Beginnings of the Heart (3 page)

“Morgan, did you hear me? I asked what you were doing tonight?” my mother asked.

“Oh…umm, Cole wanted to go get ice cream if it's okay.” I answered her automatically.

“Fine, Morgan. Just be sure you're home on time.” My father answered me while he looked at my mom.

She was looking at him with her jaw clenched tight, and I briefly wondered why. I didn't dwell on it, however, because I wanted to finish dinner and go call Cole to see when he would be here to get me.

I was still thinking about all of the revelations from the afternoon, and I needed some space away from my family to figure it all out. Smiling, I realized Cole would say I was overthinking things again. I couldn't seem help myself.

What was left of the summer flew by. Before either of us knew it soccer season started and since we were both playing, we didn't get to see each other as much. I practiced for three hours in the morning and his was right after mine. We were both ready for school to start so we could actually see each other again.

As it turned out our classrooms were close to each other so we could see each other between classes and we had the same study hall. Luckily, we were still both free on the weekends. We went up to our clearing, as we thought of it, every chance we got.

Soccer came to a close at the end of October, and neither team made sectionals so we were done until spring. I was looking forward to my sixteenth birthday and Cole's and my one year anniversary together. They were only two weeks apart so we wanted to celebrate them together.

My parents hadn't relaxed a whole lot, but they were going to let Cole take me out to dinner and a movie. My sister helped me get ready. When she was done, I hardly recognized myself.

Samantha had somehow gotten my hair to hold a curl and then pulled it back away from my face. I was wearing black leggings and a turquoise sweater with a scooped neck. Samantha had even gotten me to wear makeup which wasn't something I usually did.

I don't know why I was so nervous. It's not like we hadn't been out together before. Maybe it was the two-inch heels Samantha was making me wear as well. I was very nervous I was going to fall flat on my face.

“You look very nice, Morgan. I hope you and Cole have a nice time tonight. Just remember to be back on time.” My dad said.

I nodded my head at the same moment there was a knock on the front door. I wondered if my dad knew Cole was there and was trying to avoid a confrontation.

My sister let Cole in, and then all I could see was him. How anyone could not stare at him was beyond me. He was dressed in a charcoal grey sweater and black pants. His smile took my breath away.

“Good evening Mr. Taylor, Mrs. Taylor.”

I stepped over to him and took his hand in mine, not only because I couldn't stand not touching him, but I was also afraid I was going to fall because of the shoes I was wearing.

“Cole, I hope you two have a good time tonight. I was just reminding Morgan about her curfew.” My dad said.

“I'll have her home on time, and I won't let anything happen to her.” Cole said.

This was the typical exchange my father and Cole had every time we were going further than the town limits.

Once we were outside and walking to Cole's truck I took a deep breath and let the tension from my house leave my body. I heard Cole exhale as well and wondered if he was doing the same.

After we both were in the truck he looked over at me and said, “You look really nice tonight. Samantha got her hands on you, didn't she?”

I smiled and nodded my head.

“Well, I'll have to remember to say thank you the next time I see her.”

“Don't expect it again. You have no idea how long it took to get my hair to stay like this. I have more product in my hair right now than I've ever had before. I'm not sure it's actually going to move until I wash it all out later.” I said, laughing.

It was easier to relax with him when we were all alone. I felt self-conscious if we did more than hold hands in front of other people, especially my parents. I slid across the front seat of the truck to sit next to him as we drove to Riverside. We had decided to go to The Black Stone again.

Once he parked the truck, he got out, and I slid out the same door behind him. We reached for each other's hands and walked inside.

I really liked this restaurant. It had a monstrous fireplace in the center of the back wall heating the room during the fall and winter and it created a very welcoming feeling. We were shown to a little round table to the right of the fireplace.

I looked at Cole… the suspicion clear to read on my face.

“I may have requested a certain table. You can't blame me for wanting to make this a special night. And I know you get cold.” He responded to my unvoiced question.

“Thank you.” I said, smiling. “It was very thoughtful, but you didn't have to.”

“Yes I did. Someone has to be happy about you turning sixteen other than you. And it's our anniversary so I wanted to make this memorable.”

“They aren't unhappy about my birthday. They just didn't want me to have a party is all. They still wished me a happy birthday and got me a gift. And my dad is taking me to get my driver's permit tomorrow, so it's not like they're ignoring it.” I said.

“Why do you do it?” Cole asked.

“Do what?” I asked.

His brow was slightly furrowed as he looked back at me.

“Defend them.” Cole said.

I stared at him with confusion. I really didn't understand what he was talking about.

“Whenever your parents, your mother in particular, do something hurtful, you find a reason to lessen the sting. It's how you cope with the disappointment.” Cole said.

“Are you sure you don't want to become a psychologist?” I asked wryly.

Smiling he said, “Don't get mad. It was just an observation and one I shouldn't have made tonight. I want you to remember dinner and being happy.” he replied.

“Don't worry about it. I'm sure I'll obsess about it later, but you're right. I want to have a good time tonight.” I smiled at him.

After dinner Cole had a surprise for me. He slid a long, skinny, black velvet box across the table to me.

I just looked at it and then at him.

“Open it. It isn't going to bite.”

I picked the gift up and opened it. Inside on the cream colored satin lining laid a charm bracelet. Its links sparkled in the firelight behind me, and it already had a charm hanging from it. A shiny black stone swung slightly back and forth from the bracelet.

“Do you like it?” Cole asked.

“I love it. I can't tell you how much.” My voice sounded strained and whisper soft.

Cole leaned across the table and helped me put it on then held onto my hand.

“I got the stone from the river and had it made into a charm. I thought I could add to the bracelet with the different things we go through together.”

My eyes started to tear up I was so overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness. How did I deserve him?

He squeezed the hand he still held and smiled at me.

When we started on the road back toward town I looked up at him from my place by his side.

“Aren't we going to the movies? Did I miss something?” I asked more than a little confused.

“No, I just thought you would like to be alone more than you would like to see a movie.” He responded with an easy smile.

“I would much rather be with you for a while than go to a movie, but where are we going exactly? I know we aren't going back to my house.”

“My parents are out for the night. They won't be back until after midnight, by which time I'll have you back home so you don't miss your curfew.”

“You had this all planned didn't you?” I asked, both surprised and suspicious. “Do your parents know you're playing them tonight?”

“No. This would rank in their stupid category, but they aren't going to find out. Unlike you, I don't have any neighbors who are going to blow the whistle. Are you okay with going to my house? I didn't think you would mind, but if you'd rather go somewhere else…?”

He left the question unfinished. “No, I'm fine going to your house. I just didn't think we would be alone tonight.”

We pulled into the driveway of Cole's house a short time later. His house was always one I enjoyed looking at. It was a big farmhouse with a wraparound porch, a swing and rocking chairs sided in a dark green with cream colored shutters and trim. His was the kind of house I had always wanted to live in.

The house was out of town with no prying neighbors' eyes, and it just seemed so peaceful. You couldn't hear the traffic or other noises associated with town life. Out here you only heard the crickets and other sounds of nature. It was perfect.

We walked up onto the porch and in through the front door. He led me to the living room and we picked out a movie to watch. We lay on the floor together on top of a fuzzy blanket wrapped up in each other's arms.

Unfortunately we let ourselves stray into the stupid category again, and our emotions got the better of us. I told myself it wouldn't happen again. I refused to become ‘that girl'.

“What time is it? Do we have to go yet?” I asked from where my cheek rested on his chest.

“We have a little time. Have I told you happy birthday yet?” Cole asked.

“Yes, I believe you did.” I replied.

“Well, I do hope I made it memorable.” Cole said.

I smiled to myself and then looked up at him.

“I'm not going to forget this birthday anytime soon. And if it starts to fade I already have a reminder on my wrist.” I said, smiling.

When he pulled to a stop in front of my house, I said, “Thanks. This was the best birthday I've ever had. I'll call you tomorrow when I get back with my permit. I love you.”

“I love you more. Sleep well.”

I went into my house after waving to him from the porch and then to my room. My sister heard me so she came into my room. As we sat on my bed, I told her about dinner and the charm bracelet Cole had given to me.

“Wow, he really loves you, huh? I mean he went into the river to get a stone for your bracelet. Cool.” Samantha said as she looked at my bracelet.

“Yeah he does. And I love him. Do you think Mom's right when she says I'm too young to know what I want?”

“No. I just think she wants so much more for us than she was able to achieve. She forgets we still have things to do in high school before she can live vicariously through our accomplishments.”

We talked for a little while longer, and then she went back to her room. I was still slightly distracted by what she had told me about Mom, but I pushed it from my mind.

I was too tired to shower so I just got undressed, put my pajamas on, and crawled into bed.

I started thinking about my relationship with Cole and how much I loved him. I wasn't sure how things could get any better than they were right now. Life was so perfect something bad was bound to happen. My luck just wasn't any good.

Six weeks later my perfect existence came crashing down around me.

After running to the bathroom and sticking my head in the toilet, I sank down onto the floor beside the bowl and started to mentally count days and weeks.

I was feeling much better physically after heaving the contents of my belly into the toilet a second time. I managed to brush my teeth and went back to my bedroom to look at my calendar and double check my calculations.

Feeling the blood leave my face as I sank down onto the edge of the bed, I was starting to hyperventilate and was afraid I was going to pass out. I bent over until my head was between my knees, and it seemed to help a little.

What was I going to do? This couldn't be happening to me. My hand reflexively went to my abdomen as questions started to fill my brain. I jumped when there was a knock on my bedroom door.

“Morgan, time to get up and get ready for school.” My mother's voice came through the door.

Somehow I mumbled a reply, though I don't remember what I said or if she even heard me. I sat frozen until I managed to make my legs work again. I forced myself to get dressed and gather my school things. I ran a brush through my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail.

Looking at myself in the mirror I tried to reconcile my newfound knowledge enough to be able to get past my mother and out the door to school.

I was finally able to arrange my face into something approaching normal and went to the kitchen. My stomach hadn't settled enough to eat breakfast, but I forced down some toast. I told myself if I didn't eat my mom would notice and start asking questions about how I was feeling.

I wasn't sure ho
w I was feeling. All I knew was I had to get to school and away from my mom's penetrating gaze.

“Morgan, are you feeling alright? You look a little pale.”

Crap. I guess I hadn't recovered enough to get past her after all. Think, think, think, think.

“I just have a little headache.” I said.

My voice sounded strained even to my ears.

“You should take something before school then. You don't want to miss class for a headache.” My mom said as she got up to get me some aspirin.

I automatically reached for and swallowed it down with the juice she handed me as well. Then I froze. Was I supposed to take this? Would it hurt the baby?

I tried to tell myself I wasn't even sure I was pregnant, but my mind knew it for the lie it was.

After taking a deep breath, I grabbed my bag and jacket and headed for the door. I didn't want to wait for my sister today. I had to get out of the house. I mumbled something about needing to study for a test. Maybe the short walk in the cool air would help clear my head enough so I could get through the day.

My mind was swimming with questions. I couldn't even begin to answer any of them. The one at the forefront of my mind was how Cole was going to react. Was he going to freak out or would he be very calm? Or maybe he would go into shock and fall flat on his face. I decided to wait until after school to tell him, just in case the latter proved to be true. I just had to hold him off until then. He was going to take one look at me and know something was not right and would then set about trying to get me to talk.

I was walking into the doors of the school before I knew it and remembered nothing of the walk there. On autopilot I went to my locker and put my jacket and bag away and got out the books and folders I would need for the morning.

I went to my first period class which also doubled as homeroom and opened a book at random. I was hoping to deter anyone who thought to start a conversation with me if they thought I was studying.

It worked for the most part. I had forgotten Cole would notice my absence in the halls and check to see if I was there. I heard him talking to a friend at the door to my class and internally cringed.

What was I going to say? Would he notice how distracted I was? How pale I was?

“Hey, I didn't see you in the halls. I wanted to check and see if you were here.” His voice came from behind me as he walked up next to me.

I lifted my face to look at him as he knelt down next to the desk where I sat. He took one look at me, and I could see his whole body stiffen.

“What's wrong? You look like someone died or something.” Cole said.

I tried to answer his question, but my throat had constricted to the point I wasn't able to speak. I managed a tight-lipped smile and then I was saved by the bell, literally.

“Mr. Williams, you're going to be late to your class and this isn't it.” Mrs. Austin, my English teacher, addressed Cole.

“Okay.” He said still looking at me. “I'll be waiting after class.”

He kissed me on the top of my head and then left.

I looked over my shoulder and watched him leave. I knew he was worrying, but I couldn't tell him. Not yet, and definitely not here at school. He was just going to have to be patient until later.

English went by in a blur, and I jumped when the bell rang. I was so tense my stomach threatened to revolt, and my head was still swimming with unanswered questions. Although I had to admit to myself it might not be just the tension making me nauseous.

As promised, Cole was waiting in the hall for me. I don't know how he got out of class so fast. He grabbed my hand in a fierce hold and we started walking to our next classes. I was still wondering how I was going to get through a whole day like this when he interrupted my thoughts.

“What's going on? You don't look any better. At first I thought maybe you just had a headache or something.” He said.

I shook my head slightly.

“Then what…?” He stopped suddenly in the hallway. “Are you going to break up with me?” Cole asked, his voice straining on the last word.

He was staring at me with a pained expression.

I tried to put all the longing I dared into my face and tried to keep the terror his words had caused out of my eyes.

“No. You're not even close, and I really don't want to talk about what the problem is here. Please, just try to wait a little longer.” I said.

He stared at me for a moment longer, his eyes searching my face as if to confirm what I had told him, and then resumed our walk down the hall.

Cole took a deep breath and glanced down at me. “I'll try to be patient, but it isn't going to be easy, and you can't get mad at me when I still try to get whatever this is out of you.”

I laughed weakly
. Oh something was going to come out all right, just not what you were thinking, I thought to myself.

“I care too much about you to not worry. If you tell me you're okay, I'll try to leave it alone until after school.”

I looked at him and could honestly say, “I'm fine.”

We arrived at my room and he kissed me on the forehead. “I love you. I'll be here after class.”

“I love you more. I'll see you in a little bit.” I said.

Walking into history and pretending everything was okay wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. Somehow Cole's fear had quieted some of the questions in my mind and calmed some of my own.

I tried to focus on the lecture Mr. Simon was giving, but I gave up and just tried to fake taking notes and listening as my own mind churned. I mindlessly let my eyes wander around the room. I wondered what my friends would say when they found out I was… I couldn't even think the word.

Would they still talk to me or just behind my back? What were my parents going to do? I was pretty sure the first thing my mom would want to do was kill me. Thinking about my parents made my stomach tighten up even more so I pushed them from my mind.

I made it through history and math without anyone noticing I was completely distracted. My friend Bree looked at me questioningly a few times, but I held her off with a smile and tapped my head. She smiled, thinking I had a headache.

Now all I had to do was make it through study hall and lunch with Cole and I was almost home free. In the afternoon our classes were on opposite sides of the school and we didn't see each other much.

Alas, my luck failed me once again. I'm not sure why I was surprised.

After study hall Cole and I walked to lunch together. When we entered the cafeteria the aroma of what was being served overpowered the tenuous grasp I had on my stomach.

I slapped my hand over my mouth and ran to the nearest bathroom. The students behind me cleared a path when they saw my face, and I got there just in time. I heard the door open as I flushed and came out of the stall.

“Are you alright? Cole sent me in to check on you.” Bree said as she looked at me.

“I'm okay.” I leaned over the sink to rinse my mouth out. “Thanks. I think I'll just go to the nurse or something. I'm really not feeling well today.”

“You look kind of pale. Well, more than usual.” She said with a grin.

I actually managed to smile as I left the bathroom with her right behind me. Bree waved and continued on into lunch while I looked up at Cole, who was waiting right next to the door.

His eyes were full of concern, and all I managed was a weak smile.

“You are obviously not okay. I think you need to go to the nurse. Maybe she can send you home. I'll drive you and stay until your sister gets home.”

“You can't just leave school, Cole. Someone will catch you skipping and then you'll be in trouble.”
As if it was the least of my worries, I thought to myself.

“It's already taken care of. I texted my mom and asked her to get me out so I could drive you home. Now, let's go to the nurse.”

As we were walking there we heard an announcement for Cole to report to the office.

“I'll see you in the parking lot.”

He left me at the door to the nurse's office and went to the office. I told the nurse I wasn't feeling well and I just needed to go home and rest. She called my mom and then let me sign out.

I gathered my things from my locker and went out to the parking lot. Cole pulled his truck around to where I stood, and I climbed inside. He looked at me, but said nothing and started to drive me home.

I spent the entirely too short drive trying to decide what to say to him. I could tell he was worried and still unsure of what was going on, and I didn't want to tell him I thought I might be pregnant.

He had all these plans for what he wanted out of life, and I didn't want to be the one to ruin them all. How was I going to tell him? I wouldn't blame him if he left and still did what he wanted.

The mere thought of him leaving almost pushed me over the edge into a full-blown panic attack. I fought against the overwhelming urge to surrender to it and got my emotions back under control. I was going to need every ounce of control I could muster to get through the conversation I knew was coming.