Being Zolt (5 page)

Irelyn closed her eyes just as Brody returned to administer the sedative.

I stayed lying next to her, holding her hand until she fell asleep. Then, I went to the backyard and sat on the steps leading down to the lawn.

In the darkness with my face in my hands, I did something I hadn’t done in years.

I cried.

I faded in and out of consciousness for a few days, waking only to do the essentials. Every time I woke, Zolt was there, watching over me. The burning pain on my back had lessened considerably, but the psychic pain stayed constant, though muted by the sedatives. I thought about letting Brody keep me numb, but I had to return to the world of the living.

“Hi. How are you? Better?” Zolt asked and sat on the bed. He brushed stray strands of hair from my forehead.

“Hi. Yeah, I am better; ready to get up and about.” I pushed myself up, wincing a little. It still ached, but not near as much. “I’m sick of lying in bed, and I’m starving.”

“Oh, well, that’s a good sign.” Zolt caressed my arm and I closed my eyes; the electricity of our connection still took me by surprise.

“First, I’d love a shower. I feel disgusting.” I touched my oily hair and grimaced, imagining what I must look like.

A knock sounded on the door, and Zolt opened it.

“You’re awake,” Brody said. “That’s great. How’s the pain?”

“It’s much better. I’d like to take a shower and wash my hair.”

“Let’s take a look. Lay on your stomach,” Brody directed, his intonation all business.

I did as he said and lifted my T-shirt. With no panties on, I felt a little exposed, but I told myself to get over it. By this time, Brody had seen my naked ass so many times it probably didn’t register with him anymore.

“You’re healing well. You can take a quick shower if Zolt is with you and helps you wash your hair. I want him in there with you in case you feel faint.” He removed the IV and secured a bandage over the site.

“Okay.” I smiled at Zolt.

“Keep your hands to yourself, Zolt,” Brody commanded.

Zolt threw up his hands then winked at me. “I won’t touch her.”

Brody left and Zolt went into the en suite bathroom and started the shower. He stripped off his clothes and climbed in first with me following. I could tell by his body’s reaction to my nakedness that seeing me excited him, and I wasn’t totally immune to him, either. In the past, if we took a shower together, we had sex. And watching the water roll off the ripples of his abs—and past his hard length that stood out proudly before him—stirred something deep in my belly.

Zolt caught my gaze and gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I can’t help it. My body reacts to you regardless of whether we’re going to have sex or not.”

“It’s okay. Mine, too.”

We didn’t speak for the rest of the shower. I went through the process as quickly as possible. I couldn’t help the inexplicable shyness welling in me. We’d done all manner of things to and with each other, both in bed and out. Yet a new tension arose between us born of hurtful words, sexual need, and the revelations of the love we’d both admitted to.

I guess Zolt felt it too because as I toweled off, he pulled me to him and kissed me. At first, I resisted, but then I gave into him, kissing him back.

When we broke the kiss, we were both breathless.

“I love you, Irelyn,” he said, his crystalline-blues warm with the same emotion.

“I love you, Zolt.” I snuggled into his arms, letting go of the unspoken tension. Being held by him began a healing deep inside.

“I had your maid Anna pack a suitcase for you when I went to get Rufus. Hannah made space for them in my closet.”

“I guess that explains how my robe is here. So, they’re in your room?”

“I want you back in my bed, Irelyn. I’m sorry if that’s presumptuous of me, but I’m hoping you want the same thing. When you’re there, I don’t have nightmares, and I miss sleeping next to you.”

“I do want that. But to be honest, I’m kind of messed up, Zolt. Mentally, I’m back to where I was right after Chris died, when I couldn’t sleep for weeks without having night terrors.”

Zolt’s face fell and his eyes turned glacial. “What did Marcus do to you?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can we eat?”

Zolt squeezed his eyes closed then opened them. He lifted my chin. “All right. But do me a favor?”

“Okay.”

“If you won’t talk to me, talk to Brody. The one thing I’ve finally figured out through all this is denial makes it much worse. It only took six years and the woman I loved walking out on me, but I’m there.”

“I had no intentions of staying away, but he stopped me.” Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked them away. If I let the tears fall, they’d flow forever.

“I know,” Zolt said, kissing my forehead.

“Can we eat now? I’m starving.” I repeated, needing to change the subject even though I wanted to say ‘no, you don’t know’. How could he? Removed from the situation, I could admit Marcus’s attempts to mind-fuck me had worked. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw those horrible images he’d plastered on the walls. Like that, I returned to finding my brother lying in a pool of his own blood with his face bashed in.

“You’re shaking.” Zolt wrapped his arms around me. “What’s going on, Irelyn?”

I closed my eyes as I backed away from him. “Nothing. Just hungry.”

Zolt frowned and cupped my face with his large hands. “You’re lying, but I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you.” I leaned into his touch, wishing he had the power to chase the images away. But not even Zolt’s touch and our electric current had that kind of power.

We spent the rest of the day watching movies and cuddling on the couch. Zolt was great, letting me watch sappy, romantic comedies without complaining. The pain in my back had lessened, and I refrained from taking the pain meds.

Rachel and Cory came over for dinner. They did their best to be upbeat, but a cloud of unease hung over us all. T-bone and Sloan had failed to recover Kenna. When they got to the house, Marcus had abandoned it; I’m guessing they missed her by mere minutes. We tried to stay positive, but every day Kenna stayed with Marcus, the less chance we had of recovering her. And before long, Cory’s father Peter would decide to involve the authorities. But T-bone still had Jackson on the inside, and they were already working on a new plan. The details were all very technical, and quite frankly, made my eyes glass over.

My guilt over leaving Kenna and Delaney grew worse the longer they remained captive. The list of things I didn’t want to deal with was festering inside me, leaving a lingering, bad taste in my mouth—one born of guilt, impotence, and sadness. I wanted to escape but didn’t know how, so I stuffed my feelings deep inside, knowing they’d burst out in a massive explosion sooner or later.

When I could no longer keep my eyes open, I went to bed with Rufus following me. Zolt walked me to the guest room, kissing me good night.

“Good night, baby. Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?” His hand cupped my face, and he kissed me.

“No. But it’s best for now.” I still needed my space, though part of me needed Zolt more.

I turned off the lights, and Rufus and I crawled into bed. I fell asleep easily, but before long, the night terrors struck. I was in the room where Marcus held me but instead of the pictures and the footage of Zolt’s injury, both of them were there with me, in living color. Zolt’s leg was positioned at an unnatural angle, and Chris stared skyward with that empty, dead look in his eyes.

Marcus stood off to the side with a smug and exultant expression. With his arms crossed over his chest, his gray eyes—now black— glittered with impudence, daring me to challenge him. Then, the scene changed, and I was cuffed to the cross with Marcus in front of me, slapping the flogger in his hands. The joyous smile his thin lips curved into turned my blood cold. Just before the flogger connected with my breasts, I woke screaming.

Even when strong arms surrounded me, cradling me to a firm chest, I couldn’t stop my screams.

“It’s all right, Irelyn. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I’m here,” he cooed as he stroked my sweat-dampened hair.

“It’s not all right. It will never be all right again,” I cried.

Zolt brushed wet strands of hair from my face. “It will be. I’ll make it all right.”

“How? How can you fix it? He won’t stop until he wins. He’s already taken so much.”

“Baby, look at me. I won’t let him hurt you ever again. I swear. No matter what, I promise.”

Brody came in with a syringe in hand. “How about a sedative?”

I wanted to say no, but I knew I had to if I wanted to sleep. “I take Ambien, but I don’t have it with me.”

“Let him sedate you. You need to rest. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep. Okay?” Zolt kissed my forehead.

Rufus barked as if he understood and needed to put in his two cents. Ben came running in the room and sat next to Rufus. The two dogs and their cuteness instantly relaxed me.

“Okay,” I relented; they were right. I did need to rest, and to be honest, I seriously didn’t think I could take more terrors.

Brody gave me a shot and left the room.

Zolt lay down, and I found my favorite spot on his chest, laying my head down. I breathed him in, loving his familiar warm-and-spicy male scent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, petting my hair.

“No.”

Zolt sighed. “Okay. You can tell me anything.”

I yawned, my eyelids growing heavy. “I know.”

Wrapped in his arms, his feelings for me came through; I felt safe and secure. I also felt guilty because I didn’t deserve this. Until Kenna and Delaney were free from Marcus’s evilness, my contentment added to my guilt, trapping me in a vicious circle.

“I won’t let you slip away from me, Irelyn,” Zolt said as if he could read my mind. “I can see the struggle and guilt in your eyes. It’s okay that you’re here, away from him. We had to save you. It’s the only way you can help them. You have to know that, Irelyn.”

I lifted my heavy lids and glanced at Zolt. “I do,” I said drowsily. “Kenna’s in trouble because of me. And I’m having trouble reconciling that.”

“Lean on me.” Zolt caressed my cheek with his finger. “Let me help you.”

“Okay.” Wrapped in Zolt’s arms, I closed my eyes and let sleep claim me.

I slipped out of the bed, leaving Irelyn fast asleep. In the hall, I met up with Brody on his way to bed.

“Is she asleep?” Brody asked.

“Yep.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “She needs to talk, Brody. She won’t talk to me, but it’s clear Marcus’s injuries weren’t just physical.”

“I’m sure,” he agreed. “Give her time, Zolt. It’s only been a few days.”

“I hate feeling powerless, but I don’t want to push because I get it. I understand exactly where she’s at. It hurts me to see her in so much pain and to see her carry guilt over something that’s not her fault.”

“I know it does, brother.” He smiled at me.

“What?”

“I never thought I’d see this day.”

“What day?”

“The day Zolt Hamil started to emerge from his own injuries. I like it. It’s even better that the catalyst is a woman.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Who knew?”

“Not me.” Brody ran a hand through his short hair. “I’m beat and tomorrow’s another day. I’ll see if I can get her to talk.”

I nodded and continued down the hall toward my bedroom, then stopped. “Hey, Brody.”

“Yeah?” he said and turned around.

“Thanks for staying. We couldn’t have done this without you.”

He inclined his head. “You’re welcome. Don’t worry, baby bro, I’m not going anywhere.”

I smiled as I made my way to my room, happy my brother remained, but at the same time, acknowledging that Brody couldn’t stay forever. He had a life and career in Colorado to get back to, but I knew he’d stay as long as we needed him. My brother was good like that.

T-bone showed up early the next morning with Chris Wilkes’s laptop in hand. We went into my office and T closed the door.

“I don’t want Irelyn to deal with this until you’re sure she’s ready, but my tech guy obtained access.” He set the laptop on my desk. The grim expression on his face told me what they’d found wasn’t good.

“And?” I asked, staring at the laptop, afraid to touch it, worried its contents would explode.