Beginnings - SF2 (29 page)

"You are such a romantic, Ryan. I can't believe how often you just take my breath away," she said as she maintained the connection.

"I love you, Jamie. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life," she declared solemnly.

"I feel exactly the same way about you. And I can't wait to have a baby with you either." After a pause she added, "But I'd like to have a good long time with you alone, to just be selfish and enjoy you without any competition," she said with a smile.

"Agreed. Besides, I've got enough brothers and cousins to keep us stocked with babies for a long time, if they'll just get busy," she said with a laugh.

Since Ryan had to work from two until five, Jamie decided to go home and pack up her things for the next four weeks. Even though they both knew the situation was less than optimal, they had decided to stay at Ryan's until the ride. Ryan wouldn't stand for Jamie paying for another night in a hotel, and Jamie couldn't stand the thought of being with Cassie for another moment, so it was the best option.

Upon arriving at her home, Jamie jogged up to the second floor and poked her head into Mia's room to see if she was there. Her friend was sitting in the middle of a chaotic jumble of clothes, shoes and suitcases. Her father had used some of his contacts to get her a summer job reading scripts for a small film company. Since her boyfriend was in L.A., she had been very excited about the job when she landed it; now that things had cooled between them she was a little ambivalent about the trip. The office was in Santa Monica, and she'd found a nice apartment to sublet for the summer on her last trip to L.A., but her sadness at leaving the Bay Area--and all of her friends--was affecting her mood.

When Jamie came in, Mia looked up in dismay, "How can I possibly take all of this stuff with me?"

"Um...you can't?" Jamie replied helpfully.

"I just don't know what I'm going to need. I'm not sure how casually people dress at this place, and I don't want to look like a geek." As she gazed around the room she added with a smirk, "I guess I could buy all new clothes after I figure out the dress code."

"That would go over big with your father," Jamie reminded her.

"Do you think you'll have a few minutes to see me when you're in L.A.?"

"Yeah, actually I was going to invite you to the closing ceremonies. They're on the 13th in Century City, and I think you'd enjoy it."

"Are you coming back that same day?" Mia inquired.

"We're not sure. One option is to take our bikes apart and fly back that night. But I think we'd enjoy it more if we could stay over one night just to relax."

"Why don't you stay with me? My sublet is two bedrooms, and I'd love to have you. You won't by any chance have Conor with you, will you?" Mia asked coyly as she batted her eyes.

"No. Just Ryan. You haven't spoken of Conor much. What do you think of him, Mia?"

"Because of school and everything we've only gone out once. We've talked on the phone a couple of times, but it's clearly not a big deal between us. I like him a lot though," she said thoughtfully. "If I was going to be here this summer, I think I'd really concentrate on getting to know him better."

"Would I be prying if I asked if you have..."

"Yes, you would be prying," she teased. "But I have no secrets from you, James," she replied. "No, we haven't. But, if he's still available in the fall, I'd like to give it a try. I'm guessing I'll officially be single by the time I get back"

"Not much hope with Jason, huh?"

"I'd say our relationship is on "life-support,"" she muttered. "It's gonna take some extraordinary measures to save it."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that," Jamie said. "But you seem to have pulled back an awful lot anyway."

"Yeah, you're right. Jason's not right for me long term. Conor, on the other hand…"

"He's really a nice guy, Mia. He's a little sold on himself, but underneath that he's very sweet."

"It's not his sweetness that I'm attracted to," Mia said with a grin. "But I guess that's a nice side benefit," she said as Jamie rolled her eyes.

"When do you leave for L.A.?"

"Monday afternoon," she said with a sigh. "I wish I was more excited about it, though. I am just not in the mood to have to make all new friends for the summer. And part of me wishes I could spend a little time finding out if there's any chemistry between me and Mr. Muscle."

"Hmm, I can't help on the first part, but maybe we could arrange for something for the weekend. If he's available would you like to do something with us?"

"Like a double date?"

"Yeah," Jamie said with a smile. "A date, huh? I've never been on a date with a girl." She had a cute little grin on her face as she considered the prospect. "We haven't had time to actually go out since we've been together."

"Well I've never been on a double date with two girls," Mia laughed. "I think it would be fun. See what you can come up with."

"Will do. I've got to get packed too. I've decided to stay with Ryan until the ride. Then we have our little vacation, so I've got to pack almost as much as you do!"

"Yeah, but for one of those weeks you probably won't be wearing clothes," Mia predicted with a wiggle of her brow.

The foursome decided to borrow Jamie's father's boat and go for a sail around the Bay on Sunday. Just to make sure, she called her father in Italy and got his enthusiastic permission to go and enjoy.

Ryan and Jamie both had a tough time with the prospect of sleeping apart on Friday. They had become so dependent on feeling each other's warm bodies during the night that they knew it would be another big adjustment to forego that connection. Summoning their collective willpower, they managed to pry themselves apart after only a few minutes of passionate smooching. Once Jamie was ensconced in Rory's room, Ryan trotted back downstairs, running into her father. "This is hard for you, isn't it, Darlin'?" he asked when he saw her flushed face.

"Yeah, it is," she admitted somewhat shyly. "But I'll get through it, Da. She's well worth the wait."

"She's a lovely girl, Siobhán," he heartily agreed. "And I'm very pleased that she's kept her word about sending you home rested and well fed. You actually look like you've put on a few pounds."

"Yeah, I think I have," she agreed. "I really like to add a few before the ride, but finals usually stress me out too much to eat right. Jamie really took care of me, though. She fed me, made me stretch every hour, and made sure I was in bed early every night."

"That's a good sight more than I was ever able to do," he said in amazement.

"You never batted your big green eyes at me like she does," Ryan teased. "That's obviously the key!"

On Saturday morning, they got up early and went for a very long, very strenuous ride. They had decided that they would do a big blowout that day, then cut way back for the next two weeks. This would allow them to work on their cardiovascular fitness and keep their legs strong, while giving their butts a thorough rest before the ride. On this cool late spring day, they rode all the way to Half Moon Bay, following the route that the actual ride would take, so that they would feel less nervous.

They slowly pedaled back up the hills of the Noe Valley at around four o'clock. They once again blew through all the hot water as they tried to relieve some of the soreness from their muscles. After a couple of gentle massages, they were sound asleep in their respective beds.

Around six, Jamie tiptoed into Ryan's room and sat down on her desk chair to just watch her lover sleep. She was unable to resist the siren call of her steady breathing and sweet, open expression, so she climbed into bed behind her, gently wrapping her in her arms. Ryan woke slowly, nestling back into her partner, trying to increase the contact of the embrace. "Dinner's going to be ready soon," Jamie whispered.

"Mmmm, I'm starving," she replied as she began her normal series of stretches. After a minute of slow, feline moves, she lay on her back and slipped her arm around Jamie. They lay together, enjoying the contact until they heard Martin call them to dinner.

After dinner and the ensuing cleanup operation they decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood, even though Jamie's legs were pretty darned tired. She tried to hold firm when Ryan wanted to go to the Castro for ice cream but, since she could never resist those baby blues, a few minutes later they were climbing the hills towards their destination.

"Okay, Thunder Thighs," Jamie joked when they started off. "You promised a massage as payment for me trudging up these hills. How long will it last?"

"As long as you request, my queen," Ryan replied while performing a deep bow.

"No falling asleep?"

"Scout's honor," she replied seriously.

As they walked along, hand in hand, Jamie said, "I have such fond memories of the first time we took this walk."

"I had a great time that night too," Ryan said. "You were so helpful to me when I was trying to sort out my feelings for Tracy."

"Ohhh, don't remind me!" she moaned dramatically. "I wanted so much to tell you to drop her, but I knew I had to be neutral. It would have been unfair to you to try to influence you, but God, I wanted to."

Ryan stopped and stared at her for a long minute. "I guess I didn't put this time line together in my mind until now. I can't believe I was asking you for relationship advice when you had decided that you were in love with me." She grasped both of Jamie's hands in hers, "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. I'm so sorry that I didn't know."

Jamie smiled up at her, "I'm not sorry at all, Ryan. Hearing you talk about what was important to you was very helpful for me. It actually made me even surer that I loved you. It was just so gratifying that the exact same things were as important to you as they were to me." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her softly. "I'm just so happy that it all worked out."

They continued to walk up the tall hill, pausing every few minutes for a kiss. As they reached the crest, Jamie said, "You told me that night that one of the things you were concerned about with Tracy was that she wasn't close to her family." Ryan nodded as she turned to look at her. "How do you feel about my relationship with my family?" she asked tentatively.

Ryan thought about the question for a few minutes; her eyebrows knit together as she stared straight ahead at the sidewalk. "I would prefer that you were close to your family," she admitted. "But I wish that for you rather than for me. It hurts me to know that you've never known the unconditional love that I have. I truly wish that I could go back in time and make them see how precious a gift you are." She faced Jamie and wrapped her arms around her. "You are so very precious," she whispered fervently.

After soaking up the warmth for a few minutes, Jamie pulled back to wipe the tears from her face, laughing as Ryan tried to help with the hem of her t-shirt. "It doesn't concern you that I haven't known that deep love? I mean, are you worried that I won't be able to love you completely?"

"No, Jamie. I have no worries in that area. You've shown me such love in the months we've known each other, it's clear that you know how to love. I'm absolutely confident that you love me totally. And I'm absolutely confident that you'll be a great parent, too." She wrapped an arm around her partner's shoulders as she continued, "Do you think Da is a good parent?"

"He's the best I've ever seen," she replied without hesitation.

"His family situation was pretty bleak. His mother was ill during much of his life, and she died when he was only 13. They hadn't gotten much mothering when she was alive because of her illnesses, and my grandfather was largely absent. My Uncle Francis and Da raised the two younger boys, basically without any guidance. My grandfather's drinking became worse and worse after my grandmother died. Da couldn't tolerate the way he treated my Uncles Pat and Malachy, so he and Francis worked their tails off to be able to afford airfare for all of them. They all came over in 1965, just as soon as Malachy graduated from secondary school. Just three years later, my grandfather died of alcoholism, " she said sadly. "My point is that Da is a marvelous father, and I'm certain that he was a wonderful husband. I don't know where he learned to be that loving, but I couldn't ask for anything more from him. You don't have to come from a lot of love to know how to love, Jamie."

"Well, I'm surrounded by love now, and it's the nicest feeling I've ever experienced. I'm eternally grateful for this gift, Ryan."

Ryan gazed at her fondly as she held her hands, "Even though I've always been surrounded by love, there is a euphoria to being in love with you that I had never imagined. The love I feel from my family is a nice, warm, safe feeling. With you it's ...it's...joyous," she said with a satisfied smile.

"Just for that, Ms. O'Flaherty, you get extra hot fudge," Jamie said as she enveloped her in a hug.

Ryan was very playful and lighthearted that evening, and it was obvious that she needed to release some energy. It was unlike her to remain indoors as much as she had the last two weeks, and she continually ran ahead of Jamie and sprinted back just to burn up some power.

About halfway to the ice cream shop, she started to muse about their upcoming trip to Pebble Beach, and by the time they got there they both needed a little cooling off. They hadn't been very intimate for the last two weeks, and Jamie knew she was ready for some action. They sat in the small shop and stared at each other with desire-suffused faces. Jamie resigned herself to another night of self-pleasuring, but Ryan got a fiendish look on her face and asked, "Can I borrow your phone?"

After she dialed an obviously familiar number, she paused for a second and said, "Weight room, please." She looked up and made a cute little face while she waited to be connected. "Hi, is Ally working tonight?" Her face lit up as she paused again and winked at Jamie. "Hey, it's Ryan," she said with a big smile on her face. "No, no, I'm keeping the faith, how about you?" Another pause while her friend spoke. "Excellent! I'm glad it's going well. I'm actually calling for a tremendous favor. Could I possibly use your apartment for a hour or so?" She blushed a little and said, "I know an hour isn't very long, but it's more than enough for what I have in mind." She nodded happily and said, "I'm just down the street. Can you leave the keys at the front desk?" She stood up and motioned Jamie to join her as she said, "Thanks a million, Ally. You're a pal."

Jamie grasped her hand as Ryan practically pulled her down the street. After the quick stop at Castro Fitness, they climbed back up the hill to Ally's neat little apartment. As soon as the door was closed Ryan was on her like a tiger, locking their mouths together with a passionate fury as she pushed her against the nearest wall. "Hey, hey, slow down a little," Jamie soothed as she pushed Ryan away and tried to catch her breath.

Ryan looked a little chagrined as she blushed and said, "I'm sorry, I'll try to control myself."

"It's okay," she assured her as she absently patted her shoulder and looked around warily. "I just have to get my bearings a bit. It feels odd to be in someone else's apartment. Especially somewhere that you've obviously been a lot," she added, getting to the real issue.

"Is this okay with you?" Ryan asked gently. "I guess I didn't consider that this might be uncomfortable for you."

"No, I'll be okay," she said as she looked around. She immediately noticed that the room was obsessively neat, but also that there were no books or any personal items to identify the owner. "This place is kind of cold," she said.

Ryan looked around and had to agree with her lover, "I guess I never noticed," she said.

"Have you been here often?" Jamie asked, trying to fish for information without being too obvious.

"I've told you about Ally," she patiently reminded her.

"You've told me some things, but not a lot," she protested. "How often would you say you were together?"

"Um…define together," Ryan hedged, not really in the mood to have this particular discussion.

"What is this, 20 questions?"

"No, but I've told you how it was with us. We saw each other for sex. So are you really asking how many times we had sex, or do you want to know something else?"

Jamie pursed her lips as she flopped down on the sofa. "I want to know what she meant to you," she asked softly as she met Ryan's gaze.

Ryan joined her on the sofa and tried to banish thoughts of how well used that piece of furniture had been in their sex play. "She meant a lot to me," she replied slowly. "I met her not long after the Sara debacle, and she really helped me a lot. If she had been willing, I could have loved her, but she wasn't interested."

"Why not?" Jamie asked indignantly.

Ryan laughed at her defensive reaction. "Not everyone thinks I'm all that hot, Jamie."

"Oh don't be ridiculous, Ryan. If she wasn't attracted to you, why would she have had sex with you so often?"

"Okay, I admit that she liked me, she probably even cared for me, but she absolutely did not want to have a relationship with me. I'm not sure why, to tell you the truth," Ryan said, even though she thought that Ally's molestation had a lot to do with it. "When we got too close or too intimate, she would pull away and refuse to see me for a couple of months."

"Months!"

"Yeah. It was hard at first. I really felt kinda used. Over time I came to accept that all she could give me was as much sex as I could handle, as long as it wasn't too emotionally charged. So I accepted her terms, and we had a nice sexual partnership for over five years."

"Five years!"

"Yeah, I said it was right after Sara. It was the end of the summer after my senior year. A month or two before my 19
^th
birthday."

"And you've seen her consistently ever since then?"

"Yeah. I last slept with her the day I broke up with Tracy."

"Did you love her, Ryan?" she asked softly.

Giving the matter the serious consideration that it was due, Ryan sat quietly for several minutes. "I don't think so," she said reflectively. "I was infatuated with her, and I loved having sex with her. She had my number like no one else I had ever been with. I didn't really know her well enough to love her, Jamie. We probably had five meals together outside of her house. We never even went to a movie together!"

"It just amazes me that you could have sex with her dozens of times and not form a deeper attachment."

"I took what she was able to offer, Jamie. You don't always get to choose what someone can give you," she said seriously. "If I wanted her in my life, I had to take her on her terms. And I'm glad that she was in my life. She was a good friend when I really needed one, and she really helped set me straight on safer sex. If not for her I'd probably have contracted a couple of dozen venereal diseases, if not worse," she added ominously.

"Is it painful to think of the time when you wanted more but couldn't get it?"

"Not really. Over time she helped me realize that sexual chemistry wasn't enough. I don't think we could have been a successful couple, and if we had tried, we probably would have lost what we did have. So I think it worked out well in the end. She still means a lot to me, Jamie, and I plan on keeping her as a friend."

"I'd like to meet her," she replied with a small smile. "I should spend a few days with her and pick her brain," she added wryly. "I'd like to have your number too, you know."

"Oh, you've got my number. Believe me, you've got it," she promised as she placed a scorcher on Jamie's lips and unsteadily got to her feet.

"What are you doing?" Jamie asked in surprise.

"This wasn't a good idea," Ryan declared as she extended her hand. "I want the places we caress each other to be as special as the experience." Looking around with a smirk firmly attached to her face she added, "This place has far too many miles on it!"

On the way back home Ryan broke the silence, "I have good news," she said, rather solemnly.

"Really, what is it?" Jamie inquired.

"I'm HIV negative, and I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases."

"That's really nice, Ryan," she said tentatively. "Are there any other diseases that you don't have?"

"Lots of them I hope," she laughed. "I had to go to the doctor to get my medical release for the ride, and as long as I was there I had him do an AIDS test and check me for STD's."

"Were you concerned?" Jamie asked.

"No. Not really. I've been pretty careful with safer sex practices, thanks to Ally, but I absolutely refuse to take any chances with you, my little gem," she said as she pinched her cheek.

"That is so thoughtful of you, Ryan. Would you like me to do the same?"

"Well, you only have to worry about Jack, so it depends on how confident you are about his status," she said logically.

"I'm quite confident. I made him have a test before I would sleep with him, and then I made him have another six months later. He wasn't very happy about it, but he did it."

"Did he also get checked for STD's?"

"Yep. All clear," she said happily.

Ryan cleared her throat nervously as she brought up a sore subject. "What about when you…um…started to see him in April?"

"No problem," she said confidently. "No bodily fluids were exchanged."
Oops, I guess I should clarify that he got my bodily fluids that one day but I never got his. Mmm, that's not something she needs to know
, she thought judiciously.

"Then I guess all systems are go," Ryan said with a leer.

"Pebble Beach can't come fast enough for me," Jamie agreed.

On Sunday morning at eight a.m. on the dot, the big, black Dodge Ram crew cab pulled up in front of Jamie's home. Much to her surprise, her curly-haired roommate came running down the stairs before she could even make a move to go fetch her.

"Hi, guys!" Mia said brightly, as she opened the front passenger door and climbed inside. "Oooh, who's my best friend?" she gasped in delight as Jamie handed up a steaming hot latté.

"I am, and don't you forget it when you're gone all summer," Jamie warned as she leaned over the seat to give her a kiss.

"You're my goomba forever!" she declared, reverting to her mother's Italian slang. Turning to Conor she asked, "Have you been sailing before?"

"Nope. Even though our relatives came from the coast, neither of us has been sailing. We've both been on more fishing boats and row boats than we can count, but we're sailboat virgins."

Mia shot him a look, guessing that was the only area in which he could make that claim. "Well, you're gonna love it," she promised. "Jamie's really a pro. Her dad loves it when she crews for him 'cause she's so good. And now that she's got those muscles, she's really gonna be in demand."

"Uh-uh," her friend corrected. "I'm the captain today. I've got tons of O'Flaherty muscle here for the crew, and I'm gonna use it."

"I shoulda known you had an ulterior motive for choosing a strong girlfriend," Ryan chided her.

"Oh yeah, I had an ulterior motive all right," she agreed as she leaned over and took a little nibble of a soap-scented earlobe.

"Are we gonna have to watch you two smooch all day long?" Conor whined.

"Don't worry, Conor," Mia assured him as she patted his thigh in a friendly manner. "If they get too irritating, we can focus on something else."

He shot her a quick glance and was pleased to find a sultry gaze that belied her deceptively cherubic countenance.

"Looks like a great day for sailing," he decided with a return leer.

It was just a short drive to the Berkeley marina where Jim Evans kept the boat. He'd begun sailing when he was dating Catherine, and took to it like a duck to water. Something about the freedom of the ocean and the inherent risk in the sport formed an attractive combination for him.

Catherine's father had been a sailor, and he had enjoyed having his young son-in-law crew for him on his yacht. It was a few years before Jim could afford his own boat, and it was an important sign of his independence for him to pay for his hobby with his own money. Eventually he began to work his way up, trading in his small boats for progressively larger ones. He had owned a 45-foot Swan for about four years now, and he thought he would probably stick with it, not needing any more length or speed to feed his habit. This was just what he had always wanted—a large boat, built for speed, but with enough amenities to easily sleep six or eight people for overnight trips. It was far from luxurious, but that wasn't an issue for him; he wanted as little excess weight as possible so he could stay competitive in his frequent races, and the Swan fit the bill perfectly.

Normally a boat as large and as nice as his would be berthed in one of the marinas in the city. Catherine's father had kept his boat in Berkeley and when he died Jim had taken over his slip as a small tribute to the man who sparked his love for the hobby.

Jamie had been sailing with him since she was a tiny child--much too tiny for Catherine's more cautious nature. She loved the ocean as much as she loved being with her father and, up until this year, had never refused an invitation to crew. She knew he'd been disappointed when she had begged off several times this year because of training rides, but he seemed to understand.

The marina parking lot was nearly empty, as always, but the few prime spots were taken this morning so they had to walk quite a way with all of their gear. The girls had prepared a large, if not gourmet, lunch the night before, and Ryan now lugged the big bag they had packed it in. Conor carried a cooler filled with beer, wine and bottled water, while Jamie carried nothing but a large thermos of hot cocoa. Mia came up beside her on the walk and snaked an arm around her waist. "Thanks for arranging this, Sweetie. I can't think of a better send-off."

"You're starting the flirting a little early, aren't you pal?" she teased, referring to Mia's earlier comments to Conor.

"Hey, I don't want him to get the wrong impression," she said rather defensively. "I've only got one day to make an impact!"