Begin Again (14 page)

Later, though, he remembered that before he practically lost consciousness, he’d whispered, “Mine, all mine.”

Paulina sat next to Adam in the bright sunlight of Yankee Stadium. The new arena was huge and flashy. But Adam liked the popcorn smell, the rabid fans’ raucous outbursts and the slice of gritty New York life
.

Next to him, Paulina cupped her hands and yelled, “We need a run, Gardner.”

The guy behind her quipped, “He’ll get it, little lady.”

She rolled
her eyes under the Yankees ball cap he’d bought her to keep her face from getting burned. Their night at the casino had been over a week ago and he hadn’t seen her because she’d been so busy—or so she said. He wondered if his comment the night they’d made love against the door had spooked her.

Mine, all mine
. Words he’d never uttered before. With anyone. God only knew why he’d said that to
her. He wasn’t ready to investigate what that meant.

She was free, though, when he’d called to say he’d gotten tickets to a baseball game for Sunday afternoon. She’d once told him she loved the Yankees.

The batter hit a long one to right field. “It’s going to be a foul ball,” she said, disgusted.

“I don’t think so.” Just as Adam finished the last word, the ball went over the fence
.

The whole Yankee crowd rose to their feet yelling, “See ya!”

She laughed and jumped up and down. “This is so great. Man, my kids would
die
if they knew I was here without them.”

When the noise dwindled, Adam said, “I could have gotten more tickets.”

Dropping to the bench, she sipped the beer she held. And went quiet. This had happened whenever he suggested meeting her kids; she
sidestepped the requests. She also met him most places now, instead of his picking her up
.

I’m not looking for anything serious. Just some fun
.

He put her exclusion of certain areas of her life out of his mind most of the time because he’d agreed to her terms. Still, today, it niggled at him.

When the game ended, she said, “Thank you so much, Adam. This was fun.”

It had been.
“Where to now? It’s only five. Want to eat?”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I have to get home and help Ben with his homework. Nia texted me and said he wouldn’t let her do it.”

Battling back his disappointment, and damn, the irritation that she was so stingy with her time, he said calmly, “All right. We’ll drive you home.”

She hesitated. Then, “That would work.”

When they pulled
up in front of her house, he stayed her hand when she reached for the door. “I’d like to talk to you about something.” He put up the privacy screen.

“Um, what?”

“Remember how you set the parameters that Monday morning in my office?”

“Yes, of course. We agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious.” Not quite. She’d insisted. But then, he hadn’t argued with her, either.

“Not getting
serious doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t meet your kids.”

“Of course it does, Adam. The boys might get attached to you.”

“By going to a baseball game? Or getting pizza?”

The expression on her face was puzzled. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Because they’re part of you.”

She sat back and stared out the window. He liked how she thought before she spoke, though now he was impatient.
“I’ll think about it. But I’m not leaning toward changing things.” He let it go. Again.

Once she got in the house, Joe buzzed down the window. “Where to, boss?”

“You hungry, Joe?”

“Always.”

“Let’s get food.”

“Ms. Pettrone wasn’t hungry?”

“She has kid commitments.”

“That’s what happens when you date a mother.”

“I suppose.” But he could be introduced to this side
of her life
.

And was surprised at himself that he wanted to be.

Upset, Paulina walked into the house just before six, her mind whirling with thoughts of Adam
—
his words today and the night at the casino when he, probably unconsciously, had said
mine, all mine.

Hearing sounds in the family room, she headed straight to the back of the house, where Ben would be pouting
at Paulina’s absence. She tried to go into mother mode but found it hard to change gears so fast.

“Hi, guys,” she said as normally as possible.

Ben looked up. Not only was his brow set in a frown as he’d been working on a paper in front of him but when he saw her, he said, “What the heck is that on your head?”

Oh, God, she’d been so distracted by Adam that she’d forgotten to take off
the Yankees hat. “It’s, um, something I wore today.”

The boy rushed over and, before she could stop him, grabbed the cap off her head and examined it. “It’s new.”

“Yeah, somebody just gave it to me.”

Ben’s expression grew into a scowl. Tommy, her easy one, joined his brother, and at least he was neutral. He said, “Your face is red.”

“Like the sun did it,” Sal added from his own
table.

Just then, Nia entered the room. “Hey, you’re back. Hi.” Her eyes widened. At the fucking hat! But she said calmly, “What’s going on here?”

“Mommy went to a Yankees game without us.” These were bitter words from Ben. After the guys died, she and Nia agreed not to lie to the boys unless the truth would hurt them unnecessarily. And they were the adults in the situation, so they’d
decide.

Nia stepped closer. “Did she tell you that?”

“Um, no.”

“Nope.”

“Ben guessed,” Sal put in.

“I think you’re wrong.”

“Nia…”

“No, let me handle this. Mommy had some people to see today. She had the hat on when she left this morning. One of the guys at work got it for her when he went to a game.”

Sal and Tommy said nothing. Ben scowled. Paulina guessed he thought
this was a fib. But she stood by and let Nia do her thing. A wave of love, that Nia knew her so well and cared so much about her that she’d take over, swept through her.

Finally, the boys went back to their tables, and Paulina sent Nia a grateful look. Then Paulina approached the kids. “Okay, who needs help?”

“I do,” Tommy said.

“Do you, Ben?”

“I guess.”

The awkward moment
passed, thank the good Lord. It wasn’t until the kids were in bed and asleep that Paulina went to Nia’s room. She found her sister on her bed, reading. The door was ajar, so she just walked in. “Can I talk to you a minute?”

“Of course.” She patted the side of the bed and Paulina climbed on.

“Thanks for covering for me.”

Her sister clasped her hand. “You needed it.” Then a little chuckle.
“And don’t look so guilty. It’s not the first time I got you out of a jam.”

Remembering, Paulina smiled. “When I snuck out to meet Donnie after his away basketball game and
Matka
asked how I slept the night before.”

“I said you snored.” Another smile. “You covered for me when Peter and I were making out in our room and
Matka
came home.”

“Yeah, and it was tough to distract
Matka
.”

“So, don’t sweat it.” Pointedly, she added, “That, at least. Something else is bothering you.”

“Yeah.” She sank into the pillows and looked up at the ceiling. “Adam’s not happy.”

“Ah. At least you didn’t get hurt, because you didn’t invest in the relationship.”

“He didn’t ditch me, Nia. He wants more from me.”

“
More
, as in…?”

“He wants to meet the boys.”

Nia’s small
intake of breath was telling.

“Don’t worry, I told him it would be too confusing for them. That since he and I aren’t serious, meeting them would give the wrong message.”

“I agree.”

“I know you do. That’s not all.”

Nia leaned over so she could see Paulina’s face
.

“I think he wants the relationship to go further. For it to get more serious.”

“But you told him you didn’t
want it to.”

“I know. He said that was okay.”

“Hmm.” Then, “You seem upset that he’s unhappy.”

“I guess I am.”

“Do you want more from him?”

“I might, Nia, but our lifestyles are so incompatible. I can’t see it working.”

“Honey, I’m sorry this is hard for you. But someone will come along who’s more like us, and you can have a…solid relationship with him.”

“I know.” Though
the thought of losing Adam and finding someone else was painful. “Thanks for listening and not getting upset.”

“I’m only sad you’re hurting. I want you to be happy, Paulie.”

“I know, thanks.”

“Now, let’s talk about more funny times we covered for each other.”

“Remember when you came home tipsy…?”

Because he didn’t know what the hell he was feeling or maybe didn’t want to admit it, Adam worked like a dog for most of the week. He pursued a job he hadn’t planned to bid on, he put in long hours and buried himself in what was real, what never let him down—his designs. On the third night, exhausted but paradoxically still wound up, he headed to the country
club for a drink. He thought about calling his father to meet him, but Adam would be rotten company, so he went alone. Maybe his golfing buddies would be there, and he’d be able to lose himself in no-mind conversation.

He walked into the club, which he liked and Paulina probably would hate; he swore at himself for the latter thought. Damn it, she wasn’t coming here with him tonight! Entering
the mahogany-paneled room, horseshoe in shape, with a polished wood bar, he sidled up to it and took a seat on a plush leather stool with a firm back. When his manhattan came, he sipped the strong drink and considered his life. A life he’d
liked
until you-know-who had entered it. He loved his job, adored his father, who was his best friend, and appreciated his colleagues and golfing pals. He had
a circle of acquaintances he enjoyed spending time with, had plenty of money and more material things than he needed.

You like all that stuff?

“Arrgh.”
Get out of my head, woman.

“Adam?”

He turned to find a woman beside him. “Elyssa?”

“I was here for a board meeting, then had a drink with the other members. I’m surprised to see you.”

“Why? I come to the club a lot.”

“Not lately.”

“I have been busy.”

“Can I sit?”

“Yes, of course.” He stood and slid out a stool for her, then dropped back down on his own.

“Have you been well?” she asked.

“Now, that’s a good question.”

She cocked her head. She was a lovely woman, perfectly his type, who he’d given up for
what
, he wondered now. “I thought perhaps you’d be happier during our break from each
other.” Since she’d brought a glass of wine, she sipped it and waited for a response.

“I thought I would be, too. And I am, in some ways.”

A very female laugh. “As I told you then, if you changed your mind, found being apart wasn’t what you wanted, and I was still free, I might consider dating again.”

“That, you did.”

She sighed. “You know you do this with your life. Even before
we started seeing each other, I’ve watched you go from woman to woman and break the relationship off before it gets serious. I think you like being the illusive bachelor.” Maybe he did. Or maybe he
had
.

“I don’t know, Elyssa. You could be right.”

“I’m not criticizing you. Just stating a fact. You should think about what you truly want.”

And that, he thought, was the problem.

Her
expression was sexy, alluring. “Now, why don’t you buy me another glass of wine and we’ll see where the evening goes?”

Maybe he should do that, he thought, until, as he called over the bartender, he remembered Paulina’s words.

I can’t sleep with a man who’s sleeping with other women. It’s just not me.

Fuck!

Paulina was in the trailer, pouring over the plans for
the back stage of the music hall when the door opened. She turned to find Adam in the entrance. Her heart leaped in her chest, but she tried to keep her voice even. They hadn’t talked since the Yankees game. “Hi. Thanks for coming out.”

“No problem.” He crossed to her and went to kiss her
.

She stepped away. “Not here, Adam.”

Frowning, he backed away. “All right, let’s look at the plans.”

They turned to the blueprints. His scent rose up to fill her head, and just that made her warm. They might be in different places about how the dating should go, but nothing had diluted her visceral reaction to him.

His brows drew together as he studied the notations she’d made. “Hmm.”

“The problem isn’t with the design.”

“I know. But you think the dressing room square footage allows
for more space than each of them needs?”

“I do. I know the guest and solo performers need room and time alone, but if we…”

It took him an hour to redraw the area. He sat down, totally focused on the plans and sketched out possible changes. She’d done some office work and he called her over when he was done. He pointed to one. “I think this is the best.”

“I do, too. Thanks for being
so agreeable about this.”

“Plans always need changes. The problem comes in when builders do it without consulting the architects.”

“I can see why. There are things I’d never have known to do. Besides, this wasn’t a small change. Can you initial the plans now?”

Standing, he rolled down his sleeves. Again, she was distracted by his muscles and the dusting of light hair on them. “I’d
rather not. My structural engineer should okay them.”

“All right. But can she do it today?”

“I’ll make sure of it. You can begin work on this tomorrow.”

“You can messenger them over in the morning.”

He stepped back and studied her. “Or I can bring them out tonight. And we could grab some dinner.” His voice pitched lower. “I haven’t seen you in four days.”