Being Zen: Bringing Meditation to Life (16 page)

Unfortunately the practice of loving-kindness is often presented in a way that bypasses dealing with our fears and self-judgments. It is easy to misuse this practice by trying to generate a loving feeling to cover over unhealed pain or by trying to seem more “loving.” So what does it mean to awaken loving-kindness?

We could define loving-kindness as a sense of goodwill, a benign awareness, often accompanied by sensations of warmth and receptivity. This openness, this sense of allowing, diminishes the mind’s tendency to constantly judge. Breathing into the heartspace somehow undercuts the solidity of our judgmental mind and allows us to access this capacity to be open, by which we can let ourselves, let others, let life, just be.

The practice itself is described in detail in the following chapter. On the inbreath we bring awareness, via the breath, into the center of the chest. Then on the outbreath we extend awareness from the heartspace toward ourselves or others. However, it is important to remember that in doing a practice like this, we are not trying to feel some special way, such as loving or kind. Rather, we are attending to how we are right now, which includes attending to whatever keeps our natural loving-kindness from streaming forth. At its most profound, the heart of loving-kindness is who we are. It is the nature of our being. Experiencing this often means first experiencing whatever gets in the way, especially our unloving behavior, unkind thoughts, and judgments about ourselves and others.

Sometimes it may be that we in fact do feel some sense of loving-kindness as we breathe into the heartspace. Just as often we may contact the anger and fear that are usually underneath our unkindness. Acknowledging and experiencing the anger and fear will allow our natural kindness to gradually begin to flow.

We can also access and cultivate loving-kindness directly. The “Way of the Pilgrim” is the story of a simple pilgrim who walked across the plains of nineteenth-century Russia. He carried only dried bread and two books—the Bible and an early Orthodox Christian text, the
Philokalia
—to sustain his body and his practice. With a genuine homesickness for God, his only aim was to learn how to pray without ceasing.

Although we’re unlikely to ever be pilgrims in the old-fashioned sense, there is something real in the phrase “pray without ceasing.” What is real is the same quality that makes a genuine loving-kindness practice so powerful. Real prayer is a genuine surrender to the moment, whatever the moment may be. It’s not like the prayer of children, in the sense that we’re asking that our wishes be granted. Real prayer is a deep opening to life itself, a deep listening, a willingness to just be with the moment. In this sense it is essentially no different from the practice of opening into the heart. When we do the loving-kindness meditation, we’re not asking for something. Rather, by entering into the spaciousness of the heart, we’re allowing life to just be.

What most gets in the way of this deep form of prayer is just what the pilgrim experienced: the constant desire to spin off into the comfort and security of thinking—into our plans, fantasies, dramas, and especially our believed judgments.

How do we counteract this very human tendency? Just like the pilgrim, we bring awareness to the breath, the heart, and the words of loving-kindness over and over. This is not easy. The pilgrim started with thirty minutes of prayer a day. Then his teacher told him to recite the prayer two thousand times a
day. Then six thousand. Then twelve thousand. After years of practice, with wholehearted devotion and perseverance, the prayer became self-activating, and he could pray without ceasing. He experienced the delight of the heart bubbling over and a gratitude toward all things. He came to understand the meaning of the words “The kingdom of God is within.” This example can give us the inspiration to bring a little more determination to our practice, allowing us to enter more regularly and deeply into the actual practice of loving-kindness.

As we practice loving-kindness on a regular basis, it is no longer just a meditation exercise. It becomes a part of our being, our natural response to life. We discover that when fear arises, we can see it, experience it, and learn to send nonjudgmental awareness into this fearful being. When illness arises, instead of seeing ourselves as defective or analyzing how we are ill because of this or that, we can just breathe into the heart, experiencing the whatness of who we are in that moment. We then extend loving-kindness into our physical body. This practice teaches us that we can receive even the most unwanted aspects of ourselves with a certain sense of spaciousness, warmth, and receptivity—which are the essence of loving-kindness.

As we learn to approach our “stuff” with less judgment, we’ll begin to lose the tendency to use it against ourselves—as evidence that we’re broken. When we cease our merciless judging, we experience the tenderness and warmth we are often unable to access out of fear of being unprotected, or out of the fear of deceiving ourselves. This is how we awaken our innate capacity for loving-kindness. Awakening loving-kindness means looking at our stuff, seeing it for what it is, greeting it with openness, meeting it without judgment, and then moving toward true healing, which is openly experiencing our natural wholeness.

16

Loving-Kindness Meditation

I
CONSIDER THE MEDITATION EXERCISE
in this chapter to be one of the single most important practices I’ve ever encountered. It is not meant to replace daily sitting but rather to complement it. I practice the meditation regularly, at a separate time from my daily sitting.

If you already do a loving-kindness meditation, it might be helpful to forget about it while you read and try this meditation, so that you can be open to whatever may be of value here.

The meditation consists of four-line rounds that repeat several times. The first round is oriented toward yourself; the second and following rounds are offered toward people close to you. The last round of the meditation is offered toward all beings.

First Round: Toward Yourself

Take a couple of deep breaths. Become aware of the breath and begin to follow it into the center of the chest. Experience the area around the heart. Does it feel closed and constricted? Does it feel clear and open? Does it feel warm or cool? Is it neutral? Whatever you feel, just be aware of that. With each inbreath let awareness go a little deeper.

Now begin to repeat the following four lines in rhythm with your breathing:

1. On the inbreath bring awareness, via the breath, into the center of the chest. As you exhale, silently say the words

May I dwell in the open heart,

allowing whatever warmth may be present in the heart region to extend through your whole body, your whole being. If there is no warmth, no loving-kindness to extend, simply notice this and continue. Repeat the first line for several breaths.

2. On the inbreath again bring awareness into the heart region. As you exhale, say the words

May I attend to whatever clouds the heart,

becoming aware of any aspect of yourself—anger, protections, self-judgment, basic fears—that blocks access to the open heart. Extend the warmth and loving-kindness of awareness into these aspects of yourself wherever you can feel them. Do this for a few breaths, remembering that you are not trying to get rid of anything. Rather, you are extending the compassion of awareness to these closed-off areas.

3. Continue breathing into the heart region. On the exhale say the third line:

May I be awake in this moment, just as it is,

becoming aware of everything around you and within you—sounds, smells, sights, physical sensations, mood, thoughts—and letting yourself experience all of it, letting life be just as it is. Stay with this wide-open awareness for several breaths, continuing to breathe in and out of the heartspace. When the mind wanders, come back to your awareness of breath and heart softly, without self-judgment.

4. Again, breathe into the heartspace. On the outbreath say the words

May the awakened heart be extended to all beings,

extending whatever loving-kindness arises to other beings, including any specific people who may come into your awareness. Say this fourth line for several breaths.

Repeat this round of four lines again while breathing in and out of the heartspace:

May I dwell in the open heart.

May I attend to whatever clouds the heart.

May I be awake in this moment, just as it is.

May the awakened heart be extended to all beings.

Repeat this round of practice one more time.

Second Round: Toward a Loved One

Now bring into awareness the presence of someone close to you, for whom you have positive feelings, to whom you wish to extend loving-kindness.

Breathe the person’s image, her presence, into the heartspace on the inbreath. On the outbreath extend loving-kindness toward this person while repeating the following four lines. If you feel resistance, just acknowledge and experience whatever is in the way.

May you dwell in the open heart.

May your suffering be healed.

May you be awake in this moment, just as it is.

May the awakened heart be extended to all beings.

More Rounds: Toward Others Close to You

Choose another person for whom you have positive feelings and repeat the four lines, remembering to breathe in and out of the heartspace as you say the words of loving-kindness.

Bring as many different people into your awareness as you wish, repeating the same process for each one.

Last Round: Toward All Beings

Finally expand awareness to all beings, however you conceive of this notion. Bring this awareness into the heartspace with the inbreath and with the outbreath repeat the following four lines, allowing loving-kindness to be extended to all beings:

May the hearts of all beings be awakened.

May the suffering of all beings be healed.

May all beings be awake in this moment, just as it is.

May all beings awaken their hearts to one another.

After completing all four rounds, come back to simply breathing in and out of the heartspace, experiencing the texture and quality of the heart. Simply experience whatever is there, going deeper with each inbreath.

Notes on the Loving-Kindness Meditation

The key to learning the power of this practice is to do it regularly. It is also helpful on occasion to do it repeatedly for a longer period of time, such as a whole day at a retreat.

The lines themselves are important in that they help us to focus and direct our attention. As with any other meditation, we will keep wandering off into daydreams, plans, and fantasies. In staying with the lines as best we can, we’ll at the very least sharpen our focus.

These four lines correspond to the four basic stages of practice. The first line, “May I dwell in the open heart,” corresponds to the initial stage in practice: the awakening of aspiration. The second line, “May I attend to whatever clouds the heart,” corresponds to the long and difficult stage of working with all our protections, fears, and judgments. The third line, “May I be awake in this moment, just as it is,” corresponds to the stage of wide-open awareness, in which we settle into being with life as it is. The last line, “May the awakened
heart be extended to all beings,” corresponds to the stage of moving from a self-centered view to a more life-centered view. Understanding the four lines in this way allows us to use them to continuously connect to the bigger picture of practice.

When I first started doing this meditation, using the words from a version I had learned, I described it to Joko. She questioned whether I was trying to feel some special way. I later realized that I was, in fact, trying to create a special state of mind. So I revised the wording to bring it into alignment with my overall understanding of practice, which is more about being with life as it is rather than trying to feel some special way. You, too, can experiment with changing the words to suit your own understanding.

Students often ask how these lines differ from affirmations. The answer goes to the very essence of the practice of loving-kindness. Affirmations are like mental injections we use to change or cover over our feelings. This practice is the opposite: it is not about changing or covering over our feelings; it is about experiencing whatever is present. Anyway, loving-kindness is not a feeling; it is the state of our being. What makes the loving-kindness practice more than a shallow mental exercise is the focus on the physical awareness of the heartspace. We experience all the images, all the lines, through the awareness of the breath in and out of the heartspace. This focus on breathing in and out of the heart takes the loving-kindness meditation beyond the mental realm.

How do we choose those to whom we extend loving-kindness? Some practitioners, in order to work with their negative feelings, choose people with whom they are experiencing difficulty. This is tricky. It’s possible to use the meditation to fool ourselves into thinking that we are free from negativity when, in fact, we’ve just covered it over. I usually work directly with strong negative feelings toward another person away from the loving-kindness meditation. I reserve the loving-kindness meditation for those for whom I currently have a positive regard.
But this is certainly an area worthy of personal experiment.