Bella Summer Takes a Chance (4 page)

Just as the bride began limbering up, I spotted our saving grace. She had that mad look in her eye that said she’d take the bullet for the rest of us, or die trying. Relief washed over the reluctant brides-to-be. It was the ninth circle of wedding hell.

‘Having fun, James?’ I asked once the floral stoning ended. He really did look handsome in his morning suit. When Kat first introduced me to him I thought she was the luckiest woman in the world. James was great.

‘Yes, very nice time. You?’

‘Mm, not really.’ Having best friends meant never having to sugar-coat a grumpy mood.

‘You should have brought a sexy date.’

‘They’re thin on the ground. Honestly, James, you can’t imagine the men that are out there.’

‘Okay, here, have some more wine. Sit down and tell Uncle James what’s wrong. Spare no details.’ He gallantly pulled out the chair beside Kat.

‘Please don’t call yourself Uncle James,’ I said. ‘It makes you sound like you cruise schoolyards with your flies open.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I had a blind date last week. Fiona set us up.’ I should have known better than to trust her when it came to romance. ‘He called me radioactive.’

‘As in “you’re so hot”?’ James asked.

‘As in toxic. He asked me about my relationships. I couldn’t very well gloss over Mattias, so I told him we’d broken up. That’s when he declared me noxious.’

‘How did you describe that?’ James asked. ‘I’m just curious.’

‘I just told him what happened. I said that I had no idea I was going to break up with him before we had the talk, but as soon as we did I knew the relationship wasn’t working, that he wasn’t right for me. Why are you both looking at me like that?’

‘Well, we know you, and we know the whole situation,’ Kat said. ‘But you can see how that might sound a little impulsive, right? You’d been together a long time. Someone else, a stranger, might not understand. Maybe you could say it a little differently. To strangers. I don’t mean lie, just say what happened in a certain way.’

‘You mean lie.’

James shook his head. ‘Just tell the story in a different way, so as not to shock.’

‘My story’s not shocking.’ Surely people had life-changing realisations all the time.

‘Oh,
Spatzl
,’ Kat said. ‘We’re not judging you. You know that. We’re just suggesting that you might want to lead with a different version of events. Maybe instead you could say that you’d been growing apart for a few years. And that your talk made you realise that you’re different people now than you were when you were first together. So while it seemed sudden to us, your friends, it was in fact the way the relationship had been moving for a long time. That’s all true, isn’t it?’

‘I guess you’re right. That hardly sounds radioactive at all.’

‘Well, maybe that’s the best way to say it, then. So anyway, this man,’ Kat prompted, as if she hadn’t already memorised the gory details from our daily phone calls. ‘You said goodnight after he called you radiation?’

‘Why Kat, I’m glad you asked, but no, not till after he scrimped on the bill. He put down three quid and said, “Well, I only had a diet coke.” He sure knows how to show a girl a good time.’

‘Charming,’ mumbled James. Being a generous man, he hated skinflints. ‘So, no second date? Sorry, sorry,’ he said in response to my face. ‘I guess not. Better luck next time. There will be a next time, right? You haven’t sworn off men?’

‘Tempting, but no. There’s just not much choice.’

‘There must be someone interesting. What about tonight? Have you looked?’

I admired James for not taking sides or judging me, but he could be dim about some things. It was like asking someone who’d lost her keys whether she’d looked for them. Duh. Literally the only single man young enough have his own teeth and old enough not to need help going to the loo was sitting next to me. When did that happen? When did my friends stop knowing eligible men?

‘What about him?’ Kat pointed at the stage. ‘The one in the back, playing the big instrument. What is that? Cello.’

‘Bass, darling.’

I hadn’t failed to notice him. But wasn’t it a bit sad, a bit smacking of desperation, to chat up the guy in the wedding band? ‘I don’t know, Kat. He looks all right but I don’t know anything about him. How do you know he’s single?’

‘B., he’s in a band,’ Kat counted off on her fingers. ‘You sing. You already know you have things in common. And it’s easy enough to find out if he’s single.’

I didn’t bother pointing out that despite her four-finger tally, she actually only had one reason. It was no use arguing with her. Besides, she wouldn’t have heard me. For someone so short she had a remarkably long stride. She crossed the room in seconds. She was going to ask him. Worse, he clocked her approach, and that we were staring at him. It was beyond humiliating.

‘He’s single,’ she announced upon her return a minute later. ‘And he says he’d be happy to talk to you when they’re finished. See? That was easy.’

‘That was like having your mother get you a date. Kat, does anything embarrass you?’

She looked honestly baffled. ‘Why should that embarrass me?’

James laughed. ‘It’s no use, B., you know she can’t be embarrassed.’

‘He’s right, I can’t be embarrassed.’

‘That’s what I love about you, Kat.’

‘I love you too,
Spatzl
. I just want you to be happy. Here, have some more wine. They’ll be finished in a few minutes and then you can talk to him.’

My friends had the glow of proud parents. I did love them, occasional humiliation aside. As my first friend in London, Kat and I had been through it all together. I struck it lucky twice at work, first with Kat, and then again five or six years ago with Clare. In fact, Clare went on to Fiona’s books to replace Kat, who’d quit to tend full-time to the sprogs. At first I missed her terribly, since our inappropriate office gossip sessions were my main source of daytime entertainment. Recently my love life seemed to be her main source of daytime entertainment.

Thinking rationally about The Musician, there were probably more positives than negatives. One. He was musical, and I sang. Two. He was in the range of good-looking, and tall, which was often the exception among single solvent males. Mattias was 6 foot 2 so shoe decisions had been of the which-style variety rather than the how-emasculated-should-I-make-him-feel-tonight sort. And three, I was leaving for Zurich in a month. Surely a fling was as essential to the trip as stocking up on my favourite moisturizer in duty-free.

But, on the negative side, he was gigging at my friend’s wedding. That made him the hired help. He may not have been clearing tables or mixing drinks, but I was still in danger of becoming a cliché.

He sidled up to me after their set, crablike and slouchy, in an I-listen-to-urban-beats-while-wearing-my-jeans-too-low sway. He was possibly a little younger than I’d thought. ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Did you have a nice time tonight?’

‘It was a nice wedding, thanks,’ I answered diplomatically. ‘My friends looked gorgeous. Do you play a lot of these things?’ He was definitely sexy. I suspected he knew it.

‘Yeah. We play whatever we can get.’

I chuckled, not because it was funny, but because I understood. Being a musician was
hard
. Not just to make a living (impossible for the vast majority of us), but to keep our sense of musician-ness in the face of a flailing, or possibly stillborn, career. The question that was always at the front of our minds was this: When could you call yourself a musician, instead of telling people what your ‘real’ job was when they asked? What made you a musician instead of an accountant? It wasn’t the money, surely. Nor was a record contract an accurate measure. Too many people spent years composing and playing for audiences but never signed a deal. And it couldn’t be the amount of time spent doing one versus the other. Maybe it was the knowledge that being a musician was more a part of you than ledgers with debits and credits. And there was ego involved. That was the hardest thing because, if you really weren’t getting anywhere, at what point did you have to stop calling yourself a musician with a day job and go back to being an accountant who was musical? When did it start to get ridiculous to define yourself in a way that demanded performance, and yet not perform? ‘I sing a bit, and write some stuff,’ I told him. ‘Mostly ballads, piano accompaniment, that kind of thing.’

‘Cool. Have you been doing it long?’

It was a test. It was couched in a nice smile, but he was asking me how seriously I took myself as an artist. ‘I’ve been performing since uni, writing since I was a kid.’ Read: I’d earned my stripes. ‘You?’

‘Same, though I’ve only been with this band for three years. We get steady work so it’s got roots now, and we get quite a few referrals.’

‘I imagine it’s great to get on the wedding circuit. Do you play all over the country?’

‘Yeah, wherever the gigs are. What about you? Do you get about much?’

Again, there was an edge of comparison in his question. I sighed. Not content to limit my humiliation to the vampire fiasco, my agent booked me another gig last week. She promised it would be better. It was only better in dress. I got to wear my own clothes while serenading a room full of businessmen intent on drinking their lunches. ‘Well, I haven’t done a regular gig recently. I’ve been pretty busy with work.’ My excuse sounded inadequate; it sounded like an excuse. It was an excuse. I was definitely sliding into accountant-who’s-musical territory.

‘Listen, I’m sorry to rush, but I’ve got to help pack up and catch a ride back with the guys. Maybe we could get a drink together some time?’

‘Sure, I’d like that. Hang on, I’ve got a card here. You can email me.’

He glanced at the card. ‘Your name is B.? Like M from James Bond? Are you an agent?’

I laughed like I’d never heard that before. ‘I could tell you but, well, you know. It’s what I’ve always been called.’

‘Well, it was nice to meet you, B. Hopefully I’ll see you soon.’

As he turned to leave, my tummy flipped. It was an excitable organ but I didn’t trust it one bit after my blind date.

Kat exercised no such reserve as we walked to the car park. ‘B., you should definitely go out with the cellist.’

‘Bass player, darling,’ said James. ‘I agree, B. I always thought you should be with someone more musical.’

‘Really?’ This was the kind of thing your friends never told you when you were actually going out with the guy they were talking about. ‘I thought you liked Mattias.’

‘Oh, we did. We do. We love him. But he’s not a musician. If you’re not going to be with Mattias, you should be with a musician.’

‘Thanks for your advice. But I’d like to point out that it’s only been a few months since we broke up. I’m not desperate to jump into another relationship. I know women who’ve been alone for years and are absolutely content to stay that way.’

‘You aren’t talking about that old lady,’ Kat said.

‘Marjorie. Yes.’

‘B., she’s ninety years old and lives in a care home. Are you sure you want to use her as your role model?’

‘I’m just saying, she’s perfectly happy. I don’t need you pairing me up all the time. Thanks anyway.’

‘Senile does not equal happy, B.’

‘She’s not senile. And I’m not comparing myself to her.’ Though there were certainly a lot of people worse off than Marjorie.

Chapter 4

I wouldn’t have been late meeting Marjorie at the care home on Saturday if I hadn’t been so stupid on Friday night. So very, very stupid.

I should have politely declined Mattias’ dinner invitation. But he was persuasive, and after the wedding, I was happy to see a normal man.

As uninviting as the rainy February night was, it was comforting to walk through our neighbourhood to the flat. We’d scoured every up-and-coming area north of the river together to find one we could afford. It had the world’s tiniest double bedroom, but a big open-plan living area, and it had been home for many years. Catching sight of it as I rounded the corner gave my stomach a little tickle. A lot of lovely memories were wrapped up there. It did feel weird ringing the bell, though. Proof positive that I was an outsider now.

‘You look lovely,’ Mattias said as we hugged hello at the front door. ‘I’m glad you’re here. I have a surprise. I’m celebrating.’

‘You are? Ooh, tell me.’ I followed him through to the kitchen, staring at his broad back. Everything was so familiar. I fought a wave of nostalgia.

‘We had a great meeting today,’ he said as we entered the spotless kitchen. As the cook in the family, he ran a tight ship in there. ‘We’re getting the contract!’

Mattias’ urban planning company won contracts about once every thousand years. It was big news. ‘Fantastic! But why aren’t you all out together getting drunk?’

‘The guys had to go home after work. Mark’s wife needed him to mind the children and Alex already had plans with his girlfriend. So I thought I’d offer some dinner in exchange for a willing partner in crime.’

‘Oh.’ He had nobody to go home to. I ignored the stabbing guilt. ‘Well, I’m glad you called. I’m always happy to celebrate.’

‘Good, because it’s a champagne night. Get the bottle, will you? It’s in the freezer,’ he said, getting glasses from the cabinet with the wonky door that had needed fixing since we moved in. ‘Tell me about your day. Any news on Zurich yet?’

I shook my head.

‘Maybe you won’t go.’ He sounded hopeful. Again the guilt welled up. How long would I feel responsible for hurting him?

‘I do hope I’ll go. I need the work. And it’ll be good to get away for awhile.’

‘You’ve already got away from me. How much more distance do you want?’ He smiled. ‘I’m only joking. It’ll be good to go to Zurich. I hope you get to go. Cheers.’

‘Thanks. To your success.’

‘To success for both of us,’ he said.

By the end of the champagne bottle I was infused with good feelings and bubbles. We chatted amiably over enough paella to feed Madrid. He did probe about my love life a couple of times, but wasn’t offended when I deflected his questions. Just as I wasn’t offended when he deflected mine. The Rioja flowed after the champagne and we found our rhythm again. It could have been any night over the past ten years.