Beloved Purgatory (Fallen Angels, Book 2) (37 page)

She stopped.

Her hands slid off his arms. She'd left red marks
where she'd fought him--marks that healed, almost
instantaneously.

He collapsed on her body, his cheek resting on the
pillow. Then, he kissed it.

Golden light crept through the opening of the red
tent. The sun was rising--no, it was too early. It wouldn't for at
least another five hours.

You came to watch?
Sariel asked.

For a moment, the light retreated. Then, a golden
hand shoved back the tent door.

Shamsiel looked at the demon blankly. Then, his lips
parted. He was about to say something. I could almost hear his
voice--

But I didn't catch it. The image faded, then was
replaced by another--his calm, silver face.

"You killed her," I whispered.

He stood and offered me his hand.

I didn't take it. "Why would you do something like
that?"

He looked down. "I used to hate God. In the moments
after I killed her, I hated Him more than anything. But I can't
hate Him anymore."

I kicked myself further into the wall. Rocks dug
beneath my shoulder blades. "What does that have to do with
anything?"

"I realized something," he continued calmly, either
ignoring or oblivious of my disgust. "Everything in this
world--both the things I love and the things I hate--were created
by Him. Devils, angels, demons, and humans, are made in His image,
and each carries a fragment of His Spirit. Even if I wanted to
distance myself from Him, I could not, because everything that
exists, and everything that I can conceive of, was fashioned first
by His mind.

"When Heaven and Hell fight, it reflects the discord
within His own Spirit. God is the devil who wants to make a new
world. God is the demon who lusts after His creation. God is Cain
and He is Abel. And God is the perfect, unwavering clarity of an
angel."

He looked down at me. "He is a part of all
things--except, of course, you."

"What do you mean, me?"

Sariel crouched beside me and ran his fingers down
the sides of my face. "You mostly look and act human. In fact,
there is nothing remarkable about you, except that which he placed
inside you."

I flinched from his touch. Rocks bit into the back of
my head and my shoulders. I didn't want to know what God had put
inside me--or what could make someone so cold touch me so tenderly
with those cruel hands.

"Do you want to know who you are, Devi?"

Not really
. I couldn't find my voice. Maybe a
part of me realized how futile it would be to protest, because he
wanted to tell me. I could see it in his nervous, anxious
posture--the way he stared at my face as if he couldn't make up his
mind whether he wanted to kiss or devour me.

Sariel leaned forward and began to whisper, in that
same strained, reverent tone he used when describing the scene of
the demon who killed the one he loved. "In the beginning, there
were no things--just a mass of creative potential, unconscious and
without form. The ancients have called it Chaos, infinity, or
primordial energy. When God awoke, he called it
Nephesh-Tohuw
, which came to be known as the Original
Soul.

"God saw nothing like Himself in the universe. He did
not understand why He, alone, was conscious--why the
Nephesh-Tohuw
was in constant motion while He remained
unchanged. And so, in an attempt to come closer to the Original
Soul, God bent it to His will. He separated the light from
darkness. He created a transcendent Heaven, and the material world.
Earth became a living soul, and everything made from the Original
Soul, from the rocks, to the plants, to the animals, was subject to
time.

"But the transient beauty of His creation only made
Him more aware that He was separate from it. He could not
experience the elements directly; He could only watch. So He ripped
apart His own spirit and, from that, created the angels. Still, the
angels were mere reflections of Himself that could only enact His
will. God wanted more--a being with a transcendent ego that was, at
the same time, different from Himself. God's discontent and sadness
was mirrored by the angels, and the first of them, led by Satan and
Lucifer, fell, believing they could make a more perfect world than
God's.

"In turn, God created man--a being composed of both
spirit and soul in His own image. He gave man paradise--they had
both free will and an unrestricted connection with the living soul.
But paradise was not enough. Man could not tolerate having all he
could eat, living in peace with other men and the natural world,
and even happiness, so he destroyed it.

"God wanted man to be better than he was. The second
set of angels who also wanted this fell. They loved the world, and
they loved that thing which was so similar to them but could live
in the world."

Sariel inhaled deeply. His eyes were shut, and he
looked as if he were taking in a drug more potent than the
Rukah-Hayim
.

Words could not describe how much I wanted him to get
away from me. "You haven't explained anything," I stuttered. "None
of that has anything to do with me."

He leaned back.
Thank you. Now just stay back
.
I brought my knees to my chest.

"It has everything to do with you. Normal souls can
be given form in this world, but the Original Soul, when directed
by spirit, has the power to tear apart the universe. It can then be
used to create a new one, or to return the Lord to the cosmic womb,
so that He may sleep, undisturbed, forever."

It sounded like someone held a seashell to my ear. I
felt distant from everything--the hard cave walls, his soft,
ethereal light, even my own body. "What do you mean, tear apart the
universe?"

"I mean it can destroy all things--inanimate objects,
spiritual beings, and life--and return them to their primordial,
undifferentiated state."

My heart turned to ice. Cold swept through my veins.
I was frozen. Paralyzed. "That has nothing to do with me."

His eyelids fluttered as he inhaled again, slowly, as
if he never wanted it to end. "Your fragile, seemingly
insignificant, human body houses the greatest treasure in the
universe. The
Nephesh-Tohuw
. The Original Soul. This is the
first time, since He made Earth, that such a treasure has been made
available."

"I don't understand."
I don't want to.
Stop
.

"Really? The devils want to rip out your soul, then
use it to create an asylum that will not fade with time. That is
what Lucifer wants with you--and Forneus too, who, for the moment
at least, appears to have the upper hand."

My stomach turned. That was why he was suddenly
interested in me. His cooing and disgusting displays of attempted
affection--the fact that he considered it so important for me to
like his little ideal world--all of it was because he wanted to use
my soul to destroy this world to build a new one with me.

"Do you know what the demons, like me and your
beloved Azazel, vowed to do to you if they found you?" Sariel
murmured.

My eyes went wide. Of course I didn't--and of course
I didn't want to hear it. But those unspoken feelings did not stop
him.

"We vowed to destroy you, because your very existence
threatens everything we love." He smiled. "Don't worry. I don't
feel that way any longer. If I did, I would have killed you the
moment I realized what you were back at Forneus' Halloween
party."

My heart beat too quickly. It was too hard to figure
out what he was saying. No, that was a lie. I understood what he
meant, or at least I thought I did. I just didn't want to believe
it. Forneus' prediction was coming true. The devils and demons
would hunt me down. Oz might stop loving me if he knew.

"What do you want?" I croaked.
Why are you telling
me this?

"What God wants, and what you want." The light in his
eyes grew softer, like the moon obscured by clouds. They looked as
they did when he gazed at his beloved one last time. "I want you to
wake your brother from his slumber. I want that which should never
have been separated to become one. I want to end my Father's
torment, and mine."

"Alright," I said shakily. "I still don't see what
you're saying."

His silver hands flexed. "Our Father is tired. He
sees the future but cannot change it, and when He tries to assuage
the suffering of others, He only amplifies their suffering and His
own. He doesn't want to watch His angels fight. He doesn't want to
watch mankind destroy His creation. He wants to return to that
unconscious state from which He cruelly awoke." Sariel shut his
eyes. "You will save him."

The words were out before I could stop them. "What do
you mean?"

"In order to end this world, both the Holy Spirit and
the Original Soul must be born into it--that would be you and your
brother Kai."

"What about Kai?" My shrill voice almost overwhelmed
the roaring in my head. Almost. It didn't sound like a seashell was
pressed to my ear anymore. Instead, it sounded like a stampede was
rushing towards us, led by my own heartbeat.

"The Original Soul resides within you, and the Holy
Spirit resides within your brother. Kai sleeps, as God once slept.
And, just as the Holy Spirit awoke when he felt the Original Soul
stir against him, Kai will wake when he senses your presence. In
his groggy, half-conscious state, he will confound light and
darkness. He will destroy Heaven and Earth. Then, he will return to
his rightful place within the cosmic womb, and this world and this
nightmare will end."

For a moment, all I could do was stare at him. Then,
in a pathetic, soft voice, I whispered: "You lie."

He shook his head.

"No, you are lying to me. Demons can do that. You're
trying to trick me!"

Kai and I were always together. We grew side-by-side
in the womb. He had my spirit, and I had his soul. We were born
together, and as a child I'd thought we'd die together, too,
because I couldn't stand the thought of existing without him.

But I'd never imagined it would be like this.

The bond between us was sacred. It was greater than
either of us. We loved each other.

It couldn't be like this, because love was beautiful.
Through compassion, it could redeem evil. It gave hope to those who
suffered. It was the origin of life, not destruction. Such a thing
was impossible. It had to be.

"Don't cry, Devi." The demon brushed a silver finger
over my cheek. "You have been given the most sacred task: to free
Him who gave us life."

"No, you're wrong."

"You alone can ease His suffering, and the suffering
of His creation."

"No!" I pushed him away and leaped to my feet.
"No."

"Come back. You'll hurt yourself." He hadn't moved
from his place--just turned his head and offered his hand.

I whipped my head back and forth. Nothing but
darkness in either direction.

How far would I get if I ran? What would happen if I
fell and broke my leg? Would I have to wait in that darkness for
him to come and ease my pain? Would I be relieved when he put those
cold, murderous hands on me? Would I thank him for healing me? The
thought made me gag. I didn't want to depend on him for anything. I
didn't even want to be near him.

I shut my eyes. "Camael," I whimpered.
"Camael..."

Bang!

Heat ripped through the cave, followed by a ring of
light. For a moment, that indigo and silver world was painted with
gold. I threw my arm over my eyes. Another wave passed through me,
and then another, until finally the temperature of the air around
me cooled.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light.
The golden angel stood in between the demon and me. His glowing
hands cradled the body of something black. No, wait--not just a
something, but a body draped in tattered clothes.

The face had burned away, but charred skin was still
melted onto his ribcage. Organs slipped between bones and blood
oozed between the angel's fingers. Shamsiel set the body down, then
wiped his hands on his thighs, marring his perfect gold skin with
thick, black smears.

Sariel's lip curled. "You brought that devil?"

That devil? Were they talking about Forneus? I had
never seen him look so bad, and after his fight with Onoskelis that
really meant something.

Shamsiel looked at the rotting corpse groaning on the
ground dispassionately. "I don't think it's wise to leave him
behind until we know exactly what she agreed to."

"You're right, of course," Sariel replied evenly. His
jaw tightened as he pressed his toe into Forneus' spleen. I doubt
he liked that Forneus--or at least what was left of him--was
there.

None of this affected Shamsiel. "We only have six
hours until the sun rises in Hell."

Sariel sucked in a breath. "Not much time, then. Come
on, Devi. I'll take you to your brother."

My body pulsed. His silver hand reached for me,
offering everything I'd dreamed of since the day he was taken. My
brother. I could see him. I could save him. And in doing so, I
would destroy the world.

"Devi?"

His voice called out to me, a more portent drug than
Lucifer's slithering voice. My blood rushed through me too quickly.
I felt giddy. Lightheaded. And then I did something I didn't think
I would ever do. I didn't accept the hand of the man who offered to
take me to my brother. Instead, I stepped back.

From below, I heard the sound of grinding bones and
laughter. "You told her, didn't you?" Forneus was smiling, or at
least I think he was. It was hard to tell since the skin on his
face and neck looked like silly putty smothered in steak sauce.
"That wasn't smart."

Sariel's eyes narrowed.

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about you
stealing her. She won't go with you. Not now."