Beginnings - SF2 (16 page)

"B…B…But why?" Ryan's shaky voice asked.

Jamie took in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. "Something happened between Cassie and Mia and me on Thursday night. It really upset me, but I didn't want to talk about it until I had some things resolved in my mind. And I know this is hard to hear, but sometimes your connectedness makes me feel a little overwhelmed," she said tentatively.

"What do you mean?" she asked in a quivering voice as she looked up at Jamie with her red-rimmed eyes. She looked so fragile and young that it broke Jamie's heart to tell her this but she felt like she had to.

"You know me so well, and you're so attuned to my every mood that sometimes I start to feel swallowed," she admitted. "I love the way that you know me, but sometimes it's a lot."

"But I know you because I love you," she murmured with her fragile face.

"I know, Ryan. I want you to know me that well, but no one else ever has. You know me ten times better than anyone else ever tried to. And I normally think that is a tremendous gift, and I'm normally terrifically grateful that you care enough to know me that well. But some times it feels like I can't tell where I stop and you start. Then it scares me, and I just need to withdraw a little."

"And that's why you lied to me?" she asked softly. "So you could have some peace?"

"No, Ryan, no. I did not lie to you. I was going home, and I was going to leave right after Anna. I had another go around with Cassie, and I was so upset afterwards that I went upstairs and fell asleep in my clothes. I woke up this morning at six and called you immediately."

"But you were going to your parents' to get some peace, right?" she mumbled.

"No, that's not how I would put it. I didn't feel ready to talk about this issue, and I knew you'd know something was wrong, so to avoid having to explain myself, I tried to hide."

"But Jamie, there's such an easy way to deal with this."

"What's that?" she asked.

"When I ask you what's wrong, just acknowledge that something is wrong but tell me you're not ready to talk about it. Isn't that easier?"

She nodded her head slowly, lightly rubbing her cheek against Ryan's dark head. "I'll try," she promised.

Ryan lifted her face and asked, "Is anything bothering you, Jamie?"

"Yes, Ryan, something is bothering me, but I'm not ready to talk about it right now. When I am, I'll tell you, okay?"

"Okay," she said and let her face curl into the most amazing smile that Jamie thought she had ever seen. The smaller woman absolutely could not resist the need to lean down and kiss that beautiful mouth again and again. They were so involved that neither of them saw Mia jerk to a halt not twenty feet away, but she most definitely saw them.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" Jamie asked as they both stood.

"Um…I got home about one and I tossed and turned until three. Then I woke up in a panic at five, thinking that maybe you were sick or hurt or mad at me. I went back to sleep until seven but Duffy woke me then and I finally got up."

"What did you do after we talked?"

"I called you a bunch of times at home, then I practically wore the numbers off the phone dialing your cell. I got dressed and came over here at nine but I didn't have the nerve to go to your house. I went to all of your favorite coffee places and restaurants, and then I started hitting the libraries that I know you like. I started in Moffitt and searched every square inch, but then I thought you might come here. I'm not sure where I would have gone next," she said as she shook her head with a forlorn little look.

"You poor, poor thing. It must have taken you an hour to search that huge building!"

Ryan nodded.

"I really thought you could catch up this weekend if we weren't together, and now look what I've done to you."

"It's okay, Jamie. I'll go home and take a nap, and then I can study there."

"Come to my house," she urged. "I want to see if I can study with you near me. We're going to have to get used to that sooner or later, you know."

"Okay, but is that a good idea? I assume any fight you were having with your roommates had me somewhere in it."

"It's fine. I don't think Cassie could be any angrier than she already is and Mia likes you, so it's okay." They walked back across campus, hand in hand. When they reached the house, Cassie was in the kitchen and she opened the door a bit to see who was home. Her face soured immediately upon seeing Ryan. As they entered Jamie's room, Ryan asked, "How could such a pretty face look so ugly so often?"

"You should see her mother. She always looks like there's a bad smell somewhere. It must be hereditary."

Jamie hopped onto the center of the bed and patted the side next to her in an inviting fashion. "Come on, get in."

"But I've got to study," Ryan complained weakly.

"Uh-uh, no dice. You come right here and lay your pretty head right on my lap. I'm going to put myself to the ultimate test. I'm going to read a boring novel by Henry James while I put you to sleep. This is a scientific inquiry and I need pristine conditions, so work with me here."

Ryan gave her a sweet little smile as she kicked off her shoes and started to climb in. Instead, she detoured to the door and locked it, then stripped off her jeans. She left on her bright yellow t-shirt and as she crawled across the bed Jamie patted her butt and said, "You look like a bumble bee with those black shorts and yellow shirt."

"Well, if you're doing a scientific inquiry, you need to account for all of the variables. Having my pants off just makes your task a little bit harder."

"I'll say," she agreed as she ran a hand across the smoothly muscled rear. "Now put your head right here," she instructed as she indicated the area where her thighs met her pelvis.

Ryan raised one eyebrow but quickly complied, settling down comfortably with a minimum of adjustments. Jamie ran her fingers through her hair for a few minutes smiling to herself when she heard the rhythmic breathing begin almost immediately.

By one o'clock Ryan had shifted her position so that she was curled up in a little ball on the left side of the bed. Jamie had been plowing through her novel, but she found that she was sinking lower and lower as the afternoon wore on. To combat her weariness and to satisfy her growling stomach, she decided to go downstairs to make lunch. She slipped out of bed and stood still for a few minutes to make sure Ryan didn't wake.
She must be a deep sleeper like me
, she thought as she watched her chest slowly rise and fall in a slow cadence.

Even though she had been doing well in keeping her pantry stocked, she found nothing that appealed to her for lunch, so she hopped in the car and drove over to Andronico's to do a little shopping. She made two Italian cold cut sandwiches and grabbed two bottles of water before returning to her room. It was nearly two, but Ryan still had not moved a muscle. She sat on the loveseat and read while she ate, whiling away another hour. At three o'clock she heard a small noise and looked up to notice a little movement from her companion. She climbed in bed behind her and gently rubbed all over her body, smiling at the catlike way she stretched and twisted to wake. Cute little moans and tiny growls were the only sounds to come from the slowly waking woman. When Jamie was sure that her partner was fully awake she started to nibble on her tender little ear. "Want some lunch, Sleeping Beauty?"

"Yeah," her little five-year-old girl voice replied. "If my tummy hadn't been growling so much I'd still be asleep, but you know the beast can't be denied."

"Well sit up a little and I'll get your sandwich."

"What do I get?" she asked happily.

"You get ham and salami and prosciutto and provolone with a little mayo and a few pepperochinis."

"Ummm, my favorite!"

"Do you make sandwiches like this?"

"No, but I can tell it's going to be my new favorite," she said confidently.

Jamie hopped back into bed and started to read again. Ryan gulped the sandwich down in record time, pronouncing it her most favorite sandwich ever. She snuggled up against Jamie, laying her head back in her lap, and was asleep within ten minutes.
Jeez, how little sleep did she get last night? I've never known her to sleep in the daytime at all, much less for hours at a time.

By the time she finished her novel, she had an overpowering desire to snuggle down and join her companion for a long nap. Since it was nearly six, she didn't think that was wise. She started to move just a tiny bit, and Ryan quickly opened her eyes and sat straight up. "Time to get up?" she asked, sounding fully alert.

"Are you a heavy sleeper or not?" she asked confusedly. "That one time you took a nap on my couch, you said you were a really light sleeper, but this afternoon you were nearly comatose."

"I'm generally a light sleeper, and I usually wake up pretty alert, but I was so relaxed and peaceful this afternoon that I just zonked. I've been fantasizing about sleeping with you a lot, but in my dreams we were never really sleeping," she said with a leer. "I've got to admit that actually sleeping when you're near me is one of the most pleasurable experiences I've ever had. This is the kind of thing I've missed out on, you know. I've never felt comfortable enough with the women I've been with to just collapse like I did today."

"That's so sweet," Jamie said as she leaned over and hugged her. "I love hearing about the things that make our being together special for you."

Ryan was now lying on her back, and she pulled her companion down to rest against her side. "I just felt warm and peaceful this afternoon. It felt like I must have felt lying in my mother's arms," she said softly. "I knew I was safe and that you'd protect me."

"You'll always be safe with me, Ryan," she vowed as she tilted her head just a bit to capture her companion's warm, full lips. They exchanged sweet soft kisses for a few lazy minutes, relishing the warmth and safety of their bond.

Ryan was beginning to stretch again, and she rolled onto her stomach to get the kinks out of her back. She stretched her arms straight out against the mattress and pulled her knees up until she was crouched down like a cat. She pushed first one arm, then the other as far as she could get them, stretching all of the muscles of her back and waist as she did so. The display that she put on was entertaining enough, but the adorable little yawns and sighs just made Jamie's eyes light up.

"You are just so cute sometimes that I can't get over it," she said appreciatively.

Still in the middle of her routine Ryan turned her now-red face to her lover. "What's cute?"

"You are," she insisted. "The dichotomy between how you are in public and how you behave in private is just so adorable. I never would have seen your cute little baby side if we weren't together. That would have been such a loss!"

"Am I really that different?"

"Yeah, you are. Outside you seem bright and mature and thoughtful and patient. You seem really calm and forthright about things. But when we're alone, you're so playful and childlike. It's just so cute!"

Ryan tumbled over onto her back and regarded her companion with a peaceful smile. "I'm not like this with many people. And I've rarely been this relaxed with a lover. I showed most of them my predator side," she laughed.

"Did you really have a different way of being with your past lovers?"

"Yep. But I don't think that side has to stay in my repertoire any longer. The predator can be put out to pasture."

"Umm, I don't know," Jamie mused. "It might be fun to bring it out some day when things get dull."

As she swung her legs around to sit upright, Ryan grasped her lover around the waist for a firm hug. "I don't think things will ever get dull when you're around."

Jamie stood and did a little stretch of her own. "Hey, don't you have any studying to do?"

"Yeah, I do. I guess I should get going."

"Why don't you study here? I did very well on my half of the experiment, but we still don't know if you can study with me around."

"Okay. I'm game."

"Let's go walk around to get our blood flowing and grab a little dinner. Then we can come back here and work."

"Let me call home and tell them I'll be late," she suggested.

"Tell them you'll be home tomorrow," Jamie corrected with an impish grin.

Ryan paused in mid step to turn and stare. "Are you sure about that? Isn't Cassie going to be home tonight?"

"Don't know. Don't care. She's so mad at me that I really don't think anything I do at this point will make matters worse, so I may as well please myself."

"I'm all for pleasing you when it involves sleeping together," Ryan said happily.

Cassie was still at home, judging from her closed bedroom door. "Just my luck to have her stay home to study this weekend," Jamie muttered as they descended the front staircase.

"We'll just stay out of her way. I'm happy to get up and leave before she wakes up in the morning."

"I don't think I'd feel comfortable asking you to do that," Jamie said. "I need to stand up for myself and do what I think is right. And I know that loving you is right, Ryan," she added as she lightly gripped her hand.