Behind His Eyes - Truth (9 page)

Tony went to her condominium to learn and to experience. Besides learning her level of knowledge, he couldn’t go back to Iowa without spending more time in her presence. He hoped that a more private setting would bring out the woman with the fire in her eyes. He wanted to see those flames, feel the heat, and inhale her smoky aroma.

Before knocking on her door, his surroundings registered. He’d definitely waited too long. Claire was becoming established in Palo Alto. It was a double-edged sword. Negatively, she was making a life without him; however, the positive aspect was that she wouldn’t likely disappear from him again. Phillip Roach’s watchful eye guaranteed that. The private investigator was how Tony knew that Claire was currently home and her roommate was out of town.

With his knuckle ready to strike, Tony took a deep breath.
What if Claire refused to talk to him?
A rush of anxiety flowed through him.
Why hadn’t he thought of that before?
She could refuse him entry. No, he reasoned, Claire wouldn’t do that. Exhaling, he allowed his hand to rap on the door.

The voice from within rang with unabashed glee as the door opened. “Did you forget your key?”

Her happy, carefree expression morphed before his eyes. The dazzling smile disappeared and her neck straightened. He watched as his presence registered. The fire he loved in her emerald eyes ignited, as she worked to contain her swirling emotions. Watching that spark, seeing it before him, filled every empty space of his existence. The last fifteen months had been pure hell. He wanted that spark back in his life. Tony would move heaven and earth to make Claire understand that she belonged to him.

Reining in his desire to pull her into his arms and elicit another type of spark, Tony replied, “I don’t have a key, but I’d be glad to get one. Just tell me where to sign up.”

Her stance straightened and her tone hardened. “How did you get up here? You can’t be on this floor without a key.”

Trying to keep the conversation light, he requested entrance. “Perhaps you could invite me in and we can discuss it?”

“Tony, why are you here?”

He smirked, “If we’re playing one hundred questions, I admit defeat. May I come in?”

After a prolonged silence, during which her eyes never left his, Claire took a step back and nodded. He tried to contain his relief as he walked into her foyer and glanced around. “My, Claire, you’re living much better than I expected. When I first learned of your release, I pictured you destitute.”

“I’m sure you enjoyed that scenario. I’m sorry to disappoint.”

He snickered. “Disappoint? On the contrary, your ingenuity is to be praised.” Although he hadn’t foreseen an alliance between Claire and Amber McCoy, Amber was obviously helping Claire make a life—without him. His heartbeat quickened. Without him was
not
acceptable.

Her words brought him back to reality. “Tony, I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being redundant. Why are you here, and how did you access my floor?”

“I gained access by the security guard on the first floor. He tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. I explained that we’re old friends, I’m leaving town, and since I had recently talked with you, I knew you were home and expecting me—”

The ringing of her phone interrupted his explanation. After glancing at the screen, she said, “This is security. I’ll tell them I don’t want you here, unless you quickly tell me why you’re here.” The phone rang again.

He didn’t hesitate. He was inside her new home and didn’t want to leave—not yet. “I want to know more about your prison delivery.”

She didn’t respond, at least not to him; instead, she answered the phone and decided his fate. With each word his body eased—she told the security guard that he could stay. While she spoke, he drank in the woman before him: casual and comfortable, with her dark hair pulled back, wearing soft slacks and a big shirt. There was a wide neckline that exposed a shoulder revealing the strap of a camisole. It was a stark contrast to the woman in the white dress, yet equally as sexy.

When she finally turned back to him, he noticed the determination in her voice. “I have plans today. Please make this quick.”

His cheeks rose and his breath quickened. The aroma of shampoo and jasmine filled his senses. “Yes, I see you’re dressed for business. What do they call that, business casual?” While she debated her response, he lowered his voice and added, “I’m not complaining. I always found the casual Claire as sexy as the one who rocked designer dresses.”

Claire crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled. “Please, I have lunch plans, and I’d like to change. Question what you want and go.”

Lunch plans? With whom?
He’d seen pictures of her with Harrison Baldwin.
Could that be whom she was planning on seeing?
While these questions and many more ran through his head, he managed to ask, “Do you only entertain in the entry, or may we sit?”

“We may sit,” she replied, and began walking toward the living room. As they sat, her next sentence caught him completely off guard. “I know you enjoy coffee. I’d offer you some, but the last time I got you coffee, it didn’t work out so well for me.”

To his amazement, he found her brazenness titillating. “God, Claire you’re something else. I can’t imagine anyone else joking about that.”

“Well, see, you misinterpreted. I wasn’t joking. I’m actually still pissed as hell.”

“Good for you.” He leaned toward her. She didn’t look away. He loved her tenacity! “Your ability to admit your displeasure is refreshing. It encourages me to be honest, too.”

“Honesty? That would be an invigorating change.”

He worked to maintain his expression and keep his tone soft. “You should know that I’m sorry.”

The battle once again raged behind her eyes.
Would she voice her thoughts or stay quiet as she had when they were married?
He waited. Her volume raised exponentially with each phrase “What? You’re
sorry
?” It was as if she filled the room with her presence. “Well, Tony, I believe I need a little clarification. Tell me what exactly you’re sorry about. I’ll gladly give you a few options.”

She suddenly stood and paced about the living room, her chest heaving with each exaggerated breath. When she neared the large windows, the sunlight muted her features. Tony much preferred having her close to watch her emotions unravel, and at the same time he yearned to calm her, seize her shoulders, and make her forget what she was about to say. He couldn’t; she deserved to tell him exactly what she thought. He prayed that after she was done, they could move forward.

Finally, she spoke, “First, you’re sorry for invading my privacy for years, years before I even knew you existed. Second, you’re sorry for kidnapping me, isolating me, controlling me, and manipulating me. Third, you’re sorry for lying to me, pretending you cared, and, oh yeah, marrying me. Fourth, listen carefully, Tony, this is a big one. You’re sorry for framing me for attempted murder, resulting in incarceration in a federal penitentiary.” She sat back down and once again crossed her arms over her heaving breasts.

One doesn’t deal with people as successfully as Anthony Rawlings without understanding confrontation. If he chose to retaliate, this scene would escalate to a place he didn’t want to go. As he fought to allow her this release, she added, “I would prefer the words, but you are welcome to say one through four, if that’s easier for you.”

Tony leaned closer. Avoiding his stare, she looked down at her trembling hands.
Had her speech caused her hands to shake, or was it him?
His fight for control evaporated into a need to reassure.
From the very beginning of his acquisition, hadn’t he asked for honesty?
Though her words were painful to hear, they were her version of the truth and she’d delivered. When her green eyes finally peered at him from below veiled lids, he watched the tension fade.

Tony gently reached for her hand and spoke softly, “I am deeply sorry for one and four.” He rubbed her hand with his thumb. “I did provide you with an alternative destination for number four.”

Claire exhaled audibly.

“I’m not proud of two, but three would never have happened without it.” His tone deepened and slowed. “I am
not
, and never will be, sorry for three, and for the record, I never lied about loving you, or pretended to love you. I didn’t realize it at first, but I have loved you since before you knew my name.” He bowed his head, kissed the soft skin atop of her hand, and continued, “And you forgot our divorce. I’m sincerely sorry for that. Had I known you would be released so soon… we could still be married.” Placing her hand once again on her knee, he touched the fourth finger of her left hand. “You could still officially be mine.”

Her wedding rings came to mind. This wasn’t the time to bring up that she’d sold them. While he waited for her to respond, his gaze went to the table. Laying on the shiny surface were two phones. Before Tony could comment, Claire reached for the smaller phone and slid it into her camisole between her breasts. He closed his eyes and gently shook his head. “If I didn’t want to see that phone before, I sure as hell do now.”

“It’s my
work
phone,” she answered too quickly.

“Oh, I was unaware of your employment.”

“Really? I guess I forgot to inform you or your spies.”

“Claire, I want to show you that I can change. Have as many damn phones as you want. Two seem excessive, but go for it.”

“Thank you for your permission. I don’t need it. I can have fifty phones if I want.”

Tony nodded. Her spunk seemed to be without bounds.
Why had he not allowed it to shine before?

Claire continued, “It’s documented, when people are forbidden something, once it’s made available, they tend to overindulge.”

His tone turned sultry. “Before it is made available, a person may dream of it, long for it, and fantasize about it. Especially if he once had it and knows how amazing it is.”

“I don’t recall availability being an issue for you.”

His pulse quickened. If she only knew how close he was to being that person again. Not because he desired to harm her. On the contrary, his desires were totally and completely centered on pleasure—his and more importantly hers. Tony warned, “Be careful, Claire. That could be interpreted as an invitation.”

She stood. “Then once again, you would be misinterpreting.”

He stood and stepped toward her, yet she didn’t move.
Was it self-control or unabashed determination?
Whatever she possessed flooded his system like no chemical aphrodisiac ever could. Though their bodies didn’t touch, electricity sparked between them. The inches of separation were but a conductor for the energy that couldn’t be contained.
If he moved nearer, would they be burnt?
His words came from somewhere deep in his throat. “I believe you want what I want, as much as I do.”

“If you’re suggesting I want you to leave, you’re absolutely correct. If you’re suggesting anything else, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

His head bowed slightly. Her words said one thing, but every ounce of her being said something else. Perhaps it was a subtle scent, the way her cheeks reddened, or the hardening of her nipples under the light shirt. He wasn’t exactly sure, but Tony knew his desires were shared.

He wanted to kiss her and take her newfound boldness to the next level.
How would it translate to their bed?
Then he reminded himself that they no longer shared a bed or a life. As she lifted her chin and her lips neared his, Tony summoned all of his restraint to not bend and taste what was right in front of him. Instead of a kiss, he reached for her chin and bathed her cheeks in his warm, sensual breath. “You, my dear, have never been a good liar.”

If he leaned forward, he’d be able to feel her hard nipples against his chest. Before he could move, she stepped back, sat, and crossed her arms over her chest.

“You’re right. Your deceitfulness far exceeds my modest attempts at dishonesty. I bow down to your superior duplicity.”

It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Tony worked unsuccessfully to hide his grin. She’d just confirmed she still had feelings. Exhaling, he retook his seat. Refusing to relinquish contact, he allowed their knees to touch.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but I thought you should know why I came to California.”

Her gaze was too innocent as she asked, “Why?”

He couldn’t lie. “To take you back to Iowa.”

Claire stared. Finally, a smile briefly fluttered across her lips. He wondered what it meant. She replied, “Well, since this time I have a choice, I’m going to say
no
.”

Tony tried another route. “Catherine misses you.”

“I miss her, too.” With a hint of hesitation, Claire asked, “Does she believe that I tried to kill you?”

God, he hated this. It was just one of the many things he’d done to her, one of the many things he couldn’t take back. The anguish in Claire’s voice tugged at his heart. He couldn’t tell her the truth, not now. If he told her that Catherine not only knew, she was also involved, it could alienate Claire forever. Trying to focus his thoughts, Tony carefully worded his response. It wasn’t lying; it was more a minimization of facts. “I’m not sure. We’ve never discussed it. I know at first she was worried about me. Then once I was well, she was upset, but I don’t know for sure if it was at you or at me. The subject’s never come up.”

“Then how do you know she misses me?”

“I just do. When word came of your pardon—”

Claire interrupted, “You were angry.”

Red knocked at his thoughts—memories of his rage when Preston called, the impotency of not knowing her location. This time it was Tony who stood and paced, avoiding her gaze. Stopping at the large windows, the beautiful view was lost behind the impending veil of red. She was pushing him, testing him. He couldn’t lose his temper; he wouldn’t. He knew what he’d done to Claire—and so did she. If she were ever to trust him again, he needed to be honest. Perhaps someday the whole truth could be revealed, but Claire wasn’t ready for everything, not yet.

Forcing restraint, he weighed his words and began. “I was. I admit, I was… stunned. Governor Preston informed me of your release
two weeks
after it occurred. I was angry at everyone: at you for being pardoned, at Jane Allyson for presenting the petition, at Governor Bosley for signing it. Hell, I was even mad at the clerk who filed it.” He turned toward her, continuing to maintain control. She didn’t turn away. The intensity of her stare frightened him as much as it exhilarated him. No one else in Tony’s life had ever glared at him, not like Claire. He went on, “I finally figured out that the person I was the most upset with was me. For the first time in years—yes, more than three, you know that now—I’d lost track of you.” His volume increased. “My God, you were gone!”