Believed (My Misery Muse) (6 page)

Chapter 10

Jules

“Stay,” I mimicked then flipped him off.  I still
couldn’t believe that I actually admitted to staring at his ass, let alone
saying it was a great ass.  What the hell was wrong with me? I’d decided that I
was done with men for now.  Plus, he, like everyone else, looked at me like the
cute little sister, which sucked for my self-image.  I wanted someone to look
at me like I was sexy, like how Cris looked at Ash. Instead, I was looked at
like the adorable puppy that peed outside for the first time.  I didn’t want a
man anyway, I reminded myself, they’re nothing but drama and trouble.  I had
other things to focus on like getting my jewelry business up and running.

Also I didn’t want someone like Sam, I mean yeah
he was fucking hot, funny, and a sweetheart but he was a work-a-holic.  Even
now as he was standing there talking to the other band he was scrolling through
his phone while talking and answering questions.  I knew from Max that Sam
never stopped working, if he wasn’t working on something for the band, he was
working on new music, and now that he was buying a label it was going to get
worse.  While I may work a lot, getting my business up and running, I still
understood the need to take time off for myself so I didn’t burn out.  I also
still worked at Pin’s Ink five days a week to pay the bills.  I made sure to
take a day for myself each week, if I didn’t I’d go crazy.  I wouldn’t be able
to handle someone who was work-work-work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a
week.

With that firmly decided, no more lusting over
Sam.  I’d made up my mind, not that he actually wanted me, but still no, not
going there.  I sighed silently when he turned back and looked at me, his
dimples flashing with his smile.  Fuck, I was screwed, I was totally and
completely in lust with Sam.  I dug out my phone so I could focus on something
else, this was making my head hurt and the butterflies in my stomach at the
rare sight of his dimples were fluttering like crazy.

          Me:    I’m in lust with your brother

Fuck, why did I send that? God, I’m an idiot.

          Max:   I know ;)

          Me:    help me stop

          Max:   why?

          Me:    cause I’m an idiot

          Max:   no you’re not

          Me:    yes I am

          Max:   he could do worse

I looked up and saw a girl who looked like she was
with the other band slink up and start rubbing against Sam.  I felt my blood
boil and the need to scratch her eyes out rose.  I had to remind myself that he
wasn’t mine. I had no claim to him, and if he wanted to fuck some ho bag skank
I couldn’t do anything about it.

          Me:    he already is

          Max:   huh?

          Me:    some girl rubbing on him

          Max:   Ha you’re jealous

          Me:    am not

          Max:   are too

          Me:    shut up

          Max:   he doesn’t hook up with groupies

          Me:    I think she’s a member of Warped
Morality

          Max:   Warped Morality?

          Me:    the opening band

          Max:   then he really won’t touch her

          Me:    I love you

          Max:   love you too

I watched as Sam deftly stepped out of the ho
bag’s clutches and I let go of a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.  She
pouted up at him and I rolled my eyes as she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

          Me:    how’s the shop?

          Max:   lonely

          Me:    how’s Haven working out?

          Max:   brilliant

          Me:    I’m sad I’m not there to help her
like I planned

          Max:   Cris put the new girl on it

          Me:    working okay?

          Max:   no Haven kicked her out

          Me:    *giggles*

          Max:   you’re a bitch

          Me:    I know

          Max:   miss you

          Me:    miss you too

          Me:    how’s your dad?

          Max:   worse

          Me:    I’m sorry, if you need me I can
blow this popsicle stand

          Max:   no I need you to be there and
safe

          Me:   

not a baby

          Max:   no you’re not, still need you
safe

          Me:    fine, gotta go shows about to
start

          Max:   text me later

          Me:    later

“Who are you texting?” Sam asked coming up and
leaning against the speaker he sat me on earlier.

“Max.”

Sam

That one name reminded me why I couldn’t go near
this girl, well that along with me no longer believing in relationships,
monogamy, and love.  Jules was the kind of girl who deserved someone who could
promise her the stars, that wasn’t me—that was someone like Max.  He hadn’t had
his illusions blown, and I hoped I could keep the secret so he never would.

“They’re about to start,” I said looking up at
her.

She wiggled until her feet dangled closer to the
floor then dropped down, I looked and once again noticed how tiny she was
compared to me.  The top of her head barely reached my collarbone. She looked
so tiny and fragile.  She looked perfect, no, I reminded myself she was Max’s
girl.  She was perfect for Max.

I walked with her to the side where we had a clear
view of Warped Morality. The members were standing there watching as Lana
stalked to the center of stage.  She grabbed the mic, screamed, and the guys
quickly fell in behind her perfectly.  I was proud of them, they were getting
more comfortable on stage.  Though Lana needed to learn to keep her hands to
herself quickly before she got herself in trouble that she couldn’t get herself
out of.  The first time Devi sees her hanging on Seth like she does when he’s
around I won’t be able to stop the outcome.  Though it will be a lesson she
needs to learn, and quickly.

“What do you think?” I yelled.

“They’re okay,” she yelled back while watching as
Lana worked the stage.  The guys in the band stayed back letting her have the
limelight.  I wasn’t sure if that was because they didn’t want it, or because that’s
the way she demanded it.

I saw movement at my side and looked over just in
time to watch Xavier drape an arm around Jules shoulder and pull her close.  He
leaned down and whispered something in her ear that caused her to laugh and
grimace at the same time.  She reached up and pulled him down saying something
in his ear that had him shaking his head no.

I looked back at the band playing trying to ignore
them, but it didn’t help the urge I had to rip Xavier’s arm from his body and
beat him with it. Seth was standing beside me watching with a smirk on his
face, I flipped him off and stalked away.  I needed to find Ian before we went
on. He was out running errands for me all day and I wanted to make sure
everything was ready.

Chapter 11

Jules

I watched from the sidelines as the guys went to
their spots on the pitch black stage, if it were me trying to navigate I’d have
fallen face first.  Sam hit a note on his guitar that reverberated throughout
the huge arena, with that first note the mostly silent crowd went nuts.  Lights
flashed on and the guys went into their first song.  I smiled when they started
playing Faith from their third album.  It was one of my favorites. I sang along
while Xavier traversed the stage.  It was amazing watching him in action; he
somehow made it seem that he was singing to only you in a jam packed arena. 
Sam and Seth bounced around the stage while flirting with the audience, while
Eli was back on a riser beating the hell out of his drums.

It was always electrifying watching a live show,
but it was even more so when you could see the band having fun while up there. 
They were undoubtedly having fun tonight, Seth stood beside a monitor on the
side of the stage, his foot propped up lost in the music.  Sam had his head
thrown back which a look of pure pleasure on his face.  Once the song came to
an end, I screamed along with the rest of the crowd.

“How you doing, Vegas?” Xavier said in the mic.

The crowd went even more insane, he looked over to
his left where Seth was taking a drink from a bottle of water.

“What do you think, Seth?”

“I think that was fucking pathetic!” he shouted in
his mic.

“You heard the man, how you doing, Vegas?” Xavier asked
again.

The crowds response was even louder before.
“That’s better,” X growled.

They went into a song from their second album,
which had done well on the charts.  I danced around having fun while trying to
ignore the people who were coming to stand in the same area as me.  Before
during the opening act the sidelines were deserted but now they were starting
to fill up quickly.  I focused on the band and watched the show.

By the fifth song, I was feeling the anxiety creep
in, I tried to reassure myself that there was no way he was here.  Only I still
caught myself checking the faces around me looking for Beau’s.  I knew I was
being ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop myself.  I tried to focus on the show but
it was becoming more and more difficult.  It felt like ants were crawling on my
skin, and a cold sweat was breaking out across my skin.  I remembered my
therapist talking to me about ways to handle an anxiety attack and tried taking
deep breaths while picturing my safe place.  I was beginning to calm myself
down when someone bumped into me and I lost it.  I started  hyperventilating. I
knew deep down that I was overreacting but my body was dropping so many
endorphins into my system that I couldn’t grasp the calm I needed.

“Sugar, you’re safe,” a voice said beside me while
strong arms pulled me to a sweaty chest.  “Shh, Jules breathe with me, sugar.”

I tried to pull away but he held me to him tightly
and finally the voices penetrated the fog I was in. “That’s it, shug, just
breathe.”

I tried slowing my breathing down to Xavier’s slow
pace but my body fought me on it still ready with its fight or flight
instinct.  “Just breathe, Jules,” he whispered in my ear.  I slowly relaxed
into him and my breathing steadied.  I took in my surroundings, everyone was
staring at me and I buried my face in Xavier’s chest trying to hide.

“You okay now, Jules?” X asked quietly.

I nodded against his chest completely mortified.

“She’s fine, Sam,” X snapped. “She just had a
panic attack.”  He leaned down. “Do you want to stay out here for the rest of
the show?  Or would you prefer to hang out in the dressing room?”

“Dressing room, please,” I whispered.

“Coop,” X called. “Can you take Jules to the
dressing room? Don’t leave her alone.”

“Yes, sir,” he responded.

“Go on with Coop, Jules, we’ll be back there
soon.”

“’Kay,” I mumbled and released Xavier when I felt
a different arm circle my waist.  I allowed myself to be led back to the
dressing room where I laid down on the couch and fought the tears.  I refuse to
let that selfish prick ruin my life.  I was past this shit, I was finally
better.  I wasn’t going to let him win.  I kept telling myself this hoping that
I’d be able to convince myself.  I tried to act like everything was fine,
normal, only they weren’t.  He took something from me; he took my sense of
safety from me.  Now I had to fight to get it back.

Sam

I watched as Jules walked off tucked safely beside
Cooper, but I still fought the urge to go after her.  I wanted to reassure
myself that she was really okay.  I kept watch until they turned the corner
before looking at my other band mates.

“She’s fine,” X said while staring at me.

“I know.”

“Cooper won’t let anything happen to her, and she
needs the quiet right now.”

“I know,” I snapped.

“Do you?” X asked.

“We have to get back out there, we still have
another set to play,” Seth said.

“She’ll be fine until we get finished,” Eli added.

“I know,” I growled.

“Well get your shit together then,” X gritted out.

I grabbed my guitar from the tech and slung it
around my shoulders then stomped back on stage.  The other three guys followed
behind and we quickly launched into the next song.  The entire time I was on
stage though, I couldn’t get Jules pale face out of my mind.  I didn’t even
want to think about what would have happened if we weren’t taking a break
between sets and got to her.  I’d have to put Cooper or Ian on her when we were
on stage, I didn’t want to ever see that again.

I missed a note, which had Xavier glaring at me,
so I forced Jules out of my head and focused on the show.  Though I wasn’t
feeling it like I had before the break, I still put everything I could into
it.  The sooner it was over the sooner I could check on her before the meet and
greet.  What I really wanted to do was pack this shit up and get her on the bus
where she would be safe.

I reminded myself once more that she was Max’s
girl. She was here because my brother trusted me to protect his girl.  I stood
back and watched as Seth and X bantered back and forth riling up the crowd.  I
didn’t hear any of it, just played when I needed to play and tried to bat away
the image of Jules standing there pale and shaking.

Finally, half way through the second set, I was
able to really focus, that’s when I noticed someone had hung a bra from the
neck of my guitar.  I looked up and noticed X smirking at me, I quickly flipped
him off before breaking into Broken.  I joined in on the banter, and let the
high from being on stage take hold.  It was the best rush I’d ever felt. 
Before I knew it, we had played our first and second encore and were exiting
the stage for real.  I handed my guitar off to my tech, shook hands with the
bigwigs, then finally headed to the dressing room where I could take a quick
shower and change out of these sweaty clothes.

When I walked into the dressing room, my eyes
instantly went to the Jules sleeping form.  She was curled up on the couch with
her hoodie covering half her body.  She looked peaceful and I felt a tension
leave my body.  She was safe, I cocked my head taking a closer look, and
drooling.