Beloved (49 page)

“Chrissa, you must tell me who did this to you,” he said gently.

For a moment she said nothing, then stood and pulled the dressing gown more tightly around herself.

“Does it really matter?”

Richard reached for her, spinning her around as he held her upper arms. “Of course it matters!”

Christina flinched as his fingers pressed her already bruised skin, cowering as if she thought he might strike her. He released her instantly. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. But it does matter very much to me, Christina. I want you to tell me who hurt you.”

Christina would neither look at him nor answer his question.

“Was it Guy?”

Christina continued to stare at her slippers. She couldn’t bear to tell him everything that had happened since he’d left her, and she knew admitting Guy was the one who had beaten her would only be the beginning.

“Was it Stefano?” Richard asked, determined to get an answer.

She looked up at him in surprise. How did he know about Stefano? She stepped back from him in confusion. If Richard knew about Stefano… Suddenly, she looked as if she might faint and Richard reached out for her.

“Chrissa, was it Stefano?”

“What?” She looked around the room as if she wasn’t quite sure where she was.

“Who is he?” Richard had taken both her hands. “When you first saw me, you called me Stefano. You were obviously frightened. Is he the one who hurt you?”

When Christina realized Richard didn’t know anything about Stefano, she was relieved, though her heart was still racing.

“He was Guy’s friend, a business associate. He looked a great deal like you.”

“And you expected him here at the abbey?”

“No, no. He left Arles some months ago. I was afraid he’d come back.”

“Afraid?” It was obvious to Richard there was more to the story.

Christina realized she’d said the wrong thing. She wanted Richard to stop questioning her. She didn’t want to talk about it. Any of it.

“Stop it! You’re treating me like a criminal. I haven’t done anything!” She tried to pull away from him and he released her. She turned away.

“Christina, can’t you understand? I want you to tell me who hurt you.”

“
You
hurt me!” she cried, turning on him and striking out and hitting him. “You hurt me! None of this would have happened if you hadn’t left me!”

She hit him again and again, all the frustration and misery of the last seven years concentrated in the pounding of her small fists against his chest. He made no move to stop her. She was right. If he’d taken her with him that morning, no one would have been able to hurt her.

Her fury subsided and Christina suddenly realized what she’d said. She looked up at him in shock, her hands slowly moving to cover her mouth as she began to shake her head. What had she done?

“I didn’t mean it!” she whispered. How could she have said such a thing to Richard? She’d hurt him, it was obvious from the expression on his face, and that was something she’d never meant to do. “I’m sorry,” she said, softly, a note of panic in her voice as she laid her hand where she had struck him only a moment before. She knew there was no way he’d ever forgive her and she was terrified to think he might leave her again.

Richard covered her trembling hand with his and then brought it to his lips, turning it over and tenderly kissing her palm. “You’re right, you know.”

“No. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” she said, desperately. “Please…”

Richard very gently put his arms around her. “Dear Heart, I’m the one who’s sorry. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if only you’ll let me.”

Richard picked Christina up and carried her to the big chair in front of the fireplace. He settled her in his lap, her legs over the arm of the chair, and she nestled against him like a child. They sat this way in comfortable silence, lost in thoughts of their own for the better part of an hour.

As Richard gently stroked her hair, he wondered if he could undo the damage that had been done. He also wondered what he would do, what he
could
do if she did tell him who had beaten her. If it was Stefano, either the man he’d met or another of the same name, he would probably be able to locate him, especially if he was still involved in Guy’s business.

If Guy was the one guilty of mistreating Christina, it would be a simple matter to confront him somewhere outside of Arles, perhaps even in Venice where he now apparently spent a great deal of time. Richard knew he was in a position to easily cause Guy severe economic difficulties, but he also knew that no form of retribution, not even the death of Christina’s anonymous tormentor, would guarantee an end to her suffering. The pain she was feeling went far beyond the damage done to her body. Her heart and spirit had both been broken and Richard wasn’t at all sure there was any way he could mend them.

It took some time, but Christina finally allowed herself to relax into the warm haven of his arms. She chose not to think of the future, of the time that would surely come when they would be separated again. She thought instead of the simple comfort she felt in having him there with her, holding her, touching her, allowing her to feel safe and loved for the first time in years.

“Richard?” Christina said softly, afraid to shift her gaze from the flickering flames for fear it might break the spell and shatter her new-found sense of security.

“What, Sweetheart?”

“Can you give me a dream?”

He smiled. “Of course. What would you like?”

“Something happy…anything happy.”

“All right. Are you comfortable?”

Christina shifted to a slightly more upright position, resting her head against his shoulder. When she closed her eyes, Richard began to talk about their meadow and to encourage her to imagine it in the greatest detail, just as he had so many times before.

As he continued to speak in a soft, measured tone, he felt her begin to relax. Slowly, as her strained expression began to fade, she came more and more to resemble the carefree girl he’d loved so long ago.

Richard wondered what might give Christina the happy experience she was seeking. When she was a child he had started her off on fanciful stories and her imagination had quickly taken over, often leading her in some unexpected directions. But he was wary of any suggestion that might turn into something that might upset her. He remembered the day by the river. He didn’t want that to happen again, especially now. He decided instead to lead her back to some event in her past that she recalled as totally happy. Something with no surprises.

“Now, Chrissa, I want you to think of a very happy time, one of the happiest times you can remember. I know there must be many to choose from but I want you to pick something very special.”

A barely perceptible frown crossed her brow.

“Have you chosen?” Richard asked a minute later.

She nodded very slightly.

“Good. You’re going to go back now, back to that time that meant so much to you. And it doesn’t matter how far away it may seem to be, because you can go anywhere, you can go as far as you want, now.”

Richard began to count backward from nine, all the while telling Christina that she was going into the past, to the time she had chosen to re-experience. He wanted this “dream” to be a total escape for her and if the expression on her face was any indication, it was having the desired effect.

“You are there. You have found that happy time and you are there once again,” he said, reaching the number one.

“Now I want you to concentrate. I want you to see all the details, all the little things that make this time so special. And as you concentrate, you’ll realize you can see more and more of what is happening all around you.”

It was extraordinary. As Richard watched, Christina’s face began to glow with a joy so pure and radiant that the transformation stunned him.

“What is it, Chrissa? What are you seeing?”

“You,” she said, smiling shyly. “I see you.”

“And what am I doing?”

“You’re smiling at me.”

Richard was, in fact, smiling at her, but he knew she couldn’t see him. Her eyes remained closed. He was fascinated by the change that had come over her. It was almost as though she had become someone else and was at the same time still Christina.

“Why don’t you tell me where we are?”

“We’re at my Uncle Joachim’s house. He’s giving us a party.”

Richard had never heard of Christina having an uncle by that name, but he knew it wasn’t important. Whatever she was imagining, it was certainly proving to be a pleasant experience for her and he had no intention of doing anything that might prevent her from enjoying it.

“What kind of a party?”

“Our betrothal party. You know that.” There was a hint of color in her cheeks.

This confused Richard. He thought that the directions he had given her were specific enough to prevent her fabricating a situation that might not guarantee a happy experience. Well, perhaps this was an event she had dreamed of so many times as a girl, it had become real to her. Whatever the case, the results were obvious. Richard saw no reason to change the direction of her thoughts.

“Why are you teasing me? You know this is our betrothal party,” she said softly.

“Of course. It’s not something I could very well forget, is it?”

“I hope not.”

Richard kissed her lightly on the forehead, his lips barely touching her skin. He didn’t want to distract her.

“Don’t do that!” she whispered. “Not in front of all these people. What will they think of us?”

Richard smiled. “They’ll think I love you.”

“They know you love me. You’ve always loved me.”

“That’s true. And have you always loved me?”

“Always,” she said shyly.

Richard started to speak but she shushed him, obviously listening to something that was going on in the scene she’d concocted for herself.

Richard gave her a few minutes to absorb whatever it was that she was seeing. “What is it?”

“Uncle Joachim has called everyone around so the actual betrothal can take place. This is where we exchange betrothal gifts.”

“And what am I giving you?”

“It’s beautiful!” she said happily.

“Tell me about it.”

“You know about it. You gave it to me.”

“I know. But I want to know how it looks to you.”

“Oh…all right. It’s the most beautiful gold bracelet I’ve ever seen. It has little blue flowers all around, and each one has a red stone in the center. Are they rubies?”

“Yes. Rubies.”
Why not?

“Now, I must give you my gift. It’s very old. It was my mother’s betrothal gift to my father, and her mother’s gift to my grandfather. Bend down so I can put it around your neck. There. It’s a very fine chain, don’t you think?”

Richard’s fingers went to the chain she’d given him so long ago. “It’s beautiful, Chrissa. I promise you, I’ll never take it off.”

There was a pause. Then Christina whispered, “You can kiss me now.”

“I can?” Richard couldn’t resist teasing her.

“Yes. Now. Everyone’s waiting!” She was whispering, as though she didn’t want anyone else to hear.

Dear God, don’t let her be lost to me, Richard thought.
Help me to help her. I can’t lose her, not after all she’s suffered because of me.

“I love you Chrissa,” Richard said softly as his lips barely brushed hers.“

I love you, too, David.”

She pronounced the name
Dahveed
.” Richard was taken aback.
David?
Where did that come from?

“Chrissa, what did you just call me?”

“David. It’s your name, isn’t it? What else should I call you? Don’t be silly. We have to lead the dancing. Come.”

Richard took her hand and let her go on describing the party that seemed to be giving her so much pleasure, even as he was becoming more concerned about her state of mind. Though her expression and her “memories” seemed totally carefree, he couldn’t help but wonder where they were coming from.

When the party seemed to come to an end, Richard gently began to lead her out of the trance-like state and back to the present.

“That was very special, Chrissa. I want you to remember how you feel now, how happy these memories make you feel. And I want you to know that any time in the future, any time you want to, you can remember just how you are feeling now. You have only to think of that party and you can feel exactly as you feel now. Will you remember that?”

She nodded slightly.

“Good. And as we come back to the present, I want you to remember all the details of what you just experienced, everything about it. It will all be clear in your mind when you wake up.” This last had been a sudden inspiration. Perhaps if he could talk about this with her, he could get some clue as to why she’d fabricated that particular event. Maybe if she could talk to him about it, he could be sure she understood it had little to do with reality.

When he brought her back to the moment, she opened her eyes, smiling happily. She put her hand to his cheek and kissed him.

“Oh, thank you. That was wonderful!”

“Do you remember what you saw?” he asked.

“Oh, yes.”

“Everything?”

“Yes. Of course. You asked me to, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. I want to talk to you about it. Do you mind?”

“Of course not. What is it? Is something wrong?” Christina saw the concern in his eyes and wondered what was bothering him. Had she said something that upset him?

“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I can’t see everything you’re seeing, you know. Can you describe it for me?”

“It was a party. Our betrothal party.”

“And where was it?”

“At my uncle’s house.”

“Yes, but where? What city?”

Christina was surprised when she realized that she didn’t know. “Does it matter?”

“No.” He could see that his questions were causing her concern. “Chrissa, don’t look so disturbed. I’m only asking because you seemed so happy about it. I just wanted to share that with you.”

That seemed to satisfy her and she smiled again and settled down against his shoulder.