Believe: The Complete Channie Series (182 page)

Jonathan

J
ONATHAN
CAUGHT
R
IVER
AS
SHE
fainted. He carried her to the buffalo hide next to the fire and laid her on it. Something told him to take off his clothes and hold her against his naked body.
That’s crazy.
He would never take advantage of an incapacitated woman whether she was drunk, high or delirious with fever. But he needed to do something. He needed to take her back to the hut.

He leaned over to pick her up, but he smelled something unusual on her skin. He kissed her forehead and tasted fear.

Okay, that’s even crazier. Animals could smell fear, not people. Was he getting sick, too? He felt hot. His eyes burned. Jonathan reached up to rub them and noticed a green glow on his palm.
Holy shit.
Were his eyes glowing?

He slipped the gold chain off his neck and used the reflective back of the medallion to check. It wasn’t as good as a mirror, but there was no denying the fact that his eyes were lit up like a lightning bug’s ass.

His skin was on fire. He shrugged out of his coat but that only gave him a moment’s relief. His vest and shirt hit the ground but he was still hot.

The black wolf crept out from behind a tree.
It laid down and rested its chin on its front paws then looked at River and whined.

River.
Jonathan couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about her for even a second. What the hell was wrong with him?

He laid down next to her on the buffalo pelt and wrapped his arms around her limp, naked body. She didn’t feel quite as hot as she had before but that was probably because of his own fever. “River? Can you open your eyes for me? Are you okay?”

She didn’t respond. She’d said that she would die if Jonathan didn’t mate with her. But that was crazy. People didn’t die from a lack of sex. It only felt that way.

River had also told Jonathan to follow his instincts. But which ones? He wasn’t aroused. Although he could be if he focused on the feel of River’s soft curves pressed against the hard planes of his body—and ignored the fact that she was unconscious.

Right now, all he wanted to do was hold her and protect her. But from what? His wolf wasn’t showing any signs of aggression.
When did he start thinking of it as “his” wolf?

It whined again and inched forward.

“River, please wake up. Tell me what to do.”

She whimpered.

Jonathan rose to his knees and moved his fingers to the pulse point on her neck. It was weak and rapid. He turned his head and placed his ear above her softly parted lips. She was hardly breathing. Nothing but quick, shallow gasps that barely stirred the air. She was in trouble.

“River, don’t you dare leave me. I can’t lose you, too.”

Jonathan hardly ever cried. He’d shed a few tears when the mine had caved in on him and Franklin and he’d thought they were going to die. But he didn’t cry when he woke up in agonizing pain and learned that they’d amputated his left hand. He didn’t cry until they told him that Franklin had died in Afghanistan. He’d bawled like a baby the night before Franklin’s funeral then vowed he’d never cry again. And he hadn’t. Until now.

The wolf shoved his nose between River and Jonathan. He felt a strong desire to wrap his arms around the wolf. What the hell? He shoved it away and lifted River in his arms. Her body was completely limp. Dead weight. All the tears Jonathan had been unable to shed burst through the dam of his scarred heart. They ran down his cheeks and fell onto River’s throat like rain.

Jonathan buried his face against her shoulder and sobbed. He begged her to come back to him, but she didn’t respond. He lifted his head and screamed at God. “You can’t take her, too! I won’t let you!”

River’s head lolled to the side, exposing the bite mark on her neck.

An overwhelming urge to bite her again slammed into Jonathan. A primal growl rumbled out of his chest. “I love you and I will not live without you. I forbid you to die.”

River’s blood filled Jonathan’s mouth before he even realized what he’d done.

River

R
IVER
FLOATED
IN
A
SWIRLING
pool of heat, consumed by fever. She heard Jonathan’s pleas for her to open her eyes. She wanted to, but her body refused to obey. The scent of the black wolf comforted her. He shoved his cold nose between her and Jonathan’s chests, demanding that Jonathan merge with him. But he refused. She wasn’t destined to be his mate after all.

Jonathan pressed her body against his bare chest and rocked back and forth as he sobbed. His tears fell on her face. She wanted to reach up and wipe them from his eyes, but she had no strength. She should have told him everything last night. He wouldn’t have believed her, but the information might have helped him follow his instincts instead of his conscience. She wished she’d at least confessed her love to him. Now, he’d never know. That regret pained her more than her imminent death.

Jonathan growled. It was deeper and fiercer than anything River had ever heard. The vibrations from his chest shook her entire body. “I love you and I will not live without you. You can’t die. I forbid it.”

River thought she’d been past feeling, but she felt it when Jonathan bit her. She felt the heat of his mouth on her skin. She felt his teeth sink into her flesh. She felt his power resonate in the marrow of her bones.

Her body exploded in a flash of pain. Fear grabbed her by the throat and squeezed. She felt as if she were merging again, but instead of finding herself in a new body, there was nothing. No sight, sound, or smell. No sense of touch or taste, or even pain to ground her. Nothing but fear.

A pinprick of light appeared. Her wolf’s spirit recognized it first and flew towards Jonathan’s life-spark. River cried out with relief and joy as her soul merged with his. Love filled her entire being, stretching and growing and binding her heart to his. If this was death, she welcomed it.

Her eyes fluttered open. “Jonathan?”

His face filled her vision. Worry furrowed his brow and creased the corners of his eyes. Tears streaked his cheeks. Blood coated his lips. But she’d never seen a more beautiful sight.

“What happened? Did you mate with me?” She’d been so close to death. Maybe she’d been unconscious during the act. Fear gripped her heart when she caught the scent of his wolf on the wind. They hadn’t merged.

Jonathan blinked then brushed her sweat dampened hair off her forehead. “No.”

“Then, why am I alive?”

“Because I refused to let you die.” He grinned at her, flashing his dimples, but his smirk lacked its usual cockiness.

“It doesn’t usually work like that.”

“Believe me, I know.”

“Why didn’t you merge with your wolf?”

He looked over his shoulder then returned his gaze to River. “He’s gone now. You don’t need to be afraid of him. He’s tame.”

River reached up and smoothed the lines across his brow. “No. He’s not.”

“I don’t want anyone to shoot him.”

“They won’t.” She trailed her fingers down his cheeks, over the salty path of his dried tears. “Promise me you’ll never shoot another wolf ever again.”

“Did Gabriel go after the one I shot?”

River closed her eyes and shuddered. Gabriel wouldn’t be able to avoid the whip, but hopefully he’d be given the minimum number of lashes. “He’s taking care of it.”

“You’re freezing.” Jonathan crawled off the buffalo robe then wrapped it around River. “We need to get you back home so Eli’s mother can check you out.”

“No!” River’s heart faltered. They needed to stay as far away from Shula as possible. Even though Gabriel had taken the blame for shooting Eli, Jonathan wasn’t out of danger. River didn’t know how she’d survived merge fever without mating, but she was certain Shula would find a way to twist it to her advantage. “We need to find your wolf so you can merge. I want to mate with you before Shula finds us.”

“Not until a doctor, or a healer of some sort, checks you out. You nearly died.”

“I
should
have died. But there are forces at work here that I don’t understand. We need to talk to Reuben.”

“Let’s start by getting you dressed so you don’t freeze to death.”

Steam rose off Jonathan’s bare chest and shoulders. A faint green glow still rimmed his sky-blue irises. He had pre-merge fever which proved he was a shifter.

Which also proved he was the promised son of Ephraim.

Jonathan

J
ONATHAN
FOUND
R
IVER
’
S
CLOTHES
AND
boots scattered around the spot where Saucy had dumped him. They were stiff and cold, but a few minutes by the fire would fix that.

When he got back, River was huddled up in the buffalo robe, the only thing showing were her eyes. He held her pants as close to the fire as he could without burning them, or his hand.

She wiggled around inside the buffalo hide, making it look like a live animal as she dressed. “Thank you. That feels so good.”

Now that River was out of danger, Jonathan’s mind focused on other, more pleasurable things. “Did you suddenly develop a severe case of modesty?”

She poked her head out of the buffalo pelt and grinned at him. “No. I’m just trying to keep warm.”

“Good.” Jonathan grinned back at her. “Need any help with that? I’m pretty hot.”

River laughed and shook her head. “Not until after you merge.”

Jonathan frowned. “How do I do that?”

River lifted her chin and sniffed the air, like a dog. “Your wolf is long gone. I guess he isn’t ready to merge yet.”

“You can tell that by sniffing the air?”

River blushed, giving her cheeks a healthy glow. “My wolf didn’t let me merge with her the first time we met. She made me wait until today.”

“And what did that entail, exactly?”

River closed her eyes and grimaced then opened them and shook her head. “I’m still too weak to show you.”

“Then just tell me.”

“My instincts are warning me not to. But I can tell you that the next time you see your wolf you better grab him and hold on until you merge.”

Jonathan couldn’t deny that he’d been led by his own instincts today or that those instincts had, somehow, saved River’s life. “Alright. I’ll respect that. For now.”

River shucked off the buffalo skin then slipped into her coat. “We should head back to the hut. Without horses, it’s going to take a while.”

It took more than a while. It took five miserable hours. How had River gone so far last night, in the dark and burning up with fever?

When they got back to the hut, there was a message scrawled on the door.

Don’t go home.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jonathan touched the dark mark. It left a black smudge on his glove. Charcoal. “Who doesn’t want us to go home?”

River rested her forehead against the door. “Gabriel.”

Jonathan took her shoulder and turned her around. “Look at me.”

She lifted her gaze. Tears sparkled in her eyes then spilled onto her cheeks.

“What’s going on?” Jonathan cringed at the domineering sound of his voice.

“It’s Gabriel. He’s going to be punished. He doesn’t want us to witness it.”

Jonathan’s stomach twisted into a knot. “Why is Gabriel being punished?”

River dropped her chin. “I don’t want to tell you.”

Bits and pieces of information shifted into place. There were still too many missing pieces to complete the puzzle, but Jonathan could guess what it was about. He’d used Gabriel’s arrow. “Does it have anything to do with the wolf I shot?”

River kept her head bowed as she nodded. Tears dripped off her lashes. They froze before they hit the ground.

“How much time do we have? Will there be a trial?”

River spoke quietly, with no inflection. “He’s confessing, so there’s no reason for a trial. Justice will be swift.”

“What will they do to him?”

River’s chin trembled. “Twenty lashes with a bull whip.”

“I won’t let an innocent kid take the rap for my mistake.”

River wiped her eyes then looked up. “Did you forget that you’re my recruit?”

Fear sliced through the fury in Jonathan’s gut, cutting him to the core. “They’ll whip you, too.”

“I wasn’t supposed to give you a lethal weapon until you’ve passed your final tests. Your conviction will doom us both to the gallows. If you don’t want Gabriel to take the blame for shooting the wolf, I’ll do it.”

“Are you crazy?” Jonathan grabbed River’s arm and pulled her into a tight embrace. He pressed his cheek against hers. “Leave with me. Let’s get our horses and supplies and leave tonight.”

He leaned back and kissed River’s tearstained cheek. He talked faster, desperate to win her over before she vetoed his plan. “We’ll ride hard so we can catch Gabriel before he makes it back to the ranch. We have our bows and your arrows. We can hide in the forest and live off wild game until the pass opens.”

River fisted her hands against Jonathan’s chest and leaned back to look into his eyes. “I’ve already told you what happens to Reuben if I defect.”

“Alright. Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll go back to the ranch, I’ll knock Reuben out. You tie him up and—”

“That won’t work!” River pushed away from Jonathan. “No one ever escapes from New Eden, at least not for long.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? If I confess, you die. If I don’t, Gabriel gets whipped.” Jonathan fisted his hand in his hair. “I have to fix this!”

“You can’t fix it, Jonathan. None of us can. All we can do is survive it.” River’s eyes flashed. “We are all slaves to the laws of New Eden.”

“Do you think other people will believe I’m a son of Ephraim?”

“Yes. As soon as you merge with your wolf.”

“And they’ll help me take out Zebulon and the council?”

“There’re always a few fools looking for something to believe in.”

“Will you help me track down this wolf I need to merge with?”

River dropped her gaze and shook her head. “Your wolf wants a mutual merge. He’ll find you when the time is right.”

“And what am I supposed to do until then? I can’t sit back and stay quiet like a good little recruit while other people suffer.”

“You aren’t my recruit anymore. You’re my mate.”

Jonathan’s heart swelled. It was a primitive term, but it felt right. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and slid his fingers through its length. “I told you something important earlier, but I think you were unconscious.”

River took his hand and wove her fingers through his. “Tell me again.”

Jonathan smiled. He didn’t think it was possible to feel so much joy in the midst of so much pain. “I’ve been attracted to you since the very first time we met. And my feelings have grown deeper every day since then. It’s more than just a physical attraction and it has been for quite awhile.”

He curled their joined arms between them and rested his forehead on hers. “When I thought you were dying, everything I already felt for you, multiplied a hundred times. I love you, River, daughter of Asher and Issachar’s daughter. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“You remembered my patronymic names.” River’s eyes glistened, but this time, Jonathan knew they were tears of joy. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gazed into his eyes. “I love you too, Jonathan McKnight, son of Ephraim. More than you can imagine.”

Jonathan held her against his chest and rocked her in his arms. The cold air felt good on his fevered skin, but when River’s trembling increased he knew it was time to go inside. “What do you say we get you warmed up, eat a bite of something and head home?”

River sighed and shook her head. “I’m too tired. Can’t we wait until morning?”

Jonathan opened the door and ushered her inside. “Of course.”

Hours after River had fallen asleep on his chest, Jonathan was still awake. He couldn’t keep from thinking about Gabriel, wondering if he’d made it back to the ranch; if he’d already been tortured. He stroked River’s hair, but even that didn’t soothe him.

He hated New Eden. Hated its abusive treatment of women and children. Hated its totalitarian government and the way they controlled everyone with violence and fear. But most of all, he hated its twisted laws of accountability.

What would happen to River if he failed to assassinate Zebulon and the council? He was willing to put himself in harm’s way to give River a chance to live in a free society, but did he have the courage to jeopardize her life? How much was freedom worth?

He kissed the top of River’s head and smiled when she nuzzled his neck. They could find joy in each other’s arms and live a good, honest life; even in the midst of depravity. People did it all the time. But there was no way in hell he’d ever bring a child into this world.

He couldn’t bear to think of Gabriel’s back crisscrossed with scars like Reuben's. Scars Reuben received when he volunteered to take Shula’s punishment.

Jonathan’s heart stuttered when he realized he could save Gabriel without endangering River. He could volunteer to proxy for Gabriel without admitting guilt.

His blood ran cold. Fear gnawed at his stomach, but he refused to give in to it or let it dissuade him from doing the right thing.

Jonathan held River’s head as he slid out from under her. He waited until he was certain she was still asleep then crept out of bed and got dressed. He decided to leave his prosthesis behind. The sores from where the harness had rubbed him raw were just too painful.

River sighed and reached for him.

Jonathan held his breath until she exhaled and cuddled up with his pillow. He found the piece of charcoal that Gabriel must have used to write his message on the porch and decided to write one of his own. It wouldn’t keep River from freaking out, but at least she’d know where he’d gone.

I love you. Proxy for Gabriel.

Jonathan
swore when he got to the barn. Saucy still hadn’t shown up and now Red was missing. He’d never ridden Sugar or Lightning, but he didn’t have much of a choice. River was going to be royally pissed at Jonathan for sneaking off. He wasn’t about to steal her horse on top of it.

Jonathan used the same horse’s-butt-next-to-the-barn trick to mount Lightning from the right as he had Saucy. It took two tries and another bruised knee, but in the end Jonathan prevailed.

By the time he arrived at Reuben’s ranch, he was heartsick and bone tired. He’d had plenty of time to think about his coming ordeal. He put Lightning in his stall without rubbing him down or feeding him and ran to the house. He threw the door open and called Reuben’s name, but it was Eli that answered.

“Go away.”

Jonathan ran down the hall to the room he shared with Gabriel. The iron hinges creaked when he opened the door. Two extra hurricane lamps added a considerable amount of light to the room. Gabriel was lying on the floor, a wet and bloody buffalo hide beneath his naked body. Eli, also naked, except for a ragged towel wrapped around his hips, was on his knees beside him.

Jonathan stepped inside and shut the door.

Eli lifted a stained and ragged cloth out of the wooden bucket beside him. “Try to relax, Gabriel, it won’t hurt as much.”

It looked like someone had cut the boy’s back with a jagged blade. Dried blood crusted his skin but several cuts still oozed blood. As soon as the rag touched him, Gabriel flinched and cried out.

Jonathan crossed the room and perched on the edge of his bed. He got his first clear look at Eli’s backside. Half the towel was stained red.

“What happened to your ass?” Jonathan nodded at the blood-stained rag tied around Eli’s hips.

Eli snorted then looked at Jonathan as if he were the dumbest thing he’d ever seen. “You have no idea?”

“How would I?”

“Let’s just say it was a bad day for enforcers and wolves.”

“Someone shot you?”

“Lucky for me he can’t hit the broadside of a barn.”

“Where’s River?” Gabriel’s voice trembled.

Jonathan cringed and wished with all his heart he’d gotten there in time to proxy for the boy. “She’s probably on her way here and mad as a hornet. I snuck out while she was sleeping.”

“Did you…is her fever gone?”

“I wouldn’t have left her if it wasn’t.”