was unsure of where to go from here, only knowing Bella was in trouble—serious trouble.
"She's a lovely submissive, but she refuses it. I played with that and had her submitting after a while. Yes, there was some pain—not much, I might add—but she loved every minute of it.” He'd not forget that simmering heat in her gaze anytime soon. “That's it. That's all, jackass."
Reed's stern features didn't waver. “I don't believe you."
"Believe it or not, I
could
care less.” Kole shrugged. “What's it to you, anyway?"